| Hares in, No Hope with
37 hares under his belt, and Martin, who is a Virgin
Hare and has no name! Well Martin enjoys
weightlifting and can be found in the gym 4/5 times
per week. It is understood that weightlifters
have some medical ailments, one of these being
hemorrhoids - but apparently not today, as he has been
wearing a butt plug to stop them from making an
appearance - Butt Plug it is then! Big Bollox announced that the Hash Ball will be held on Friday 1 June 2012, it is at the same hotel as last year but no further details available. Apart from the Dress Code - You boys will wear exactly what the wife tells you to! Virgins: There were a shit load of them, one of them was even wearing a 400 run t-shirt. He was given this by Daffy Duck, who was iced, but he was wearing his own 400 run t-shirt, so where did he get it from, Cartoon is the answer, and he was duly iced for giving away his numbered run t-shirt! The GM asked the virgins if any of them didn't speak English, and two of them put their hands up - now how did they know what was being said?! All enjoyed a beer with iced water. When Daffy Duck and his mate enjoyed their beer, Blue Harlot said he was going to report them Monday morning for drinking beer!! Returners: A bucket load of them, including Naahee Man, Rotary Wanker, Spider and Fuck in a Truck who is a visiting GM and begged the GM not to make her do something in the circle (like most GM's do!!) - so he iced her instead. Visiting Hashers: Kermit, Hoochy Koochy, Fuck Off Fishwife, Toy Boy Trawler-man, from NZ, Ireland, Australia, Singapore and Wales. The Welsh got to drink beer with blue arms, and boy did they make a mess of it - apparently it was unlike your average Welsh girl for Fuck Off Fishwife not to like putting something in her mouth!! Gorgeous' wife went shopping and came home and told Gorgeous she had bought him a shirt, and what a shirt it was - more like Testicle Tom's taste - so TT's shirt it is now. Lord Louis the Lip was called into the circle, but it took two attempts to call him, think he forgot his own name. He told TT that the 1970's had called and they want their shirt back, well apparently LLtL the 1940's have called and your shower is ready! Run Offenses: Manneken Pis listened like everybody else when the Hares told us the follow multi coloured paper for the run, so he was astonished when he was out on the walk when one of the French virgins asked her friend "where will we find the paper, will it be on the ground!" The circle were adamant that this would be a 'blond' statement. Naahee Man was talking to Mrs Palmer and Swollen Colon came up in the conversation; he has a brilliant mind, a malfunctioning heart and his body is full of toxins after years of filthy living. However there is a new therapy under trial - Anal Kilatation Therapy, and SC needs to stick a suppository up his arse every 8 hours for the rest of his life. Testicle Tom knows all about it, and has been having the treatment for years (although he doesn't really need it!). Testicle Tom even offered to put the first suppository in for SC, worryingly though, both of Testicle Tom's hands were on SC shoulders when he did it (it went in though!). BC was telling the circle how Hand Some had got his name, well he is a Kiwi (a mutton molester) and he buggers sheep on a regular basis, however when he turned 18, he had to take the next step up and his Dad said to him "get your mouth on my bell end and use your hand Some!" Before the walk, BC thought a Bulldog had been given peanut butter to eat, as there was plenty of lip smacking going on, but when he looked round, it was Kamala Toe doing some inner thigh stretching exercises off the back of the bus. Barf Wader was running along, when King Klong came running up behind her, she thought he was talking to her, but it seems that Klong has taken to talking to himself, and was still doing it when they ran back into the Laager (well at least he gets the right answer when he talks to himself). Blue Harlot was leading the pack, probably because of lack of paper according to Barbara Woodhouse, who wasn't far behind him. It was then that Barf Wader and Rushing Around overtook both of them, "Bloody Hell" says BH, "We can't have women leading the way on the run on this hash" a huge disagreement from Barbara Woodhouse, who would rather chase Barf Wader and Rushing Around arses than BH!!! Naahee Man was enjoying the party last night for Woodpeckers birthday, and he was talking to Uncouth Cunt about who was there. UCC was totally taken by a lovely young girl who was keeping herself pretty much to herself, but UCC certainly wanted a piece of the action. He asked Naahee Man who she was, and it turns out it was the pervert's (that will be Blue Harlot to the rest of us) daughter. BH could be heard saying that he had a price list of rates available. New Member: Rushing Around has been bringing her Russian friend for 5 weeks now, and she has become a fully fledged member of PH3. Time to give her a name, but first Minnie Mouse thought it would be good to get both of them bending over and Butt Plug and LLtL enjoying a drink off the small of their backs. Well plenty of excitement around the circle and our new member ended up with a strategically placed wet spot (which I hope was from the beer, but