Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1389                    Saturday 20th October 2012

Hares: Once Weekly, Twice Nightly & JC
Total Pack 137:  PH3 99,  Virgins 17,  Visitors 9, Visiting Hashers 10,  New Members 2.



So then Hares, what was all this fucking shit about no big hills!? GM enjoyed himself today on the run, not sure what the walkers thought!? If you are interested in volunteering for the Triathlon and IronMan (see full details on PH3 website) please see Murkury and give him your name.  Butt Plug was iced, he asked the GM before he went out on the run if the run was hilly or not – the fucking lazy bastard won’t do the run if it is hilly!! Returners:  Shit loads of them, including Kamala Toe Licker, Lesser Dipshit and Mama Duck.  Twice Nightly reckons she wasn’t wearing new shoes, but of course the circle thought she was – so who bought them for her – of course it was Once Weekly – so he enjoyed his beer out of them.  Although Swollen Colon did volunteer to help out – and he got a drink too! Virgins:  9 youngsters (and a couple of them were young enough to be I reckon – but ask Secret Agent DG what he thought!?) and 1 elderly gentleman who I don’t think could have been a virgin because of his age!?  At least the GM allowed him to sit in a chair and drink his beer there – if he had got down on his knees to drink it I don’t think he would have got up! Thank the lord he didn’t enjoy ice water with his beer – that may have killed him off there and then! Visiting Hashers: A bucket load of them, with the main group from Melbourne Western Suburbs Hash.  Two willing volunteers to prove how intelligent they are (I’ll call them the bearded wonders).  Anyway they turned out to be pretty intelligent – looks can be deceiving! Unfortunately MWSH GM (Hard Core) wasn’t in the circle as she had a migraine (plenty of sympathy as you can imagine!) So they sang us a song – which the Aussies enjoyed. 

Run Offenses:  Gorgeous was part way through the walk, and there is Tequila Slapper  and Virgin My Arse taking photos of the flowers along the way – girls!!!  JC was talking to Ruby just before the run had started and she asked him how long the race was going to be.  Race he asked, who told you it was a race.  That would be Colin (Swollen Colon) he has been telling us about hashing and how you need to win every week! Ice the bastard! Swollen Colon has been watching the GM and sees how he is on everybody’s case on the committee – making sure they do everything right – and giving them shit when they get it wrong! So can you believe he forgot to bring the registration sheet – with over 2000 names on it – so poor registrations had to register everybody by writing down their name and number! Houdini was coming to the end of the run, and was very close to the front runners – and who does he see before him but Swollen Colon – NO way could he have got there before Houdini!  Well he didn’t, according to Sock Off SC was 10 minutes behind Houdini until he took a shortcut – the deviant! BC wasn’t racing today, he was running just fast enough to keep up with the nice two young virgin girls out on the run – well just behind them – nice view you see! Jiggly Juggs saw the said two young virgin girls when they came back into the Laager.  JJ asked them how they got on, and the one said she felt like she had been on ‘mushrooms’ as she felt like she was hallucinating!! Really JJ asked, how do you know? Well apparently she had seen a film on it!! When Swollen Colon arrived at the Laager, he was met by a sliver car screeching away and it was Flying Dickhead driving.  So when he returned just in time for the run, SC asked him why he was in so much of a hurry – well it seems he had put his golf shoes on and not his runners! SC invited the MH4 (Mombassa Hotel HHH) Inaugural members into the circle – all three of them including SC.  So when they were in Kenya they had got pissed and missed the bus for the hash the next day.  So they decided to start their own hash – and off the went – around the pool, past the kiddies pool, through the deck chairs and back to the Laager.  It was a pretty flat run with plenty of water.  So they then started on the Hunters Choice Whisky – and it was being given out in bottle top down downs.  It wasn’t until they had finished the bottle that they realised the ‘whisky bitch’ had virtually no skin left on his fingers – it had all dissolved! So here they are enjoying their second run – around the Circle, and avoiding the iceberg! Report was that it was another good run, no hills again, but a bit too much ice! One of them even had new shoes on AND new socks – so beer was filtered through the sock into the trainer and each and every drop was downed! Juan Palorista was iced by the GM – so you all feel sorry for him having to write down everybody’s details. Well don’t feel sorry, the GM is doing 80% of the registrations work, as there is one that is so geriatric that he can’t count and JP hasn’t got 2000 baht to buy a printer (maybe he needs to be paid more by his boss?). 

