So as well as laying runs, doing registrations, repairing people and anything else the GM can think up for me I had the joy this week of being the Songkran scribe. Someone up there must hate me! A chaotic run was followed by an even more chaotic circle and a massive downpour on the way home.  As Songkran is all about the coming of the rains it was quite appropriate- shame it didn’t lead to the departure of Assterix- more on that later.

A ragged start to the circle saw Hawaiian Ho on the ice for circle disruption closely followed by the hares as official Ice Testers. Their long/short multi-paper run was that confusing that the hares who went out to sweep the run kept disappearing up falsies, claiming that ‘I didn’t lay that bit’ every time it happened. Even the GM was taken in, finding Porn Shop cunningly disguised as Tiger, costing him a beer. Congratulations to Tiger on achieving 50 hares- he’s only the 8th person out of a membership of 2200 to have made the effort. 

Clitmas Pussy then introduced the circle to the IP’s newest member, Bullet Gash, who had hared their latest run with Jiggly Jugs as no one else wanted to go out with her. Thai Connection followed with their first of many beers, then Billy Boy and extended family- obviously ALL Aussies as the dumb fucks iced themselves. BB had sent them all off to the Hash last week but decided he had better things to do and played golf instead. The GM then decided that the three old ladies (Louie, TT and Sheep Shagger) needed their piles cooling down so they were gently iced for a few minutes until the swelling went down (or up in TT’s case). EDIT: Apparently in these Politically Correct times we live in the term ‘Sheep Shagger’ is considered offensive; the acceptable term is now ‘Lamb Jammer’.

Returners, Virgins, etc was ruined by SADG who was trying to decipher all the errors on the nice new t-shirt he had been given, followed by SADG trying to decipher the contents of his pockets after being bucketed. Funny how a grown man cries over wet herbs. It was also a case of déjà vu as 10 years ago SADG was still sitting in the bucket. Flying Dickhead’s birthday was celebrated with the traditional song and a token of the GM’s generosity- one beer!

Run offences consisted of the Golf Course short-cutters ( BB was muttering about firing low balls if he’d been on the tee), Blind Mullet’s lack of consideration to the ladies on the trail, Root’s lack of consideration to animals on the trail and Diesel shitting on Assterix’s truck, much to the delight of the circle. Assterix , described by SADG as ‘the little short arse fat fuck’ was certainly taking advantage of the 40 baht beers as he continued to make an arse of himself throughout the circle.

A quick plea by Swollen Colon who, as normal had accepted a task and was buggering off, for help with the Columbia Trailmasters met with indifference from nearly all but SADG when volunteers were requested for a 21km run hare on 6 May. There may or may not be free Chang for those who do put themselves forward for stewarding etc.

And then we had- the ‘Return of Dambuster’, looking like some sort of voodoo doll and his able Burmese assistant, Minnie Mouse. He summoned the Hares to be ‘banged’ followed by the GM  (aka Mr Bean)and the circle so the nice new clean shirts weren’t any more. Yet again Assterix was iced, when he asked where his dick was BB replied ‘On your shoulders, Dickhead’. In keeping with the family style of things as opposed to Bangla mayhem GM and Mrs GM were ‘banged’ on chairs. Minnie Mouse organized a drinking contest between the IP and Tinmen- Tinmen lost mainly due to Assterix fucking up. Mannequin Pis succinctly summed his performance up as ‘you fucking arsehole Assterix’, so he remains consistant.  At least we now know the IP swallow quicker than Tinmen.

As it was getting dark and the heavens opened up the circle came to a rapid close, with good run declared even before the Runmaster was in the circle. Be fun to see how things go next year, with Songkran being on Saturday. A quick sprint to the bus beat the worst of the rain but we had two transformers blow on the trip back to Kamala, just missing the bus.
There’s a few bits missing, mainly due to the same people as always yakking so blame them, not me. Best interjection of the day that I heard was ‘what’s the slackest muscle in a sheep’s body- a Kiwi’s dick’. Thanks for that Billy Boy.