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A road to the laager site which would have been
challenging to run on, never mind get a car along, was enough to turn
some of the less intrepid back before they even got there. No
breeze and soaring humidity meant that the sweat flowed before the run
even started. The walk: flat and more sweat. The run: flat
then a big hill and more sweat.
Oh, and a free tee-shirt - Whoopee!
Hares in, including our virgin hare Tequila Slapper, take it off put it on was never going to happen - and it didn't. GM complimented the hares for once as in his eyes they'd already done a better job than last week's hares as they'd got the pack back to the laager in time for him to start the circle as normal. Juan Palorista iced and called every name under the sun as he didn't turn up last week and caused the GM to have to take registration with Froggy [hang on a minute, I took registration with Froggy last week and got the GM out collecting money for the orphanage! The lying Belgian cunt]. Fungus in and told he was doing a great job on the hash sheets, except that the first of January is a Tuesday and NOT a Saturday. Bullet Rash announced the bike hash and Jungle Balls passed on thanks from Necrophilia at the orphanage for christmas presents and the B29,000 that was passed over during the week. Thanks to everyone who contributed. Virgin My Arse has now not smoked for 12 months, so to everyone who sponsored her- PAY UP! She knows who you are as she still has the sponsorpship sheets. Returners: Billy Boy, Madame Disparu, Shit Stop, Pig Sty & Dog Ruck. Pig Sty made to drink out of his virgin girlfriend's new shoes and a Canadian virgin made to drink from his new flip flop (well from a pan that had beer and his new flip-flop in it). Virgins: Shit loads who all got the PHHH welcome. Run Offences: Billy Boy had the hares in for late paper laying (I missed some of this because of foreign yakking behing me - it sounded French). Murkury had Flying Dickhead, Klondyke and Butt Plug in for mis-leading him out on the run (French ditto). Aside: Billy Boy said he got stuck behind Twice Nightly for most of the run so he was quite happy. Philthy Pisshead got Testicle Tom in for driving through the circle about 4 or 5 times looking for a parking spot. Not Cleaver decides to do an impromptu steward spot (disguised as run offences): All the Iron Pussy in for getting Pole Position constantly pissed in Chiang Mai. When NC tries to find out what happened he was told 'what goes on tour stays on tour', his response 'what goes into my bank account stays in my bank account'. Murkury for getting NC pissed at the Little Expat. Blue Harlot, Testicle Tom and Jungle Balls in, overheard taking about what reminds them of xmas (Birmingham City losing three times in one week ususally does it!) BH waves a cigarette lighter as it reminds him of a candle, TT rattles his keys (sleigh bells), JB gets out a bra and knickers - why? - they're Carol's! Boom! Boom! Incoming, including Stupid Canard, Denise and a bunch of visitors including two more virgins (see above). Flubber brings in Flying Dickhead, Gorgeous and the Belgian one, he's been on other hashes but none are better than Phuket - cries from the circle of "Phuket's better too when you're not here". Swollen Colon brings in Vomit Bomber for holding him up on the way in (this is either on the run or on his way to the laager but wh cares?). SC had also heard a report that bigfoot had been seen, turned out to be one of our virgins in feet shaped shoes (complete with separate toes). JC saw Born Loser on the way to the hash but Born Loser turned back as he'd heard a rumour that Flubber was on the run. Houdini and Chastity Belt brought in mince pies, most of which Testicle Tom ate. TT would have been iced but christmas is only 3 days away and we all wanted to get home in time. Dr Fucking Jeckyll brings in Minnie Mouse for leaving her dog in a well to drown until some one else (probably someone taller than MM) rescued it. First Steward: Butt Plug. Apologies to Moonwalker as she doesn't like the word 'cunt' and may hear him say 'cunt' a lot. 15 Gets You 20 in as she passed out in his car and puked after he was so mean to her last time he stewarded. Minnie Mouse iced, over 100 people here and she makes BP do 2 steward spots in a month. Dad to be Barbara Woodhouse in, BP was in the delivery room and his missus is screaming 'get this thing out of me, it's all your fault'. BP reminded her that on the night in question he'd wanted to take her up the arse. Billy Boy goes into the Expat and asks for 12 vodkas as he's just had his first blow job. Why? To take away the taste. Sir Prikalot's wife wants bigger tits, he tells her to rub toilet paper on them as that worked on her arse. BP goes to be a sperm donor and in walks Barf Wader - BP says 'This is a sperm donor clinic', Barf Wader says 'YESH I MOW' with a mouthful of cum. Three queers with lost loves (Testicle Tom, Princess and Gay Dick). Princess has put his ex-boyfriend's ashes in the sea as he was a sailor. Aw! GD has but his ex's ashes on the racecourse as he was a gambler . Aw! TT has cut his ex up and put him into a Thai Red Curry so he can feel him dribbling out of his arse one last time. 15 Gets you 20 in for a series of one liners: What goes brown pink brown pink brown pink white?
