Hares in and No Hope was doubled up as he nearly killed Houston Basher.  Rude as Fuck virgin hare.  GM enjoyed all of the walk apart from the hills. 

Dicksappointing, Once Weekly and Twice Nightly (or as the GM calls them, Often and Occasionally) in.  Dicksappointing is taking registrations for the Hash Ball, taking place on Friday 1 June.  Full details can be found on the website.  Once Weekly told the GM that he has bought the material for Once Weekly's dress for the ball, and it is half a meter less than last years dress, so she will be wearing more nipple tape than dress!! Virgin (Billy Boy's Nephew) Iced.  As it is Easter, a Departer was found to play Jesus (Top Off, as he has a beard!), a Christian was iced so he could have a front row seat.  Jesus nailed to the tree, and a resounding chorus of "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" from the circle. Also from the circle, FOYC, but there is a rumor he will be back on Monday.  The Irish really are thick, our 'Christian' took a front row seat and faced the wrong direction.  It is his second run this week, but when he makes it as a member, he will be called Wrong Direction. 

Returners:  Bikini Buster, Scud, Porn Shop, Secret Banana Gobbler, Big Fella, Blind Mullet, Heart Breaker and Dogballs' son who was named Puppy Nuts.  Virgins:  11 in total, and 5 of them girls (mostly with Singha!) Barf Wader demonstrated with Julie Andrews enjoying a great view!  Everybody enjoyed beer on their knees with iced water thrown in for good measure.  Visiting Hashers:  Chicken Head, Saro, Miscarriage and Rozz, who doesn't drink - much!!! Saro and Rozz enjoyed a beer with the blue arms, and figured it out, although it was rumored that Duke of Puke gave them some handy hints?! Rozz did ask it if was possible for her to have a longer pipe! and as she doesn't have a hash name she does now - Longer Pipe!  Bullet Rash iced for mouthing off.  Duke of Puke demonstrated the Welsh method of trying to drink with the blue arms, just throw it up in the air and hope to catch some.  Or there is the Irish method, as shown last week, drink the beer down the blue pipe on your arm - and it does work!  Who says the Irish are thick!?  

Manneken Pis was talking with Froggy in the week (who was doing a great impression of Nora Batty with his 'skin tone' stocking).  He was in the bar last week, and realised that he didn't have some important papers, so he went back to the house, forgot his house keys, so climbed over the back gate and went upstairs to his bedroom to find his Filipino maid doing the ironing and her husband lay in the bed watching the TV.  Froggy was bloody fuming and ranted and raved, got so angry he didn't go in and didn't pick up his papers, climbed back over the fence and went back to the restaurant.  He continued to rant and rave to Barf Wader and when they shut up shop at 2am and went home he told Barf Wader that he wasn't sleeping in the bed because the maid's husband had been in there, and made Barf Wader change the bedding.  The circle thought it would be different if it had been the maid sleeping in the bed! 

Steward - Julie Andrews:  He didn't believe it when all three Hares told him it was a flat run, that's a first for them to be telling the truth!  Clit Zipper and another German (calls of 'You' from the GM resulted in him being iced).  Juergen (the other Andrew's Sister) is over here on holiday, and Clit Zipper was told a couple of months ago, as Juergen wanted to hire a bike from him.  On him picking it up yesterday, and after paying CZ for 3 weeks rental, CZ advised him not to take it anywhere outside Kamala as there is no valid tax license sticker on it!! Bullet Rash, Jiggly Juggs, Ice Arse and Houdini (the serious bikers) in, as Julie Andrews is disgusted that on a hash (not THE hash) not only are these guys training, they are RACING!  Singha and Tight Fit were chatting about the Cambridge Hash, and for the On On they go to a hashers house and curry whatever is in the fridge.  Tight Fit asked if there was nothing in the fridge do they curry either the cat or the dog!? JA wanted Houston Basher in, but it was thought he wasn't yet back, so the Hares were doubled up for loosing him.  Blind Mullet and Scud - calls from the circle that they are twins, but that is insulting to their mother! They reckon Scud got his mustache from Blind Mullet's head! JA was pleased to see both of them back at the hash, and scud enjoyed a drink from JA's 5kg mug, Scud was having some problems holding it, and one of the Thai Virgins helped him out and kept the jug steady on the palm of her hand - she has done that before!? Bullet Rash reckons she is a Thai Marine? She also had new shoes on, and as Singha bought her along he enjoyed a beer out of it! Jiggly Juggs and Ice Arse have finally been reunited with the bike helmet that they abandoned at a previous bike hash, and JA has had for the last 6 months.  It seems that this wasn't either of theirs, it belongs to their son.  But boy oh boy did he get some shit from his parents for loosing his new bike helmet.  He pleaded his innocence but they were having none of it - what terrible parents they are!? Wilma was already here when JA arrived on the bus , but he was making no effort to get out of his 'going out' gear, apparently he had been up in Chiang Mai (well that is what he told the girlfriend anyway!) and the reason he wasn't getting changed was because she had forgotten his running gear!  Mind the Gap, Barbara Woodhouse was iced as accused JA of shortcutting, Turncoat, the Russians, and Juergen were all found shortcutting, which is OK, but these stupid cunts shortcutted through a pineapple field!!! Cut to shreds they were! Last week No Hope got excited that Minnie Mouse had uneven shorts on, the GM wanted to know if NH wanted a closer look at JA uneven shorts - not likely!! Great 'German' Steward spot. 

