So the Hare reckoned "It's a ballbuster with some virgin trails, in fact just another brilliant run from that master hare Swollen Colon." Well lets wait and see what the Run Master has to say.  Congratulations on 25 Hares SC (apparently that's the number of them on his balls!!!).  GM Iced SC, he has forgotten that you don't send personal emails to PH3 addresses. He also sent an email to Jungle Balls but to the GM address "Don't you know who the GM is?" asks Manneken Pis, SC thought Jungle Balls 'owned' the GM e-mail address!!!

Returners: On and Off and Lucky Lek.  All the Thai Connection in, apparently there was a motorbike taxi driver that managed to get inside the Tiger Disco after the fire, and wanted to take some photos.  When he had a look at his photos there appeared to be the ghost of one of the two Thai girls that died. Apparently her Mother had asked a Monk to free her spirt - but doesn't look like he did a very good job (although Blue Harlot reckons she is still waiting for the bar fine before she can leave!).  Virgins: Jasmine, Bill and AN Other! All enjoyed a couple of beers with added iced water! Visiting Hasher: Kathoey Fucker from Batavia Hash, who gave the GM a t-shirt, although the GM couldn't quite make out the image on the front!! Oh Yea wanted the GM to 'Take it Off' so she could see his nipples and Nugget can't get over how white the GM is after how many years living here? And then it started to rain!!!! So if I missed anything it's because I couldn't hear a bloody thing with the rain hammering down on the umbrella - and a huge thank you to my Brolly Bitch - Moonwalker.  Something about Gorgeous giving the GM a lesson on Belgium guys selling onions and garlic in Scotland?? God knows that that was about?? 

Run Offenses:  No Hope asked Oh Yea what she was shouting when she was out on the run "On On' of course - well actually it was "On On On On On On On On" sounded more like a police siren than anything else - she is on something that's for sure! Mind The Gap was telling Minnie Mouse that she was only drinking 2 beers a day, as she wants to keep fit for the Hash Horn job - but today all she managed to do was spend most of the day checking!! Froggy reckons Blue Harlot is out on the streets busking before coming to the Hash, as he always pays for his registration with 1, 2 and 5 baht coins! SA Dick Gobbler asked SC where JC was, "he's halfway up the hill having a stroke!" SADG reckoned it was no way a 'ballbuster' as quoted, but will need to wait for JC to come back to confirm.  Assterix was iced by the GM, there they all are the good runners looking for paper, and Assterix is shortcutting but still calling On On!!!  The one and only time he did 'check' he found paper but waited until he was 500m down the trail before calling On On!! It is still raining - well actually more like pissing it down! 

Virgin Steward - Butt Plug:  Swollen Colon was iced, Ballbuster my arse it was good but not ballbuster good.  Bill who has done 15 runs already and reckons that he will get to 25 without getting a name, as nobody notices him! Well he is a mate of Slow Cunt, is pretty shy and used to work for the Gas Board - 'Billy No Mates' it is then!  BP has worked at the Expat for the last 3 years and the majority of PH3 have sneaked in late at night with their 'green passes' and often have a drunken chat to BP.  Now BP swore that anything said at the Expat stayed at the Expat, until today that is!! Blue Harlot came in about 6 months ago, crying his eyes out, as his good lady wife had walked out on him, just because he was measuring his cock! Out of curiosity, BP asked how long BH cock was "it gets to the back of the wife's sisters' throat!" Clitmas Pussy was sat crying one night and BP asked what was wrong, "well Jungle Balls has quite a small penis and I suggested he buy himself a penis enlarger, which he has done, but she is 21 and from Bangkok!"  Fungus enjoys doing charity work, and he came into the Expat one day and asked if BP would like to contribute to the floods in Pakistan "sorry, can't help out as my hosepipe only goes as far as the end of the street!"  Puppy Shit was complaining that his military pension doesn't go so far these days, as the standard of living has increased here in Phuket. In fact it has increased that much his girlfriend has to have sex with him now as batteries are too expensive to buy!  Mr Fister was looking very tired the other day, apparently him and the wife watched 4 DVD's back to back, but he was the only once facing the TV (I'm sure there was a funny punch-line in there somewhere???).  BP was looking for a couple that are financially stable (what here in Phuket, you got to be joking!?) Anyway Once Weekly was absolutely gutted last week, as he had lost ALL his money on a property deal gone wrong.  He told Twice Nightly she would have to learn to cook as there is no money for a chef anymore.  She told him he needs to learn to fuck as the gardener is also having to go! There are many more stories BP has to share with us, if you don't want your secrets telling to the whole world, pay up and BP will shut up (Bank details will be provided).  A very good virgin steward spot, under very difficult weather conditions - oh by the way, it is still pissing down!   

Wiggly Wurm was going to entertain us, but seeing as Blue Harlot has pissed off home because of a bit of rain, he will save it for next week.  All the French in, GM had read an article in the paper about a dive instructor that fucked over a group of French guys, out of 31,000 euros - and they were French Legionnaires, brave guy is all I will say! New Member:  A German Cunt (sorry didn't catch his name!) [Jorg] who for the last 5 weeks has joined in with virgins and visiting hashers just to get himself a free Down Down - well now he has got his very own!  

