Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1395                    Saturday 1st December 2012

Hares: No Hope & Singha
Total Pack 120:  PH3 109,  Virgins 2,  Visitors 3, Visiting Hashers 6,  New Members 0.


Before the run, there was a minutes silence to remember Trousers, wife of former GM Skirt, who sadly passed away this week - RiP.

Hares in, well one of them anyway (Singha), No Hope was busy dealing with the Land Owner - close to being kicked off the Laager site.  Last time PH3 were here there was too much rubbish left behind.  MAKE SURE YOU KEEP ALL LAAGER SITES CLEAN AND TAKE YOUR RUBBISH HOME WITH YOU.  The Island is getting smaller without us loosing Laager sites because of lazy people who don't take their rubbish home!!!!!! Anyway all sorted now, but NH you did give some great mis-directions to get here, although it looks like most ignored what you provided and just assumed it was where it was (could be interesting in the future - never assume!!).  Fungus was iced, he had all the details for the hash sheet on Monday afternoon, and didn't send it for printing until Friday evening!!! So no hash sheet for you to read!! Mr Fister was a virgin hare last week, but it seems that he didn't register, so MF owes Juan Palorista 60 for last week, and then he can get his Virgin Hare t-shirt! Announcements:  Pooying run will be on Sunday 9 December (1 week early) at Mosquito Lake.  Check the Hareline for further details.  Run #1397 on 15 December will be a charity run, please bring wrapped Christmas present for the kids at Takua Pa Orphanage.  There will also be a cash collection on the day.  All proceeds from registrations will go to the Orphanage. There will also be a buy your way off the ice!!  Returners:  9 of them including; Singha Gold, Ice Arse and Fuck in a Truck.  Virgins:  Fye, one of Singha's girls, and she did him and herself proud drinking her beer, and not flinching a jot when the ice arrived!!! Visiting Hashers:  Sexy Safari, 2 Stroke, Virginia Slim, X-Periment, Montie, Bombastic Belly Bastard.  Queen of Puke apparently can't speak Thai!!!! Maybe she was just replying to the GM in the same quality of Thai that he spoke to her in!?!?

Run Offenses:  Jiggly Juggs was not surprised at the un-gentlemanly actions of GM, Houdini and Punt, whilst they were all trying to cross the muddy thing!!  They were all pushing and pulling at JJ as they were trying to cross, and telling JJ to hurry up, unfortunately here trainer was left in the mud - not that any of them gave a shit!! Murkury was disappointed that the only voice that could be heard through the 1 minute silence for Trousers was Testicle Tom (way in the background - but could still be heard!!!).  Top Off did a bit of slipstreaming on the way into the Laager today - behind Big Bollox!! Top Off called in Parasol Pussy (not another bloody chicken??) - no she just took a tumble at the start of the run, and ended up covered in mud!! Goldie was coming across the last water crossing and just had to wait and see how Big Bollox managed it - not very well, as ended up waist deep in the water - much to the Hares delight!! Sexy Safari told Bombastic Belly Bastard she couldn't believe PH3 would get anybody to sit on the ice - well have a try yourself, you didn't pack any spare trainers for BBB (couldn't he have packed them himself!?!?) .  When Minnie Mouse arrived at the hash, Sexy Safari asked her if she was Minnie Mouse? Apparently MM reputation had been discussed in Singapore! Well, for the record, MM wanted it to be known she is a lovely lady (plenty of calls of Bullshit from the circle!).  So lovely in fact that as she has new trainers, Sexy Safari and Bombastic Belly Bastard enjoyed beer out of them!  Houdini iced for gobbing off! GM visited Froggy's bar yesterday, Froggy came over to take the order, GM ordered; full breakfast with the sausage undercooked and pink inside, fried egg so stiff you could use it as a Frisbee and the bread as greasy as possible.  Froggy told GM that Barf Wader was far to busy to cook his food as ordered, GM was disappointed as apparently she cooked it just like that the day before!

Steward - Dr Fucking Jekyll:  Ugandan Government Minister announced that they are spending $50 million on defenses - it will be 20 m high and all round the country! DFJ was drinking with King Klong in the Little Expat (KK doesn't recall it!!), and there was an offer of some shooters (drinks not the local mafia!).  DFJ declined as did KK, apparently if KK goes off the beer he deviates some what - where is quite often a mystery!!  A missionary in Africa was enjoying his work, and was relishing the fact that he was going to baptise Rasta! So into the river they went, and under Rasta went "do you believe Rasta?" "Yes boss!"  Under again "do you believe Rasta?" "Yes I do boss!" Third time under and it was Rasta's Mom that was asking "Rasta what do you believe?" "I believe this white bastard is trying to drown me!  Two guys sat in a bar and the one said to the other I haven't seen your wife for a while! Ah that's because we had an argument, I took a kitchen knife and stabbed her! No way his mate replied, you are lying!  No he wasn't, so he took him outside and into a dark alleyway where there was a pile of boxes.  In the middle of the pile of boxes was a woman's arse - is that her the friend asked - it certainly is!  But why on earth of have you left her like that? Well I had to have somewhere to park my bike!  Twins Big Bollox and White Pointer have done a grand job with the volunteering over the last couple of weekends.  But can you tell who is the happiest buy the look on their faces! Certainly is Big Bollox he got a free room at the Dusit in Laguna!! His wife didn't have breakfast this morning, so he had two!! Before Lord Louis the Lip came to Phuket, he was a Rabbi and all the money that is collected goes towards the lords work? The local Catholic priest said that he takes the coinage and all the notes go towards the lords work.  Well LLtL said he throws all the money up in the air, the lord takes what he needs and LLtL takes the rest!  A young lad was starting school, and really didn't want to go - so his Dad had a chat with him and said that he needed to go to school until he was 16 and then he would be able to go out and get himself a great job.  Still not happy, his Dad drove him to school on the first day, there were plenty of tears but the lad got out and they walked to the school gate.  Off he went to the playground, still crying, and turned round and said to his Dad "Don't forget to come and get me when I am 16!"  A rabbit and a skunk had a head on collision in the woods - when they both came round neither of them knew who they were or what they were! So they decided to help each other find out; the skunk felt the rabbit and said he had nice soft fur, had a fury bob tail, button nose and ears - you must be a rabbit.  The rabbit now happy he knew what he was, did the same for the skunk, he had a black and white coat, bushy tail, fury face with a button nose and stinks like a Paki!!  JC returned from a trip away, and Paper said to him "Can you tell me why you have women's panties in your jacket pocket!"  "Yes you are a nosey cunt!"  Good Steward spot, at times felt like Rosie was back in the circle ;)