Topoff having a wank.
What's the best thing about showering with an 8 year old? Slicking her hair back so she looks 6. Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman How is making your girlfriend pregnant like locking your keys in the car? You can fix both with a coat-hanger. Why is a woman like a fridge? They both drip when they're fucked. What's the useless piece of flesh around the pussy called? A woman. Why do women have faces? So you can tell which cunt is yours. How do you make a woman moan after sex? Wipe your dick on her curtains. What do women and money have in common? Both very nice to come into. What's the only problem with a bald pussy? Putting the nappy back on. How do you know it's bedtime in Blue Harlot's house? The big hand touches the little hand. What did one condom say to the other as they walked past Testicle Tom's house? Let's go in and get shit-faced. If Tarzan and Jane were Aussies, what would that make Cheetah? Smarter than both of them. What did Gary Glitter say to Michael Jackson? Swap you two 5's for a 10. What's blue and fucks old people? Hypothermia. What's the difference between Testicle Tom and a microwave? A microwave won't brown your meat. The Belgian one was moaning about the date rape drugs that BP had sold him. Said he'd gone to Tai Pan and took two of them and still nobody touched him. Great steward spot BP! Hash Music (with some assistancefrom Dr Fucking Jeckyll, Saggy Balls, Shit Stop, Murkury, Dirty Harry & Not Cleaver) Bunga-Bunga
By: Bollox. Tune: Sugar In The Morning Chorus: Bunga-bunga left and bunga-bunga right and bunga-bunga-bing-bang-poo First you bunga-bunga me then I bunga-bunga you Bunga-bunga in the morning, bunga-bunga in the evening, bunga-bunga all day troo If you wanna be happy you haffa bunga-bunga too. When I was de little boy my mamma say to me You haffa learn dee secret to make your life happy I say OK Mumma but dere is sumting I dont know What is it I haffa do to make de dick gourd grow and she say....Chorus Den I go in to de army wid dee marchin and dee spear Dee officer gettin angry he say letsa make it clear When we catch de naughty boy we haffa make him see dat he mus not run away so we tie him to de tree and then we...Chorus Number one de wifey she cost twenty seven goats We dancin round and bless dem, den we slit de troats Mudda in law she crazy she go zoo-zoo on de floor Den when de bride is passin out I haffa wait no more It's time for....Chorus When I go a travellin I go to Timbuktu Me haffa go see de king him name Leopold De Two He say you be respectful and bring presents in to me Like coconuts or ear-rings or sumting else for free So I give him...Chorus De Qween of England come she doin her dee speech and she says... God Save The Queen, 7th Verse My husband and I are so very pleased to see The people of Bungaland so happy in their trees I want to convey to my government how happily you live Oh please tell us good King Bunga what advice can you give King Bunga, Bunga? where's he gone?... God Save The Queen, 7th Verse And He says...Chorus Notes on "God Save The Queen" Most Britishers know only de first verse. If there's more verses expected they always sing verse 7, up to 5 times!. The verses are about: Verse 1: Ask God to save de Queen (Though it's not clear what from or for) Verse 2: More to God on what de Queen should be gettin Verse 3: Ask God to scatter and confound his (and presumably their) knavish tricky enemies Verse 4: More to God asking all nations to be united like a family Verse 5: Another plea to save the Queen (In case he wasn't listening before) and defend Britin Verse 6: Ask God to crush the rebellious Scots Verse 7:The Queens father Most hymnals omit verse 7. It goes: Da da da da dad-da da da da da dad-da da da da da dad-dad-dad-dad da da da da dad-da da da da da dad-da da dad-dad-dad-dad da dad-da dad-da da da da Great music spot from Bollox. Here's to the best hash music in the world - according to the GM. New members: Ass for Break, Anon, Two Stroke and Frenchman Alain Perot. Barf Wader tells the circle that Alain goes into Froggy's hash bar where he stares into Barf Wader's eyes and makes little licking motions. 