Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1364                     Saturday  28th April 2012

Hares: Blue Harlot & No Hope  

Total Pack 95,  PH3 90,  Virgins 2,  Visitors 1, Visiting Hashers 2,  New Members 3.


Laager site strategically placed at the top of a hill which the bus couldn’t negotiate and most cars had to park at the bottom so hashers knackered before the run started.  No trucks or diggers to endanger lives this week but laager site perched on the side of a very steep hill on soft sand ready to fulfill the prophecy that Phuket would sink into the sea today. Thankfully, Phuket and the laager site survived.  Hares warned hashers to stay on paper, no short cuts or you may get mounted by an elephant.  Dambuster was seen off-paper taking a short cut but claimed he was “checking”.  Dislocated shoulder turned up for more punishment wearing the same squash shoes as last week. 

Circle started with all Thais in for being brave enough to come out today despite the prophecy so GM decided to celebrate our survival with 40 baht beers because if we did eventually disappear, we don’t need to pay the beer bill until next week anyway.  Hares in – GM now knows where Blue Harlot takes his young girls as we were definitely in virgin territory. Once Weekly & Twice Nightly (better known as Often and Occasionally) in for thanks re the opening of Mosquito Lake but Hares warned to get permission first.  Anton (dislocated shoulder) and Testicle Tom in.  Tom had taken him to hospital for treatment for shoulder and sore arse.  TT thanked by being declared a freeman of the hash until the AGPU.  Anton told he had to buy all of TT’s beers until the AGPU – he looked terrified thinking of how much beer hashers can drink and nobody had the heart to put him out of his misery and tell him that TT only drinks water.  Naming for Anton and as he has one large and one small testicle (has been known to get them out when drunk in Expat bar) he was named One Hung Low.  Tin Man announcement followed by Returners.  Pussy Licker got his 100 Run shirt.  Visiting Hasher previously known as Brave Fart but now Fat Cunt from Dubai as he broke his chair.  Iron Pussy visiting hasher, Porn Queen in.  Clitmas Pussy in for naming her.  Virgins in with GM showing uncharacteristic chivalry by moving beer out of the mud.  New shoes in for Key, Joy  and Mannequin Piss’s mother, now named Mummyquin Piss.  Mind the Gap in also but managed to keep a low profile and escape the torture.  Julie Andrews, Great Dick and Singha in for bringing virgins with new shoes.  Singha remarked that the beer in his shoe looked like a urine sample from a very sick person.  New members, Bill and Pai.  Bill to be named next week.  Pai suggestion of meat and 2 veg but Hairy Pie won the day.  Great Dick in for birthday song. 

1st steward – Not Cleaver.  He got Clitmas Pussy in and proceeded to cover her with watches and clocks.  “You have to watch her otherwise she will clock you” was his opening joke.  Clitmas Pussy as steward chaser had told Not Cleaver to keep his steward spot short and not go on too much.  French in and anyone who could speak French except the Austrians or Swiss.  English not keen on the French but we thank Louis Pasteur for keeping our milk fresh.  Also love the song “Thank Heavens for Little Girls”.  Sarkozy, known as the poison dwarf not popular so, having given us the guillotine, the French should use it on Sarkozy.  Not Cleaver wanted to know if that was short enough as he had cut his spot in half.  Clitmas Pussy got a down down for that.  However, consensus was that it was his best steward spot ever.  Not sure where he robbed all the watches and clocks from though. 

