Well apparently the walkers could do what the fuck they liked (according to JC), which some of us did.  When I hit the main road, couldn't find any paper, so straight back to the Laager, the rest found paper and back at the Laager just in time for the start of the circle.   So hares in, and JC reckoned it was the best run of the year! GM asked if they had been to France recently and got the idea for the Laager from that visit! There was shit all over the place and here we had cows chasing us, where in France it's just the stinking Arabs! JC and Swollen Colon iced for not registering. JC blaming Paper and demanding to know where the 'bitch' is and SC no excuse - he's just tight!  Barbara Woodhouse announced that hares are required for February - this is urgent now, it is your hash, support it.  ANYBODY can be a hare!! He also announced that Froggy was celebrating a birthday, so go down to Froggy's Hash Bar on the night of 8 Feb to enjoy some delicious food.  Returners:  9 including Dandy La Root, Bluey, No Hope, BC, Saint Blow Job, Ratatouille and Sick Fucker.  Virgins:  Pascal, Ben and Peter, who enjoyed the usual PH3 welcome.  Visiting Hashers: Sexy Swallow, Baby Stew and Foxy Lady.  Our visitors from HK were very intelligent and managed the blue arms no problem!

Run Offenses:  Gorgeous saw Barf Wader leading the pack astray, straight into a herd of cattle, causing a stampede, closely followed by a trip into the bushes to live up to her name.  God that smell was horrendous! No Hope thanked Shit Stop's lad for causing the stampede as he was screaming and shouting at the herd of cattle!! Jiggly Juggs was concerned for her son Red Rocket when he was crossing the road, and wanted to make sure he was OK.  Unlike Minnie Mouse who ran straight out and into the path of a van (there were some comments behind me that the van bounced off her tits!). JC iced paper (who was looking furious at this stage!).  So while Paper cools down, JC explained that it was Flubber who caused the stamped of cows, and subsequent anger of land and cow owner! As usual he was short cutting and off paper, and went straight through the middle of the herd! Right, now Madame Lash has cooled down a bit, JC explained that all last year, Paper was registering her and JC, obviously her New Years Resolution was not to do that anymore! Paper turned the tables, got JC on the ice and covered him in beer - who's the man? Not JC!! Apparently their house is up For Sale if anybody is interested. Blue Harlot wanted to know the true story from Jungle Balls and Clitmas Pussy, he walked past them earlier to hear CP say "I need glasses every time I go down, as I can't see a thing!" Well apparently this was the answer to a question about why does CP use a stick out on the run, because apparently her eye sight isn't that good!!! Jungle Balls wanted to know who was the owner of Diesel, was it Billy Boy or Bum Scraper. BS said he was hers, so on the ice she went.  All of the HHH signs were gathered up and waiting for collection for next week, and Diesel went and pissed all over them! Bluey was asked by Duke of Puke to buy Sick Fucker a beer, but DoP didn't give any money, so the hash paid instead! Philthy Pisshead hadn't seen Saint Blow Job for 2 years, SBJ greeted PP by name, and of course PP hadn't a clue what SBJ name was! He does now. Flubber thought it was great that the GM had started a new fashion trend today, instead of his normal shorts, he bought his girlfriends shorts, which were more like a skirt!! Nice try GM (maybe it's a Belgium thing!?).  There were calls for take it off, but as GM had gone 'Commando' he didn't want to show the rest of the male population up by getting his todger out! Dicksappointing iced Billy Boy as Diesel had pissed all over the bag, and even worse, over his Tinmen T-Shirt! Diesel proceeded to lick BB arse while he was on the ice - sick family! White Pointer noticed that Blue Harlots trainers have finally died and gone to the big hash in the sky - look out for new shoes next week. Twice Nightly in, for the pleasure of the GM, and also to celebrate her birthday -  HBYC! It was White Pointers birthday on New Years Eve but was too pissed to even notice - HBYC. Murkury was following Twice Nightly on the run (and subsequently tripped over his tongue), and when the cow ran past him (no not TN, a real cow!) TN did the perfect swan dive into the bushes, closely followed by Murkury! Following on with the cow theme - Flubber was following Blue Harlot (did Flubber trip over his tongue!?) and BH ran into a cow with a huge horn, and BH did the quickest U-Turn in history to avoid it - there was shit everywhere, hopefully it was from the cow and not BH, although he did say he was still a bit sore!

