Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1405                    Saturday 9th February 2013

Hares: Julie Andrews, Dicksappointing, Mister Fister & Queen of Puke

Total Pack 93:  PH3 83,  Virgins 3,  Visitors 4, Visiting Hashers 3,  New Members 2.

Circle Open & Manneken Pis, cunning bastard as he is, pulled Princess, Julie Andrews, Dr Fucking Jekyll, Fungus and Swollen Colon into the circle for a beer, and just as the suspects were deciding that the common denominator for which they were called in was the same narrow spacing between the eyes MP called out for a vote from the circle for which one was to be Scribe-For-The-Day. Immediate shouts of Swoolen Coolen (one of those Danish spelling things suffered by SC on the Tinmen a few days earlier). SC got all defensive about needing to depart (of course he had time for his beer and 7 more later), and next in line was Fungus, who claimed that he should be excused for already serving as OnSec, plus he didn't have his glasses, all of which was drowned out by shouts of his name from the circle. Fungus skewered with the pen, passed the log book and made Scribe-For-The-Day. Blue Harlot clewed Fungus in that it really didn't matter what he wrote anyway because only departed hashers like Billy Boy would actually read it, and BB is so deprived he's depraved, and no one gives a Rat's Ass anyway.

Hares in the circle to mutterings over the maze-style placement of HHH signs leading the lost into the sunset rather than the laager. More to be said later on this, Down Downs for the hares.  Julie Andrews iced, scribe missed reason why, which doesn't matter anyway as JA is Austrian and wears fake lederhosen, about which Wikipedia comments: The word lederhosen is frequently mispronounced leiderhosen (literally, "sadly-breeches") or liederhosen ("songs-breeches"). Perfect, and there you go!!

Announcements, Scribe missed the first two, but so did everyone else, so fuck off Billy Boy where ever you are. Circle interrupted by incoming runners and walkers. JA still on ice and no one seems to care why or for what.

Juan Palorista in the circle, scribe missed why but quite certain it wasn't for not telling the following story:
A guy was hunting when gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.  "Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news. The good news is that you'll be OK.

The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, & we were able to remove all of the buckshot." 

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter. "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly" answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the West Australian Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

[Hey, don't like it, you be Scribe-For-The Day!!]
Swoolen Coolen in to announce details of May 24th long weekend hash to Hua Hin and tried to sort car & bus transport, which turned into a speak-fest about every transport combination known to man except oxcart. SC duly shut off the chatter by announcing that a bus would leave on Friday and to be on it or get there on your own. JB in for getting dates wrong on the website, not that anyone noticed with all the chatter. SC said there will be a pig roast on Friday, several runs, etc., etc. Big Bollox, GM of Chumporn Hash is in charge. If anyone has any questions or disputes any of the misinformation produced here then they should call someone that gives a shit and has the right answer.

Returners: Cheap Potato in for a Down Down when from nowhere in drifts Croc O Shit, who's actually a departer today, but apparently can't tell the difference between coming or going, which maybe has something to do with his spending 8 months of the year in the dark and snow of Finland. COS firmly booted back out of the circle by MP explaining there is a difference between Return and Depart.

JB, Julie Andrews, Great Dick and Blue Harlot in to receive a rant by MP over past slams about history not listing any historically famous Belgians to which MP pointed out that Beethoven had had Belgian blood (which was actually Mechelen blood at that time, so nice try!!). Princess commented it would be easier to just get rid of all Belgians than find a famous one. [BH noted at this point that Fungus was holding his head with both hands and heard to be muttering WTF!!]

Virgins in with lots of confusion demonstrated by the Swedish blond girl about what “on-your-knees” actually means (funny how the two virgin guys knew exactly, but maybe the beer on the ground had something to do with it). Anyway ever-helpful SADG quickly volunteered to work with the blond privately. (It needs mentioning that those standing near SADG could hear him wheezing “Oh boy, Oh boy, am I gonna teach her a thing or two about what 'on-your-knees' means.”)

Visiting Hashers: 3 in and Down Where it's Wetter visiting from South Carolina Hashers presented a T-shirt to Queen of Puke. Other visitors didn't bring gifts and told to drink their down down and fuck off.

