Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1358                     Saturday  17th March 2012

Hares: No Hope & Houdini        

Total Pack 118 : PH3 99,  Virgins 3,  Visitors 10,  Visiting Hashers 6,  New Members 2.


The GM had heard from the runners that this was a runners run and from the walkers a walkers walk. Interesting though, these hares were called in at short notice - they found old paper, laid new paper and sent the pack round it backwards.  Leprechaun in, although he was a bit tall and big to be your average one - although the circle reckoned it was two guys one on top of the other ones shoulders!? Marcus Skiddius was our Leprechaun and he made the effort to dress up for St Patrick's day, but apparently they all dress like that in Dublin.  Dr Fucking Jekyll also in as he is of Irish decent - is it worth giving 40 baht beers for 2 people - NO.  Oh fuck it, go on then 40 baht beers to celebrate St Patrick's Day.   

Visitors:  Boys in Blue (BiB) - British Wanking Association (actually Boys Weekend Away) from Oz and NZ - all enjoyed a beer on their knees with some ice cold water, the Whale was iced too!  Returners:  Bluey, Teachers Pet, Robert Palmer, Slumdog, Wilma, Great Dick and Singha. Great to see Singha back only 4 weeks after his pelvis was replaced!! Apparently he wasn't covered for getting his ears done, so everybody still needs to shout!! Visiting Hashers:  Marcus Skiddius, Crockadoodle, Rent Boy, Cinderella, Napster, Warwick Slangs Beach.  One of the BiB iced for falling over his own feet.  Virgins:  Jason, Peter, William and Blair. 

Barf Wader has had another face lift, she now has pubic hair on her chin (she wore the Leprechaun's hat and beard!).  Little Toe and Teachers Pet have new shoes so Teachers Pet and Blue Harlot enjoyed a beer, although both were strongly denying they weren't new shoes.  Wilma iced as Little Toe was taking an age to get into the circle with her runners.   

Run Offenses:  Saint Blow Job got one of the guys from BiB in, he was apparently taking photos on the way round and the Hares told everybody "when you see paper you call On On" slightly different for this guy, when he saw two buffalo he called "on on" and 'click' stood taking a photo of them - so not on paper then!! Bullet Rash was interested to see Root (Murkury was his replacement - same amount of hair!) and Top Off out on the run.  Root was being chased down by a loose buffalo and at a great rate of knots took an absolute pisser of a fall when Top Off just stuck his foot out!  No Hope wanted a post run offense from last week - Swollen Colon asked NH who owned the land where we had the Laager, and it is the guy that was sat in the shop.  Apparently SC offered the guy money to buy the land with an absolute cracking view, the guy said no, he is saving it for his family. SC gutted as he was not only going to have land with a great view, he had plans to charge the PH3 to have their Laagers there!! SC was astonished to see that when Testicle Tom arrived late today, Barbara Woodhouse and Dicksappointing wanted to charge him 100 baht for registration, but the GM stepped in and said no he could pay normal price (everybody else gets charged 100 after 4pm for registration - more often than not it is only SC who is late!).  SC reckons either the GM is rooting TT or TT is blowing the GM!! Wilma is still on the ice and is now on the phone (think he might be ringing Little Toe to tell her to hurry up?)  Naahee Man was talking to Mr Fister before getting on the bus and Oh Yea wasn't coming to the hash today, but she told Naahee Man that wasn't a problem, because while MF is away she can fuck anywhere.  SA Dick Gobbler was glad that the rear ended GM moved the start time of the hash to 4pm, as the hares set a trail that had us all in the open, and if it had been sunny and earlier it would have killed SADG.  He also wasn't happy that the loose buffalo took a liking too him and was chasing him around the field! (At least he attracted something!)  Plenty of noise coming from Flying Dickhead and as Barbara Woodhouse was listening to him they were both iced.  Finally Little Toe in with her shoes, which she reckons are 1 year old.  Wilma says they are not new, he can't afford to buy her new shoes.  Both enjoyed a drink out of them.  SADG thought it was St Patrick's day tomorrow, what a muppit, I suppose as he isn't part Irish he wouldn't know (it is about the only country he isn't part!?). 

