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Funny how the GM decided to do
new shoes before the run even started, you can guess why - he had a
lovely shinny new pair of trainers on, so did Mind The Gap and two
other Pooyings. Oh well he is the GM, for 2 more weeks, so he is making
the most of being able to do what he wants in HIS circle. GM also
welcomed back several of those attending Wild Wolfs Birthday Bash last
week, lets hope they can stay for the whole of the circle this time?
All instructions for the run / walk were given in French, so good luck
everybody who can't speak French!!!
In come the 2 French Hares, and they are celebrating Bastille Day (no not Bastard Day!!). GM has some very bad news for returners and visiting hashers - today is NOT a t-shirt run - so tough!!! The GM thought they did a good job, but lets hear what the Run Master has to say later. OK, the scribe broke her clip board today, and no she didn't sit on it with her big arse - reckon it got too wet last week and gave up the ghost!? Froggy and Barf Wader are holding an On On after the run, with proper sit down food, well it could be finger food if you 'used your fingers' to eat it with! So the decision needed to be made if the bus was going to stop, it would go with a majority vote, and the dozy sods couldn't make a decision, with 5 Yes and 5 No - most had said "will go with the majority" and one totally undecided, Virgin My Arse, was iced. Those that voted yes enjoyed a down down, the rest of them got nothing, and the bus wasn't going to stop. A warning for all former GM's there is only 1 steward today, so they will all have to do the 2nd steward spot, "oh Fucking Hell" from one of them sat next to me, yep you guessed it, Blue Harlot! Returners: More than usual, as it was rumored to be a t-shirt run, amongst them were Hot Pants, Dandy La Root, Sir Bollox, Reverend Fingerlicker, Mister Fister, Twice Before Breakfast and Top Off. New Member: After too many years, Boner has finally realised that since he has done 10 runs, he should really become a member of PH3!! It's good to have young, fresh blood at the hash! Gold Finger was registering with Butt Plug at Patong, and he had to ask Kuntfoo what the name of is girlfriend was that he was bringing to PH3. Apparently they have been together for 1 week, which is an eternity here in Phuket, but funny that Kuntfoo knew more about her than Gold Finger did - do you think they are sharing!? Visiting Hashers: Joseph Prost, Gold Finger, who first visited 20 years ago for the Inter Hash, didn't learn his lesson then, and is back again now. 'Something' Face (shit face??), GM couldn't read registrations writing. Dancing Queen and Drag Queen from Bahrain hash. Kuntfoo, the annoying twat in the circle with his camera. It was commented on that Kuntfoo looks like a swan vesta, just need to rub his head on sandpaper and maybe he will ignite? Blue Harlot thought that had happened already? Dancing Queen and Drag Queen failed miserably on the intelligence test with the blue arms, bless her, Dancing Queen couldn't put it on the right way round! The circle knew they would fail, due to the blank look on their faces when they were asked to drink the beer! Virgin My Arse and Dicksappointing showed them how it should be done. It should be noted that Blue Harlot was given the camera, so god only knows what photos were taken? As long as they weren't ones down his pants!! Virgins: Flying Dickhead (not really, but his timing was impeccable walking through the circle!). Aeron, Billy, Manak, Unth(?), Nathan, Mummy, Belle and May. Gold finger got introduced to May (that is his girlfriend!), Umbilical bought two of the virgins along and Houston Basher bought Mummy and Belle!! So while the virgins enjoyed ice cold water with their beer, especially Mummy and Belle, Hash Flash was busy talking with some guy at the opposite side of the circle, So she was iced and the group of men that had gathered directly opposite Mummy and Belle enjoyed a reverse view of them on their knees. All the French in to a resounding chorus of Ou Est Le Papier? So the French are celebrating Bastille Day, on this day in 1789 a mob stormed Bastille Castle, the French Army surrounded the castle and promptly surrendered (serial surrenders apparently). No Hope has a French Army rifle for sale, it has never been used, well apart from the time the white flag was stuck in the end of it! Steward - Lord Louis the Lip: Mummy and Belle were the first ones in, I wonder why! Belle saw LLtL walking with a stick, and she promptly took the piss!!! LLtL told Mummy she didn't need to bring her bag with her on the walk, it would be safe on the bus, oh no, that bag went round the whole route with her (I wonder what was in it that was so important!?). Houston Basher bought them to the hash, he bought them each a PH3 vest, but didn't buy them any new shoes, and they went the whole route wearing flip flops! There were calls from the circle for HB to buy them each a new dry top to change into, unfortunately HB was running short of funds, not sure how long they will hang around if that is the case? Manneken Pis offered to buy the new shirts!! HB was iced because.......?? He had help from Naahee Man, he was sat at such a strange angle he looked more like a mermaid? Then Belle and Mummy iced, the circle seemed to like this? Kuntfoo was told by LLtL that he could be in the circle and take as many photos as he liked for him, unlike the GM who wouldn't let him near the circle. May was on the run and was having a hard time getting up one of the