To start the circle wished SA Dick Gobbler a very happy 60^th Birthday in its usual fashion – HBYC!!!! A very short message from him 20 baht beers!! Thank you very much.  A couple of weeks ago Froggy was giving the GM some serious shit about a hash member that has done numerous runs, but still hasn’t got a hash name.  This moaning went on for a couple of weeks, so last week the GM found out that this guy is a friend of Froggy’s.  Well either name him yourself or find a friend that is more intelligent than you to name him for you.  Returners:  Billy Boy, Nothing and Anal Vice.  Virgin: Evalyn who is from Austria, at least she is not a fat bastard like Julie Andrews.  Although Julie Andrews was heard saying he wasn’t responsible for ‘that’ (lost in translation I reckon) he was asked to translate as she didn’t know what to do – although Swollen Colon suggested she strip off!! Anyway she enjoyed her beer and ice cold water.  Visiting Hashers:  Bonzo, Feck Off (Creek Hash) and Ryan Riggs.  They passed the intelligence test – I should bloody think so too!

Run Offences: So there was Bullet Rash trudging through the dense jungle, slipping and sliding on the rocks and generally trying to keep upright, and all BR could think was BC would be cursing all the way round this run if he wasn’t the hare.  Apparently he did when he was laying the paper this morning! Blue Harlot was talking with Sucker before the run and they were talking about Shagarazzi and his two lovely nieces.  They wondered how he did ‘it’ BH suggested it was something to do with the fact that he is a photographer and perhaps these were his models.  Sucker questioned this as he thought Shagarazzi took underwater photos.  No, BH said he goes down to take the photos!! True story apparently! Julie Andrews was at the airport prior to the run starting and who did he see but Figjam – walking around muttering Fuck, Shit, Fuck, Shit, Hello Julie Andrews, Fuck, Shit.  Apparently those ‘fuckers’ had sold him a taxi voucher but no taxi could be found! JC was on his first recce a week ago with his co-hare Paper and ‘her’ dog Spot.  She carried the dog (who has got 4 legs and is fully fit) all round the route and moaning all the way that it was too hard for the dog and that they were going to get hash shit for sure.  Paper was admiring the hash shit award today and said she wants it because she wanted her 2^nd Ferrari.  Swollen Colon was by his car talking to Dambuster and, as usual, SC needed a shit.  He was going to go into the nearest bush but Dambuster told him there were toilets nearby.  Now SC would never in a million years use a Thai Public Toilet, but thought he might give them a go.  He found Crabtree loitering inside and also found that they were nice and clean.  SC had an enjoyable dumb and used the scribe sheet to wipe his arse – THANKS! The toilets were clean, apart from the sperm left by the glory hole – maybe Crabtree had something to do with that!? Thanks to Dambuster for the cleanest Thai toilets that SC has ever had a shit in! Gorgeous found out that Virgin My Arse wounded herself doing a recce. He found this out whilst out on a recce with Barbara Woodhouse, who suggested that she should use a stick instead of a camera and she wouldn’t fall over.  BW then proceeded to trip over his own stick and take a pisser down the hill.  Secret Agent DG saw Twice Nightly fall between two huge sticks today, when he asked her what had happened she said that she didn’t fall down, but she always goes down like that! Swollen Colon was behind Twice Nightly when she fell into the bottom of a ditch, and Minnie Mouse said that she even falls down sexy – on her back with her legs in the air! Tequila Slapper saw some shocking driving last week when leaving the Laager site, there was a car in the lane reserved for mopeds and then said car proceeded to cut TS up to take the U Turn first – well done GM on your standard of driving – he did admit he had some bad western habits! Minnie Mouse had been on holiday for 3 weeks and came back to find a sports bra in her house, it certainly wasn’t hers and wanted to know whose it was.  Her son was on his own in the house and she wanted to know who had joined him – turns out it was Pole Position! Out on the run BC saw a Catholic Church in the middle of nowhere, and he thought that he would offer Juan Palorista his rosary beads, both being good religious guys - but couldn’t pull them out of his own arse! At registrations Tequila Slapper wanted to register her son, when Juan Palorista asked her to write his name down, she couldn’t remember what his name was!! Bonzo who is the father of Tattoo, so was iced by Swollen Colon, wished he used some Clearasil on his arse – yuk!! Bonzo is top management in Emirates and Tattoo started working for them also, but not as top management but as an astray cleaner.  That was until the accident in Melbourne when the engines of one of their planes caught fire and there was an emergency landing there.  A group of investigators were sent there and Tattoo went with them, but not as an ashtray cleaner, but to clean the shit off the seats – so a promotion then!!