Here is our first 'Irish' Steward to celebrate St Patrick's Day:  Steward - Lucky O'Lek: LL apologised as his English is not very good (oh that is the bloody last thing I, the Scribe, needed to hear), and had too much to drink last night which is making it worse.  He called Pee Pee in - WHO? Oh Parasol Pussy (must have been PP on his notes) he thought No Cup wanted her in the circle earlier, but apparently she only wanted her to buy some of her pies.  Georgia (that's Gorgeous to everyone else) is teaching PP to have sex not speak good English? All the Iron Pussy in, he was disappointed to hear that there was no dick at their ON ON last Wednesday, next time you need an 'a dick like an elephant' call Lucky Lek! Testicle Tom is 68 years old, he is doing better that Wisney Houton (that's Whitney Houston!) who made it to 48 years and Michael Jackson who made it to 51 years old.  Top Off and Minnie Mouse went for a job at the circus as a Lion tamer.  The owner wanted to see what Minnie Mouse would do to calm the Lion down, so she went up to the bars pulled her top up and got her tits out - the Lion was immediately just like a little pussy cat enjoying MM tits.  The owner asked what Top Off could do, he suggested getting rid of the lion and letting MM get her tits out for him.  LL cannot understand why Barbala Woodlice (that's Barbara Woodhouse) has got the name of the female - LL's wife thinks he has a new woman when he talks about BW.  LL thinks No Hope is a good man, except he cannot get a woman into bed, is he a homo or is he bio-sexual (yes you read right Bio!!).  LL has offered NH a free Lady Boy next time he stays at his place.  Naahee Man has a lovely polite name, and he reminds LL of a Seaman - that would be somebody that has just come out of the sea with no shirt on.  Anyway, Naahee Man goes off to a whore house and asks how much for sex on the stool - that would be 500 baht, and on the sofa - that is 1,500 baht and on the bed would cost a whopping 2,000 baht.  "OK" says HaaHee man, I'll go for the 2,000 baht and use the stool 4 times.  Chastity Belt and Houdini have been married that long, LL wanted to know if there anniversary was anything special (like Gold or Diamond?), CB and H didn't have a clue it has been that long they have forgotten.  LL bought in two visiting hashers, they look like Hummus (actually it was Hamas!) and that they are very dangerous for the PH3, did anybody check their back packs??? A good steward spot (and apologies from the Scribe for struggling to do this Steward spot justice).  The GM thanked LL for his steward spot, and the 4 BiB were called in, apparently the look on their faces was absolutely priceless, they didn't have a fucking clue what was going on (neither did many of us GM!). 

At last Mrs Doctor Fucking Jekyll (aka Hyde the Mrs) is not shopping this week, so she has finally received her 25 run t-shirt (no more icing for DFJ!).   

Hash Music:  Sir Bollox was a little confused, he thought he was doing a song to celebrate St Patrick's Day, but instead of hearing Mick, he heard Dick! With the help of Fish Balls, Clitmas Pussy, Pole Dancer, Twice Nightly, Teachers Pet and Jiggly Juggs we have "Dick On Her Mind" 

We both worked in Woolies
I was stacking fridges, she was check out
She had all the goodies
Like a pair of Noms that'll poke your fucking eyes out
She's got all the fellas,
Every Tom, Dick and Harry sniffing round
So she arseholed Tom and Harry Now Dick is all she ever thinks of now 

Chorus: And She's got Dick on her mind all the time
She holds him and kisses him and squeezes him so tight
And when he doesn't feel like staying up
She tucks him in sometimes
 'Cause she's got Dick on her mind all the time 

It seems like she's consumed by Dick
'Cause all she ever does is talk about him
And if he ever broke it off
Could she bring herself to live without him?
But she's got him in her hand
And with a flick she knows he'll come real quick
And she knows inside herself in-spite herself
It must be hard on Dick 

And she cares for her Dick
'Cause if he's sick she takes him straight to bed
And if he's looking hot and wet
She pulls his hood up right around his head
She don't let him do a thing If he stands up she jumps right to his front
And she knows she loves him
'Cause no matter what, her Dick ain't no cunt.