Run Offences: Bullet Rash got hares in for not looking after Hash property as he found a Hash sign in the middle of a rubber plantation.  Minnie Mouse got the new fathers in – Pussy Licker and Butt Plug.  They are very quiet today as they have been up all night changing nappies but Minnie Mouse called them wankers as they should be letting the mothers do this work.  Pole Position and Not Cleaver iced.  They were nearly late for the hash as Not Cleaver had taken all the watches and clocks from the house for his steward spot and they didn’t know what time it was.  Julie Andrews got boat people in, Anal Vice, Nose Driver, Pling Pling Fuck, BC as stand in for Ejackulator.  Ejackulator was going to take everyone out on his boat but said he was struggling to find someone to replace JC.  He couldn’t find anyone who could drink a case of beer without falling off the boat.  Singha got the hares in.  He thought the prophecy about Phuket falling into a hole was coming true when he found himself falling into a dark precipice out on the run.  Picked himself up and climbed out eventually.  Singha was walking with his assistants (now called Singha’s Angels) and kept hearing funny noises behind him.  Virgin hasher called Adrian was making bird noises at the wildlife but Singha was very impressed when the birds replied.  Bird Man then walked through a house which was full of chickens in the yard and all the chickens followed him out with the Thai guy running after him trying to get his birds back.  Nose Driver got Singha and his Angels in.  Blue Harlot apparently offering cheap English lessons – written or oral.  As you know, the Phuket hash is not fitness oriented.  Lost Buffalo struggling up the hill at the end of the run thanks to the ruthless hares.  GM commented on Lost Buffalo’s shoes which were the size of surf boards, just in case Phuket started to sink.  Clitmas Pussy got Bling Bling Fuck and Anal Vice in.  They started with run with cigarettes and still managed to finish.  Then Testicle Tom in – here’s to a Fag and two who take a Fag or suck on a Fag. 

Second steward – Blue Harlot (you can see the air turning blue before he has even got out of his chair, those of a sensitive disposition stop reading now …).  Clitmas Pussy in – you should never ask a Hare to be a steward given all the free beers.  Not Cleaver brought the French in but Blue Harlot hates the Little Girls song.  “Thank heavens for little girls, for little girls get bigger every day.  Fuck it!”  A woman knocked on his door last night screaming.  You’ve got to help me, I’ve just been raped.  Where did he rape you:  In the park she replied.  No, I mean was it in the vagina or up the arse?  Why do you want to know that? She asked.  Because I’m not the kind of guy who likes sloppy seconds.”  Blue Harlot met a beautiful girl in the park the other evening.  There was an instant spark between them and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at his feet.  As they lay there making love, he though, “Wow”, this Taser is worth every penny.”  Same park, another day.  Young girl approached him and offered a blow job for 500b.  Afterwards, she lit a cigarette and he thought, “What’s the world coming to, who in their right mind would sell cigarettes to a 12 year old?”  At this point Dambuster got so excited, his chair broke underneath him.  An Arab enters a taxi .. He asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion and in the time of the Prophet, there was no music, especially Western music which is music of the infidels, there was certainly no radio.  So, the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and opens the back door.  The Arab asks him: “What are you doing, man?”  The cabby answers, “In the time of the Prophet, there were no taxis, so get out and wait for a fucking camel.”  An old song says that all girls are made of ‘sugar and spice and all things nice’.  If this is true, how come the best part smells like fish shit?  Testical Tom in.  Apart from humans, the only animal that enjoys having sex is a dolphin.  Tom had to shag a lot of animals to find that out.  It’s so awkward when you send a private text message to the wrong person.  The other day Blue Harlot sent a text message saying, “Hey darling, thinking of you makes my cock hard, can’t wait for some hot sex tonight” and sent it to my 13 year old daughter.  Imagine how embarrassing it would have been if I’d sent that to the wrong person! Clitmas Pussy and Jungle Balls in, a very romantic couple.  Clitmas sent a text when the GM Was away on a visa run.  If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.  If you are laughing, send me your smile.  If you are crying, send me your teardrops.  Jungle Balls replies, I am having a shit, what do I do?  Great spot Blue Harlot. 

Departers in and then Hares.  No Hope had new shoes but as Mind the Gap shopped him she had to drink from his shoe.  Run Master in with the same huge surf board shoes as Lost Buffalo.  Good Run called.

On on

Moonwalker