Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1406                    Saturday 16th February 2013

Hares: Butt Plug, Woodpecker, 15 gets you 20 & Slow Cunt
Special Haring advisor: King Klong

Total Pack 128:  PH3 113,  Virgins 10,  Visitors 5, Visiting Hashers 0,  New Members 2.

GM opened the circle, asked for a scribe volunteer, Princess put his hand up, then was promptly and unfairly called into the circle to drink beer.  Hares were called up, with King Klong being given honorary status of ‘Haring Advisor’. Run was a great one, with the hares having us get back to the lager, by climbing up the near vertical hill to the Phuket View Point. Nice one hares, great run ;)

Butt Plug was accused of joining ‘The Gay Connection’ by turning up at the Expat Bar wearing a bright red shirt. Comments where heard rumbling through the circle, that the GM is now giving fashion advice, and taking notice of fellow hashers clothing choices …. Strong mumblings of GM once more angling to join, ‘The Gay Connection’ himself. Hence, GM is given ‘Gay of the Week’ title.  Circle standards immediately deteriorate, with suggestions that the legless South African athlete accused of murder, may yet walk, as police are still searching for foot prints.The call went out once more regarding a proposed away run, with a decision that a decision needed to be made, and that a decision needed to be decided upon if the hash circle could decide if they wanted to decide to decide to go away. It was decided, there was still no decision.

Great Dick woke up and muttered ‘That lady in the white top has great tits and no bra on … peeeowwwww …. She’s got some nipples too ..!”  Testical Tom broke his silence muttering something about squeezing something.  GM said the first of several hundred “Shut Up”.

Hash Flash aka Virgin my Arse had Horn aka Mind the Gap in the circle, describing the debacle that was the hash buses journey to the lager, given the signage was shite, and Horn forgot that ‘Right’ was the easiest way to direct the bus ‘Right’, instead she utilised the much less used, and often mispronounced ‘Ohh .. Ohh .. Oggg’.  Mr Fista had Blue Harlot in the circle and once more reminded him that, with a name like ‘Mr Fista’ it was never a good idea to fall over face first when running in front of him.  Jiggly Jugs muttered something about ‘…has a small one’. I was not sure if she was referring to Fista’s fist, or Harlet's arse. ... or something else entirely. Speaking of JJ ... anyone else notice the reduction of beer consumption and lack of fags? At this point, I knew that I was in jeopardy of living up to my note taking responsibilities.  GM called out those that had forgotten to give there better halves something for Valentine ’s Day into the circle, to which more than half the circle walked forward. Mumblings rippled those in the circle, that they were already the better half, of the ‘halves’.
Mr Fista had Oh Yeah, and Oww La La in the circle, to find out why they looked to have had an easy run. Turns out, they saw the first hill, 100m into the run, and through better of it, and returned to the circle. So, instead of getting to the hills, and doing as Great Dick, HIV, Tripple Ass Hole, Once Weekly and Pornshop do i.e scream ‘Oh Yeah La la la la la Yeah Hills !!’, Oh Yeah, and Oww la la went ’Nah, Fuck That!’ ………Testical Tom’s voice is getting loaded as he translates for Singer. Princess (Me) is now finding it hard to hear. I start to sweat. Note taking it getting progressively more challenging. So I drink more. Now I get called into the circle and sat on the ice. Get made to drink more.  I’m at least 3 sentences behind what’s going on. Now I’m back, and I’m being reminded by Fungus and our previous truly talented and superb scribe, that as scribe volunteer I should actually be scribing. Yup, officially struggling. Now I drink more beer….. oh, where was I?  TT is still talking, now louder.

A Virgin Steward Spot is called out, and steps forward our lovely Hash Flash aka Virgin my Arse, and her equally awesome other half, Dicks a Pointing. It was awesomely funny, and excellent. I couldn’t enjoy it and write, and drink and laugh, all at once, so spotting notes, I decided to skip the writing part. Opps. Now, looking at the notes I did managed to grab afterwards, I have no idea how to put it together  Yup, I’m a shite scribe, however It went something like …

Manikin Piss had Jungle Balls go on the hunt for stewards a few weeks back, and having cornered Dicks a Point, said "… I’m looking for a Steward and I think I’ve found one”, to which D-a-P replied, “Nope, you best keep looking mate”.

JJ gets called in, and the two women gang up on Pointing, and suggest he needs to cool down before he gets too hot-to-trot for his virgin steward spot, and on the ice he goes. Hence forth, Virgin My Arse lets fly with jokes a plenty …. I heard some ….

“I got sacked last night from the soup kitchen, ungrateful bastards, all I said was some of us have homes to go to …..”

“Blue Harlot was out on the town with Teachers Pet, with locals shouting out ‘Paedo, paedo’, just because he’s 60 and she’s only 21… It definitely ruined there 10th year anniversary….”

“Dick Gobbler got dragged forward, as a Chinese look-a-like… It turns out Dicksa was out on the town, and while in a bar finds himself standing next to a little Chinese chap. He asks him ‘Do you know any martial arts, like Karate, or Tae Kwon Do?’ … the Asian chap replied ‘Why you aska me dat, just-a-cos I is Chineeeese?’ … ‘Nope’ says Dicksa, ‘It’s because you’re drinking my bloody beer!’ ..”

…. Dicks a Pointing is dragged off the ice, having had enough to time to cool down and become composed for his part of the spot….. launching into …
“Wife: Would you marry if I died?
 Husband: Definitely not
W: Why not, you don’t like being married?
H: Of Course I do
W: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
H: Ok, I would
W: You would!? Would she live in our house? Would she sleep in our bed? Would she drive our car?
H: I would think so
W: Would she use my golf clubs?
H: No, she’s left handed ….
Wife: (Silence) …. Husband: Oh fuck 

“Mannikin Piss decided it was time for a shake up at his restaurant, with too many slackers that needed to be getting rid of. I noticed one guy just leaning up against a wall, and walked up to him and yelled ‘How much do you get paid a week!?, with a surprised face, the guy replies ‘300 baht a week, why?’. MP hands him 1,200 baht and screams ‘There’s one months wages, now get out and don’t come back!’ MP feeling good about his positive action looks around and asks ‘Does anyone know what that goof was supposed to be doing here?’ … to which he hears ‘Yup, he was the Dominos Pizza delivery guy’ ….”

Blue Harlot gets called in and becomes the amused butt of several jokes.

The circle then deteriorated into a blurry swirl of chaotic rumblings no doubt a result of me consuming far too much beer. Any hope of hearing more was lost as TT’s voice had escalated so that Singer could hear him over the circles laugher.

At some point Mr Fista was back in the circle, as was Oh Yeah et al, with cardboard cut outs and a chorus of ‘Idi, Idi, Idi Amin, da most amazing man there has ever been’ … I also have notes scribbled in the scribe book about Hash Flash grabbing at Butt Plucks arse, Great Dick once more walking up to mumble about the great tits the chick in the white top had, and Barf Vader walking around the circle, about 2 feet behind her tits…..

The circle came to resounding end with Mr Bollox doing a Remix of the classic ‘Ring of Fire’ … wearing an Elvis wig and shades.

Great hash, as always. The hares had put on some free food, the stewards rose to the occasion, GM somehow managed to keep a degree of control over the rowdy bunch of rockstars that makes up the Sat Hashers, we got another top 5 amusing songs from Bollox and once more Hash Flash dived and ducked to bring us several hundred pics to chuckle at post-hash.
Only Princess fucked it up by being such a shite scribe.

On on rockstars ;)