'Barf Licker' it is then. Simples. Second Steward: Blue Harlot. Can he stoop to the challenge from Butt Plug? Minnie Mouse came up to him last week and whispered in his ear. 'Can you do something for me next week?' Her mind was on one thing, BH's was on another, and so if this spot sucks it will be the closest thing to the blowjob he anticipated. Xmas is coming. The Korean Canine Society has launched its festive campaign. The slogan is "A dog is not just for Christmas. It should do for Boxing Day as well." No matter how much BH tries he can never make Teacher’s Pet cum. Heckled by Minnie Mouse on the Pooying run ……. The put down: Wrinkly skin the same as swimming all over my fucking chin, I was down there that long.) It wasn’t until he went on the internet that he found out girls only orgasm after puberty. Testicle.Tom in: Elton John and his boyfriend have had a baby, when the baby was born Elton and David were ushered into a ward where a dozen babies were lying in their cots, eleven of them crying and screaming. In the corner, one baby was lying serenely. The proof of gay love which is more superior. “Oh! That has to be ours, look how well behaved and content it is” said Elton John to the nurse. “It might be well behaved now.” she said, “but just wait until I take the dummy out of its arse.” What a load of bollocks! They say the world will end on the 21st Dec; BH's milk doesn't go off until January the 1st. BH said to his girlfriend the other night "Can I ask you a personal question?" "Of course," she said. "What's the best thing about sex?" "The money," she said, "definitely the money. Tequila Slapper in, BH was in Patong the other night at a certain Go Go Bar, and doesn't know what's happening nowadays. You've got school children dressing like bar girls and bar girls dressing like school children. It's a nightmare - he doesn't know whether to carry sweets or money. Many years ago Cartoon (Lucky Lek stand in.) was at home when Daffy Duck his son runs in the house, and calls out to his Dad saying he has cut his finger. "Oh," he says, "let me get a band-aid for that." "No!" cries Daffy Duck,” Get some Cider!" "Cider?"Cartoon exclaims. "What on earth do you want cider for?" "Because," he explains, "Mum says whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she likes to put it in cider.". Teacher’s Pet rang BH at school the other day, She said, "Your daughter’s birthday is on Friday and she would like you to take her and her best friend, a girl who is in one class above her at school bowling, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema." "It's either one or the other," I said, "Otherwise it's too expensive." "Okay," she replied. "Which one do you prefer?" he said, "Her friend." Minnie Mouse and Cartoon at the cinema 5 rows behind the G.M and his girlfriend, and Cartoon needs a wank, next thing MM has cum all over here hand, flick it off says Cartoon. MM does and hits the GM on the back of the neck. Fuck he says, someones just cum all over me, Well, says his girlfriend you do look like a CUNT. Another great steward spot - well what did you expect? Numbered Runners: Nugget 300, Barf Wader 400. Welcome to silicone valley. FCOTW: Assterix iced, he's never hared or contributed to the hash in any way, and now he's the holder of the hash shit. Shame! Now the French are paying attention and even speaking english - huge cry of 'French Cunt of the Year' from behind me. JC reminded the circle (for the second week running) that former hasher Abbo has died. No minute's silence as he was a twat. Flubber and Philthy Pisshead iced for racing. Hares in and good run declared so Assterix gets to keep the hash shit. Birthday song for Clitmas Pussy and Lucky Lek. Circle closed (90 minutes, that's nearly as bad as last year's GM!) On On
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