After last week’s noisy laager site it was nice to have no UFOs flying overhead. As it was Figjam’s birthday he gave each attending Hasher a ticket for a free beer,  which was enjoyed by all. Thanks Figjam.

Hares In. The GM got Figjam and Clit Clipper In and thanked Figjam for the beers and wished him a happy birthday…H B Y C .

The GM then called all the Sweaty Socks In  (those of the Scottish Nation).He said it was demonstrated that it was the first Scot to stand in the sun, without getting sunburned ( think he was meaning the winning of Wimbledon by Andy Murray….a Sweaty).

Returners In. There were shit loads, far to many to get down on paper. The hoards even had to kneel down for the photo op, there were that many. Anyway, welcome back and stay longer this time!

Virgins In. A loverly young Canadian and 3 Frogs, who all got wet and we joyed it so much there was a loud cheer…not sure it was because the French got absolutely soaked or that the Canadian beauty had a tight pink T on…and it looked so much better wet! Welcome to The Phuket H H H.

Run Offenses. Swollen Colon got the Hares In ( and anyone who went round the lake on a bike).There was a lot of  F in and a little B in. The GM got Jungle Balls, Swollen Colon, Queen of Puke and Golden Rain In. As the group of 4 were just getting up a small high/hump JB called to the two girls..Swollen Colons behind you, at that the girls got up the hill in a flash…just in case! S A D G  got all the Committee In and asked if at the meeting on Thursday night they had voted to change the Down Down beer…..No so S A D G you will have to suffer the same beer ( or stay quiet and not get called In!).GM called King Klong In along with all Iron Pussy.GM asked if KK was a new member of the I P? As he was seen on the Dance Poll in the Expat Hotel, so KK showed us how he did it….Keep to your day job KK! JC got Figjam in. He said Figjam was so tight but as JC had come late both he and Paper got 2 beer tickets EACH…another H B Y C from JC! Jungle Balls then got all the Aussies In. For the Welsh beating the Aussies at rugby (well there were a few sheep shaggers in the BRITISH LIONS). Fakarwee got Jungle Balls In. Said JB had stayed with him during his Aussie Travels and they went for a drive over a bridge. JB balls saw a girl who was about to jump and JB tried to talk her down but she was going to do it, JB then said well before you jump can I have a fuck…you dirty bastard she shouted…..ok said JB ill  wait for you at the bottom!  GM got Froggy In. Tommorrow is France’s National Day but Froggy has a flyer ad for a party but National day is spelt in Spanish!

1st Steward-Singha.GM In. Singha said he thought it was all over before it began but no, the GM was chapping at the bit…only 2 weeks to go……It started oh so differently at the AGPU. The new GM was full of life, upbeat with anticipation, up for the coming job, hands sweaty and the trusty hat at the ready……only to discover life’s a bitch what the hell have I let myself in for…well 12 months of abuse at the very least! The hat fitted well, at least his ears kept the hat out of his eyes! Singha goes on to tell us that Manneken Pis (the real Mannekin Pis) as a 2 year old Lord had hung on to an over hanging branch of a large tree when Troops were invading his homeland, somewhere between Belgium and Holland (He was not sure where exactly but they spoke Dutch or something like it)Anyway as the invaders walked under his tree the young MP pissed over their heads…….hence his name! The French were called In along with the GM who was offered a seat on the ice. The GM was said to be far too easy on the noisy French all year but he was, True Blue..now fuck off out of my steward circle all off you! As soon as the GM was out of the circle he was called In again! The Gm surrounded himself with strong people, such as Minnie Mouse, who as Steward Chaser creeps up on people  like a small rodent on steroids to do the GMs bidding! Blue Harlot In.BH went to the doctor and said he had erection problems so the doc showed him a pic of his 6 year old daughter and hey presto BH was hard as a rock…well that’s BH for you! Great Spot Singha, a linguistic giant!

2nd Steward- Virgin My Arse. V M A wanted us to ponder the meaning of the saying Jack Shit…well she told us…..You don’t know Jack Shit? Well thanks to V M As genealogy efforts  wonder no more!

Jacj Schitt was the only son of Awe Schitt.Awe Schitt,the fertilizer magnate, married Miss O. Needeep, they had one son, Jack. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents’ objections, Deep Schitt married her cousin Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt Sherlock!.......Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they had a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chick N. Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable thoughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brother in a dual ceremony.The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt- Happens nuptials! The Schitt- Happens children were Dawg,Byrd and Hoarse. Bull Schitt,the prodical son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned home from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt!

So, when someone says to you…you don’t know Jack Schitt you can correct them!!!

Dicksapointing and Mr Fista In…The two Aussies were in a lifeboat, adrift in open seas. Mr F finds a Lamp in the boat and would you know it rubs it, out pops a genie and said they could  have  one wish only….with out thinking Dicksa shouts out turn the whole ocean to VB Bitter, which of course he does and the sea turns into  a frothy expanse of beer. Mr F turns and says that’s clever now were going to have to piss in the boat!

Pole Position and Not Cleaver In. It was PPs 40th birthday fun day ,again on the Iron Pussy. When V M A showed PP her birthday run shirts brought as a suprise for her by NC said said Oh. I’d better ring NC and promise him extra sex tonite…are there any more supprises? Well there was and NC turned up at their On On to take her home. When PP got home she run to the loo to throw up big style. She then came out and lay across the kitchen table and would not move so NC took her shorts and knickers off. PP sobbed…I know you you are going to take a photo  and joke me in the Hash circle! NC then took her upstairs but she couldn’t/wouldn’t get into bed because she thought she was dirty but no way could she have a shower…so NC dragged her to the shower, showered her by holding her against the wall and then dragged her ,finally into bed…….No more birthday parties, that’s it…for a year at least….V M A .great Stewards spot…we all now know you’re not full of SCHITT!.well done.

The GM gets all the French In. He met Froggy the other nite and he was talking to himself.GM said, is it the only way to get an intelligent conversation ? Froggy said…WHAT?
Hares In. Barbara Woodhouse asks if anyone dare give good run,  Virgin My Arse shouts out Hash SCHITT…which she didn’t get so good run and free beer…good day had for all of us

Word Of The Weak……Quaich…….A Scottish name for a drinking cup.

And remember….War is not started to see who is right but who’s LEFT!

                                          On On