hills, LLtL joined her and between them all you could hear was huhh, huhh, huhh. Neither could talk, but May had the decency to offer LLtL some smelling salts - which seemed to help both of them. Although LLtL did thank May for giving him an enema - WTF, you stick them up your nose not your arse LLtL! Julie Andrews found the dog shit that some dog had kindly left before the run - LLtL had covered it over, but JA left running shoe found it. To make things worse, Minnie Mouse's dog was about 1/8th of a second away from shitting in Blue Harlot's bag, luckily his foot found its arse and the shit went in one direction and the dog in the other. Obviously Blue Harlot and No Hope knew what the word Totty meant. LLtL wasn't sure if it meant the rag and bone man, or something that you drank? But they all knew that Twice Nightly was Top Totty!! Giggly Wurm was assisting LLtL in buy some food, trying to offer him any one of many delights from the food stall. She offered him a sausage roll, but he replied that he had got one 'down there' needless to say she lived up to her name, and giggled away quite merrily for the next few minutes - apparently LLtL has that effect on most women? Sir Wanda had asked LLtL for a lift to the Laager this week (it was way too far for him to travel on the bus), and good job too. There was no signs on the road and exactly which 7/11 on the corner were they referring too?? Must learn to speak English - although Who The Fuck Is Alice did reply in French with LLtL replying "exactly!" Once Weekly and Twice Nightly were getting ready for bed, and 1W pulled down his shorts and said "You haven't got one of these!" Absolutely in tears 2N heads off home to her Mom. The following night, 1W does exactly the same, but this time no tears from 2N - so 1W asks "why no tears tonight" "well I have seen my Mother and she says, as she drops her knickers, with this, I can have as many of those as I like!" Sir Sybil, looking as fit as ever, although somebody thought LLtL needed glasses after this statement! Just something to think about; 1) If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal. 2) A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat. 3) A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years. 4) A tortoise doesn't run and does noting, yet it lives for 450 years. And you're telling me to exercise?? I don't think so I'm retard retired!! Oh bless LLtL for getting the punch-line wrong, although the circle loved it! LLtL welcomed all the French into the circle by speaking French to them, and they just burst out into fits of laughter! He congratulated them on celebrating Independence Day - again the circle just erupted into fits of laughter - he genuinely thought it was!! We all endured the sight of Assterix's arse in the circle - not nice! LLtL recycled the old joke about JC and Paper playing fart football in bed - with JC shitting the bed just before half time and changing ends!! When the GM blew the horn for the start of the circle, Singha was just walking in front of him, and it certainly made him jump! So his hearing must be fixed - well it is more than likely completely knackered now? Virgin My Arse is our own little star appearing in the paper, well done so far for giving up the smokes, into her 7 month and still going strong. Well done to all have pledged money which is going to the Orphanage at Takua Pa - currently standing at 35,000 baht (with 24,000 baht of that coming from the Iron Pussy). So come on PH3, see if you can better the IP (although some of the guys could be heard moaning that they would be paying the IP donation!), pledges or donations can be given to Clitmas Pussy. Blue Harlot pledged 20 baht for an 8 year old - duly iced for that!!!! He subsequently pledged 1,000 baht! Just so you know, if VMA does fail in her bid to stop smoking for the year, she will personally match the pledges / donations. Kuntfoo nearly got his arse kicked when he offered VMA a packet of smokes, needless to say the smokes ended up in a hedge somewhere after they were launched out of the circle. Run Offenses: After Manneken Pis paraded his shiner of a black eye last week, he is now heading up a well know band - Black Eyed Pis! MP enjoyed icing Juan Palorisa, last week MP checked with him to see if he was going to the hash and wanted a lift, he replied saying he didn't think he would be going, MP tried to convince him it would be a good hash, with loads of visiting hashers from the Philippines coming along. But JP was having none of it, you see he had promised his girlfriend he would take her to watch Spiderman! MP saw Assterix shortcutting at least three times on the run (nothing new there), and he was still one of the last runners to come in! Julie Andrews iced the bastard (Assterix that is), so while they were in the creek, for the first time ever, Assterix was calling On On, but fucked up big time as was pointing JA and others in the completely wrong direction - so JA thinks it should be Hash Shit for Assterix (got a bit confused at this stage, how can it be hash shit when he wasn't even one of the hares?? Maybe somebody could explain to me??). Lucky Lek thanked the Hares for NOT putting any signs up at the 7/11 on which corner!! Who The Fuck Is Alice needs to find himself a Thai girlfriend who can help him with his English (I think that was what was said). Barbara Woodhouse had forgotten what a gentleman Dandy La Root is, so he has found the paper after a check and instead of shouting On On, he just points and off he goes! Apparently everybody else was too far