Hares in the circle, apparently Blue Harlot was sweating like Jimmy Saville in a Childrens ward when he returned from the run! The GM was asking what the virgins thought when people told them it would be 1 hour running, when today there was no running – just a 1 hour fucking up climb!?  Julie Andrews volunteered to hare the run on 24 November, good job as Barbara Woodhouse threatened another ‘hill climb’ – but who is to say that JA won’t provide the pack with a slight undulation!? The GM announced that from next week RUN 1392 – 10 November 2012 the start time of the run will be 1530 hrs – 30 minutes earlier than present! This will continue until the last week in January.  Lets see who a) was listening in the circle, b) reads the scribe notes or c) looks at the website!!!!!  Returners:  Who’s fucking Who the Fuck is Alice, Singha, Toad, Vomit Bomber and Left or Right.  Assterix was iced, apparently Toads trainers have gone to the big hasher in the sky – but Assterix could been seen digging them out of the bin! Virgins: A couple of French guys and Richard – who all enjoyed ice cold water with their beer! Visiting Hashers: Ditch Sucker, Sir Brick A Lot and Ass for Break – they were a very intelligent group!

Run Offences:  Most of them were too fucked to remember! Last week, Gorgeous was passed by the ‘tanned’ guy who isn’t a runner but a cyclist – there was a joke in there somewhere – but it was good old Scottish humour, and only Gorgeous understood it! Swollen Colon, as normal was slightly late – and there were a couple of cunts out on the walk (Slow Cunt and Doodlebug) – everybody was lost at the top of the hill, when SC caught sight of these two, who it seems were on paper, but everybody was calling ‘are you on’ and this pair of ignorant cunts didn’t answer!  Probably because they are both deaf and couldn’t hear anybody!? GM iced Swollen Colon, apparently he sent out an e-mail last week to half the pack asking for money.  He was in the Philippines and had been robbed of all his money, passport and couldn’t pay his hotel bill.  The embassy had helped him out with an emergency travel document, but now just needed money – and could any of his friends help him out!? Then there was a second e-mail from him, saying that he had been ‘hacked’ but if anybody wanted to send money all donations would be greatly received! Julie Andrews was joined by the Hares, ALL the French (Jesus, France must be closed with the number that were at this hash) and Singha.  Last night JA and Singha were talking about the route today and that it was near Chalong – Singha commented that with it being the French as hares it would be up hill and up hill! JA pointed out that it was Barbara Woodhouse and Gorgeous – and after some thought Singha replied, well if it is Gorgeous there will be no fucking difference! Lord Louis the Lip was getting to the top of the last ‘small’ hill and was absolutely knackered! At the top was Hawaiian Ho huffing and puffing and absolutely knackered – LLtL commented on the number of hills, but HH wasn’t knackered from the hill it was the fact that he had sex 6 times last night – some of the circle reckoned he must have blisters on his hand, and then woke up!  It made LLtL jealous!? Slow Cunt and Paper were a bit slow today, like JC, at the bottom of the hill Paper could be heard (not by SC as he is deaf!) saying Fucking hell JC, you have got us lost again you cunt (he has taught her English well!) at that there they all were just coming onto paper (some of the circle asked who was coming on paper!).  CooCoo was holding his own flea market today, Barbara Woodhouse should have told him that there is no business on the hash unless there is a profit for the hash – so hash 20 baht up this week.  Although the requests for dodgy DVDs were put in, and should be available next week!

Our one and only Steward today - Not Cleaver!  GM asked him to make it a long one – that would probably take some time, he said pulling on his dick! With all the French in the circle, NC is only able to speak English (well just about!) (I can understand you my fellow blue nose!) – but when Virgin My Arse asked him to be a steward she said all he had to do was take the piss out of people and make them look small! So then Blue Harlot did you know that Jimmy Saville fixed it for NC, when he was 8, to milk a cow blindfolded (think about it!!).  For those that don’t know BH is a school teacher, but with a devious reputation! He was discussing marriage at school and little Johnny said he would like a wife like the moon, what all beautiful and bright asks BH.  No, someone who arrives at night and fucks off in the morning.  The children left the classroom for a break and the head teacher visited BH in the classroom to find him blow drying his cock with a hairdryer! Head master asked what on earth he was doing – BH replied just warming up the kids lunch! BH likes his girlfriends to have not to many …….. drinks - No birthdays! BH was pissed off with the excuses he was hearing from his girlfriends for not having sex; washing their hair, staying in and Sir, I’m in your class!  Would you want this man to teach your child!?

