Thanks to Blue Harlot for scribing last week - welcome back to War and Peace!!  The GM was in a terrible mood, you would have thought that seeing as it was a charity day for the kids he would have been happier!!  Hares in, and this is probably why GM was in a mood, he needs to collect money for the kids and half the pack aren't back you bunch of French cunts! So first on the 'buy your way off the ice' was Secret Agent DG, giving Double Down Down grief for not being able to read the mis-directions, phoning her for help, and not listening to a word she says and talking over her! He got there in the end! But why me, hare - no, webmaster - no, so why would I know SADG?! Well done Major Dick Blue on being a Virgin Hare. Jiggly Juggs iced, Top Off couldn't stay but paid money for her to be iced. Returners: Puppy Shit, Saggy Balls and Sir Sybil. SADG iced again - SHUT UP!!!  All the Germans in, and those with German passports. A few weeks ago Jungle Balls reported to the circle that there were several countries where it was LEGAL to shag a sheep!! Well in the news this week, the Germans have announced that it will be ILLEGAL with immediate effect to shag a sheep.  Virgins: All 4 of them enjoyed their beer and ice. Blue Harlot arrived at the Laager at the same time as the bus, as he was getting out the car Queen of Puke and Golden Rain were leaving the bus, and BH had a good old feel of his 'meat and two veg!' - aren't they too old for you BH?? He reckons he was 'adjusting himself' after the long drive - yeah right! Clitmas Pussy was collecting presents today for the children, and Blue Harlot delivered her an envelope and told her that this would make someone very happy? Why, because it contained his telephone number!!  Blue Harlot is a little bit disappointed that the PH3 think of him as a pedophile - all is he is doing is Trend Setting, fucking adults before they are adults! GM welcomed Two Stroke to the circle for the last time as a visiting hasher.

Run Offenses: Princess iced for NOT SHUTTING UP!!! Singha Gold reminded us that there are <some> rules (not many I might add) on the hash, most talked about is RULE 6, so when he got back from the run, he overheard JC asking Murkury to hold his bitch down while he soaped her tits! Rule 6.1 I think? Jungle Balls was out on the walk and in-front of him (not surprisingly!) was Gremlin and her friend Kim. No need for him to listen out for the calls of On On, all he could hear all the way round was giggling, chatter, laughter and screaming with both of them being covered in mud! Gremlin wanted to name Kim Muddy Bum Bum, but Minnie Mouse wanted to call her Fat Arse - er hello, who has got the fat arse out of the two of them!!!!! (You call that a fat arse!?!?) Anyway Muddy Bum Bum it is.  Everybody went out in the rain, got pissed wet through, covered head to toe in mud, and most managed to smarten themselves up for the circle.  But not Moonwalker, Clitmas Pussy and Fuck in a Truck - no they all pissed off back to Moonwalkers place (50 yards away) had a lovely hot shower (not sure if it was together or individually!) and returned looking ready to go out for the night! Posh bunch of birds they are! Moonwalker iced, she paid for Jungle Balls and he paid for Minnie Mouse! Julie Andrews introduced a couple of the hares for next week Lucky Lek and Tequila Slapper (what mountain are we on LL?), if you need any HHH signs there must be about 10 in the back of JC's truck! This must be the German humour coming out in him? Murkury paid for Klondyke to be iced.

Steward - Jiggly Juggs:  Singha Gold recently returned to Phuket from the UK, but he had a problem as he had forgotten his PH3 kit, no problem said Julie Andrews I can lend you some running gear. JA also leant him a pair of his long trousers (for those visually challenged JA long trousers are knee length on Singha Gold!).  Punt and On the Floor have also recently returned from their trip to the UK, but they do have marriage issues after 22 years of glorious marriage (most of the blokes in circle reckon the issues are because they are married!). So they decided to do something about it, she bought him some viagra and he bought her a treadmill!  So she packed her bags and told him she was leaving and hoped he had a long and slow death! "What you are staying now!?"  Blue Harlot tasked his class to perform the Nativity for the school play. He asked Sky McKay (daughter of the infamous Swollen Colon!) what was the name of the three kings that bought peace and happiness to the world, well according to her Dad they are Smoking, Drinking and Fucking. Moira (virgin) is still looking a bit cold after her 'iced beer' you could tune into Radio Moscow with those nipples and JJ tried!! She might never come back after this! So she recently visited the local hospital here in Phuket and was greeted by the 'friendly farang' at reception.  He asked her if her children were twins, no they weren't, well are they fathered by the same man, yes of course they are, why do you ask, well I can't believe the same bloke shagged you twice! Assterix heard that a muslim died while out skydiving this week.  The BNP school of diving couldn't understand why the fins didn't open (just for you Rosie!).  JJ was surprised that Great Dick didn't do Movember, as he already has a Beard (Joy of Dick) (Look it up in the Urban dictionary like I had to, as this last comment was lost on me - I am so NOT with it!!).  Three questions for GD about riding a bike: 1) Why don't bank tellers ride bikes - they loose their balance. 2) Why did Cinderella not win the bike race - she had a pumpkin as a coach. 3) What is the most difficult part about winning the Tour de France - telling your Mom you are gay! Whenever you speak with Chicken George, he is likely to try and sell you some insurance, he recently asked JJ if she has her sex insurance! There are different categories:

With your wife - Legal and General
Over the telephone - Direct Line
With your partner - Standard Life
On the back seat of a car - Sheila's Wheels
With a posh bird - Privileged
With a prostitute - Commercial Union
With the maid - Employee Liability
With a transvestite - Confused dot com

JJ did want to pay for Prince Charles Fucking Tosser to go on the ice, but he left!  Good Steward spot.

