A gloomy day saw the fair weather hashers stopping at home and the true believers turning up for a wet and wild time. Walkers and runners split off in different directions early on the run and all made it back, with some taking longer than others though- doesn’t help when Singha can’t hear the horn, although with two nurses in attendance he may have been otherwise engaged.

By the time the circle started the rain had settled into a thin drizzle but it didn’t stop a group of softies stood under a big brolly blocking the scribes view. The two Hares, Popeye and White Pointer hobbled into the circle and were justly awarded their first down down of the day for their efforts. Closely followed by Tiger, who was still mourning the loss of his disco the other night. The circle went very quiet and old men’s eyes glazed over as 15 Gets You 20 announced Froggy’s First Anniversary Restaurant Bash. 5 minutes into the circle and the GM finally noticed there was no scribe but I put him out of his misery. For some reason SADG announced the Bike Hash but no one understood a fucking word he fucking said so they could end up fucking anywhere. Returners announced but other than Billy Boy I missed their names as the usual suspects were yakking next to me. Mercury Turtlehead, looking like a penguin, staggered in with a load of new hash signs that will probably last all of a month before they all disappear and got a well deserved beer for his efforts. Something was done with the Brits Aussies and the Olympics but again I missed it due to all the yakking (Here’s a hint for the circle SHUT THE FUCK UP next to the scribe).

The GM followed up with his second forgetful moment of the day- forgetting that HE was the GM not Jungle Balls and was promptly iced for his moronic moment. Unfortunately ‘put it on take it off’ went all wrong when it turned out the small 25 run shirt was for U Been Stabbed. Things vastly improved though when 15 Gets You 20 was the recipient of the second 25 run shirt. SADG beat everyone else into the circle to ‘assist’ her- there were hands everywhere except in her shirt sleeves. To the cries of ‘keep it on, keep it on’ Lesser Dipshit then received his 400 moan (sorry –run) t-shirt. On to the virgins, with 3 in attendance to start with until it was realized one was here last week and got fucked off at the high port. Nugget got a bit carried away with the icy water but she doesn’t get out much. Visiting hashers included Faulty Towers and (female) Nutcracker- both far more presentable than our home grown ones.
One of the benefits of a cold wet day was the lack of ‘Les Francais’ as only 4 came in the circle when they were called for. Drinkers all over the world who drink yellow aniseed piss were mourning the death of M Ricard, who passed away this week. Newish member Carmine was anointed with the Hash name Ab-Zorba the Greek after various bottom fixated names were rejected much to the relief of his mate Buttplug. Incoming visitors then complained about the lack of paper but were told to ‘get fucked’ by the always erudite White Pointer. Run offences very weak on the ground but a circle offence followed when one visiting hasher nailed Barbara Woodhouse for thinking his girlfriend was his daughter- dirty old sod. It was also noted that Always wet had a carpet burn but only on one knee. Been ‘fluffing’ again Dear?

Lesser Dipshit waddled in as first Steward quite rightly dealing with the Hares first for laying on crap weather (fortunately the Wolfpack weren’t here for this one as they probably would have cried off early again) and a good run. White Pointer stayed on for being a prat but I couldn’t hear the reason again due to all the yakking. LD then tried to bounce Billy Boy for his new car but BB pointed on the car’s in Bumscraper’s name. For ‘Today’s Lesson in History’ the only two who remembered it (Louie was asleep under his brolly) Dr Fucking Jekyll and Born Loser came in to celebrate the last day of Woodstock (wasn’t it raining then as well?) SADG was punished as he wouldn’t shut up about how successful the last Pooying run was, with nearly 50 attending until it was pointed out that it might have been down to the fact FA Cup was back.

There was a break in the proceedings at this point as it appeared 3 Wise Men were approaching from the east- turned out to be Singha and attendants who had completed the run in 2 hours. Singha was well chuffed to have got around an entire run again after his enforced layup. He was soundly punished though for his pre-run prophecy that ‘we might get a little bit of rain at some point’- the understatement of the year. Mannequin Pis was then presented with a sex toy for his wife and JB was iced but again I couldn’t hear everything.

There was another mad scramble won by SADG for ‘put it on, take it off’ when Little Wanda was presented with her 400 run t-shirt (I refuse to believe that two such good looking ladies as her and her sister can be the spawn of Gorgeous’ loins) but she refused to treat the audience and just put her shirt on top of the other one she had on. Lesser Dipshit and Billy Boy then had to drink out of Bumscraper’s ashtray for new cars as LD’s new vehicle had come with a pie holder instead of an ashtray.

JB iced ( by this time I’d lost count) as Singha declared than if he’d known the Hares were doing another run in the area within two weeks he would have taken his time on today’s run and set up a camp.

Second Steward SADG and a collective sigh of relief when we found he’d forgotten the rats. Hares in again, followed by the Committee. He then had a whinge about the lack of Hash sheets in the Expat (apparently they’d been there since Tuesday) describing the Expat as ‘a fucking great place where we all get fucking fucked up every fucking Friday’ (a great advertising slogan that). Minnie Mouse rewarded for strutting about and coming first in the half marathon last week in high heels. SADG new shoes’d himself as he’d made them himself in Eugene then iced son Whorehouse for not discussing his sex life. Minnie Mouse then got him back for no family business in the circle. Following a recent tradition SADG then sang a song but it was mostly incomprehensible and he didn’t give me a copy so it’s lost in the annals of history now.

GM, having remembered at last it was him, re-took control of the circle to present French Cunt of the Week to Who the Fuck is Alice to reward the French for lasting longer than the rest of us when the end of the world comes as they are 25 years behind everyone else.

JC late as usual but good swimming run called for and granted. The Hares eyes were starting to glaze over by this point so proceedings came to an end.

GM called the circle closed at 1836- we would have got in under the wire if JC hadn’t taken 6 minutes to achieve what was a foregone conclusion for the Hares. Cold, wet but not miserable we all departed when it was still light and a good day had by all- continued on the Happy Bus as we all huddled together for warmth- that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
No one has a clue where next week’s run is (probably including the Hare, Swollen Colon) so watch the website for a clue.


After note: The GM reminded everyone to bring a bottle of red wine to Dambuster’s birthday run at Ban Manik Dam on 1 September. Minnie Mouse got all in a tizzy claiming it was a big secret til it was pointed out to her the info had been on the website for a week!