Steward – Moonwalker:  Along with her box of tricks and her witches hat seeing as it is close to Halloween! She passed around a photo of GM and his ‘friend’ (rumour has it he is called Marie and is from Karon!).  Moonwalker thinks GM got away quite lightly with the fallout from this photo, so we had a re-run today.  Houdini wearing the fake tits, although he wasn’t up for getting his dick out in the circle! “What time is it?” “Titty Time!”  When the male stewards are at work, they always make sure that either Twice Nightly or Minnie Mouse are bought into the circle as ‘eye candy’ well us girls have our very own eye candy this week Great Dick and Princess! OK, so what if it is a bit of ‘Gay eye candy!’ So dressed for the occasion they did their very own fashion show for us girls “What time is it?” “It’s fashion week!”  So Moonwalker was donned in her witches hat and recently renovated broom stick – which had ‘L’ plates on! Moonwalker needs to renew her broom license so you better watch out going home tonight, if you think JC has terrible driving habits, you ain’t seen nothing yet! Special potions being worked on, and the one that is ready to use will shrink the nuts of any guy caught talking, to the size of peanuts – you have been warned! Halloween joke, just for Rosie: On a dark foggy night, the GM was walking home after a night out, and realised that he was being followed, but being followed by a coffin! So he quickened his step, and the coffin did the same! GM started running and managed to get home and inside his house, but the coffin wasn’t far behind him and it started knocking at the front door, GM ran up the stairs just in time for the coffin to break down the door!! In an absolute panic the GM ran into the bathroom and locked the door, he should be safe now, but was hunting around looking for something to help him, and the only thing he could find was some cough sweets.  At that, the coffin was at the top of the stairs and breaking its way through the bathroom door, so all the GM could do was throw the cough sweets at it, and the coffin stopped! (told you it was a Rosie joke!).  What time is it; it’s titty time…..

Recently there was an article in the Phuket Gazette about a lady in her 80’s getting married for the 4^th time! During the interview she was asked what her current husband does for a living, and he is a funeral director.  She was previously married in her 20’s to a Banker, in her 40’s to a circus ring master, in her 60’s to a preacher.  Wow some pretty interesting characters, why marry 4 men with such different careers, well she explained; “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go.” What time is it; it’s fashion week…..  English guy (Dr Fucking Jekyll) and a French guy (Crabtree) were at a restaurant in Paris and DFJ was enjoying a lovely breakfast of coffee, croissants, bread, butter and marmalade.  Crabtree was at the next table sat chewing gum! DFJ was tucking into his breakfast when Crabtree butted in and commented that DFJ eats the whole bread, yes he replies, slightly pissed off he is being interrupted! Well we don’t in France, we only eat the inside. The crusts are collected in a container; they are recycled and sold to the English as croissants! DFJ doesn’t reply, but Crabtree continues, blowing a bubble with his gum, he then asks do you eat marmalade with your bread, of course I do replied DFJ.  Obviously Crabtree had a reply, blowing yet another bubble with his gum; well in France we don’t, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and all the peel, pips and left overs are put in a container, we recycle them and transform them into marmalade and sell to the English.  DFJ is getting really pissed off now, so he asks Crabtree do you have sex in France, of course we do! So what do you do with the condoms once you have used them?  Well they are thrown away!! Well in England, replied DFJ, we put them in a container, melt them down and recycle them into bubble gum and sell it to the French!!!   What time is it; it’s titty time…… 15 Gets You 20 (GM wants her to replace Houdini for ‘titty time’) has done 30+ runs, and look how young and fit she is – but look what you have to look forward to when you have done 1000+ runs; King Klong and Lord Louis the Lip! What time is it; it’s fashion week ……..