Flying Dickhead 'thanked' the hares and WTFI Alice paid for Assterix to take their place on the ice - he was to sit there as long as FD was out on the walk! A few years ago, Blue Harlot's wife thought that there was a problem in their house, in that she had found cum on their daughters bed. Blue Harlot couldn't understand why she thought that was a problem, she had probably had her boyfriend round.  But she is only 4 years old!! Murkury paid for Loose Boner to be iced.  New Members:  Muddy Bum Bum and Rada.  Disparu and Hawaiian Ho incoming, apparently HH had found Disparu tangled up in the barbed wire - legs cut to buggery! Hares (read Assterix) iced.

Gay Steward - Princess:  Who I might add was totally surprised by this (not that we think / know he is gay, but the fact that he is a steward!).  Minnie Mouse, our Steward Hunter! iced Princess, and he was delighted that the GM had to sit on his lap!! Not much of a punishment for Princess, not sure what the GM thought of it all?? So Minnie Mouse fucked up as she got Princess too pissed last week and he forgot he was a steward! So 2 beers each for Princess and GM and on leaving the circle MM could be heard saying "Fuck you, it's your circle anyway GM!!" In Princess defense MM words to him last week were "are you here next Saturday - be ready so I can take the piss out of you!"  All the DICKS and the Arses in, the DICKS are all gay as fuck (you wish Princess).  All the French in, at this stage Princess started talking French - well it sounded more like the Haka!! So it took this 42 year old (Princess) to do the run in 2 hours, and the Hare (WTFI Alice) 70 year old did it twice in 2 hours!  More Haka speak from Princess! Both Princess and WTFI Alice on the ice, more lap sitting for Princess to enjoy! All the lesbians in, so Princess fails to understand the French, because they generally speak funny, and he also fails to understand lesbians, something about fingers being in mouths!? More Haka speak, Two Stroke paid for Princess to be iced and gave him a free French lesson.  Good steward spot (not up to your normal standards though Princess!).

GM was sorry to hear that Houdini was diagnosed with cancer, but Houdini wasn't afraid, but more worried about losing his hair - GM told him not to worry, his face would look much better without it! Dr Fucking Jekyll paid for Chicken George to be iced, when they reached the bottom of the first hill, CG about turned and returned to the Laager - good move!! All the former GMs in: Minnie Mouse - All the French, Saggy Balls and Sir Sybil - WHY do you all speak so much when the circle is on, yet NONE of you will be Stewards! ALL made to donate to the charity. Jungle Balls - A charity day, with everybody contributing from the top to the bottom of the hash - GM Iced (JB paid 200 baht for the pleasure), GM paid 500 baht for JB to replace him! JB paid for the man who doesn't have a passport from his own country - our resident German - Julie Andrews!  So Julie Andrews became German one week too late, because it is now illegal for him to shag a sheep, (being the German citizen he now is!).  Flying Dickhead - lost his sense of humour out there today (did he ever have one??) well when one of Hares reaches 70 years old, he must have lost all sense of time??  SA Dick Gobbler - hasn't been at the hash for a while, this got the biggest cheer of the day! When he was away, the first night he was told he was going to a funeral, the 'family' have completely fucked him over and he has returned to find that the hash is not the hash anymore.  In the good old days, there were sooo many sexy ladies you wouldn't believe it, this hash needs to liven up! Nobody sings anymore and where are all the young sexy bitches! SADG was joined by ALL the 'sexy bitches' as he calls them.  Think he quite liked the look of all the sexy bitches drinking beer! Note to them all, he is single (and skint) now! Blue Harlot - has been having a fantasy recently (god you sound like you never have fantasies!) Fuck in a Truck is lovely and has a great sense of humour, so he wonders if she Shags in a Jag, or Wanks in a Tank, perhaps she Blows in a Subaru? Recently BH was walking around Patong, with his starbucks coffee, and he noticed how much like Bangkok / London it was getting with the number of homeless people.  He saw a large box and left his starbucks coffee on the top, out popped a guy and thanked him so much for the coffee, unfortunately it was an empty cup, and BH told him it was supposed to be a chimney!! (Well he did only have 2 minutes to prepare!).  Spot copped a smack round the arse from GM for 'causing havoc' in the circle (front paws on the ice licking it!). JC paid for the GM to be iced for 'annoying HIS dog!' Bite the cunt Spot!

FCOTW:  Major Dick Blue (WTHI Alic paid for Assterix to be iced), but this is how stupid the French are, MDB and Assterix were fighting to sit on the ice!  The GM came across Major Dick Blue (Really!? - GMs actual words!) last week and MDB was astonished how important the date 12/12/12 was and how it was a once in a lifetime date.  Every date is a once in a lifetime date, that's how time works you idiot!  Departers: Son of Frankenstein and Fuck in a Truck, or is it Wank in a Tank, even Throbbin' in a Robin, or perhaps Bummer in a Hummer!!??? Hares on the Ice with Major Dick Blue on his phone! Runmaster thought the run was of an extended duration today with plenty of mud, barbwire and hills.  Minnie Mouse was promoting Hash Shit and in fact the whole circle seemed to agree with her.  So hash shit awarded, and WTFI Alice paid for Hash Shit to be awarded to Assterix.  So this is the last run ever of the PH3 - well if you listen to all the crazies out there, none of us will exist after next Friday (21 Dec 12) so have a good 'after' life all of you.   Not sure who was awarded Clitbull as a Christmas present, it was either SADG or BH, but think BH conceded as he wasn't interested in the likely confrontation that would take place with <big bastard boyfriend>!! Just in case you didn't see some of the many notices around the Laager, of the adverts for the vacant position in July of Impedimentia - just so you know and are prepared - if you still want to buy hash t-shirts somebody will need to volunteer for this position - just have a chat with Clitmas Pussy and Moonwalker if you are interested!