Over to the most popular couple on the hash; JC and Paper (well Paper is!) – don’t worry they didn’t need to hold hands!! JC is a real man’s man (and according to JC Paper is a bitches bitch!) – they have a love hate relationship – she just loves to hate him! JC rang NC this week, JC is a bit of a romantic you know, he wanted to know if he should buy Chocolates or flowers for their anniversary (both would do you know JC!). NC suggested that they should go to dinner, then go dancing, back home for a bit of role play and they would both be happy!  Apparently Paper enjoyed her French Fries at McDonalds (tight cunt!), then off to Thai Pan where there was a guy on the dance floor absolutely knocking out some great dance moves, and having just the best time ever! JC said, look at that fucking wanker, what a tosser! Paper replied that she went out with him before she met JC, and in fact he had asked her to marry him, but she turned him down! JC reckons he is still celebrating! Back home and JC suggested the role play – she should dress up as Witney Houston and JC would run the bath for her!  

JC is a man’s man and good friends with NC and apparently JC told NC last week that he was really pissed off with Paper and he had joined the local gym.  He was being shown around the gym by the owner and was having an induction on all the gym equipment, when this gorgeous bit of stuff came into the gym to do a workout – and she was absolutely drop dead gorgeous.  JC couldn’t keep his tongue in, and asked the owner of the gym what would be the best piece of equipment to use to impress her? An ATM!!!! JC has been looking for another woman on the internet, using that well known and well used website; not_asian_adult_friend_finder_thai_lady_wants_all_your_money.com NC cannot believe this, and told JC that they are all fucking liars and not to believe a word they say – the description they give is nowhere near the truth, for example:

Description                             Actual Meaning

Adventurous                            Slut
Athletic                                                No Tits
30 Something                           41
Full of Fun                               Fucking Annoying
Good Personality                     Ugly Cunt
Enjoys Bars and Clubs             Piss Artist
Curvy                                      Fat Cow
Cuddly                                     Fat Cow
Likes Eating Out                      Greedy Fat Cow
Likes Nights In                                    Fucking Lazy Fat Cow

We all know that you shouldn’t take the piss out of a news editor – well it is Double Down Down’s turn – high 5 as she comes into the circle! For those that don’t know DDD lived in Droitwich Spa, which isn’t far from where NC lived – Royal Lemington Spa .  But Droitwich Spa is on the bottom run of the ladder when it comes to Spa towns and Royal Lemington Spa is on the top run.  What separates these two spa towns is the Licky Hills (licky actions being done by NC at this stage!).  The RLS crew spend the day on the Licky’s as it has beautiful views all over the West Midlands – but at night the Droitwich crew turn up, and you don’t want to be mixing with them.  There are one of three breeds in Droitwich: either A) in breeds, and they can be distinguished by the 6 fingers – well DDD did a high 5 (not high 6) in the circle so she is not one of those. B) They are all lemon lickers (lesbians), but we all know she is happily married to Rude as Fuck so not one of those! Or C) she must be into Dogging – if you don’t know what it is – just google it!

Virgin My Arse is the hash flash, but do you know she is not such a nice lady and she certainly isn’t Australian – she is not blond, hasn’t got big tits or a big arse and isn’t called Sheila! Anyway, she used to work for the Salvation Army back in Australia, but she got the sack for being horrible! Why, well she was working late in one of the soup kitchens and she shouted out ‘hurry up you lot some of us have got homes to go to!’ So if she really is a true Australian, she would know the answer to this question: What is the name of the Swagman in Waltzing Matilda? She thought about it for a while and replied ‘Andy’ – Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his billy boiled…….

