Hares in the circle, well actually a semi-circle as half of the pack were not back!! GM spoke to the French, in French which basically translated to "Aussie Cunts shut the fuck up!!" Anyway there were 4 hares today, 1 is in hospital - Clitmas Pussy and after doing the run, he understands why! One is a real virgin hare - Moonwalker. One isn't a virgin but wants a t-shirt because she claims she didn't get one before - Flip Flop. So the only experienced Hare here is Virgin My Arse, so she was iced!! GM arrived at 3pm today there were a couple of other cars, Beer Truck and Registrations were here - but none of them knew if they were at the right Laager site, no paper to be found nearby and no hares!!!! Anyway, GM thought it was a good run, lets see what happens later!!

Earlier on, the GM had a mosquito that landed on his balls, god that was a hard decision to make! Swollen Colon was iced, last week certain people were moaning that the bus was too late leaving, well if SC hadn't gone for a smoke of his joint in the bush, and left his car blocking the bus it would have left on time!!! Returners: Scud, Blind Mullet, Sprat, Crabtree, Nemo and Hitchy Cock to name but a few! Virgins: Lucielle and Gouch(?) One car and 1 motorbike through the circle - so VMA iced and along with the virgins they all enjoyed some ice cold water with their beer and the virgins were on their knees. GM gave instructions in French, but way too quick for me, not that I understood him anyway! Visiting Hashers: Four from Perth, WA - GPS, Sir Fumble, Soixante Neuf and some bloke that likes the French (I didn't get his name, but he put his armpit on her head!!!!). The GM is well happy as we have a visiting French Cunt that can actually speak English. Who The Fuck Is Alice and Turncoat were at the hash last week, but Minnie Mouse, the new Steward Chaser wasn't there (no commitment to the GM!!) So how is it that all three of them were running a 10k run last Sunday, MM needs to understand where her priorities are!! Apparently WTFIA beat her in the run by about 30 seconds - not bad for a 70 year old!

Julie Andrews iced, when the GM sent a message of get well for Clitmas Pussy to Jungle Balls, his reply was "just make sure you ice JA!! The GM has got off to a great start of getting JA on the ice for more than 1 1/2 hours over the year!! Gee doesn't have a hash name yet, but it seems that she got herself into a situation at the Kamala Koma on Tuesday, obviously beer and bus rides don't mix well with her. Anyway after much discussion on Facebook and now in the circle, her PH3 name is Queen of Puke (I wonder, is there a threesome going on with the Duke and Duchess of Puke??). It seems that Julie Andrews was the first to suggest this name, but asked the GM to keep that quite as he would get no sex for 5 days if she found it - well she knows now!!! Not Cleaver asked if anybody was missing anybody, it seems that Pole Position was not yet back, and NC was worried - apparently Swollen Colon had seen her having sex just up the road?

Run Offenses: Houdini thanked (not) King Klong and Prince Charles FT for completely fucking up most of the pack - they claimed that they had found paper but it was going the wrong way!!! Neither of them had a clue, and it took the pack 10 minutes to realise this!! Dicksappointing was waiting for Virgin My Arse to get ready for the hash, and out she comes in a short mini skirt and hash t-shirt "How do I look darling" she asks "Very nice dear, but if you go dressed like that, and spend as much time on the ice as I think you are going to, you will be Blue Harlots new pin up girl!" Needless to say, she listened to her husband (a first??) and changed into running trousers! Some of the pack thought he was a real spoilsport for telling her that. Julie Andrews thanked the Hares for doing a run today that will be harder than the Maraud on Thursday, and he knows because he is the hare. Rude As Fuck was quite interested to see who the first runner back would be, Flip Flop was panicking slightly that no runners were back, so worried in fact that she said she would "kiss the arse of the first runner back" at that Julie Andrews arrived. Oh lucky Flop Flop??? Although JA thought it was Princess that was back first, I bet Flip Flop wished the same. The last time JA had somebody kissing his arse, he had paid 500 Baht for the pleasure. Swollen Colon can't believe that JA's brother has sent him a pair of Lederhosen for him to wear, which, apparently, make his dick look bigger? Not sure how SC knows this!! Princess was offered the chance to kiss JA's arse - although it looked more like he was licking it than kissing it?? GM was concerned about Dicksappointing at the Tin Man on Wednesday, he wasn't drinking a great deal, and seemed very quiet. Apparently he was taking it easy, because he had an early start the next day to renew his Thai driving license - what a plonker, Thursday was a public holiday and nothing was open!