Run Offenses: Oh Yeah called in by No Hope wanting to know how she knew where to short cut, “Because I'm sleeping with the hare!” JB in the circle but scribe drinking a beer and missed it, (fuck off Billy Boy.) SC called Murkury because just when SC was getting ready to put a helping hand on Oh Yea's butt to push her up a bank Murkury conveniently cut in front of SC. Murcury iced. SADG calls in Flying Dickhead and Down Where it's Wetter, no one knows why but SADG got to do a close check out on DWiW's ass so at least SADG was happy. Princess called in Blue Harlot then proceeded to animatedly describe how BH ran his hands down the front of his shorts, then the back, then the front. With everyone now scratching their heads it was decided that Princess really was just enjoying feeling himself with an audience.

SADG in for Steward and drives the circle nuts when he pulls out his RAT MAN hat and launched into an exhausting performance way beyond Fungus' ability to write. Except somewhere in the “Dubai sewer truck” recount he got Hash Flash onto the ice and dropped his head into her crotch, which beat the hell out of the joke. Next SADG brings in Houston Basher, recounting something about an elf, which makes sense when you think about it. Next in was the “black chick” so SADG could apologize for having appeared like a rude racist calling her a black chick last week, making it absolutely clear that he's not really rude. Way to go SADG, it's Sad Tom and she's gonna kick yo skinny white ass!!

Oh Yeah and the dancerettes in the circle to bump, grind and slap their asses while singing their rendition of: He's the meanest, he sucks the horse's penis..., except they got lost between the bump, grind and words and had to start it over 6 times which only got Barbara Woodhouse's dog hot enough to start humping spot in time with the music. Flying Dickhead iced for distracting Oh Yea by his getting over excited offering to slap Oh Yea's ass himself, which only confused her and made her start from the beginning one more time!!. All credits for the show (except the dog humping) go to Mr Fister, the brains behind the performance. [BH kindly pointed out that now both Mr Fister and Fungus were both shaking their heads in wonderment while Fungus looked totally lost while staring at his smoking pen!!]

SADG recovers total control of the circle by distributing sheets for singing a 5-part round to the melody of Do-Ra-Me with verses about Rats, Cats, Ducks and Dolls except the sheets got all mixed up and already SADG has ducks mixed in with the rats and cats. To add some energy to the pile some of the 'animals' start reading and singing their round, but SADG doesn't care because he's busy showing one of the dolls (clever right?) how to gyrate her hips while she's singing and SADG has his butt gyrating 4 inches from hers and the entire circle erupts into a gyrating, hip thrusting, song singing cacophony with each animal type trying to out sing the other.

Well, it was all over in a minute, like an Englishman's orgasm, and SADG commences ripping his RAT HAT into pieces that even the dog wouldn't eat, even after SADG chewed it for him, but then he ate it himself and everyone's gagging. Oh Yea is fear-frozen like a rabbit in headlights but SADG smells the fear and rips and eats more pieces of the Rat from the hat, driving Oh Yeah from the circle in mortal fear, which only got SADG more excited and he's jumping around the circle shredding and eating his RAT like the true madman he is!!
Fuck a Rat by SADG

(Melody Do, Re, Mi) 
[no it wasn't]

Fuck a Rat
Fuck a Rat
Screw a Baby Kangaroo
Finger bang a Gibbon too
This will bring us back to:
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

Repeat with motion and humming
 
Fuck a Cat
Fuck a Cat
Chain and Screw the neighbor too
Feel the Penis of his wife
This will bring us back to:
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

Repeat with motion and humming

Fuck a Duck
Fuck a Duck
Let an elephant suck you off
Whack the asshole of a yak
This will bring us back to:
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

Repeat with motion and humming
   
Fuck a Doll
Fuck a Doll
Screw the plug in when shes full
Whack the asshole of the GM too
This will bring us back to:
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

Repeat with motion and humming

[Fungus going fricking nuts trying to get this all down only to discover later that instead of SADG passing Fungus his notes when he was done he disappeared into the jungle and smoked them!!!]

New Member in, Fungus entirely missed the name... [Auntie Biotic]

Numbered Shirts: 50 runs, “keep it on” from BH and Flying Dickhead. Good call being it was Juan Palorista. Princess on the ice for birthday, HBYC!!

FCOTW: Turncoat in, reason missed, but being French is way more than enough.

Departers: Two in including Croc O Shit who needed to be lead back into the circle. Enjoy the snow!!

Hares in: JC- Who put the fucking signs up? OK, a little on the signing but GOOD RUN called.

Circle Closed.

On on

Fungus