Hares in the circle, Ice the Bastards, well the GM thought that was an absolutely magnificent walk / run – well done to the Hares.  He also commented that it was as flat a run as Julie Andrew’s tits!  Fungus was iced, so there was this huge announcement last week about the circle starting 30 minutes early, it was updated on the website and also in the scribe notes.  So what does Fungus do on the scribe sheet that is handed out – the time for next weeks run is 4pm!!! Muppit!!! No Hope is heading up North to do some work with the hill tribes near the Myanmar border, West of Chiang Mai, so if you have any old clothes that you would like to donate to them, please bring to the circles in November or you can leave any donations at Baan Rim Klong. Thank you.  Nugget was iced, for being dumb! How many runs has she been on – bloody more than me that’s for sure – so there she is ringing the GM saying she can’t find the Laager site – bloody hell woman I have been here 3 times and you are the only Beer Bitch I know, so you must have been here 3 times already!!! The GM was fucking thirsty and you weren’t there to sort him out! GM asked for a ‘Lady’ to announce the Iron Pussy this month, Virgin My Arse was the said ‘Lady’ although Barbara Woodhouse totally disagreed with that description of her – so he was iced! Blue Harlot always likes a Russian opening – but I’m sure he wasn’t talking about the bar that was opening this evening!? GM wanted to know if we were all happy to be wearing a t-shirt with a naked GM on it! Most were trying not to look!!  Thanks GM and Happy Birthday You Cunt!

Returners: No Hope, Kaiser Bill and Berthless Boatie. Virgin: Riam (lovingly known as ‘My Dragon’ by the GM as she is his girlfriend!).  She enjoyed her beer with plenty of ice cold water (Nugget you were evil with all that ice!) and the GM was delighted for her to be on her knees in front of him – at last!!!  I think she may well be your ex-girlfriend after that!? Visiting Hasher:  Sir Prick-A-Lot.  Assterix was trying to help by naming some odd Swiss guy, so he just googled some strange English sayings – so he thought Lanky Streak of Piss was funny – bless him, it must have got lost in translation!? Anyway, the odd Swiss guy still hasn’t been named, the circle reckons he will fuck up sooner rather than later!

Run Offences:    No run offences, the run / walk were just perfect (according to the GM anyway!).  Singha congratulated the GM on his birthday and thank you for the t-shirt. GM must be familiar with the saying ‘if you’ve got it flaunt it!’   Julie Andrews had some comments to make about the poor laying of paper at one point in the run – it crossed with the walk paper! GM blamed Murkury for that, he was in charge of the loops!!!  Murkury pointed out that GM was Hare Number 1, so he fucked it up! Barbara Woodhouse e-mailed Double Down Down in the week and he asked her if she liked dogs! (as in I was linked to somebody who likes dogging last week by Not Cleaver!), of course I had moved on from that topic, but BW hadn’t, so I made the mistake of commenting about looking after a pussy cat – he now reckons I have a small pussy!!! Hawaiian Ho accused No Hope of being a shortcutting bastard – he was on blue paper you moron! HH even accused NH of not calling On On – that’s because he called On Walk – you deaf moron!!! Billy Boy saw the GM checking out some pretty blonde that was driving an ATV before the run started – GM commented that he wouldn’t mind having a ride – and it wasn’t the ATV he was referring to (definitely ex-girlfriend now!).  Barbara Woodhouse had a moan at the GM as there was no hash horn today. You deaf bastard, it was announced prior to the run that there would be no hash horn because of the elephants out there! Blue Harlot was about 200m off the main pack going up the hill, and most of them were walking past the elephants, apart from Twice Nightly who was running in the opposite direction, as there was a big large thing hanging down from the male elephant! Next time you see something like that TN you need to give it a rub (according to BH that is!).  Scud announced that the GM celebrated his birthday in esteem company, including Scuds Sister (who has hashed with PH3) and the US Marine Corps – hooraah! Juan Palorista also celebrated his birthday yesterday (Friday), on Thursday his girlfriend comes along with a birthday cake – 1 day too early.  Yesterday, a group of 3 girls turned up with another cake and celebrated his birthday with him, kissing and cuddling him!!!  But they weren’t girls, they were Katoeys’s – so GM isn’t the only one that likes them!?