Congratulations Not Cleaver on 50 run t-shirt - he really wanted to 'take it off' but nobody else did!

Steward - Jungle Balls:  Well done to the Hares, who had one beer for each of the water / mud crossings! Moonwalker was iced along with Butt Plug (they looked mighty cosy on the ice together!).  So last week JB was iced by BP because of a spelling mistake on one of the numbered run shirts! Well that was all down to Moonwalker not liking the word cunt! So she was asked several times to say it - and she wouldn't. Even BP helped her along with some ventriloquism - still not good enough.  In the end she said it loud and clear for everybody to hear (you can go and wash your mouth out with soap and water now!).  Finally both of them off the ice and BP removed his hand!! Now for the other half of Impedimenta; Clitmas Pussy (this is a true story) - one night before they headed off to Australia  out of the blue CP announced that 2 fingers were just not enough, she needed 4!!!!! This comment stopped JB in his tracks until CP clarified she was talking about Kit Kats.  JJ was iced, and now nice and tight 4 fingers should be enough for her too.  Fuck in a Truck (should have been Shag in a Jag, but she wasn't that lucky!) has just landed on a flight from the UK and was at the Laager by 5pm.  JC and Paper in bed, and Paper asked JC what he wanted to do with her body.  Obviously 'Identify It' was not the correct answer.   Some current affairs; we all know that the Welsh and Kiwi's are always accused of being sheep shaggers, well there are certain countries where this is actual LEGAL! Germany, Sweden, Denmark and of course Belgium! The GM didn't know that, he is well happy now! Also in Belgium a man has found out his wife was a transexual after 19 years of marriage (must have been having plenty of anal sex, or shagging a sheep!?).  St Andrews Day yesterday, so obviously Gorgeous joined JB in the circle as he used to work as a Pharmacist in Dundee.  A young solider in full regimental uniform entered the pharmacy and opened a silk purse and removed a very old looking condom - so old in fact it had bicycle inner-tube repair patches on it! The soldier asked how much to repair the condom, that would be 50p replied Gorgeous.  How much for a new one, that would be a £1.  The soldier thanked Gorgeous, put the condom back in the silk purse and marched out of the pharmacy.  A few minutes later, there was a huge roar and cheer from outside and the solider entered the pharmacy again.  The regiment have taken a vote and we will have a new one!  Earlier Minnie Mouse got Sexy Safari and Bombastic Belly Bastard to drink out of her new trainers.  However, little did MM know but Sexy Safari was also wearing new trainers, so the favour was returned!  Well actually after some pleading by MM for a willing volunteer - No Hope stepped up to the plate, as MM was instrumental in sweet talking the land owner to allow us to say (and return in the future!).  Although MM still had to endure one trainer, BBB got most of it on his head!  A new male strip bar has recently opened in Patong, and Paper, Always Wet, On the Floor and Sadterm were all in there.  They were having a great time, and Tootsie was giving them a great 'naked dance' on the table.  He was on his hands and knees, letting it all swing low and showing off his sweet arse!  The girls thought he was doing such a great job that they needed to pay him, so Sadterm was first up, with a 1000 baht note and stuck it on his arse, next up was On the Floor with her 1000 baht, Always Wet wasn't going to be left out, and had a couple of attempts at attaching her 1000 baht note to his arse.  Unfortunately in typical JC fashion he hadn't given Paper any money to go out with, and she wanted a piece of the action, so out she took her ATM card, swiped it down the crack of Tootsie's arse and took the 3000 baht! Great Steward spot.

FCOTW:  So last week Who the Fuck is Alice was very disappointed to find out all his daughters were lesbian and the only person to like cock in his house was his son Tootsie!  However, having had a week to think about it, there is a positive side to it - he gets free blow jobs!!!! Departers:  No Hope, Ice Arse, Major Dick Blue, Tokyo Joe and  Bombastic Belly Bastard & Sexy Safari will do anything for a free beer! No Hope thanked everybody that had donated clothes for the families he will be working with 'up North' he has a truck full!! Hares and Run Masters in - with a reminder DON'T FORGET TO TAKE YOUR SHIT HOME WITH YOU AT THIS AND EVERY LAAGER SITE WE USE.  Not for the want of trying, JC couldn't get anybody to agree to hash shit (apart from Jungle Balls seeing as he is the current holder of hash shit!!).  All agreed Good Run!


On On

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