Steward - King Klong:  Thanked the hares, but where is Paper, she is down as a Hare on the website. According to JC she didn't get up till 3pm today. According to Paper, JC doesn't like her to walk with him as she talks too much! The conversation 2 nights ago was that Paper wasn't going to be a hare as 10 hares beers doesn't divide equally by 3! JC told BB not to worry, she wouldn't have got a look in anyway. Secret Agent DG thanked the hares for laying the paper so well, SADG is due to hare a Pooying run here next month, so will just re-use this paper! KK advised everybody to stay clear of Minnie Mouse on a Saturday, as she tends to rub herself up and down you, not because she likes you, because she wants you as a Steward. Excellent sales person though, KK is the 'First Steward of 2013!' Houston Basher is full of green snot (nice!!), he had a cave in on the ice! Stupid sitting on the ice really as he has recently returned from the UK having had a hip replacement. He was bragging how good the scar was, you can hardly see it, it was like he had had a face lift.  Billy Boy is an Oxymoron, he is an Australian Aristocrat  who has just spent 45,000 baht on a number plate with a picture of Phuket on it - he is way better than us! Diesel (BS Dog) has found himself a friend called Lost. Well this friend is a snarling viscous thing that just follows Diesel around and attacks anybody that goes near him. So BS and Paper decided to take the dog to the temple to give the regulars at Little Expat a break.  But after 3 sleepless nights BS and Paper collected Lost from the temple and he is back to his normal self at the Little Expat with his mate Diesel. For anybody that didn't know, JC is a famous old sailor, he used to have a company called Abuse Cruises, he never did any admin or took a deposit off anybody. He just sailed out into the ocean and told the customer to pay up or they were going over the arse end of the yacht! JC woke up early the other day, and told Paper he wanted to go sailing with her and Spot. Paper was not that interested and just wanted to stay in bed! JC really wanted to go sailing, so he offered Paper 1) To go sailing, 2) Give him a blow job or 3) take it up the arse!  Well paper didn't fancy any of the options, but JC was having none of it. So Paper agreed to giving JC a blow job. Out his dick came, she was on her knees and proceeded to suck! Not for very long though, she stopped and said "JC your dick tastes like shit" and he replied "Spot the dog didn't want to go sailing either!" Great Steward spot.

Sick Fucker thanked Murkury for a great Tinmen, but his legs didn't like it as it was uphill from the word go! Dr Fucking Jekyll was also to blame for that! Does anybody else think Murkury looks like the Microsoft Office Clip Art man? Dandy La Root, Swollen Colon, King Klong - to celebrate Rosie, gone but never forgotten.  Two mechanics working on a plane in the Middle East, it was fucking hot and they fancied a beer.  No beer around, but plenty of plane fuel, so they get on it, got blind drunk and head off to their beds. A few hours later one calls the other and said that his head is fucking killing him, he is shaking like a shitting dog and his stomach is bubbling.  His mate told him not to fart as he did and is now ringing from Tokyo! Not a Rosie joke as it was really funny! Sick Fucker is now living in Australia, but remembers the song birds from England with fondness, they tweet tweet so gently to wake him up in the morning. In Australia slightly different with the Keets who wake him up squawking Gday, Gday, Gday.  But thats not the best of it, did you know there is a bird in Australia that is the JC of the bird world!? It is a swearing big bastard of a bird called a Sulphur Crested Cockatoo, it has the most beautiful plumage (see photos!) but sits in a tree and screams FFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!! If you weren't awake before you are now!  Bluey and Billy Boy iced, as stand in's for Duke of Puke and Bam Bam who Sick Fucker was out on the piss with last night. Well that was until 9pm when DoP bailed out to take Bam Bam home! Oh well, SF went onto the next pub, but not before paying the 2,000 baht bar bill they had left him with!

Numbered Runs: 25 - Golden Rain (and she took it off!), 25 - Slumdog, 400 - Cobbler, 500 - Bum Scraper and he only came for the free t-shirt 900 - Flying Dickhead.  Congratulations to all.

