Well, where to start!  What a day – the Hares tried their best to annihilate the entire pack but thankfully failed.  The day started badly with the GM calling Hash Shit at 3.15 pm when he arrived to find a huge lorry depositing a digger at the laager site next to Registration.  Digger out of the way and the fun started.  Bus was late arriving due to getting lost in the quarry.  Runners were sent up the first of many hills and the walkers were sent downhill to wade through fast flowing streams only made moderately dangerous by the huge, slippery boulders to clamber over.  GM heard helping Clitmas Pussy clamber over these boulders telling her to put her right foot here, no, your right foot, I said the right foot!  Clitmas Pussy now hovering dangerously over the water screams back – that is my right foot!  GM – OK, your other right foot then. 

Back at the laager site with walkers trudging up the hill, unfortunately off-trail and runners slip-sliding down the hill to a well earned beer or two.  Visitor unfortunately fell on the run and dislocated his shoulder so land owner and several hashers went off in a pick-up to collect him.  He was then taken off to hospital by Testicle Tom so here’s to a sore arm and a sore arse!  Hope that’s covered by his insurance. 

Hares immediately in with Virgin My Arse iced for going to a girly lunch instead of laying paper.  All hares put in sin bin so they knew what the walkers went through wading through all the cold water.  Bike Hash announcement by Pinnochio who said the ride would be flat!  Just spotted Gorgeous wearing shocking pink flip flops so need sunglasses.  Koma GM and Hares in and iced for making Webmaster’s life hell with their Hash directions or lack of.  When asked where the Koma was going to be, he was told it was a secret!  Julie Andrews’ brother sin binned just for being his brother.  10 Returners in and then New Members (amazing how we manage to keep getting returners and new members when the Hares try to fuck us up each week).  Princess and Crock-a-Dildo iced (he has bought more hash shirts than he has done runs so probably has a market in Singapore).  Stephanie in for naming only to be told she already has a name Pling Pling Fuck courtesy of the Kamala Koma.  Barbara Woodhouse put Jiggly’s shoes in the sin bin closely followed by JJ herself.  Jurgen in for naming with the help of Hash Music and the tune of Eidelweiss.


Yes, you guessed it, his name is now Anal Vice.  Visitor Brett, visiting hasher Brave Fart and Dicksappointing in and told to get in the sin bin.  Then we heard an almighty truck carrying a huge digger coming up the hill towards the circle.  Hares sin binned but only Dicksappointing waiting patiently in the sin bin waiting for instructions.  Lorry now trying to offload the digger on a downhill, slippery slope with about 50 hasher’s cars lining up the side of the road.  The word panic doesn’t describe the scene.  All except Blue Harlot, calmly sitting there drinking his beer and eating an apple pie – he wasn’t worried as his car was well out of the way at the bottom of the hill.  Digger finally offloaded but not before taking down some overhead cables.  Circle closed for safety reasons when the truck started to head uphill towards the laager site closely followed by the digger.  Hashers scattered in all directions but thankfully no beer was spilled.  Truck tried to drive up the hill only to find he wasn’t in the right gear and started to slide back down towards the laager site.  More screaming and running except for the French who stayed put watching the drama unfold.  Ejackulator heard shouting, “If you’re so stupid to stand there, you deserve to Die!” Digger comes to the rescue and starts pushing the truck up the hill so now we have a situation where we could have the truck and digger squashing us but thankfully they managed to get to the top of the hill.  Circle reopened and everyone took their places only to see the truck coming back down the hill, completely out of control towards the laager site again!  Just to help the maniac drivers pass their competency test, Nugget was seen running towards the vehicles to hand out free beer.  Hares in for more icing and sin binning but this has probably been the best show ever especially as we all survived.