Rude as Fuck was telling Swollen Colon about his worries for his new girlfriend. The young girl that lives next door to RaF is about 11 years old, or could be about 13 as her breasts are developing as are her nipples, he saw her taking a shower the other day, she was topless and had panties on, and you could see pubic hair and a 'camel toe.' So while she was having a shower, he proceeded to 'pull one off' and as he was wiping his dick over the curtain he realised that his girlfriend had been stood watching him all this time, but she hadn't said a word.  He is worried she has perverted tendencies! Minnie Mouse was running around the house and she said to Cartoon that she had no idea wether she was coming or going.  Cartoon told her that she was going "how do you know that?' she asked.  "Well when you are coming you look like a Down Syndrome girl trying to whistle!" Now onto the dirty stuff..... We all know Clitmas Pussy is filthy in the bedroom (er do we??) anyway she stood in front of JB and flashed open her sarong and said "look darling, I have shaved my pussy, you know what that means!" "er yes, that means the shower drain is all clogged up with pubes again!" (Clitmas Pussy was genuinely shocked and wanted to know how SC knew she had recently shaved her pussy - had JB put it on Facebook???!) Then there was a joke about  JB and a hot light bulb, but the rain was that loud on the umbrella that I couldn't hear the punch-line!  Did I tell you it was pissing down? SC thought The Arsonist has a really inappropriate name, well we all know that he is the owner of Kamala Beer Garden, but did you realise that he had bought the bar 4 days before it burnt down!? Anyway he took an injury to his dick when he was playing cricket, so his dick was all plastered up! He picked himself up a virgin and took her home, when she stripped off she said "you are so lucky to be the first to see my pussy" to which The Arsonist replied "well mine is still in the crate! (Maybe a Rosie beer for that one??) On and Off was with his youngest son at the zoo and they saw two monkeys having sex, "Dad, what are they doing" "well son, they are making a cake!" Later that day, the son walked in on On and Off and his wife watching porn, "Oh Dad, are they making a cake?" The next day, the son said "You and Mummy were making a cake in the lounge last night" "How do you know that Son?" "Well I licked the icing sugar off the sofa this morning!" Then there was the debate that SC and Gorgeous were having about "are we on the old airport road or not?!" Anyway, as PH3 is democratic, we voted on it, Gorgeous enjoyed a huge beer out of the bed pan (hope it was clean?)   Not sure if this was a steward spot from SC, or the GM just couldn't be arsed to stop him prattling on! Anyway it was funny all the same. 

As a previous GM, Kathoey Fucker was invited to entertain us.  By the way, it is still pissing down!  So Batavia Hash is held on a Thursday and is men only, so KF was astonished to see our Hash Horn! He did enjoy the run, but he couldn't believe how the Hash Horn was off checking and all the blokes just stood around waiting, especially one particular lazy cunt and his mate (that would be Assterix - no surprise there, and Who The Fuck Is Alice!), who were both iced and shared the beer from the police piss.  Good to see people laughing, but two in particular just seem to laugh at everything - Rude as Fuck and Dicksappointing - like a pair of book ends they are!! The scribe got a thank you, but it took her 3 attempts to get his name (that was because of the bloody rain hammering down on the umbrella!!) Good job I asked, as you wouldn't have been mentioned!!!   The GM pointed out to KF that Minnie Mouse is not used to being called 'A Lady.'

So FCOTW will really surprise you this week.  Swollen Colon on the Ice!!! GM went to the Bike Hash AGPU last weekend, and as most of them had been camping overnight, GM visited one of the tents, and in it was SC and others, and guess what they were all fucking stoned!!! SC was so stoned, he eyes were rolling and he proceed to speak French for the next hour or so!!! Departers:  Who The Fuck Is Alice - who is returning back to France to fun a full marathon (in Bordeaux I think) - FOYC!   Before the Run Master (JC) could do his 'bit' he had to get rid of some beers that were on the table. Paper and JC were walking past the Mazda showroom and they saw Minnie Mouse and her younger Sister, who SA Dick Gobbler sponsored! The sister was so excited to show them that she had just bought herself, with her own money a brand new Mazda - well we all know it was SADG that paid for that being the sponsor.  Paper said to JC "why can't you buy me something as nice as that?" Anyway, moving on, the next day they head back to the garage, and JC says look there is the perfect car for you, the right colour, leather seats, just everything you want!  Paper replies "I don't want that, it has got a big arse just like Minnie Mouse!" Back to the Run Master duties - although it wasn't a ballbuster - everybody agreed it was a GOOD Run.   GM iced Jungle Balls, as at the start of the walk, JB said to the GM, "gonna be lucky today, no rain!!!" Jungle Balls had 2 circles in his whole year where it pissed down with rain, Manneken Pis has had 2 in his first month!!!!