Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1365                     Saturday  5th May 2012

Hares: Murkury, Jungle Balls & Clitmas Pussy  

Total Pack 73,  PH3 72,  Virgins 1,  Visitors 0, Visiting Hashers 0,  New Members 1.


Well, you have got me The Blue Harlot for the next 2 weeks. Double Down Down has nipped across to the U.K to do a bit of shopping for me. (Hope you are having a nice time darling, we have the rain as well.) 

So the hares promised us a good run with a hill and some wild life, that was a load of bollocks, we had the hill but the air was so thin at that altitude nothing could live. A long run of over an hour and a good flat walk had us all back in suitably knackered.

The circle started with the hares deservedly punished, and then Murkury was brought in to explain why his lights are always on on his new car, apparently the lights are always on but nobody is at home. Conrad the virgin tried his hand with the blue arm sleeve and failed miserably.  New member Wrong Direction (Tom) showed him the Irish way, I am still amazed how he pours the drink down his arm. Wrong direction was then punished for getting his knob out on the trail in front of female hashers, naughty boy. Testical Tom commented he should have gone out for a walk.

Loads of announcements about the Hash ball, Iron Pussy, and handing in hash signs after use. Minnie Mouse had new shoes on, and for the first time people were queuing up to drink out of them, Murkury and Corporal Punishment won, however they drew the line at using Big Bollox’s underwear as a filter.

Run offences next and Julie Andrews iced Minnie Mouse for her dogs which tried to bite him as he attempted to pass them on the trail. (Good Doggies.) Gorgeous berated Louis the Lip for sin binning him 2 weeks ago, especially as Louis had previously banned the sin bin during his reign as G.M. Clitmas Pussy brought in Fungus who was following a yellow shirt on the run for ages, when he finally caught up he found out it was a bloody road sign. (Twat) Barbara Woodhouse then bollocked me and Once weekly for breaking his hubcap. (Next time I will shit on his bonnet.) He the thanked the hares for a great example of paper laying. Disparu was hauled in next to show off his broken wrist, which took 3 visits to a hospital to confirm it was broken. Lesson 1. Don’t injure yourself here in Phuket. Testical Tom then took the piss out of Louis the lips terrible attempt at washing and ironing his shirt, “Buy some washing powder” and “Plug the iron in you tight cunt” were some of the comments heard from the circle.

1st Steward – Lost Buffalo. (Virgin Steward) Butt Plug in and congratulated on his new baby, however his mother in law was not impressed, she said it didn’t look like either of them, with this his missus lifted up her skirt and pointed at her pussy and said “This is a pussy not a photocopier” Testical Tom (Our resident American Hillbilly) wanted a divorce from his wife and this went on for ages, however the punch line was The lawyer asking “Is your wife a nagger” to which T.T replied “No, she is a little white girl, but our last child was a nagger and that’s why I want a divorce” Froggy and Barfwader next, Froggy wanted to increase sales at the restaurant, 15 minutes later he sees Barfwader blowing up small plastic bags and tying them up, when he asked what the fuck she was doing, she replied “ It’s a new menu item, Blow jobs to go” Little Buddha asked Paper “Is it O.K to have a willy?” “Of course it is” she replied. “Why do you ask?” “Well,” Little Buddha replied “J.C is upstairs trying to pull his off.” Murkury was told by his mother never to have oral sex with a girl because their vaginas have teeth, so for years he never went down on a girl. Finally he got married and his bride demanded oral sex, after much persuasion he ducks down under the bedcovers, he has a long look at her pussy and comes back up and tells her “Jesus Christ, no wonder you have got no teeth, look at the state of your gums?” An excellent virgin steward spot congratulations from the whole circle. Well done Lost Buffalo. Ex G.M’s brought in for approval.

Next in was Flying Dickhead to present to us an ancient Timan shirt from 1998, which was in better condition than Louis the Lip’s current shirt. Dicksappointing in to receive his 50 run T.shirt, congratulations, he told me he started coming on the hash to get away from the missus! Err what happened?

2nd Steward – No Hope. He straight away iced Itchy Cunt and Puppy Shit for parking offences, I think he still has a bee in his bonnet from last week’s chaotic parking which left the bus and other hashers having to park downhill of the laager. Ejackulator next to represent the dumb American DEA who arrested a suspected drug dealer, locked him up and then forgot about him for 5 days, he was so thirsty he had to drink his own urine, just as well he wasn’t hungry. Ape-man and Asterix in to show us the similarity of the candidates in the French election. Then he had the audacity to ice me because I commented on a fly that was continuously hovering around Twice Nightly’s arse while we were getting the run instructions from the hares, I started to believe that there might just be reincarnation, so I dropped my pants and sat on the ice and asked Twice Nightly to join me, the look she gave me was if I had asked her if she wanted a dose of the clap. Worth a try though. Singha, Mind the Gap and Toad were brought in and they were asked whose brainless idea was it for Singha to be selected to teach Mind the Gap to drive, for fuck’s sake he is 70 years old deaf as a post half blind, and needs a lie down and a cup of tea every hour, Kamikazi comes to mind, same as SADG asking Ho Hope to join him on the Pooying run, No Hope doesn’t’ want to drink and drive. Have you seen the way SADG drives? Stay at home No Hope. Butt Plug tried to get his wife aroused after she has just had the sprog, slipped 1finger then one hand in her pussy, then he did it again with the other hand. “She said can you clap?” Butt Plug replied, “No” she said “Tight innit?” A bloke went to No Hope's apartment the other day and said he was selling raffle tickets for black orphans, No Hope said “Fuck off, knowing my luck I will win one.” Great spot.

No Hopes next job was as runmaster and he did it in the style of J.C, beer in hand rambling on and eventually we got a good run from everybody, and I went home to spend time in a hydroboric chamber to get down to sea level pressure.

On on

The Blue Harlot