Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1409                    Saturday 9th March 2013

Hares: Gorgeous & Barbara Woodhouse

Total Pack 111:  PH3 102,  Virgins 5,  Visitors 4, Visiting Hashers 0,  New Members 5.

So a poll was held the other night as to who was to be your next scribe.  As you know by now I won a resounding victory by an absolute margin… Against 0 For 1,  Abstentions 13!  So there you are I’m your new scribe for the rest of this year.  I will, of course be calling on Double Down Down for advice and comfort before she leaves for the green, green grass of home in Exmoor with her beloved Rude as Fuck.  I have a hard act to follow as she has been the best scribe the Hash could of hoped for.  That said, I will be introducing a couple of things.  Firstly I have appointed my Spotter….  Julie Andrews (he must be one of the few who know all the Hashers names….  cus I don’t).  So welcome to my team Julie and thanks for your invaluable assistance.  We will also have a weekly ditty, to hopefully keep you through the week till the next issue of the news-sheet.  Also a word of the week.  A word of interest, a word you may/may not know the true meaning of.  These words will be supplied by Teachers Pet, whilst Blue Harlot is working!  So, enough, lets get started. 

Hares In, the GM said this Hash was better than last week, then again ANY hash would be better than last weeks!  Thanked them for a beaut of a location but reprimanded Barbara Woodhouse for not getting the laager site ready and being late.  Gorgeous had to help with the parking, getting the site ready and was tripping up over the broom stuck up his arse.  
Oh yeah On the Ice for throwing water over the GM.  Woodpecker In.  thanked her for a super party last night at the Expat.  HBYC, HBYC, HBYC Happy Birthday Woodpecker!  
Returners In, Wilma.  Chicken George, Condyke, Golden Rain, Nuts and Berries.  Welcome back boys and girls.  N&Bs back In for spilling beer over the GM
Virgins Five youngsters In and ALL RUSSIANS.  GM asked them to empty their pockets and out dropped 40 leather wallets, 20 gold watches, 30 credit cards and 6000 Aussie$,  we all work for Thai companies, promise they shouted...someone never took the travel advice…don’t stand by Russians in a crowd.  They were duly wetted and their ill gotten gains confiscated. 

Run Offenses, My spotter, Julie Andrews calls Puppy Shit In.  PS said its going to be a hot run today but not if you run fast cus the faster you run the cooler you are,  a real oxymoron…you oxy!  Barbara Woodhouse calls the French In, Their Main Man and French cunt of the year, Assterix,  not here today but BW says ALL the French aspire to be French cunt of the week.  S A Dick Gobbler calls Punt In.  He said on the first slope on the run he did a complete 360 somersault…what a punt.  Barbara Woodhouse calls Flying Dick Head In,  FDH complained about the HHH signs not being right BW said they were and he had put them out this very morning in a rush, went home to take his clothes of for a shower(some may believe that) and had a bite to eat, as he was resting he heard the washing machine going, his lovely wife had washed his new phone, which we assume was in his clothes!  Jungle Balls calls S A Dick Gobbler In, how SADG can call anyone in for falling over when SADG went arse over tip himself…Twice Nightly also In as she fell over also but with far more class than SADG and a far better arse too…of that we had no doubt!  Gorgeous calls Flying Dick Head as he had earlier complained about the HHH signs Gorg pointed out there are 3 roads off this mountain but only one was signed HHH coming up so if you came UP the wrong one that’s your hard titties!  Read the misdirections and you won’t get lost, now drink up and sit down you twat!  !  !  Flying Dick Head calls all the Belgians In.  He said that a Belgian butcher had wooden splinters in his hand cus he slaughtered a Rocking Horse!  No Hope calls Queen of Puke In, just to remind her that the bus time schedule differs for different pick up places so for fuck sake check so the bus doesn’t have to keep waiting for her EVERY week!  GM calls Julie Andrews onto the Ice…just because he hasn’t been on it for….  .  ER minutes!  Doctor Fucking Jekyll calls Billy Boy In, last night at Woodpeckers Party BB said Wp was 54 , Which was wrong, its HIS age.  BB you should know better with women, if in doubt say nought!  shes 45!  DFJ then called Murkury In, at the Tin Man Murk called In the best Eye Candy…ONCE NIGHTLY….  just don’t see it myself!  (I hand over the notes to Julie as I was called In by Minnie Mouse)She also called for my lovely Pole Position.  MM told the world that I had got lost and came to the Hash via Chalong Circle, when in fact PP was a little sick and I waned to give her a tour of the island prior to the Hash…That’s my sorry story and im sticking to it! 