Run Offenses:  Nugget and last weeks Hares in, apparently Nugget had parked her car on a very steep slope nose first.  At the end of the circle she attempted to reverse up the hill, skid skid, no luck in moving.  Barbara Woodhouse had scurried off to his house for a tow rope.  It was said that it was a shame that Nugget didn't own a 4 wheel drive, "but I do" she replied, well is it in 4 wheel drive, "no it isn't" She must be a blonde Thai!!  Only took water for her down down, does she not realise the more beer drunk the more money she makes?    Jiggly Juggs heard Minnie Mouse and Mind The Gap come running up behind her just near the end of the run, and they were panting and puffing and it seems that they were RACING to the end, so JJ joins in - here's to the front running bitches!  Bullet Rash couldn't get over the fact that when Barf Wader and Big Fella came to the 'water' crossing, BW improvised and hitched a ride on BF back.  Jesus (Top Off) saw Julie Andrews shortcutting, but he ended up shortcutting through a patch of mud and ended up flat on his arse! Minnie Mouse and the Thai Connection have been asked so many times why the bars are shut for 5 days.  It is to ensure that there is no drinking so people can vote, but what do the Thais do when they have a day off, they buy beer and have a BBQ at home, so the shops are out of beer now.  Manneken Pis wanted to speak with the 4 people that turned up late, they had done the run but not registered. Well the Hares were responsible for registration No Hope said it was Rude as Fuck's fault as he had the pen - no point in that as he can't write! Jesus (Top Off), Tequila Slapper and Sir Bollox "He's out getting hammered, while she's home getting nailed" that was Naahee Man's effort at Hash Music.  Naahee Man was iced and there were comments from Testicle Tom that he wouldn't mind nailing him! Singha was always told never to work with animals and children, so how they fuck is he going to work with Naahee Man's arse looking back at him!? Singha started out today with all good intentions of walking the whole walk.  Seeing as it has been some time since he has done that much walking he decided to bring his own medical team (Obama Care!) within 10 minutes they had all left him, and he only found them about 3/4 of the way round.  He noticed that they are more efficient than Agent Orange, they had picked a plot of vegetation bare and stuffed it all down their shorts.  Singha wasn't sure he would be eating any of that, but maybe it could be curried.  Singha is now looking into a new health plan - at least he hires staff that don't need to bend down to far for him.  So it has been noticed that Froggy is wearing a stocking - but what on earth is holding it up, is this a Barf Wader fetish? Think we will have to remain in 'suspense' about how it is held up.  Google Arse kept falling over today, and when asked if he was OK, he replied with "fuck off I don't speak English"  

Hash Music made an appearance, and said hello to the circle from Big Bollox.  Did you know 7 April 1926 Mussolini's Irish Wife broke his nose - well done.  So in were Murkury Born Looser, Blue Harlot, Dam Buster, Barbara Woodhouse, Rude as Fuck (or was it Drunk as Fuck?), Blind Mullet and Old Uncle Ape Man.  This song was all about Murkury's truck being fucked and not working? That was literally all I got!?   Minnie Mouse, Jiggly Juggs and Jamie - so who want's take it off put it on for the next numbered run - plenty of positive comments from the circle - congratulations to Fungus - 50 runs.   

Steward - Manneken Pis:  Jesus, what is the difference between Bradford and Bombay - In Bombay they speak fucking English.  Any Whitney Houston fans? Julie Andrews and Parasol Pussy apparently (this is in memory of Rosie) there is a new film being made, which is a re-run of Bodyguard, Kevin Costner is taking his same role again with WH taking her own role, and the film is called Body Bag.  Rude As Fuck was in MP bar last week, and after every beer he takes out a picture of his wife Double Down Down, and keeps doing this throughout the night, MP decides to ask what he is doing, well when she starts looking beautiful I will go home! Secret Banana Gobbler sent Barbara Woodhouse out shopping for stuff for pancakes, she wasn't impressed when he came back with a push up bra.  Minnie Mouse was in MP bar the other night, and she was sat right next to him, MP asked her if she was a parking ticket, she replied "why do I have 'fine' written all over me" "no you are a yellow annoying cunt!" Murkury stood in for Swollen Colon (well he looked stoned anyway) SC and his wife were watching TV and there was a sex scene taking place, at that moment their daughter came in, and she asked what was happening on the TV, slightly embarrassed they replied that the people on the TV were baking a cake.  The next morning their daughter came into the kitchen, with a happy smile on her face, apparently she had seen Mommy and Daddy baking a cake the previous night, and when they told her she must have been dreaming, she replied "no I came and licked the icing off the bed when you were asleep!" Did you know Blue Harlot likes his girls like his wine - white, 3 years old and stolen from Tesco.  There was talk about BH and MP dropping their kids off and school and goodbye kisses - I'll go no further on that one - MP had got right to gutter level at that stage.  All the Iron Pussies in, what is the difference between a bowling ball and this lot? You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.  I must say he did a very swift exit out of the circle, but the GM kindly bought him back in to face the IP!!! Good Steward Spot. 

Departers:  Double Down Down, Blue Harlot, Naahee Man and WC Fields.  Minnie Mouse acted as Hash Police for the last 20 minutes, so Jiggly Juggs iced for having no respect for stewards or the GM and not shutting the fuck up.  Minnie Mouse told her to drink her piss - apparently JJ is used to having her head in the toilet bowl.  The Run Master (Houdini) iced the hares, Houdini only just stopped sweating at this Laager site, too many mosquitoes, too many red ants and where the fuck was the Japanese Bomber, which according to Rude As Fuck was out there somewhere! It was all in RaF pickled fucked up mind!!!  All agreed Good Run, although it was thought that if Houston Basher had been there he would have called Hash Shit??? 

On on

Double Down Down