Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1376                    Saturday 21st July 2012

Hares: Jungle Balls, Murkury & Manneken Pis

Total Pack ?,  PH3 ?,  Virgins 15,  Visitors 1, Visiting Hashers 1,  New Members 4.


Well if you thought the scribe notes for the last 39 weeks (yes that's how long I have been doing them!!!) were long, you ain't seen nothing yet!! Welcome to War and Peace, with 3 songs and a prayer today, lots of activity in the circle, mainly mopeds, and 15 virgins it was a fun filled, fun packed circle - so here goes......

Hares in and the GM thought they did a fucking brilliant job (well he would being a hare!!!), although one of them, who we may get to know better after the AGPU, was a Virgin - huge calls for keep it on, but Manneken Pis insisted on taking it off and showing us that he had lost 8kg, although the GM reckons that was after one dump (which hasn't quite flushed away!!).  There was the first moped....  Good job to all the hares, lets wait for the Hare Master later.  Second moped.......... Saggy Balls aka Freebie Hunter, was iced and Manneken Pis was nominated as whipping hare, his words were "I'm gonna get drunk!!"  No shit sherlock!! All the over 70's (Old Farts or Geriatrics) in; Slow Cunt, LLtL, Disparu, Rommel, Singha, Who The Fuck is Alice and Hawaiian Ho - and ALL of these guys did the full walk or the run.  Now everybody that did the 'Old Farts' route; GP Arse, Always Wet, Kuntree Girl, Fuckarwee, Froggy, Murkury, all 15 French Virgins and Bum Scraper.  GP Arse reckoned he was lost again, but what a poor example to set to the elders!  GP Arse iced (and did a great impression of Houston Basher trying to get on it!) and was joined by Always Wet.   Returners:  Oh Yea, King Klong, Saggy Balls, Fucking Near Water, Ice Quim and Apple Pie.  New Members:  Joseph and Brent (there is a name in there somewhere!!).  Although Blue Harlot wasn't going to name him as he is a big fucker!! Visiting Hashers:  Gold Finger, who we have met before.  Two from Stavanger, Norway; Sperm Bank (who makes the deposits) and Erector (who fluffs him!).  Sperm Bank had some lovely socks on (On On) must be cold in Norway then!? Everybody was impressed by Erector who managed to get most of the beer in her mouth with her blue arm on (some thought she should be called Sperm Bank seeing how much she held in her mouth!).  Creature and Ejackulator tried to show us how it should be done, although Ejackulator failed at the first step and put the blue arm on the wrong way and they did a worse job than the visitors!! Virgins:  Fucking shitloads of them, 15 in total and it all had to be translated into French.  They all enjoyed an ice cold beer with ice cold water - and Assterix and Barf Wader were the first ones in with the ice water!!   And another moped....... do you get the picture (and it must have been the smallest circle spot in the world!!).

Run Offenses:  Julie Andrews iced Oh Yea and Ice Quim, because they didn't have hash t-shirts on (not that any of the circle had noticed!).  Oh Yea had been racing on the walk, she was jumping for joy when she came in 4th into the Laager! Tan and Noi had new shoes, and some 'willing' volunteers to drink out of them; one of the virgins and Saggy Balls (anything for a free beer!).  As a hare, Murkury noticed several that didn't do the walk, one being Fucking Near Water, who proceeded to piss up the wheel of Murkury's car like a dog!  Another Moped.......... Minnie Mouse asked for the French guy with the yellow hat to come in, actually he was Swedish with an orange hat! On his way round the run he was asking why people get to sit on the ice and get free beer - he has done well so far with the beer, and has now enjoyed a sit on the ice (although he wanted to take his pants down, no please don't!!).  Pole Position was asked by Manneken Pis why she went off paper on her way back to the Laager, well that is because she lives here.   

Steward - No Hope:  Klong, Wilma, JC, Woodpecker and GM all in as they were the ones that provided support and haring to the Wild Wolf runs.   Song: The Ode to Slimey Limey. Hares in, as they quite often get forgotten by the stewards, laying another run on old paper, which seems quite common now.  Minnie Mouse suckered NH big time to be a steward at the Pooying last week, all she had to do was 'puff up' her breasts and NH would agree to anything (although he did make her work hard at it!).  The Bus driver was thanked with a t-shirt and named 'Road Runner' as he is beeping his horn every two minutes on the journeys to and from the Laager.  Thanks for looking after the bus patrons and getting us home safe and sound.  Blue Harlot forgot to turn his phone off last week, and NH thought he had mis-heard what his ring tone was; ZZ Top, Sharp Dressed Man.  NH thinks that makes him a sad cunt, BH thinks it's good to have a bit of ZZ Top! Come here Oh Yea, apparently she loves it when he talks to her like that!! Oh Yea recently visited Oz and went skiing, she was that covered up she looked like a rag head - here's to our Thai Olympian! LLtL reckons that youngsters nowadays don't show any respect for their elders! NH couldn't believe that LLtL has had no sex since 1959 - bloody long time ago!! "Not really" he replied "it's only 2145 now!"  First Rosie joke of the day.....  Another moped ...... Creature was helping on a run with NH, and when he called her to see if she wanted to go out on a recce she replied "can cannot" NH was very confused what she can or cannot do the recce?? Apparently what she actually meant was the she was in Cannes, so cannot! Lost Buffalo lookalike GP Arse and Butt Plug in, apparently LB was in the gym the other day on the x-trainer.  He said to NH "I am currently in great shape, today ....... I am a circle."  Singha and Toad are interesting Hares to recce with, with them both being deaf they are off like a pair of chickens, clucking and pointing and going off in different directions saying "did he say over here or over there" cluck cluck cluck!  So NH started with a song, best finish with a song:   