1st Steward Woodpecker calls In Barbara Woodhouse, Chicken George, Gorgeous, King Klong.  Why do these people do hard runs all the time, she think she knows, if they are hard runs then they will have hard COCKS…….  That’s why she got KK In!  Puppy Shit &Butt Plug In.  PS was the last at her party last night and then went to TAI PAN, took a beauty home with him but he said he woke up with a buffalo!  Let any man cast the first stone!  !  Gives Good Head, Murkury, Singha In she said that Murk had said that Singhas walking stick was not hard enough so he had asked GGH to give it some good head and make it harder…the mind boggles!  She also said that Singhas angels always looks after pappa and not running with the pack but having 1 in front, 1 in the back and 1 on top of Singha, lucky lad!  SA Dick Gobbler In, She never sees him these days he always says he’s Tooooooo Bussssssssssy and when he says it he sprays spit all over her face.  Then she pulls the face showing how he does it the circle falls about laffing.  She asked Butt Plug to take her to Suzy Wongs in Bangla after her party last nite.  .  He did, she had never been in a go go before…but see ended up on the poles herself BP said it was a sight to behold, dancing and…he didn’t finish saying what else as Wp stopped him…Great steward spot Woodpecker happy 45th!  ! 

GM called Root In for cheating with his new shoes to get out of drinking from them, GM made sure he didn’t

Jungle Balls orchestrated his well known Hash song for Murkury………………

Chorus:
He's our leader; a slap-head little bleeder.
He's our leader; he's a turtle head.

Verses:
A quiet little fellow; he looks like Donatello.
He's our leader; he's a turtle head.

His hair used to be ginger; now he’s a slap-head Ninja.  He’s ...

When it’s time for action; his head’s in full retraction.  He’s ...

From beaches he is banned; he lays eggs in the sand.  He’s ...

How can he find a bride; when his head’s inside?  He’s ...

He’s gonna make you suffer; he used to be a fluffer.  He’s ...

In a wig he needs protection; gave Wanda an erection.  He’s ...

He is our little gem; will he be our next GM?  He’s ...

[answer to the last verse still pending]


New Members…Five and were looking for Hash names now

Run Shirts, Iced Quim-25, Dr Fucking Jeckyll-100, Julie Andrews-200, Tinker Bell-25.  .  well done to all, look forward to your next run shirts

2nd Steward, Billy Boy, Hares In, Just for another free drink, well done those boys.  JC In,  the resident Mexician, JC came in 10 mins after BB but said to Prince Charles it was a worse run than last week-don’t be a cunt JC!  Minnie Mouse In, he said that Cartoon would not let MM come to the party last nite so MM micky finned his drink and pissed off to the party…Cartoon didn’t come to the Hash today…cus he’s still asleep!  Jungle Balls & Murkury In.  BB told that he had the best laff at the Tin Man this week cus these two had set up Swollen Colon with a made up copy of his book that they said they had bought in Phuket Town for 80 BHT…SC was really pissed as he said fuck me its not out yet and the bastards had ripped him off already…nice one lads!  Condyke &Blue Harlot In, Condyke went to UK and put on 4kg BH said the last time he put on 4kg it was a little Thai girl on his cock!  BH said on the run to a little Thai thing working in the fields…do you want a better job and its far more fun.  emm!  Clouseau In,  he asked which city has more universities Birmingham or Bristol BB said he didn’t give a fuck you smelly Frenchman.  EDs Note…Birmingham 4!  Fungus In.  At the Tin Man someone said Fungus was nicking beers, fungus got grumpy…but in fact he did nick someone’s beer…if you want a sub join the navy!  Mind the Gap &Not Clever.  NC noticed MtG leaning against his car so he asked her to dance with her arse a little more so she could polish the car at the same time!  No Hope In, on the run he said lots of checking yes but if its more than 100m it’s a short cut!  Hares In, BB  disagreed with JC and said he thought the run was far better than last week-well done again!  All the Teachers In.  They are Blue Harlots apprentice pervs, here’s to the future pervs!  Dandy Le Root & Murcury In.  Merc ask DlR why he didn’t go to the party last nite he said no one was going…but everyone was there!  We all enjoyed your spot Billy Boy, Come again.
 
French cunt of the week, Gives good Head.  What’s the difference between a basket ball team and a French woman, Basket ball team showers after 4 periods!  ! 

Safety Message The GM stated the Prince Charles Fucking Tosser has hared 5 times and each time he has been given Hash Shit.  PCF Tosser has stated that he intends to continue his 100% record and go for Hash Shit EVERY time.  So, The GM has now banned PCF Tosser from doing any more Haring for his hash year. 

Hares In, Run Master called the hares in and called for Hash Shit…Gorgeous said bollocks and called for good run…He got his wishes.  Good run laddies!  The Circle was closed. 

Word of the Weak….  OLIGARCHY.  .  government by small faction of people or families. 

And Remember….  Rosie was Red, BC always Blue, How fast the Run, its up to You. 

See you all next week,
Not Clever & Julie Andews