Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1399                    Saturday 29th December 2012

Hares: Nothing, Hawaiian Ho & Chicken George
Total Pack ?:  PH3 ?,  Virgins ?,  Visitors ?, Visiting Hashers ?,  New Members ?.


Three ATV's went through the circle, so the Hares in 'as punishment', which set the scene for the next hour or so!!!  GM had to call circle open several times, as nobody was listening, that also set the scene!!!  A moped through the circle!! GM was told by the Hares that this was the first leg of an old Tinmen route - the GM said it felt like both legs!!! He suggested to the Hares to get a Laager were there was NO traffic next time!! Hawaiian Ho iced and in came his Canadian friend, before the run started HH pointed at the GM and Jungle Balls and said that they were the current and previous GM and they were both cunts! Juan Palorista really should be French, as he is so stupid.  So his job as Registrar is to mark the names off of each PH3 member that pays - simple enough you might think.  Well apparently not, last week he paid his money, but doesn't register himself! Swollen Colon announced that on 26 Jan 2013 there will be a Mountain Bike Interhash in Hua Hin - if anybody is interested in going along, please see SC for more information.   Returners:  Amongst many were Houston Basher and Brunswick.  Virgins:  Well there was a bucket load of them (at least 20) and they all enjoyed their beers and the normal welcome from PH3.  Visitors:  Another bucket load of 'em! Visiting Hashers:  From Bali, Moscow and Hong Kong including Goat Breath and Who The Fuck is Christine.  Goat Breath is a visiting GM from Bullsbrook Hash, and tried to entertain us, he couldn't take his cloths of though as he would have scared the kids and didn't want to spoil the chances of the blokes with their women later on!! Moped ................

Run Offenses:  Philthy Pisshead reckoned it was a strong run, with 5 falsies confirmed by the Hares.  Billy Boy had taken 2 of those in the first 20 minutes.  However Flubba found ZERO falsies, why? Because he wasn't on paper - nothing new there then! Queen of Puke wanted to know who the father was of the young lad in the yellow t-shirt because he wasn't being looked after at all!!!  I wonder if QoP had taken a liking to him!?  Well for the first time ever in a human conflict did an English Soldier save the life of a German!!! On the run Blue Harlot saw Kaiser Bill staring serious injury in the face as he was 2/3 of the way over a sharp drop, but BH did the right thing and saved his arse!! Bloody traitor! One of the Hong Kong visiting hashers said there was way too much 'racism' on hash, including Julie Andrews and Top Off! Well he is a Paki after all! Yikes give me strength - Lucky Lek was telling us about Born Looser buying his wife some items from Victoria's Secret, about 10,000 baht worth which made her nipples go out and her pussy go up! God only knows what the punch line was (or if there was even one!) sorry folks I know you were hoping I had got it! But nobody would have understood that (apart from LL!).  Dr Fucking Jekyll iced the hares, so they knew that the next Tinmen is at Bang Wat Dam, so where do these muppets do their run, right in the middle of this Tinmen run! Murkury wants to be quoted as saying that the hares will be bloody drowned in the dam!!! Clitmas Pussy was on the walk along with Nah, who was walking her dog.  Now this dog is one big lady and was huffing and puffing and panting all the way round.  So Nah your hash name is Dog Breath.  Jungle Balls had an email from Mr Fista saying how disappointed he was that Oh Yea wasn't drinking any beer at all!  JB asked her if she was pregnant, she replied that she doesn't get pregnant because she takes it up the bum!!  There you go Butt Plug - you won't get pregnant ;) Great Dick did some flashing to the Iron Pussy, well he flashed his sun tan which included a bra strap - so he is a Gay Lady Boy then!? Moped and a truck ................ Gorgeous noticed that Princess was being chased all the way round the run by Virgin James (lets hope James thought it was a race, and didn't actually fancy Princess!).  Apparently James used to fly a helicopter before shagging sheep in his most recent job.  Goat Breath commented on how welcoming the PH3 are, but is disappointed as to how much a tease Virgin My Arse is - she was on the bus next to him and was rubbing herself up against him, unfortunately it was only his back - so he made up for it in the circle.  What a pair of sluts!! Chicken George was delighted that Born Looser has for once in his life finished one of his walks.  A very sad moment now, GM has decided to say goodbye to his running shoes.  He, along with loads of others enjoyed beer from their new shoes!

