Hares in, well they did warn the runners about the steep hill, but the GM fell over after he made his way down that.  Last weeks Hares in (JC) along with Tequila Slapper, so last week there was a situation with the land owner, and apparently there were 4 cows missing and 1 had a broken leg! According to JC it wasn't his fault it was all the fucking hash people! Anyway, TS was there to assist and immediately told the landowner that JC was loaded with money! Typical woman!! Anyway, PH3 is still allowed to use the Laager site. The two kids that were at the hash into the circle, very closely followed by Blue Harlot - well it is Children's Day after all, they could do what they wanted but not in the GM's fucking circle! SADG got the 5 stooges in, none of whom were singing (maybe because they didn't know the song?).  GM announced that Double Down Down is standing down as Scribe, and if you want to keep reading about what has been happening in the circle, then one of you needs to volunteer to be Scribe Chaser.  You don't have to scribe every week, you just have to make sure somebody 'willingly volunteers' to scribe.  It's your hash, support it! Returners:  Jaws, Hot Pants, Dirty Harry, Son of Frankenstein and Lesser Dip Shit.  Virgins: Shaun, Matt, Claude, James, Christian and Robert, who all enjoyed a PH3 welcome.  Visiting Hashers: John and Donna from the Philippines who were not that intelligent, and the perfect couple Princess and Great Dick showed them how it should be done! French Letter from Langkawi - called FL because he is French and writes for a living! Think the GM was hoping for something a bit more interesting!

Run Offenses:  Dr Fucking Jekyll was following Virgin My Arse who was certainly living up to her name, she kept telling him she was trying to get her leg over! Over what is anybodies guess.  Jungle Balls was on the walk along with Disparu and Madam Disparu, who were doing the 'Belgium trick' with new shoes.  But Disparu was a lot smarter than the GM, his shoes were being carried around the walk, in a bag, by Madam Disparu! He still drank out of them though, along with Blue Harlot - who unfortunately is suffering with a foot fungus infection, so there was probably broken toe nails and fungal weeping included with his beer (he did seem to retch at one stage!).  GM thanked Who The Fuck Is Alice for making a trophy out of GM's old trainers, which lasted 117 runs! JC and Murkury were talking to Born Looser this week, and BL is trying to sell his Mercedes 4x4, without much luck. It is insured for 1.8 million baht, so is trying to sell it for around 1 million baht.  Murkury told him not to worry just bring it to the hash, park it near the edge of the Laager, make sure the handbrake is off and the boys will gently push it over the cliff edge while they are having a piss! Job done, insurance pays up? Barbara Woodhouse told Double Down Down last week that he had left  the hash early last week early because Winny The Witch  had given birth to a baby boy.  Double Down thought BW was using the phrase Winny The Witch as a term of endearment for Secret Banana Gobbler!!! Congratulations to Winny the Witch on the birth of her son Louis.  No Hope was at the top of the hill on the run, and was desperate for a pee and thought he was safe, unfortunately not, Creature from the Blue Lagoon kept closing in on him, and he was running down the hill still pissing!  Apparently it took him two hands to control it - really???? GM wanted to know why Winny The Witches baby was named after Lord Louis the Lip - is he the grandfather? Blue Harlot was talking to LLtL recently and asked him how long he had been in Thailand for, it has been a while as he was the founding Jew of the hash. Anyway, in a previous life he was a scrap boy and saved all his money. When he wrote to his clients he would address the envelope to himself, and add the clients address as the sender.  He would put no stamp on the letter, so when the post office got the letter, they always returned it to the sender.  So he saved thousands of pounds by doing that, and which is why he is where he is today!

Steward - Gorgeous:  Thanked his co-hare for today, and if you want punishment, get this man to lay a run, the last one he did he laid 1km in the opposite direction.  Apparently he was laying paper like a farmer today, just throwing it up in the air not bothering where it landed. Gorgeous asked him why he doesn't lay paper like him, well he does what he wants to do! Apparently he is the co-hare from hell, according to Gorgeous.  A little hash history lesson, it is only the GM that can award hash shit - the run masters just find out from the circle what they thought of the run.  Now you know. Gorgeous provided Jungle Balls (Webmaster) with some photos, one in particular showing Hot Dog living up to his name.  But who was the hash flash that took that photo - well it was No Cup and apparently it took her 30 minutes to focus in and get the lighting just right! Gorgeous wanted to know Blue Harlots opinion on something. Last week BH overheard Clitmas Pussy talking about not seeing things when she goes down! Well Gorgeous was talking to CP about the t-shirts and he was saying how they make him sweat, CP doesn't sweat she glows, but gets very wet apparently - that and going down, the mind boggles doesn't it! Last week Not Cleaver bought some health potion from Gorgeous, two bottles in fact.  NC left one of the bottles out overnight, and when he got up the next day, it had exploded all over the kitchen - Gorgeous had told NC it was dynamite! NC was very wary of trying the second bottle now. Gorgeous told him to get Pole Position to try it, if she is still horizontal it is ok, if she is vertical then don't drink it! We then had to re-live the story of Jaws and Gorgeous being hares together in 1983 - bloody hell, every time Gorgeous is a steward this story comes out!  Gorgeous wanted to know if anybody wanted to lay a run with Barbara Woodhouse - no takers even after Gorgeous offered to pay them to hare with BW. While everybody was out on the run, BW went off with a bag of dog food to feed the puppies that he had found while laying the paper.  On his way back he put his gloves on and collected 4 bags full of buffalo shit - I bet the car is going to smell lovely on the way back home.  Thank you Gorgeous for a good steward spot.