 Fish Balls was personally thanked by Sir Bollox for throwing out the sign he made for his Mosquito / Fly song - this sign took him an absolute fucking age to make and she just binned it!!!   

Irish Steward - B.McC:  Should be able to understand him, as he speaks Jesus Land language.  He will start off clean, and then it will fester from there... Hey Noah, where do you want these bees? Put them in the archive.  See clean jokes and BC don't belong in the same sentence!  Big Bollox has been working hard on his fitness campaign, recently he bought a hula hoop and the fucking thing fits - he's got his own plastic belt now.  The Randy Turtles have been out biking today, and BB told them he liked the sound of this biking and has bought himself a new bike to join in with them - it is a Honda Dream.  Chewy The Hip (Lord Louis the Lip), which of the 5 senses goes when you get old?  Sense of Decency.  BC told Jiggly Juggs that he had a fat lump on his cock but as soon as he 'dropped snot!' he called her a taxi.  Jew Harlot (Blue Harlot) is a racist bastard, but a thoughtful lover.  He always wears a condom and when she is under 16 he makes it appear from behind his ear first.  So Joseph Kony has become famous - of course he has he got 60,000 niggers to work.  Blue Harlot has started calling his penis Kony, because it too has psychologically scarred thousands of children.   BC asked if anybody believed in God (it was the quietest I had heard the circle!!).  Anyway we have all heard of the 10 Commandments - well for an Atheist there is only one - Don't be a Cunt! Jew Harlot (BH) went to teach mentally challenged kids, and he asked them if they could make animal noises, fuck that was all they could do.  A good, but short steward spot. 

So Jiggly Juggs saw Chastity Belt stamping her feet and having a right old dicky fit before the walk started "I am NOT driving home tonight".  Houdini certainly needs to stand up for himself - I wonder who did drive home?? Minnie Mouse iced Paper and Bum Scraper and got all the Aussies in.  Billy Boy not here to celebrate his Birthday - Cheap Charlie and JC still not back yet - but instead they have sent two handsome young guys over (well not that handsome but they will do).  MM was asked if she wanted to try Kangaroo Meat - well she has never had an Aussie so why would she try this.  Anyway Kangaroo Balls were passed round for people to sample - yuk!

New Member:  Mr Fista, although BC wants to give him a hash name.  It is his Birthday, so in good old PH3 fashion....... HBDUC.  Once Weekly and Twice Nightly iced for a Rule 6 violation, although technically Gorgeous said that was only for gays?  GM asked Gorgeous if OW had an erection, Gorgeous had no idea what one looks like as hasn't had one in 30 years. Swollen Colon thought Mr Singapore was a bit of a slinker, but it seems that SC got it all wrong (how unusual!).  Departers:  Giggly Wurm. 

Topoff invited all Phuket Hash members to Karon Sea Sands Resort, Navrang Mahal Indian Restaurant, Karon on 23 March at 7pm for Free Curry and Free Drinks (although he didn't say how many free drinks) to celebrate his Birthday.  GM happy as that is his Birthday so no need to arrange a party!  HBDUC!!!! SADG thinks it would be great if the Tin Man did a run in Singapore - what does everybody else think??? There were shouts of "You enjoy Singers, were off to Pattaya!!" 

Hares and the Run Master (stand-in Murkury) he is the 'old' Run Master - and still is old, he thoroughly enjoyed the walk and asked the BiB what they thought of the run - everybody agreed Good Run.  

On On

Double Down Down