back and wouldn't have heard him calling On On. So Murkury isn't quite the gentleman we thought he was, No Hope was behind him going through the barbwire, and instead of holding up the barbwire to help people through, he just let it spring back and was off running again. Naahee Man asked Tequila Slapper if she had her long trousers, long sleeved t-shirt and another t-shirt over the top on, to help keep the sun off her skin. "Oh no" she replied "it is to keep you off me!" Naahee Man wanted to know where Manneken Pis comes from, well it is Belgium and that is a relatively flat country isn't it? So why was it, when they were halfway up the Eiger (thanks Hares you said it was flat!) was he screaming "come on you lot run, On On?" Apparently because he is fit! When the Hares announced that they wanted everybody to wear their blue French t-shirts, why the fuck is Stupid Canard wearing the red one?! All the French and Germans in (Clit Zipper) and the Austrian (Julie Andrews) because he started it all (well not him personally??); Angela Merkel visited France recently, and on checking her passport, the French border guard asked: "Name" "Angela Merkel", "Occupation" "No not this time!" Somebody needs to explain that to the Aussies and some of the Brits. The girlfriend of Dirty Harry, who has been coming to the hash for many years, was finally named today, welcome Make My Day. Steward - All former GMs (not LLtL): Blue Harlot was at the expat last night, and met the 'celebrity' (really??) Cheryl Cole, obviously BH ended up shagging her (had heard she was a bit desperate) but he noticed two things 1) she has got breast implants and 2) the security guards from Madame Tussauds are absolute bastards. (Sorry if I got that completely wrong, I was away having a pee and missed it all - thanks NH for taking over). Sir Wanda knew he had found the right girl for him, when his new girlfriend said she 'took it up the arse.' Sir Wanda has so far imported $500,000 worth of Cocaine into the country. Dr Fucking Jekyll had a party and had made most of the food himself, BH wasn't quite so sure, so he asked him "do you know how to make an apple crumble? You release a photo of Steve Jobs fingering a 7 year old!" (Thanks BH for ending your 30 second (well not quite) spot on that low tone!). Reverend Fingerlicker started preaching about how the soccer world every 4 years celebrates the World Cup, also every 4 years the Olympics come round, this year in England (no Great Britain!). America has its own national sport; every 4 years they pander to the great unwashed masses, yes they have their elections, for better for worse and only the rich win - Amen!! Sir Sybil was on the Inter Hash in New Zealand along with Lucky Lek and Sir Wanda. There was a young American lady there who had split up from her fiance but decided to come along on her own. It was decided that she would be auctioned off and the bidding started at $5, Sir Wanda offered $6 and Lucky Lek came straight in at 5,000 and he won, but it wasn't $ he offered but Indonesian Rupiah!!! Sir Wanda thanked the Hares, as he had been recceing in this area for a Pooying run, but couldn't find anything without barbwire involved. Thanks for doing a fucking good job. Dr Fucking Jekyll nearly decapitated himself on the rope crossing early on in the walk!! SW had a lift to the hash with LLtL, who admitted to him that he was so nervous about doing a steward spot, but never likes to say no the PH3 - good man!! Flying Dickhead: Well you lot that was the longest 30 second each he has every heard (can't shut them up when they get going!), anyway he took his wife to a disco recently, and there was a guy getting down and giving it large on the dance floor, he had some cracking moves going on. His wife said that he asked her to marry him 20 years ago, FD replied "Wow and he is still celebrating 20 years later!" Gorgeous: A couple of weeks ago the 20 Anniversary of Inter Hash was celebrated, but what about the Pan Asia that took place in 1987, anybody that was there was asked to come into the circle (GM thought most of them were dead?), Flying Dickhead was a hare, and No Cup and Gerbil were also there, and it was then that the 2nd GM took over, yes you guessed it, that was Gorgeous. Hash Music: Sir Bollox wasn't happy that they had got the rotten end of the circle, but along with Sir Wanda they ensured that silence came over the circle: Jerking Off In Silence (video of this from 2009) Hello penis my old friend In horny dreams I get a bone What a great bit of hash music, stand against this man at the AGPU if you dare!!! Reverend Fingerlicker iced for not registering, a former GM and all!!!! Departers: Lucky Lek, Boner, Dancing Queen, Drag Queen and Clitmas Pussy (she is leaving the GM but he doesn't know it yet!). Hares and Run Master (JC) in, he thought it was a fucking good long walk, they fucked it up with the barbwire, although it did split the pack up. It was a nice run to find in this area, and is there anybody that thinks it should be hash shit - perfect time with Scruffy the dog barking!!! Then Julie Andrews started about how it should be hash shit on Assterix part!! Assterix iced, but in his defense JC did hear Assterix calling On On again, so that is twice in over 600 runs!!! ALL agreed that it was a Good Run. If you thought this circle was long, wait until next week (words of the GM not me!), although I have packed 2 extra pens just in case!!! On On
Double Down Down Post Hash Note: Total pledges / donations in support of VMA kicking the habit currently stand at 54,000 baht. |