Geriatric Steward – Gorgeous:  Julie Andrews in because he never shuts up (says Gorgeous!), Sir Bollox in because he reckons nobody can understand Gorgeous anyway.  Saint Blow Job because as always he couldn’t keep his mouth shut a couple of weeks ago, and got Duke Of Puke iced because the GM thought it was him mouthing off (well it makes a change for it not to be!).  Back in 1987 (those were they days eh!?) Gorgeous and Sir Bollox were sat in an ice cream parlour (maybe that is what the bars were called back then?) anyway SB was asked if he would be Hash Music and he agreed.  Good choice Gorgeous we have still got him today.  The love birds Plink Plink Fuck and Nose Diver need to get a room (or the nearest bush) if they want to snog on the hash! Secret Banana Gobbler is currently in a delicate state – so Gorgeous offered her some advice and that was to eat a Brazil Nut every day.  Last week he found SBG sat with the Chiang Mai Bunnies and he asked her if she was still getting her nuts everyday – needless to say the CMB were slightly shocked to say the least.  So Barbara Nuthouse  - you won yourself a raffle prize at the Pooying hash last week – a packet of durex – too late for them!? Flip Flop gave Gorgeous a squeeze of the shoulders as she ran past him on the walk.  You shouldn’t go touching old me like that FF – it will certainly get you into trouble.  Virgin My Arse re-enacted her chicken impression that she could be seen doing all round the walk today – apparently not on her own either – Tequila Slapper was doing it too – why? Because they could.  JC failed his driving test recently, why, because he gave way to people on his left not the right.  Gorgeous asked the examiner why he had failed well from the right they can see you and from the left they are on the other side of the road – NOT here in Thailand they are not.  Also have motorbikes coming down the wrong side of the road they can’t see you – NO they are not they are talking to their pillion passenger (yes I’m sure I have got that wrong!?).  Good Steward spot.

Scud asked Gorgeous if he had seen the BBC news recently, a disgruntled former Royal Marine had set off 3 bombs in Dundee.  Nobody noticed though as Dundee is an absolute shithole.  Now over to Hash Music, but first a bit of history, just for the GM.  Some military anniversaries of the French being ‘dicked’ by the English;  14 Oct, Battle of Hastings; 21 Oct Battle of Trafalgar and 25 Oct Battle of Agincourt.  But why would the GM give a shit about that Sir Bollox – he isn’t French he is Belgian! When Jiggly Juggs was younger she had her first baby – she was unmarried of course (well she is Scottish).  When she went into labour, she rang her Dad and said “Dad my waters have broke” “where you ringing from” he asks, she replies “from my fanny to my boots!” Anyway, music…….

LABIA PINK

By Bollox from Old Original
Tune: Lydia Pink

Chorus:

We’ll drink a drink a drink
To Labia Pink a pink a pink
The stopper of the hashing race
For she invented the vegetable compound
Now there’s crap all over the place

Now our man Houdini had very small knackers
They were just like a pair of peas
So they gave him the vegetable compound
Now they hang down to his knees

Our girl Minnie had very small bosoms
They hardly showed below her blouse
So they gave her the vegetable compound
Now they milk her with the cows

Our girl Jiggly had a very small fanny
One little finger was all she could force
So they gave her the vegetable compound
Now she sleeps with her own horse

Our man Hawaiian Ho had a very small penis
He could hardly raise a stand
So they gave him the vegetable compound
Now he comes in either hand

New Members:  David White and Kuyana.  Numbered Runs: Plenty of shirts, but most recipients had buggered off!! Congratulations to Wiggli Wurm – 50 runs and President – 300 runs (Scrubber collected it for her, but there was no way she was going to take it off, put it on!).  

