Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1372                    Saturday  23rd June 2012

Hares: Who the Fuck is Alice & Stupid Canard

Total Pack ?,  PH3 110,  Virgins 5,  Visitors ?, Visiting Hashers 4,  New Members 2.


So the run / walk instructions & nice new t-shirts were given in French, somebody shouted out to Singha 'one hill' - well it was one big bloody hill!!! I, amongst others, was convinced that we had missed the blue paper, which we should have found after 35 minutes.  Well the small pack I was in eventually found it after 55 minutes - jesus did they lay the paper riding a race horse - 35 minutes my arse!!!  All the way round, I kept saying to myself, if a 70 year old can lay this trail, I can damn well finish it!!! 

Hares in, there were calls for them to be in all day! GM reckons that the younger, fitter members thought it was fantastic and loved it.  The older, geriatrics found it tough - it would have been nice if there was a short cut for them? GM reckoned it was the best walk this year, but the runners may think differently, especially those that aren't back yet! Don't forget, this trail was laid by a 70 year old!!! Unfinished business from last week, so does Swollen Colon get a name change to Swallows Condoms (his Nigerian lady friend thought that was his hash name!).  All agreed to change for today only.  Returners:  (Not here last week, and came along for a free t-shirt!) amongst others Chicken George, Nanny and Goat Droppings.  Visiting Hashers: The Aussie Trio from last week, still looking for a hairdressers? Will be adding a musical interlude later.  Lkk'Emm, who failed the intelligence test with the blue arms, so was iced (and we all copped a view of his arse - yuk!) Virgins: Plenty with t-shirts on!! On of the Thai ladies was asked "who made you come today" needless to say the usual suspects put their hands up!! Jeny, Pla, Tony, from California - he struggled with that, and a Norwegian guy - they all enjoyed ice cold water with their beer! New Members:  Tan, although Singha doesn't know anything about her, so no name yet! Wild Wolf, who is here for his Birthday Bash, with 70 visitors coming along in a couple of weeks. Swallow Condoms wanted a word at this stage - he has known this guy for 12 years and always known him as Proposition, SC is sure he is a 'bit gay' - he reckons it shows, TT agreed! Apparently he has got 11 hash names as been hashing for a long time! Anyway Proposition it is at the PH3.   

Run Offenses:  Duke of Puke cannot believe that Blue Harlot has bought his 'lazy boy' with him, talk about relaxing in the circle.  DoP was concerned for Disparu, as within 10 minutes of starting he had fallen over several times and hit his head on the rocks - one was that loud even Singha heard it! Swallows Condoms was running in the 2nd pack with Barf Wader, Blue Harlot, Brunswick and Barbara Woodhouse, so they get to a check, SC goes off one way and the rest go checking the other - SC finds no paper, but the rest have and didn't even bother shouting on on (however, they could be heard giggling as they all ran off!!).  Blue Harlot was running just behind Butt Plug and they arrived at the base of the 'hill' and BP commented "you can kiss my rosy red arse" - well that bought back very fond memories for BH when he was in the military, he was on exercise, and did kiss a rosy red arse, and she turned round and went 'baaaahhhh.'  No Hope was with JC, who was his normal non-moaning self; "fucking vines, fucking bamboo, fucking holes!" GM was surprised to see JC here before Nugget and the beer truck today, in fact JC saw no beer truck and nearly left! It seems that Nugget was at Manic Dam, which is next week Laager!! JC thanked the hares for showing him a beautiful view of Nai Harn, but wished they just sent him a post card.   

Virgin Steward - Princess:  Looking like a gay boy through and through, especially with his man bag, he was very nervous as this was his first time as a Steward, appreciates that the hash are all a decent bunch and pretty accepting.  So Princess has chosen this moment to 'come out' thanks to Testicle Tom, is it the tightness of his nipples, or just the sperm dripping from his arse (NOT my words!!). So the circle are pretty accepting, half are nearly dead, Swallows Condoms and Testicle Tom more than half dead and the Aussies lost to Scotland but they are still here. So how can Princess be gay, he doesn't like dick, prefers pussy, has a shit fashion sense, can't mince, is too fat to be gay, doesn't like divas, e.g. Oprah and Jiggly Juggs and can't get in touch with his feminine side, and if he could he would shag her!! So a few Dicks to join Princess; Flying Dickhead (my dick is not for hire!), Great Dick, Dicksappointing (apparently he would be disappointed), Major Dick Blue and Big Fella - so if this is the quality of 'dick' anyone can see why Princes is struggling! OMG Princess chooses to drop his pink shorts at this stage, to reveal black satin HOT pants!!! Perfectly matched with his Tiger Disco, midriff revealing vest top! As we all saw, he has an issue with fashion sense and can't git into any clothes. Twice Nightly (although he thought she was Once Weekly - are you sure you are not gay Princess?) helped Princess with his shorts - he couldn't do both buttons up - but TN sure got him buttoned up - she even got on her knees for him!! Princess does have a theory why men are gay, women always say they have headaches, can't blame a bloke for trying can you!? Testicle Tom came in the circle (apparently he had come 4 times in the circle already) and reckons he could hang is hat on 'IT".  So if anybody can teach Princess to mince it is TT as he has been doing it for years!  So with the help of TT, Bum Scraper, Clitmas Pussy, Always Wet, Regal Cunt - Princess's dick still heads for the pussy! Princess is joined by guys over 100kg, Swallows Condom,s Houston Basher, Big Fella and Butt Plug - if Princess can't loose weight, hang out with these fat fucks and it will make him look sexy!! Excellent steward spot, even though somebody very near to me moaned all the way through it [it was Houston Basher] - apparently didn't come to the hash to see gays parading in the circle.  Princess was doing a Steward spot, and an excellent, but different one at that - if you don't like it shut up or do a Steward spot yourself!!! According to the GM, Princess had an erection throughout the whole of this excellent steward spot - really?? I never noticed that! Is there something you want to tell us GM???  