So our illustrious GM is from Belgium (land of the Pedo!) He can speak the same as the noisy cunts and also Flemish! But to us in Great Britain, Belgium is the arse end of the world – why would you name it after a smelly English vegetable – Brussels?? So then GM, can you name 3 – yes just 3 – famous people from Belgium – but you can’t have Eddy Meuix! So the GM thinks about it and answers 1) Eddy Meuix, 2) Rin Tin Tin and 3) Hercule Poirot.  You idiot, they aren’t fucking real people! He could have named their Prime Minister, as he is the most famous Paedophile in the world – well Blue Harlot should know, they are good buddies!  So then do you know what is the difference between Brussel Sprouts and Hercule Poirot? One gives you the shits and one is shit! Excellent Steward Spot.

Barbara Woodhouse and his placard into the circle (you will need to see the photo of this!), but it is a picture of somebody with a devil mask on, being licked by Barf Wader!? Anyway it turns out that it was Gorgeous celebrating Halloween – but Gorgeous knows nothing about it (well claims not to anyway!).  15 Gets You 20 was with her latest boyfriend last week and they were enjoying some foreplay , he then grabs hold of a massive black dilldoe – and told 15GY20 to just relax and enjoy it! Afterwards she asked him why would he buy something like this – apparently he didn’t buy it he found it in her Mom’s knicker drawer! Blue Harlot was given a gift – and no it wasn’t a young girl!! It was the old headlamp from Assterix car and the bill 1,407 baht.  Well seeing as we all applauded BH several weeks ago when he hit Assterix car, he is hoping for some donations to help pay for the damage! New Members: Hong and Samual – welcome to PH3. Congratulations to Puppy Love for her 25 run t-shirt and her Virgin Hare t-shirt (from several weeks ago), although she wouldn’t take it off!!!

Due to a misunderstanding by the Steward Chaser (the real one not the stand-in one!) there was only one steward today – so over to the former GMs to entertain (well that’s if Gorgeous would let any of them get a word in edgeways!).  Minnie Mouse commented on how JC is not such a romantic man.   When he bought Paper a new car, he asked her for a blow job in return! The guys in the circle didn’t see anything wrong with this!?   If you want something from a woman you have to talk nice to her, and show her you are caring. So he went to the kitchen got a candle, lit it and then asked for a blow job! Blue Harlot wanted to share a true story with us, when he was 18 years old (many many years ago) he joined his battalion in Germany at a place called Celle. So him and his two oppos (friends) went out on the town, and in those days there was no pubs or discos it was just one big dance hall.  They were enjoying their beer stein (well half of one, as they couldn’t life a full one!) and they decided that whichever one of them was to pull the ugliest bird did not have to pay the beer bill! So first oppo was off dancing with some ugly pit bull of a fat tart with a moustache. Second oppo could be seen doing the twist with her mate, who had broken teeth and warts!  BH had resigned himself to the fact that he was going to have to pay for the beer – so he decided he would pull the best looking bird there was.  On the opposite side of the room he saw this beautiful vision of an angel, and he was totally smitten.  So over he want to ask her to dance (he asked her in German, at least he learnt something over there!?) she was absolutely delighted, stoop up and she had a hump back and a huge club foot – he didn’t pay for his drinks that night!!! Gorgeous didn’t have much to say, after sitting on the ice for 5 minutes, because he wouldn’t let anybody talk!! Just told the circle something we already knew, Testicle Tom always arrives late!!! He did also comment on the fact that if you want to lay a run, you would have a wonderful experience laying it with Barbara Woodhouse – learn a bucket load of new words and learn how to herd elephants and buffalo!

FCOTW: Assterix (what a surprise), if you stood Assterix next to a Warewolf, you would notice that he is not quite so hairy as a Warewolf, but he certainly smells worse than one! All the Departers have departed! Always Wet thought she had got away with the fact that her birthday was yesterday – HBYC! Hares in the semi-circle, as it couldn’t be called a circle because half of them had fucked off as they were too tired to wait until the end!!! JC couldn’t really think of anything nice to say about today’s run, it was a good Laager site, but good job it hadn’t rained recently! Julie Andrews thought it was hash shit (as did JC!) but the remaining circle thought Good Run!!