The GM called the HARES in, Who The Fuck Is Alice and Stupid Canard and thanked them for their sterling effort but warned them that JC may have a few words for them at the end of the circle!

RETURNERS in…Seven Hashers in, looking very pleased to be back.

VISITORS in…Only Bear Cat Zilla…AGAIN…when you joining us?

NEW MEMBERS in…Two, who had each ran 5 runs but we could not come up with a name for either of them….YET!

VIRGINS in…3 lads and 2 girls with soon to be had great wet T shirts. Gives Good Head gave us that!

RUN OFFENSES…Manneken Pis got the Hares in cus he heard W T F is Alice say last week that a good run was when the runners get in at an hour,well our first today was over an hour so they deserved shit run today! JC got Hares in again and Froggy and asked what bullshit they gave Froggy as he ended up walking the run! JC then got Paper in and thanked her for getting back before him and buying 2 pies for later, she then put them in the cooler in the truck but there was 2 inches of water in the bottom…what a fuck up! (no dinner for you JC). Toad got the Pooying hares in from Sunday and gave them the H H H signs that they (Murkury, JC) had forgot! M Pis got Google Ass and Hares in. He said the run instructions were both in English AND French so how the fuck did GA get lost? SADG then called all the new young girls in and explained that in old times there was always only one beauty but now there's lots……thanks so much girls, great to follow! On The Floor got Give Good Head in to ask why she always took her time on the walk..was it because she was pleasuring herself with her walking stick with the cock on the end? Blue Harlot got a big lad in and asked if he was Russian? Because BH was sure he was gay as he lifted a banana leaf up so BH could go through. Now the winter games are going to be in trouble in Sochi as Homos are banned in Russia. So BH was expecting the FIST salute as an appropriate way for the Homos to protest! Barbara Woodhouse’s and Secret Banana Gobler’s baby was NAMED…Banana’s Bean Sprout! ( I wanted her to be called Wednesday! Sorry BW!)

1st Steward, Sir Prikalot…He opened his Virgin spot with calling for all the Scots in plus a few more to stand in for more Smellys. Today the 24th August is recognized as National TOURETTES syndrome suffers day. Now, not many of us know that one of our Hashers is afflicted with Tourette syndrome. This hasher prefers to regard this matter as private so, to respect his privacy SP will refer to him as Anonymous Hasher! This Hasher left Dundee to come to Phuket (who do we know that used to live in Dundee?) He started to look for a job and saw a sign in the employment office window…Assistant required at the doctors for the breast cancer screening clinic for buxom young ladies 18 – 25. In he walked and blurted out…SHITE ARSE WHAT'S THE CHARGE…I want that job! The kindly gent said it’s a very simple job any fool could do it, so it might be the right job for you! You would be required to assist the young ladies to undress, taking off their bras and rubbing on antiseptic cream all over their bodies before placing them on the table! I could do that with one arm tied behind my back but I’d probably do it with one hand down the front of my trousers!! The Hasher asked if the Clinic was in Kamala? No said the man but the end of the queue for the job is!Unfortunately the Hasher did not get the job but decided to stay in Phuket and join the Shit Arse Fuck…Phuket Hash!! Well done Sir Prikalot a really good First spot, please come again!

HASH MUSIC in…Bollox gave us all a bollocking cos we didn’t know all the words for the Phuket Hash Anthem. He is about to go away and warned us to be ready when he got back…so we have been warned! He then called in all the Yanks (7 today) and told us that 24th August 1814 the Brits burned down the White House and then sat down and had dinner there! So he said to the Yanks…We Brits will do you a deal…you can have our Queen back so you can put her on your bank notes if….we can then use Obama's picture on our jam jars!!! Brillant!

RUN SHIRTS…..Pink Sock 50 Runs, Preaw 25 runs…he was then NAMED Give him a Slap (after his mom Tequila Slapper). Then the GM said there was a special, first black run shirt for NO CUP…1,200 RUNS. What a milestone! Well done…1,500 just round the corner!

2nd Steward, Fungus…He called in the Americans and a few more American look-alikes to make up the numbers. Fungus explained that OBAMA just announced that due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50-years-of-age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.  This scheme will be known (Retire Aged People Early) or RAPE.
    Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for (Special Help After Forced Termination) better known as the SHAFT program.
    Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the (System Covering Retired-Early Workers), the  SCREW program
    A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.
    Persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
    Persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED further by Congress.
    Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much (Special High Intensity Training), or SHIT as possible.
    Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of
(The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives), now known as EVIL!!

 

DEPARTURES in..Four off to new climes.

HARES in….As expected JC wanted Hash Shit called and try as he did just could not get it…so good  run was called!

WORD OF THE WEAK…Turpitude...Shameful,wickedness and baseness (not PC but BC!)

AND REMEMBER…You are old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway!

On On  See you all next week,

Not Cleaver and Blue Harlot.