Brave Fart in for plastic arm beer drinking game, he cheated and gave Jiggly the beer.  She helped him because he had given her a Hash shirt.  GM – “So, you’ll swallow for just a shirt”, Jiggly responds “I’ll swallow for much less.”  Porn Shop and girlfriend in with various suggestions for name but given that Virgin My Arse and Louie thought Porn Shop was actually Pawn Shop the naming got a bit out of hand so next week Dtom will be named.  Hash Music in for his famous Caviar song but sorry I don’t have the words but from memory :

        The virgin sturgeon’s a very fine fish, virgin sturgeon needs no urging, that’s why I like caviar best etc.  

Fungus iced for being gobby.  Louie in for his steward spot and immediately iced Gorgeous for disrupting the circle.  Shout from the circle – “hurry up before one of you dies, you’re just like Morecambe & Wise.”.    Louie looking for sin bin, “where’s the sin bin” he shouts, “it’s behind you!” so we were entertained by the Louie and Gorgeous Pantomime.  Twice Nightly in for the photo in last week’s scribe notes (the one where she looks like she has a penis).  Louie says, I don’t care if she has a penis or a pussy, I’d still have her!  The Creation of a Pussy by Louie the Lip. 

        (Didn't Bollox do this one not so long ago?  Ah well another Alzeimers' moment.)

Paper in for having an argument with JC.  She said, “what’s on the t.v.” and he said “Dust”.  Minnie Mouse shouted to the circle to show respect for old people whilst we are still young. Brave Fart iced for saying Minnie was funnier than Louie.  Back to his steward spot and the Cucumber joke.  One day, a cucumber, pickle and a penis were having a conversation.  The Pickle says, you know, my life really sucks, whenever I get big and fat and juicy, they sprinkle seasoning on me and stick me in a jar.  The cucumber says, you think that’s bad, whenever I get big and fat and juicy they slice me up and put me in a salad.  The Penis says, you think your lives are tough.  Whenever I get big and fat and juicy they throw a plastic bag over my head, shove me in a wet, dark, smelly hole and force me to do push ups until I puke and pass out!   What do you get when a cow gets stuck in an earthquake – A Milk Shake (this one in honour of Rosie).  Louie had bits of paper all over the place so called his steward spot to a close. 


Two virgins iced.  Singha in for his 70th birthday song.  He was wearing his birthday present – New Shoes!  We didn’t have enough down down beer to fill his size 12 shoes but we tried.  GM poured water in first to wash out the shoe but Singha drank that too.  On to Run Offences:  Barbara Woodhouse in to thank Minnie Mouse and Creature for helping the visitor with dislocated shoulder.  Good to see that the injured guy’s mates returned to the hash for more beer – hashing is in their blood.  Minnie Mouse called in Nose Driver in for racing on the run, he ended up with a long cut down his ribs but the other racer ended up with a dislocated shoulder.  Blue Harlot got Singha and his new shoes back in.  Singha sitting in the bar, showing off his new, size 12 shoes.  Woman says, “is it true what they say about men with big feet?”  Singha says I can prove it.  He goes upstairs with the woman and afterwards she gives Singha 500b.  Singha says he has never been paid for his services before.  The woman says, “it’s not for your services, go and buy yourself a pair of shoes that actually fit!”  Minnie Mouse and Princess in.  MM told circle to show respect as he is handsome!  Princess came upon the accident site with Minnie helping the visitor.  She told Princess to take off his shirt so she could use it on the injury.  So, he takes off his shirt.  Another hasher arrives on the scene,  MM told him to take off his shirt too.  Yet a third hasher arrives and yes, he had to take off his shirt too.  The injured guy is lying there in pain, going into shock but MM just sits there staring at the three naked guys!  Jiggly Jugs got Princess, Teapot and Murkury in.  Question for circle – is it acceptable for men to wax their legs?  If a man shaves his legs, he is gay, if a woman doesn’t shave her legs, she is gay.  SADG got Princess and someone else in and told them take their shirts off (Minnie Mouse enjoying this bit again).  SADG hates good looking, fast runners and fast bikers and they say women are bitchy! 

GP Arse in for 25 run shirt.  Dr. F. Jekyll departer.  Hares in for call of Good Run.  Hashers made a hasty retreat before the nasty lorry and digger returned for more mayhem.