Steward - Sir Wanda: Thanks to the hares for giving him a better Maraud run than he will get this week. Julie Andrews iced for giving away Maraud secrets. Virgin My Arse and Puppy Shit had a great scam going before the run, SW had bought his pie for after the run, and VMA and PS got his dog to sit so sweetly and nicely that SW could do nothing but feed it - and that was the scene for most that bought food - talk about getting the dog free meals! Hitchy Cock is back in Patong and staying in an apartment next to Faulty Towers, so SW goes to reception and asks if Mr Fred is in and could the receptionist ring his room. Yes, no problem, but the phone just rang out. Two days later SW is back and asks the security guard if he could ring the room, again it just rings out. Thirty minutes later HC appears, and SW asks him why the fuck doesn't he answer his phone "Because I haven't got one" he replies. This morning, it seems he has found the phone, but it is hid behind a curtain and isn't connected - now these apartments should be called Faulty Towers! While SW was walking up hill and down dale the only thing that kept him going was Mind the Gap and her blowing the horn - he could hear it all the way round - like music to his ears it was. SW and Blind Mullet went out for a nice meal on Thursday, but for love nor money they couldn't find a bar that would serve them beer - oh but they could - Expat Sports Bar, so thanks to King Klong, Woodpecker and Butt Plug! Lord Louis the Lip is, apparently, knowledgeable; so why don't guys like to perform oral sex on a woman the day after sex? Of course Swollen Colon knew the answer, punch line steeler (which he was iced for). The answer is have you ever tried licking a toasted cheese sandwich? So SC do you know the punch line to this; What is the difference between Acne and a Catholic Priest? Yes he did!! A Catholic Priest doesn't wait until you are a teenager to come over your face!! At that Pole Position, Tequila Slapper and 2 other guys appeared - from the completely opposite direction than they should have come in on, well and truly lost! Princess and Great Dick were asked into the circle, and SW asked if anybody else wanted to admit to being gay! GM in!!!!! SW introduced himself to GM at the AGPU and the GM was very pleased to know that SW was around for a while, as the GM could do with a few gay circle spots?! All the Thai Pooying in, as SW wanted to say that this is one of the best hashes in the world, and the most beautiful hash in the world! Good Steward spot.

Blue Harlot you would have thought he had learnt his lesson - so 25 runs for somebody, take it off / put it on! Take it off (of course!) congratulations Butt Plug - and he took it off. It was at this point that somebody realised the GM didn't have his hat or jacket on "Oh fuck, I completely forgot" he said. He then iced the hares because it was their fault he didn't have enough time to change correctly and have a beer before starting the circle. OK Swollen Colon, a 300 run t-shirt, definitely leave it on. Congratulations Ejackulator. According to Sir Wanda Swollen Colon was getting it off with a 53 year old - and I'm sorry I will write no more about that story - if you want to know, ask either one of them!!!

Steward - Fuckarwee (apologies from the GM as he is an Aussie!): He wanted Jungle Balls as his whipping boy, so Julie Andrews stood in and was iced. Sir Wanda had a fetish about big tits (still has apparently) and really wanted to check out the queens tits!! So the local magic man made some itching powder for him, and the only antidote was SW saliva! Well it worked, he spent 4 hours licking her tits to stop them itching. The magic man wanted paying for his services, but SW said no!! So off the magic man went, and made another batch of powder and added it to the kings pants! So the moral of the story is - pay your fucking bills? Calls for Rosie at this stage! Murkury and Virgin My Arse are pretty intelligent setting good runs on consecutive days??? Princess and his camp mate (that would be Great Dick or is it Gay Dick now?) Fuckarwee was watching them (something you want to tell us??) and they took the piss on how Singha got out of his chair - although Princess can't remember, so they were iced - must be magic ice, for as soon as he sat down he remembered! Swollen Colon and Blue Harlot were playing golf in the week and there were a couple of 'sheilas' in front but going so slow. SC rushed forward to ask if they could go before them, but as he got near he realised it was his wife and mistress so turned back. Blue Harlot ran down there to ask the question instead, he returned saying "you ain't gonna believe the coincidence!!" Scud has a new girlfriend and went to her apartment for a meal, she told him to take a look around the place and he ended up in her bedroom. In her wardrobe she had a nurse uniform, a french maid outfit and a police woman's uniform "fuck I'm not staying with here, she can't hold down a steady job!" Great steward spot for a fucking Aussie!

Princess was iced for saying that he thought the GM would be shit because he is French!! No he is not, and he speaks very good English. Instead of French Cunt of the Week it should be Poofter of the Week - well he would be it every week!! So onto FCOTW: Calls for Assterix (no he is just the idiot). Turncoat; he hasn't been married long and is still into this shit with his wife! So he was having a 69 with his wife, and realised he had a dentist appointment - so he jumped out of bed, cleaned his teeth, used a liter of mouth wash and left for the dentist. The dentist asked him to sit in the chair and open is mouth. "Have you been doing a 69 with your wife?" he asks. "How do you know" replied Turncoat, "Because you forehead smells of shit!" Departers: Reverend Fingerlicker (who wasn't allowed to speak as we would have been there all night!) Minnie Mouse walked right through the circle, no bloody respect for the GM at all!! Another moped through the circle, Hares iced. Run Master: Barbara Woodhouse, personally thought the calling by the PH3 pack was very poor today. The laying of the paper was indifferent, some of it looked like a pussy cat had had a pee and buried it! The Laager was like the M1 there was that much traffic going through it. But the circle all agreed Good Run! The Hares, and the rest of PH3 wish Clitmas Pussy a speedy recovery and hope to see her back soon. GM was very pleased with himself, circle completed in 1 hr 9 minutes, and the sun was still in the sky :)