Now we have a confession box, with an alter boy (SADG – who apparently likes it up the arse!) and Moonwalker as the priest!! Johnny Parisi (SADG) goes to confession:  Bless me Father for I have sinned, I have been with a loose girl! The priest asks is that you Johnny Parisi?  Yes it is! So who was the girl you were with?  I can’t tell you Father, I don’t want to ruin her reputation. Well Johnny I will find out eventually!? Was it Tina Minetti? I cannot say Father! Was it Teresa Volpe? I’ll never tell Father.  What about Nina Capelli? I’m sorry Father I cannot name her. Was it Cathy Piriano?  My lips are sealed Father. Was it Rosa Di Angelo then? Please Father I cannot tell.  Well you are very tight lipped Johnny Parisi and I admire you for that, but you have sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an alter boy for 4 months. Now go and behave yourself.  Johnny walks back to his pew, and his best mate Nino slides over and whispers What did you get? Well I got 4 months holiday and 5 good leads!! Double Down Down and JC in – so did you know that following controlled trials, if we drink 1 litre of water each day and by the end of the year we would have absorbed 1kg of E Coli bacteria found in Faeces – in other words 1kg of shit! However, if you drink beer / alcohol there is no problem as they have gone through a purification process of boiling, filtering and fermenting! So just a reminder DDD = shit and JC = healthy!!! Think very carefully what you drink from now on!!! What time is it; it’s titty time……. What time is it; it’s fashion week…… Virgin My Arse took a fall this week whilst doing a recce, but she wasn’t alone, she had two wonderful nurses – images of nurses range from short sexy skirts, low fitting tight tops, big boobs and an excellent bedside manner! Well the nurses VMA had resemble this in No way what so ever – well maybe the big boobs / moobs!? They look more like nightclub bouncers than nurses!!! Well done Rude as Fuck and Dicksappointing for helping out VMA.  Excellent steward spot.

FCOTW: ALL the French in, and listened to Gorgeous explain WHY we have a circle at the Laager after the run; it ensures that everybody stays together and everybody is back from the run, if there is anybody missing it is the duty of the hare to go and find them.  So why was it that Froggy saw the GM AFTER the circle had closed last week to tell him that Stupid Cannard and others were missing – well Froggy they are your friends, why didn’t you speak up sooner – NOBODY told the GM or the Hares!! So Froggy you are again FCOTW!!!! New Member:  Grannie (already sounds like a hash name!). Congratulations to Slow Cunt – 25 Runs (and he took it off!).  Scud announced that he would be collecting on behalf of the Royal British Legion Poppy Appeal – the box will be with Registrations, and all donations are greatly received by the Royal British Legion to help all former and current serving military in Great Britain.  Wear your poppy with pride.  Thanks Scud.

Steward:  Rat Man – aka Secret Agent Dick Gobbler:  So yesterday  was a special day for SADG and FA Cup, it was their 7^th Wedding Anniversary and SADG 60^th Birthday.  FA Cup iced, because it was such a special day for her yesterday!! So SADG decided they would celebrate in style – he went out for an all over body massage and then on the piss until 3am!!  Well SADG thought it was good?! So 60 years old, and SADG has been reflecting; 60 years is the age when men become ‘wise men’ (god help us!).  So he has realised he can make some changes to his life, a new entry in at number 6 (god I make him sound like Jimmy Savile doing the chart countdown on Top of the Pops!!) Give up the Drugs! 5) Give up the ‘under age’ sex, it is so inappropriate (told you he sounded a bit like JS!!!).  4) No longer make people eat ‘rat’ in the circle well not city rat, but good old rice rat won’t harm anybody? 3) Can’t fucking read his notes it’s that dark – oh yea, no more swearing in the fucking circle – some people are offended by it! Replace fucking with ????? your choice folks. 2) Stop pissing in or around the bed – and most importantly not on FA Cup.  Talking of FA Cup she is still on the ice, and has now lit a cigarette to keep herself warm!  1) Stop Shitting in the bed – but the question is what kind of shit is SADG????