Steward - Swollen Colon:  Some serious cheating going on last week by the higher echelons of the PH3 management! So SC was looking for some shoes that had gone through the septic tank by the Burmese workers, seeing as the GM virtually tiptoed through it! So GM iced for cheating last week, and a 'used' pair of trainers found for him to drink out of them. Along with Jiggly Juggs and Mcfuehrer who also had new shoes. Wonder who will stand in for the GM next week when he is stick after drinking buffalo / human shit!? SC was running down the narrow path and could hear calls of "cow coming through" when he stopped to let it past all he could see was Twice Nightly and On the Floor - which one was it?? SC happy that Flubber and Punt are at the hash, as he is now not the shortest, fattest most shortcutting bastard here. They have all made a resolution to drive by a gym 2 times every week this year. Klondyke came home to find Clitbull in bed shagging their driver! What the hell are you doing woman.  Well, she said, you told me to give the cook a 4,000 baht tip and fuck the driver! Blue Harlot's Mother visited for New Year, she is a lovely lady and SC asked her if BH had always been a bit strange! She told him that when he was at school he had been sent home, as he had forced a girl to give him a blow job. That was the 3rd time he had been sent home, and his Mom said he can't keep doing it now he is a teacher! BH took his wife out for a meal, and they were getting stared at as he is 57 and she is 17! It really ruined their 5th Wedding Anniversary meal. Mister Fister took Oh Yea into the sex shop in Phuket Town.  He wanted to add even more spice to their sex life! So he told her to pick any vibrator she wanted.  She wanted the big red one, but she couldn't as it was the fire extinguisher! Princess and Nicky have been getting it on all year, and Princess is well happy as Nicky has a twin.  SC asked Princess how he tells them apart, no problem as her brother has a mustache!  So Nicky is now named Mustache Rider.  Jiggly Juggs looked on in horror as her young daughter Katie was welcomed into the circle by SC!!!! Luckily only to be named Ice Cube.  Philthy Pisshead back in Phuket and making the most of some medical checkups. His latest checkup was going well until a finger was put up his arse. He thinks he needs a new dentist! Paper received a dirty phone call last week, she picked up the phone to hear heavy breathing and she heard have you got a tight arse and no hair! Yes she replied, JC is sat watching the TV! JC recently returned to Oz to sort out his farm and file his tax chit! He wanted to see if he was still viable on the market in the real world. Off he went to the job centre and told them he had been sailing in Phuket for 30 years and he was looking for a job in Oz. The guy said that there was a billionaire who was looking for somebody to sail his yacht, look after his nymphomaniac wife, who would want sex 5 times a day and he would be paid $40,000.  JC said "you got to be bullshitting me!!" "Well you started it" replied the guy!  Gorgeous only comes on the hash, to hear heavy breathing, as he doesn't hear it at home anymore! He recently went to the doctors about his bowel movements, he is regular as clockwork every morning at 6am.  The doctor couldn't see a problem in that, it is perfect.  But Gorgeous doesn't get up until 8am every day! Sick Fuckers girlfriend in Sydney told him to get a penis enlarger while he was here in Thailand, he has, she is 17 and her name is Porn. SC thanked Mind the Gap for being a great hash horn and for giving a great blow job every week. Great steward spot.

FCOTW:  Ratatouille and his wife have recently returned from France. They were in a hotel in his wife's village, when an escaped convict from the local prison broke into their room.  He dragged Ratatouille off the bed and tied him to the chair, the convict got on the bed and licked his wife's neck and then disappeared into the bathroom.  Ratatouille told her to be very careful, this man is dangerous and could kill them both, and she should do everything that he asks even if he wants sex with her, he was even kissing her!!  She replied, oh he wasn't kissing me, he told me he was a faggot, that he quite fancied you and wanted to know where the Vaseline was, so I told him it was in the bathroom.  I love you darling! Departers:  Mister Fister, Flubba, Pilthy Pisshead and Bluey.  Hares in and Murkury as runmaster, well it was utter chaos at this stage, but all agreed that the run was a Good Run.   All this happened in the circle prior to it getting dark, just!!!!!

On On