GM asked Top Off what was the difference between a Nigger and HIV? HIV stays with the kids when they are born.  Singha was telling the GM that he didn't want to think about getting old, but the noises he used to make when having sex, he now makes when he is getting out of bed.  Numbered Runs:  Barf Wader got her 400 run cap, she has been nagging the GM for weeks about it.  50 - Butt Plug and Vomit Bomber (apparently it took him 6 years to get to 50 - he will never make 1000!).  100 - Madame Disparu (Blue Harlot wanted her to take it off, he fancied a change!).

Stewards - Princess and Great Dick.  Both of them were in matching attire, god they do make a lovely couple.  All the French in the circle - apparently the stewards wanted them to shut the fuck up (I hadn't heard a thing from them all day!).  So Princess and GD reckon that the Saturday Hash is a secret hide out for some pretty famous people.  Assterix, although you might find it hard to believe, but his DNA is a clone of Adolf Hitler, which was great because Princess wanted to know if Hitler was gay, why was he pissed off with all the Jews and had he thought of therapy instead of taking revenge on the world? Didn't get who Jungle Balls was, but apparently all his wise wisdom that he writes down just basically equates to 'Shut the Fuck Up!!!' Now you must know who Secret Agent Dick Gobbler is - of course - Elvis, and Princess wanted to know how he he beat the weight problem (although SADG thought he said wife, and didn't know there was a problem!). So Elvis was in love with a 14 year old - apparently he still is, although society wouldn't like that nowadays, which is why he has disappeared and is here with this bunch of deviants.  Blue Harlot, we all know you love the odd 14 year old, and have been the bane of the BBC's life recently - yep you guessed it Jimmy Savile - so iced he was (and quite deservedly so!) for over 250 crimes against young people.  Then there is Ice Arse, being Scottish he has got to be William Wallace, he had his balls removed, joined PH3 and the only woman he could marry was Jiggly Juggs, as she had balls enough for both of them.  Barbara Woodhouse (mouthing off as normal) is Barbara Woodhouse but an older version of her - god she was a stern cow at times! Gorgeous, he was the inventor or the modern world (Sir) Henry Ford - he can't be a Sir, he's bloody American! Princess wanted to know if it is Formaldehyde that he has in his mug - well whatever it is, it is keeping him alive for so long.  Who the Fuck is Alice and King Klong, a couple of Kings of this world; Napoleon and Stalin, what they were was brutal dictators and murdering bastards.  And then we have the Spice Girls, such a famous band from Britain!  Mind the Gap (Baby), Barf Wader (Sporty), Virgin My Arse (Posh), Moonwalker (Ginger) and Butt Plug!! (Scary for sure!).  Jean Claude Van Douche who got his top off :) was recently caught shagging his maid, I suppose there are worse things in life, smokes cigarettes and is pumper of the year - if it isn't former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Next it's Top Off, who recently got shot by some US Navy Seals. Princess thought the use of 747s was absolute genius, with the amateur pilots and the towers was just out of this world - yep we have Osama Bin Laden in our circle.  Now, to finish this steward spot off (thank the lord I can hear you say - which is unusual for a Princess / Great Dick spot!!!) we have the GM, such a celebrated and handsome actor, adored by everybody, and I mean everybody - yep our very own Cock Rock Hudson.  GM thanked Princess and Great Dick for the effort put in to try and entertain us, but they obviously had forgotten they were Stewards today to come up with that crap (GMs words not mine).  Oh and did they go to school in Kiwi land? Napoleon and Stalin, neither of them were kings!

I would like to point at, at this stage of the evening, 30% of the circle had gone home, so good job you have a scribe as they will know what happened after the last Steward spot!! Jungle Balls can't believe what the hash has come to, nearly every fucker is sat down (apparently JB bought that in, oh no in his eyes it was Minnie Mouse).  We even have Steve with his glass of wine and picnic on the go - apparently he likes beer but prefers wine, so he had his very own cocktail to down down - and stand up in the circle next time. Then we had Sir Prick A Lot - how he was reminded of the hatred between the Scots and the English and how the Laager bought back fond memories of Scotland for him, well apart from the buffalo and elephant shit that we all had to avoid around the Laager.  It was funny though as our resident English hashers; Murkury and King Klong were drinking from the local stream, and Gorgeous shouted over to them to be careful and not drink the water due to the shit that might be in it! Unfortunately they couldn't understand Gorgeous and his strong Scottish accent because they were English and asked him to repeat, "just make sure you use two hands to drink the spring water!" Great Dick iced for using hash beer in the piss pot, and because the whole circle was stunned to silence by their Steward spot, he didn't have to shut anybody up.  So there is a piss pot full of beer just going to waste - GD iced and he enjoyed his own beer.  FCOTW:  Barbara Woodhouse thought he was GM at this stage and tried to take over - well when the GM asked BW to leave the circle, I thought it was going to be 'fisty cuffs' at dawn! Anyway, this week it is Ratatouille, earlier on in the week he joined GM in Shakers and for a beer or two, a game of pool and a good old catch up.  Well after too much to drink, Ratatouille disappeared for an hour or so further on up the Soi where Shakers is.  Only to return with a huge grin on his face and was so pleased to tell the GM that he has found out he has 4 balls! No you don't Ratatouille, 2 are yours and 2 are from the ladyboy that was shagging you up the arse!  Departers:  Ratatouille (trying to get away from his new found 'friend'.  Hares in, and JC kept it short and sweet, the hares said it was a short run, but he thought it was a long run!!! All agreed that it was a Good Run. 

On On