One and only steward this week:  Billy Boy:  GM was iced, new shoes, not a chance you lying Belgium Cunt! BB wants to make sure that one of the Stewards next week makes sure the GM drinks out of his shoes AFTER they have been out on a run ON HIS FEET and not in the rucksack he had today! Nice try GM, but that isn't gonna work!  BB thanked the 3 stooges for their run today, although when he saw that Chicken George was one of them, he wouldn't have turned up if he hadn't been a steward (aren't we the lucky ones eh!).  So on Christmas Day BB was having a great time with many people at a party, included were Murkury and Clitbull.  Now Clitbull was looking stunning as Santa's little helper and was kept busy mixing cocktails for everybody.  There is a photo doing the rounds of the lovely Clitbull with Murkury very close by with his tongue hanging out! He even called her a Pretty Butterfly (think he needs to revisit his chat up lines!).  On the run Aaron asked Butt Plug what was the meaning of the horn, Butt Plug wasn't too sure, but thought it was something to do with them liking the horn in their mouth!?  Thanks to all the previous and current Hash Horn.  Kids told to shut up or they would be fed to the 2 Pitbull dogs that think they are food! Three late comers (all French - see told you they were stupid!).  BB picked up Brunswick to bring him to the hash, and when they arrived Blue Harlot said that Brunswick always picks a good run to return to, Chicken George is one of the hares so this is likely to be s shit run and up hill - and guess what - he was right! Last time BB was here, Minnie Mouse had asked him to be a Steward, and on the Friday night prior to the run she reminded him that he was a Steward the next day.  FFS, so he started making notes in preparation - but MM had got it all wrong, and he wasn't a steward that day at all!! Jiggly Juggs, Ice Arse and their Son Christopher, who has got something that his parents haven't!!!  The ability to run, and boy can he run.  BB couldn't believe it when he was overtaken by him!!  So all agreed his hash name is Red Rocket.  A moped .......... BB welcomed back Uncouth Cunt (or just cunt!).  Quite often it is said by the run masters that there isn't much calling of On On out on the run.  But you can always rely on Barbara Woodhouse calling "Blade you fucking bastard, come here!" Moped ........... Well would you go running back to the man that had your nuts cut off!?  Great Steward Spot. 

Kiwi's in, what is the slackest muscle in a sheep? A Kiwi's dick! Jiggly Juggs couldn't catch her breath when Great Dick returned from the run all hot and sweaty, took his shirt off and rung it out over JJ daughter! GM asked for all the American's in, if you want to know why, ask the GM! Minnie Mouse got all the Thai Connection in, well on her way her to the hash, she couldn't believe how many police checkpoints she had to go through! Finally the police are doing some work, so the Thai's taxes are being spent wisely! SIX mopeds ........... Dambuster stopped the first two to have a chat with them!

Hash Music - Sir Bollox:  So this is the last song of the year, it's an old Irish tune, and needs some feet stamping:

Wild Hasher
Probably by 'Deepthroat' but as he never gives credits for my songs he can get fucked.

Chorus:  And it's no, nay never, no never no more
Will I play the wild hasher, no never no more

I've been a wild hasher for many's a year
And I've spent all my money on women and beer
But now I'm retiring, me knee's getting sore

I never will be a wild hasher no more

I ran with some hashers in Phuket one day
George laid the paper so it lasted all day
Up and down mountains, the bastards were fit
I thought to myself now, this run is the shit

So I sat by the roadside, awaiting a lift
When along came some bikers, by Christ, did they shift
I decided to lean back to see what's to be seen
And fell off the back right into a ravine

I hurtled through space, till my head hit the floor
Bounced off some trees and went traveling some more
Fell into a river, and swept out to sea
Where a down down was waiting especially for me

I sank to the bottom and swam back to the sand
Alongside came Nothing with paper in hand
I told him I'd had it, I said I am wrecked
He said what's the problem, this is the first check

I said well I'm off.  You can do what you like
I wish I'd stolen Murkury's mountain bike
And as I'm airlifted again to go back off-shore
I never will play the wild hasher no more.

GM commented that last week the scribe (thanks Jungle Balls) had written that the GM thought it was the best hash music in the world.  Well everybody thinks that, not just the GM, although Blue Harlot did as for the nigger from last week to come back! New Members:  Four of them (although Billy Boy thought some of them were too young - Blue Harlot says they are never too young!).  So the youngest is the child of Oy Pussy Licker and Lick a lot of Puss, so junior is to be called Oy Tit Sucker.  Two Strokes misses is to be called Give Me A Stroke.  Finally Skye, daughter of Swollen Colon (poor thing!) is to be called Not So Swollen.   Fye didn't get a name, but I'm sure Singha is working on it!? Now for some Titty Time:  25 Runs - Denise - although on the reg sheet she is called Fritsch - so her hash name is Frozen Quim (oh and no titties!)  25 Runs - Tootsie - The girls got some titty, but only thanks to Not Cleaver asking for it!  Moped ........... 50 Runs - Major Dick Blue (and titties) and 500 Runs - Wilma (and of course titties).  Congratulations everybody.  Julie Andrews iced, because it has been some time since the GM last iced him.  Jungle Balls finally joined the party, and said he had a run offense - several weeks ago Oh Yea sat on the ice, and gave each and everyone of us a flash of her arse! Secret Banana Gobbler wasn't too keen on the photo and said she should have more respect for the children! However, JA just flashed his arse when sitting on the ice, and SBG looked extremely happy and wasn't too concerned about the children today! So who would the circle rather see on the ice, of course she won hands down, Oh Yea - and yes, everybody got a flash of her arse! In fact she was melting the ice.  Blue Harlot could be heard shouting "Fuck the children!"

FCOTW:  Turncoat - For christmas he gave his wife a gift that just keeps giving - commonly known as Herpes!  So who needs a second steward when you have got all this going on in the circle!  Departers:  Lucky Lek and Goat Breath.  Hares and the Run Masters in - Barbara Woodhouse, part way round the run, was thinking about the Tinmen next week!  He also thought that a wedding had taken place - there was that much paper about, it was absolutely everywhere!!  JC was concerned with the number of injuries on the run, Bullet Rash, Houdini and Google Ass, and he wanted to know if the Hares were at fault!  Don't think they were, and all agreed Good Run.  

Happy New Year

On On

Double Down Down