Here We Come By: No Hope
Tune:  (Theme from) The Monkees 
Joined by Once Weekly, Julie Andrews, Google Ass  Here we come, Running through the trees,
We get the funniest looks from
Everyone we meet.
Hey, Hey, we're the hashers,
And people see us running around,
But we're too busy drinking
To put anybody down.
We're just trying to be friendly,
Come and watch us sing and play,
We're the Phuket Hash
And we've got something to say. 
Joined by 15 Gets you 20, Barf Wader, Secret Banana Gobbler, 20 Baht Bar Fine and Pole Position Here they come, 
Bouncing through the trees,
Getting lustful looks from,
Everyone they see.
Hey, hey, they're the ladies,
And we like to see them bouncing around,
But they're too busy jiggling
To put anybody down.
They're just trying to be friendly,
Come and watch them boing-ing around,
They're the breast generation
And they've got something to show. 
Joined by Murkury, JC and Assterix  Here they come,
Talking round the hash, 
Gotta say hello to,
Everyone they meet.
Hey, hey, they're the Yakkers,
And people hear them making a din,
But they're too busy talking,
To hear anything profound.
They're just trying to be noisy,
Come hashing and hear them talk,
They're the loud generation,
And they've always got something to say. 
Joined by Princess on the ice 
Here he comes,
Mincing through the trees,

Blowing little kisses,
To every man he meets.
Hey, Hey it's Princess
And people see him prancing around,
Sometimes it's pretty worrying,
But he's not really gay.
He's just trying to look faggy,
So lock your daughters away,
3 marriages already,
And another one on the way. 
Excellent steward spot, but don't worry Sir Bollox your job is safe!!

And another 2 mopeds this time ...........  Manneken Pis iced, because the GM can, it will be interesting to see what happens next week when he isn't the GM anymore!? Disparu joined Manneken Pis as being the only other Belgium at the hash, Julie Andrews joined them because they invaded them once, apparently Uncle A was everywhere! So it is Belgium National Day today (Blue Harlot thinks it's tomorrow, but he's wrong - you would think being in education he would have got that right!?).  Another moped ............  Most countries make a big song and dance about their national days, but not the Belgium's, this lot barely deserve one, which is why they have probably kept quiet.  Blue Harlot, it is your lucky day, a 25 run, small t-shirt - Yes or No.  100% yes - congratulations Butt Plug.  BH had an image of a 5ft tall Thai girl with big tits, and the GM calls Butt Plug! OK, 2nd go, 50 run t-shirt, so BH was in for a penny in for a pound and said yes.  Well BH it certainly is your lucky day - congratulations Pole Position - and she took it off - my god BH needed a cold beer to calm down!! Not sure at this stage if hash flash captured the moment, BH surely hopes she did (as do most of the blokes in the circle!).  GM nearly bought Pole Position a 50 run bra, but he thought Julie Andrews would get jealous as he hasn't got one!!  There were numerous offers of money to buy a bra for PP!   

Hash Music - Sir Bollox: So there is 'some' competition out there! Although SB isn't elected he is just told he is doing it!   First of all A Mans Prayer:   
Lord before I lay down to sleep today
I pray for a woman who's partially gay

One who is pretty, sexy and bright
One who's fanny is small and tight
Send me a woman who goes like a train
Swallows your load and wants it again
And as she prays with this in mind
She'd ask me to take her from behind
And when I was done I'd climb off and thank her
Until you can find her I'll just be a wanker 
This was the 2nd song that SB sang in Phuket: 

I'm A Wanker By: Ivor Biggun
Tune: itself
My Mother said that I never should
Play with the dirty little girls in the wood

Their giggling talk I could never understand
That's when I fell in love with my right hand 

Chorus: I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And it does me good like it bloody well should
I'm a wanker, I'm a wanker
And I'm always pulling my pudd.

I was twenty five years old before I got kissed
That's when I preferred a quick one off the wrist
It's neat and convenient, you don't get VD
It's available at any time and absolutely free 

Chorus 

I've wanked over Italy, I've wanked over Spain
I've wanked in an omnibus,
I've even had a wank in a train
I've used a melon and a badger,
I've even used a cat
A blow up Linda Lovelace and a David Crocket hat 

Chorus 

Oh, Misses Palmer and your five lovely daughters
Thank you for having me and being oh so kind
My arms have gone stiff and my knees have turned to water
My dong is getting shorter and I think I'm going blind 
Great song SB. 