The Ghost Shit is also known as Obamaself Shit – You know you’ve shit, it smells like shit, there is shit on the toilet paper but there’s nothing in the toilet.

The Romnesia Shit – It comes out so slick, clean and easy you don’t even feel it. No traces on the paper and you have to look in the bowl to be sure.

The Gooey European Style Shit – Has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe yourself 12 times and still don’t come clean.

The Not Again Shit – You’re all done and standing up when you realise you have to shit some more.

The Vein-Popper Shit – It won’t come out until you’re all sweaty, trembling and purple. This is the one that killed Elvis.

The Right Now Shit – You’d better be within ten feet of a toilet. Usually it’s part way out by the time you get your pants down.

The Noisy Shit – A shit accompanied by loud, stuttering farts that you can’t seem to control. This shit would embarrass even SADG.

The Sneaky Shit – You’re standing there taking a piss and you feel a little fart building up. You let it fly, and guess what?  FA Cup …… surprise!

The King Kong Shit – This one is so big you have to break it into smaller chunks before it’ll flush. A coat hanger works well for this task!

FA Cup luckily enough is now OFF the ice – oh you know how to impress the ladies SADG!!! So a special moment for SADG – he is introducing his new lady to FA Cup – and wow what a stunner – oddly enough she has a striking resemblance to Sir Bollox!  With such a likeness there must be a song in there somewhere…….

A song about his new girl kissing his toes, his knee, his tit, his prick and doing plenty of sucking in, sucking out and quit fuckin’ about!!! 

He’ll pretend to be kissing
The lips used for pissing
While fondling his balls so blue
And then while I’m not home
He’ll be stroking his bone
And sending his jism to me
I will sing this bright chorus
While I rub my clitoris
With my dildo so tried and true
And then while you’re away
I will vibrate away
And send all my jism to you.

Now joined by the boy band backing singers of; King Klong, Swollen Colon, Scud and Bonzo with the chorus by the circle;

She’ll be…….
Tune: She’ll be coming round the mountain.

She’ll be puffing like a steam train when she cums
She’ll be puffing like a steam train when she cums
She’ll be puffing like a steam train, puffing like a steam train
She’ll be puffing like a steam train when she cums

Chorus:

Singing God, I’m coming, don’t stop now
Singing God, I’m coming, don’t stop now
Singing God, I’m coming, God I’m coming
God, I’m coming, don’t stop now

She’ll be panting like a bulldog when she cums…..

She’ll be sucking like a Hoover when she cums….

She’ll be scratching like a tiger when she cums……

She’ll nearly bite your cock off when she cums….

You’ll be dogknotted for an hour when she cums

She’ll be revving like a Harley when she cums…..

She’ll be whooping like a monkey when she cums…..

Good steward spot SADG and don’t worry Sir Bollox you are still Hash Music!  FA Cup iced SADG and threw ice cold water over him – 7 years of marriage and he makes me sit on the ice – You’ll be in the spare room tonight SADG!!!

Scud saw SADG working on his wife’s grave last week, apparently FA Cup is a nice person, but thinks she is digging a goldfish pond! Departers:  On and Off and the rest I have no idea because yet again it was pitch black – so look at the photos if you are that bothered! Hares in and Barbara Woodhouse personally enjoyed the run – although Paper was hoping for hash shit as she wants the Ferrari!!! All agreed it was a Good Run (and think Paper may have been award the toilet seat LID as that has got the Ferrari in it!!).

Thank you to Dambuster for an excellent Laager site (with clean toilets – well they were before SC got in there!).  Sir Bollox was last heard screaming in the dark “Minnie Mouse have your got my wallet!?” I wonder if she answered him!?