Perched high on the hill we held a minute’s silence before the run for Mrs Palmer (Richard Cracknell) who passed away during the week. The GM read out a fitting eulogy sent in by Sir Wanda. RIP Mrs Palmer.

The runners and walkers set off at a frantic pace hurling themselves about the hills until it all came to a crashing halt. I’d shortcut up to the road to see everyone wandering about like headless chickens on a check that had held them for 20 minutes. Gorgeous claims that the paper was sabotaged- personally I think Blobby Woo Woo was in charge of that bit and stuffed it up. Some enterprising hashers backtracked to the walkers’ paper and continued the run- others used common sense and binned it. The runners started to trickle into the laager in around 1 hour and 15 minutes. The GM had planned to start the circle early but that went to ratshit as he was also late getting in.

As usual circle started with the Hares, Gorgeous and Blobby Woo Woo, protesting innocence and blaming the confusion on the runners, local farmers, Old Uncle Tom Cobbley and all. They were shouted down and punished- not iced unfortunately as the beer truck had forgotten it. There were quite a lot of returners this week- you know who you are but I don’t as the teachers were yakking next to me. Here’s a hint- if you want a scribe report SHUT THE FUCK UP NEAR THE SCRIBE.  3 virgins were then welcomed to the Hash with all the dirty old men salivating over one particularly cute one- I think there will be a few palms warming up for Hash Flash’s pictures when they appear. No visiting hashers this week but two new members- Lara and Camilla. Welcome to the Hash.

On to the run offences so the GM could disappear for a SSS (shit, shower and shave- but he missed out the last two!) Gorgeous and BWW punished again for sabotaging their run followed by JC and Nugget for something but the teachers were talking about their BBQ at that point so I missed it. All I did hear was that if Paper wasn’t Nugget’s friend she would give JC a blowjob (what a frightening picture). Tootsie then drank out of the ashtray of his new car; with some of the old fogeys amazed he was old enough to drive. Fungus managed a better than normal run before he fell over- a whole 2 minutes this week and Gay Cowboy was showing off his athletic prowess swinging from vines in the jungle. A 74 year old Tarzan- that’s all we need. New shoes were dealt with- moms gallantly ‘volunteering’ to drink beer on behalf of their kids. How gallant.

First Steward Minnie Mouse wanted to know why Tiger the dog had beaten the GM in- turns out he’s younger, fitter and faster than the GM. Blue Harlot chastised for being a crap Steward Chaser (err- isn’t MM a Steward Chaser as well?) but she forgave him as he has a nice bum. MM made a supreme sacrifice this week as well- turning down her meds so she could come to the hash and drink beer. 2 Loving couples (??!!) JC and Paper and King Klong and Woodpecker in to discuss anniversary presents. KK said he was getting WP a pink Ferrari and a diamond ring so if she didn’t like the ring she could drive to the shop and change it. JC retorted that he was getting Paper a pair of flip flops and a dildo so if she didn’t like the flip flops she could go fuck herself.  JC, Paper and BC lookalike Mannequin Pis followed to discuss the lack of sex in marriage. JC only gets it 3 times a year and BC only get is it when the wife falls asleep with her mouth open.

Next we had a demonstration of how not to keep a secret. Guilty parties Clitmas Pussy, Moonwalker, VMA On the Floor Woodpecker and Always Wet into the circle to reveal that when one plans a surprise party the key is NOT to tell the individual involved. Doh!!! Now it was time for JC to get back in the circle yet again. He and Paper were in their new Jacuzzi (Yakusa?) the other day when the doorbell rang. Paper wrapped a towel around her, answered the door and found Murkury stood there. His eyes bulged, his jaw dropped and looking around furtively he said to Paper ‘would you drop the towel if I gave you 20 thousand baht?’ Without blinking an eye paper drops the towel, grabs the cash and slams the door is a gibbering GM’s face. She returns to the pool and JC asks who was at the door. She replies Murkury to which JC asks ‘great- did he have the 20k baht he owes me? Boom Boom.

The Blue Harlot who failed at Steward Chasing last week coz he was sick and couldn’t be arsed (his words) then did a filler til last light. Mannequin Pis in to represent the Belgian who was at the doctor’s reading the agony aunt column of a teen magazine. A 13 year old girl had written in as she was still a virgin and wondered if her father must be gay. This was followed by the tragic tale of TBH walking into his daughter’s bedroom the other day and found her pleasuring herself with a cucumber. ‘Bastard’, he said, ‘I was going to eat that later but now it will taste of salad’.

Only departer Camilla was followed by the Hares and Gorgeous awarded Hash Shit for sabotaging his own run. BW played the sympathy card bringing his daughter into the circle (flying comment heard earlier was ‘she looks nothing like her mum, she looks like me- the only thing they have in common is a vagina’. Be careful what you say- the scribe is always listening!)

Circle closed and we departed on the Happy Bus for what was an over 6 hour round trip. We were joined by 15 Gets You 20 and Tunnel of Love who saw what fun it was to come back on the bus. Houdini raced past the bus at the first opportunity only to find himself right in front of us at Central Traffic lights for 20 minutes. The tortoise did catch up with the hare!