Two mopeds this time ......... GM knew some people were confused, so Assterix if need a piss, Murkury's car is to the right of the circle.  Apologies, from the GM, for anybody here that has any sense of decorum and taste ....... 

Steward - Blue Harlot:  BH thanked the GM for the warning, it all goes down hill from here.  GM asked if BH could do his spot on the Paralympics, like he did 4 years ago.  BH wouldn't have stooped so low as to do something as demeaning as that - well apparently he did, and will do again! Another moped ......... Manneken Pis in again about Belgium's National Day today, well BH has a sheet of paper with everything that has has been relevant for them in the last 72 years - diddly squat on the A4 sheet of paper! GM asked BH if he would like to take part in the Laguna Marathon.  "Fuck off" he replied, the GM went on to explain that it was for the handicapped and blind kids, "fuck, yes then, I could probably win this race!" It's for charity mate........ Julie Andrews and Clit Zipper (BH knows he is here because he has seen his daughter!) BH is pissed off reading about the G8 and Euro Summit, and Angela Merkel demanding money to help out Greece, Italy and Spain.  When she was last in Poland she was presented with a gas bill, as the last time they were there they fucked off and didn't pay it.  There is also talk of making a United States of Europe, with one currency, the Euro and with Angela Merkel in charge - er didn't they try that in 1942?? Virgin My Arse and Dicksappointing were recently talking about holidays, and they decided to visit Egypt.  Dicksappointing looked on the internet and found some great deals, VMA was sooooo excited about going and she asked if they could go on a camel, "Fuck off it would take us ages to get there!"  Rosie joke! VMA sent BH an invitation for a charity gala in aid of delayed orgasms - but he needed to let her know if he couldn't come!! Groans from the circle, apparently this lot only like the sex shit!! BH was in the teachers room, having done some marking he asked the young female American teacher if he could borrow her newspaper.  She was reading 'online' using her iPad, so she offered him that instead.  That fucking spider didn't know what had hit it! Testicle Tom (well Saggy Balls as he look alike) walked into the bank yesterday and the security guard stopped him and said "No helmets Sir"  TT replied "What are you talking about?" Security guard replied "put your cock away and fuck off!" BH met Tan in a bar recently and she asked him if he had a nickname.  "Yes it is Sledge" she asked "Is that because you are sleek, strong and fast?" "NO, it's because I keep getting pulled by dogs!" LLtL, if there are two fleas on a fanny, one is a junkie and one is a mugger, how would you know which is which.  The junkie is sniffing the crack and the mugger is hiding in the bush!  So we have the Olympics, followed by the Paralympics, then we have the Winter Olympics followed by Winter Paralympics - that's a very long title, why not just call it Frozen Veg.  You are going to burn for that one BH.  Did you know that the Paralympics have banned Team GB cycling team as they have been found using performance enhancers, not drugs but stabilizers! China has announced it's dream team for the Paralympics: Medal favourite Fu Kin Mong, Sim Pal Twat, Wan Lim Gon, Fut Long Tung, Won Kee Eye and Mai Left Foot.   BH doesn't like watching the Paralympics, he never knows wether to laugh or cry.  He was watching the other week, and they were all lined up for the 100m men's final - there they all were all missing arms and / or a leg, but there was one, fit as hell and had all four limbs, so BH thought he would bet £10 on him to win!! BH couldn't believe it when the gun went off and the muppit was left in the starting blocks, he was fucking deaf!!! What do you call the guy that lights the cauldron, at the opening ceremony of the Paralympics - Flame Retardant.  Some of the event names have to change, Figure Skating to Dis-Figured Staking. 2 Man Bob Sleigh, with a double amputee on the back becomes 3 1/2 Man Bob Sleigh (I think I have got that wrong?? or BH did!!?) Skeleton Bob is Osteoporosis Skeleton Bob.  BH favourite event is Ski Jumping, but it would look like a fucking scrap yard at the bottom with all the wheelchairs! BH asked permission to sing a song, only if it's good!! 

I know a Muslim whose name is Karim
I really love throwing tomatoes at him

Tomatoes are soft and don't hurt the skin
But these fuckers do, 'cos they're still in the tin!!!   
A fucking great Steward spot, even with 3 Rosie jokes in the mix!!  

A moped....... An urgent announcement from GM, PH3 is very short of HHH signs, please if you are storing any can you bring them to the hash on Saturday.  Last year there were 40 signs held at the Expat, now there are NONE! All members of Mis-Management were thanked by the GM for all their hard work in making the GM look good.  <Blue Harlot was writing this and BH also asked that somebody buy him a prezzie!!> Minnie Mouse thanked the GM for a year of great circles - a huge resounding chorus of FOYC!!  Departers:  GP Arse and Fucking Near Water.  Manneken Pis iced again, everybody in tune apart from this deaf cunt (probably because he is pissed!!) Run Muster managed the debate on wether this was Hash Shit or Good Run, although the GM thought he could resolve it again on Thursday - too late GM even Murkury called it Hash Shit.  So HASH SHIT it is for you GM.    Told you it was a long, epic circle, but what a very funny circle it was, fitting of it being Jungle Balls last Saturday circle for PH3.  Thank you GM.


On On

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