So Houston Basher wanted to share something with the circle, and it is fluffing? There were some of us that had no idea what a Fluffer was (I still had to google it, and it has it's own Wikipedia page!!!) well it is somebody that helps keep the lead actor in a Porn Film aroused.  It seems that there is a member of PH3 that was /is one, but HB is sworn to secrecy? Well PH3 has some pretty intelligent people, and they figured it out for themselves.  I was truly lost for words - but our very own Fluffer is ................ Always Wet!!! Bum Scraper and Blue Harlot celebrating a birthday, so in usual fashion HBYC from the circle.  Billy Boy was watching the rugby last week and BS said she was horny and wanted fuck fuck, "but I'm watching the rugby" replied BB. BS suggested that he record it, "thats a good idea, you go upstairs, record yourself and I'll watch it later!" 

Numbered Runs:
Butt Cycle - 50, Pussy Cat - 100 (Blue Harlot actually kept his mouth shut re take it off, put it on, but No Hope was iced for suggesting he does keep it shut!!!), and King Klong - 1100. Congratulations to all.  Princess and Great Dick iced for asking "Really" re KK 1100 runs - No after 500 it's just made up you muppits - of course he has done 1100 runs!! Princess helped KK do his shorts up, but did want it noted by the scribe that even though he is gay, he still has taste and won't shag just anyone - guess that means you are safe then KK!!  Barbara Woodhouse announced that it is 15 Gets You 20 21st Birthday and there will be a party at Froggy's Bar to celebrate on Saturday 30 June, with a free BBQ and all are welcome.  Blue Harlot was surprised to see Ape Man is still alive, we know AM brings his girlfriend every week and after 18 weeks she still doesn't have a name. As we know AM gets through dogs like nobodies business (and he is a vet - so should know what he is doing!) so girlfriend looks after the dog now - so her name is Puppy Love.   

Steward - Billy Boy:  Hares in because they are a pair of bastards.  Bullet Rash because this steward spot will be short, but not as short as him! When Duke of Puke finished the walk, puffing and panting like a good un, he overheard Clitmas Pussy say that she had Creatures glasses, DoP reckons she should have given them to Creature before she met Ejackulator.  JC and Murkury (some were calling them Dumb and Dumber!), so JC started the theme of calling Murkury Turtle Head, in fact the latest Tin Man shirt has a turtle's head on it,  Well most people know that when you are busting for a shit, it is also known as the turtles head is poking out - so in fact Murkury JC is calling you a shit head! Great Dick iced, BB reckons he must have been inoculated with a gramophone needle - just doesn't shut up! Apparently Princess was calling On On, when in fact he was on a falsey and no paper to be seen anywhere! Bluey was out on his bike earlier, and put sunscreen everywhere apart from his knees - you should see the state of them!!  Red as his head they are!!! Well done to Google Ass, all the way up that damn hill and the horn could still be heard - well done for having enough breath in your body to blow that! After last weeks hash, Sir Wanda was on the piss with Wilma. Wilma realised that he was too drunk to drive, obviously Sir Wanda wasn't as he took over.  They missed the turning to Big A several times, but eventually got there.  It seems though, that SW had the key to the truck in his jacket pocket all week, and never even realised!  According to Thai Airways inflight magazine, they have 3 x A380, but none of them in the air!!! They reckon they are going to be different to all the others - No Hope reckons (and hopes) there will be short time rooms included.  BB liked his way of thinking, but no, they are going to have 7 galleys - well we all know the Thai's LOVE to eat constantly.  It was suggested by Duke Of Puke and Sir Wanda that Suzie Klong should be doubled up and Iced, well they both enjoyed that, Suzie Klong just enjoyed 1 beer - that doesn't seem fair!? Billy Boy thanked his Taxi Driver for looking after him.  All the Welsh in (well that's the GM then!) seeing as they lost again!!!! Great steward spot.   

Swallows Condoms recently found his 4 year old daughter in the swimming pool, singing to herself, ah how sweet, not when it was "he's a bastard, he's true blue!!"  Even worse, was when Flying Dickhead was banned from the hash for a year, when his 6 year old daughter was heard singing "Happy Birthday you Cunt" to her school friend at a school birthday party! Many congratulations to Cobbler, who was voted in as Deputy Major of Phuket Town, although there was nobody to join him in the circle to show who voted for him! King Klong iced for mouthing off, he is the only person that can drown out an announcement for a party at his own bar! Run Master (JC) wanted to know if anybody had anything to say about the run? Wilma has set the standard of 'hash shit' very high and will be hard to beat! JC has been to a part of the island he has never been too before, and the bastards even gave us a t-shirt.  All agreed Good Run.  

On on

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