Geriatric Steward – Lord Louis the Lip:  As he was leading the singing, Julie Andrews iced – LLtL is a long way from the old folks home! Gorgeous (LLtL room mate from the old folks home) was iced, because HE never shuts up! The main reason for putting Gorgeous on the ice, was because many years ago Gorgeous gave LLtL a present and asked him to keep it safe.  Fury lips!! Queer man! Gorgeous iced as, how surprising, he wouldn’t shut up! Golden Rain and Queen of Puke are Singha’s angles – and seeing as he is in the UK they thought they would offer their services to LLtL.  They wanted to take care of LLtL out on the walk, but only if he would buy them both a drink.  Yes that sounded like a good idea to LLtL – but throughout all of the walk he never saw them once – as he came back into the Laager there they were, making sure he was OK and reminding him not to forget their drinks!  So there you go ladies, a down down for all your hard work! King Klong was well happy today, the bus was full to the rafters – and he told LLtL that he had got his wages for this week.  Lucky Lek iced because he wouldn’t shut up! Kamala Toe took her dog to the vets this week as her dog was cross eyed.  The vet picked up the dog and had a look at him.  He told KT that he was sorry but he would have to put the dog down!  Why, just because he is cross eyed! No, he is too fucking heavy! Hares were thanked for a wonderful walk, but LLtL had heard that Once Weekly had an accident in the car, he got out the car and started crying because he had killed a hare.  Twice Nightly went inside the car and returned with a can, which she proceeded to spray onto the hare.  The next thing the hare is up on all 4 feet and hopping off, giving a wave as he did so.  OW was delighted and asked what was in the spray can.  It was hairspray and it is good for your ‘hair’ and gives you a wave! Yes it is as difficult to type a Rosie joke as it is to laugh at one!!! BC had been posting on the internet about Insanity Sauce, Ultimate Insanity Sauce and Rectal Rocket Fuel – apparently BC likes his sauces hot not like the Thai shit over here!! Anyway Happy Birthday BC – HBYC!! Ladies, the five most important men in your life are: Doctor – who asks you to take your clothes off; Dentist – who asks you to open wide; Coalman – who asks you if you want it in the front or the back; Decorator – who asks you do you like it now its up; and Bank Manager – who tells you not to take it out as you will loose all interest! The old ones are the best (that is the jokes LLtL not the people!).  Good Rosie spot!

SADG asked Eat Me (Mrs Cunt to you SADG!!!) to have respect, Thailand is a civilised country – so make sure you pick up your beer bottles and don’t leave your shit lying around on the floor! Now, this next bit, if the noisy bastards behind me had shut up I would have managed to hear everything, and because they didn’t fuck knows what was being said!!!!! Shut up you noisy bastards!!! If you want to talk that much, bloody get in the circle and do a stewards spot or piss off away from the circle so the rest of us can hear!!! FCOTW:  Minnie Mouse visited France recently, and we all know what the French pack are like – they never stop talking in gibberish that nobody can understand! So when MM got off the train in Paris a load of French people rushed up to her – well if it is anything like Thailand they were wanting to sell her something – but they were certainly talking a load of gibberish to her – so she just told them “no thank you!” Anyway, they weren’t trying to sell her something, they were police wanting to check her passport!!  She then visited the South of Franch – plenty of tourists here, so they must speak English!!! Not a cat in hells chance, you are in France, they will speak French – end of!!! So MM is in a restaurant, wanting to order some food, but everything is written in French and the waiters body language is saying “you speak fucking French if you want to order food here!” So she just looked at the table next to her and pointed at what they were eating!!!  So they are all French Cunts!

Departers:  There was a load of them, but I couldn’t see a bloody thing as it was that dark!!  So you will need to have a look at the photos to see who they were! Anyway FOYC!!! Hares in, to several resounding chorus of the Hares Song (and it is getting darker and darker by the minute!).  Run Master (Barbara Nuthouse), couldn’t actually believe it, but the run was very good, horn was blown well (well done Julie Andrews) and the paper was laid well.  All agreed it was a Good Run.  GM was presented with a gift from the MWSH, which will make him irresistible to all women – a hash bag worn over his head!! 

On On

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