Steward – King Klong:  Going into the annals of Phuket Hash history – all those that ran under Sir Dubai (about 2 of them!?); Gorgeous, Jaws, Flying Dickhead – so what time did the hash start running in those days? It started at 5pm, there was no need to start any earlier as they had a light, the predecessor to Nugget bought it along – it was the responsibility of the beer truck - so Nugget there you go.  GM stop confusing people with the time just go out and buy a fucking light (and battery to run it from!).  Fungus (boring cunt apparently!) was on the Tinmen on Wednesday, and as it was a long run, the bus started 30 minutes earlier, that was until it turned up in Kamala and they had to sit in the sun for an hour waiting for everybody – complete fuck up! Minnie Mouse and Scrubber were collecting mushrooms out on the hash – hope they enjoy them; they didn’t share them with anybody! Billy Boy was iced – I think for dobbing in the Steward? Puppy Shit declared the other day that his job on the hash was to sit down – well standby for the AGPU mate, there is a job there with your name on it! Any of the Yanks crying this week? Ejackulator, Hawaiian Ho, Testicle Tom and Fungus, what the hell have you cunts done to the share markets! Obama won and all the Republicans are outraged and shocked! But have a read of some of Romney’s statements during the election campaign: “I believe in an America where millions of Americans believe in an America that’s the America millions of Americans believe in. That’s the America I love.” “Tomorrow we begin a new tomorrow.” “Syria is Iran’s only ally in the Arab world. It’s their route to the sea.” “We use Ann [his wife] sparingly right now so that the people don’t get tired of her.” “I am not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there.” “There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. My job is not to worry about those people. I’ll convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives.” “I like being able to fire people who provide services to me.”  Julie Andrews thinks this is a geriatric hash, how old is he? 39 that is all! Needs to sit down after the run, hope the hash isn’t tiring you out!? Most of you know that Blue Harlot is a school teacher, and he has the kids right where he wants them! So at the start of this latest term, there was a cocky little cunt that joined his class and said “If my dad was a bull and my mom was a cow I’d be a little bull.” He then says “So if my dad was an elephant and my mom was a girl elephant that would make me a little elephant!” Blue Harlot is well annoyed now and says to the kid “What if your dad was gay and your mom was a hooker?” The kid just smiles and replies “I would be a school teacher!” Great steward spot.

Last week Julie Andrews reminded the GM that he is far from hitting his target of 1 ½ hours on the ice for Julie Andrews this year.  JA Iced.  GM realised how hard it must be for those that work off shore, especially Billy Boy. At Clit Zippers restaurant after the Tinmen, Billy Boy was sat on one of the chairs with holes in it – and could be seen fingering it!!! Julie Andrews iced! After the Tinmen GM joined JA and Queen of Puke for a drink at Baan Rim Klong – JA was telling the GM that QoP fancies their toilet more than she fancies him (can see why really can’t you?) she spends more time hugging the toilet after the hash than she does JA! Gorgeous had a run offence from 1987; at that time it was very difficult to get hares, so Jaws said he would like to be a Hare, and Gorgeous offered to be his co-hare. First recce – no show from Jaws! Second recce – again a no show from Jaws, so they arranged to meet at 9am on the morning of the run to lay the paper. Guess what, a no show from Jaws, Gorgeous laid the paper and just as he got to the end Jaws turned up – he had overslept! Apparently he got good run for that one (actually Jaws confirmed it was Hash Shit – serves you right!). All the Iron Pussy in and joined by the French cunts (GMs words not mine!) and our GM from Belgium is going to give them all a little English lesson.  French for virgin = vierge – which is where the word pussy comes from.  If you have a look at French women, they are mostly smelly hairy cunts! That is why the GM reckons the Iron Pussy are a bunch of smelly hairy cunts! He enjoyed his shower of beer this week from the IP! Now for some boring Dutch humour;

Steward – Flying Dickhead:  Well done to the hares, good work this week.  FD accepted the job of being steward this week about 2 weeks ago, and Virgin My Arse assured him that she would remind him on the day that he was a steward. Well he didn’t get a reminder today, so VMA you are in the shit – well she is blaming it on Minnie Mouse – so both of them are now FD whipping girls – MM walks out of the circle mumbling something about running a half marathon the next day – over to you then VMA!!! FD wasn’t too happy with the Webmaster this week, the new start time of 3.30pm was in RED font, so for freaks like him who are colour blind – he couldn’t read it, which was why he was late today! FD heard plenty of bitching and moaning whilst out on the run, but it is all quite now in the circle! Prince Charles Fucking Tosser had plenty to moan about (well he is a loud mouth American who speaks before he thinks!) so Hawaiian Ho stood in for him – he was having a right old bitch about the number of elephants out on the run! He was also moaning about the number of ATVs out there – so Assterix stood in as he is arrogant and rude behind the wheel of a car!  FD drew attention to a group of people that do a job on the hash, but never get any recognition – and this is the worst fucking job on the hash – all previous and current Impedimenta in!!! Worst job on the hash – you should try being the fucking scribe!!!!!!!! So last week half of the hash received the e-mail from Swollen Colon about being stuck in the Philippines and having no money.  But how did they know it wasn’t from SC! Well he would have said that he had been whoring in the Philippines, been mugged by one of the whores and all that he had left was an e-mail address!!!! Good steward spot.

Following on from SC e-mail scam, there is Episode 2.  Somebody actually fell for the scam, it was SC daughter, she sent the money to the Philippines, but it was the money that SC had sent to her about 4 days previous.  FCOTW:  Gregory (who has no hash name) had a sex change recently and is now wanking with his left hand! Hash decided to name him Tootsie.  Departers:  Berthless Boatie, Anal Vice and Puppy Shit. Billy Boy wasn’t sure if he was or not!?  GM forgot the hash shit (I’m not sure he did, he just didn’t want to give the circle chance to call hash shit!).  In the Run Masters opinion, it was a good run, OK so he was wrong about the hash horn (he is a bit deaf you know – more likely drunk!), there were a couple of checks, and there wasn’t a lot of calling out there (he is deaf you know, so there probably was).  The paper was laid well, and according to the walkers it was a good walk. All agreed Good Run!

A big thank you, from Scud, for all those that have supported the Royal British Legion Poppy Appeal this year.

On On

Double Down Down