I'm not sure) but Wet Spot it is. Instead of a beer they enjoyed some Scottish Vodka, with love from Gorgeous. Steward - SA Dick Gobbler: SADG thanked the hares for a good run, they did a good job on a hot day. SADG enjoyed the party last night to celebrate Woodpeckers birthday, there was the usual; most people shitfaced, plenty of food, presents and dancing. There was King Klong and Woodpecker smooching away like 15 year olds, when a birthday fairy (no not TT) granted them two wishes, so Woodpecker asked if she could go on a round the world trip, flying first class, staying in 5* hotels and sailing on some beautiful cruise liners - her wish was granted. King Klong wished that Woodpecker could be made to look 30 years younger, so KK got his wish and now looks 90. Manneken Pis was Top Off lookalike this week, along with Top Off's friend, Spider. SADG visited Top Off's new shop, although when he got there, it was completely empty but for TO and his friend - SADG asked what he should be selling and why it was empty, TO replied "well the assholes..." "oh your are doing really well then, as there are only two left!" replied SADG. All the Aussies in, boys at the front, bitches at the back. SADG is a proud Aussie(!) and is disgusted by the big fat arsed bitch that is their Prime Minister, Oz has so many issues and that bitch is a lying, thieving cunt. I got the impression that SADG hates this woman, in fact so much so SADG and Tuk Tuk were at loggerheads something about Labour and Liberals!? Tuk Tuk was iced for calling SADG an immigrant. Kermit, our visiting hasher from Oz was asked to talk Australian to the circle! There was an old couple whose sex life was crap, and the wife thought she would try and spice things up, so she went to the bathroom, shaved her pussy and returned to the kitchen, flashed her bald pussy at the old man and asked "What do you think" he replied "the plug holes will be blocked now!" Driving across Nullabor were an Aussie and a Yank, and they came across a 'speed bump' but it wasn't a speed bump it was an Abo. Apparently they do this all the time, lay on the floor and they can hear for miles through the ground. "So Jacky, what can you hear" asks the Aussie - "A red Ford Yute, about 25km away, mamma driving and two abo's in the back." "Wow, how do you know that" replies the Yank, "because I fell out of the fucking thing." Kermit must be getting old, a lovely young bit of stuff moved into the apartment across the hall way from him, and one night she turns up absolutely shit faced. She knocks on his door, and with a slurred voice she tells him that she is shit faced, is horny has hell, wants to fuck all night long, and is he doing anything tonight. Oh my good lord, Kermit cannot believe his luck, "No, I'm free all night" he replies, "good, can you look after my dog, I will be back by midnight!" Good Steward spot, although SADG did very little of it!!! GM announced that a one off order of Green PH3 t-shirts is being made, and if anybody wants to buy them, they have to be ordered and paid for in advance. Please see Impedimenta (Moonwalker). New Member: have already had the pretty one (Wet Spot) and now we have the ugly one - Tight Fit. Hash Music: This song has not been sung in over 30 hears, but some international co-operation is needed, all the French and King Klong in. Sir Bollox heard that King Klong had spat on him during the circle, but it seems KK had other ideas, he snuck over and whispered in SB ear "It wasn't me it was a French man!" (Apparently KK sounded just like Inspector Clouseau!). Anyway, back to the song, with the help of some of the Tin Men; Large Balls: Mrs
Jones was walking down the street
When a young fella she happened to meet Who was giving the girls a helluva treat By twisting and turning his balls For they were large balls, large balls Twice as heavy as lead with a dexterous twist of his muscular wrist He threw them right over his head (Terrara Boom Terrara Boom Terrara Boom) A policeman to the scene was brought He said "I'll have to take you to court 'Cause it's certain that nobody ought To be twisting and turning his balls" The prisoner standing in the dock Gave the judge a heeluva shock By insisting on showing the jury his cock And twisting and turning his balls The judge he said "The case is clear The fine will be a barrel of beer For any young bugger who comes in here Twisting and turning his balls" Numbered Runs: Dr Fucking Jekyll iced again, as Mrs DFJ still not turned up for her 25 run shirt! Assterix - 600 runs (welcome to the 600 run club, 600 runs, no hare and no checks). Gorgeous - 800 runs (now he did take it off, put it on - it looked like he was wearing Rosie's shorts and was doing a good Simon Cowell impression with the waist band up round his nipples!). BC was asked if he wanted take it off put it on for the next shirt, BC replied "yes, the shirt looks pretty small!" Uncouth Cunt - 50 runs! Steward: Minnie Mouse. Apparently she was going to be the first steward, but she told the GM that she wanted Cartoon to stay for the whole circle, so she wanted to go last. GM was lucky not to get iced, he doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut! Wow so many birthdays in March, all these parents must have loved fucking in March (June). Seeing as it is Testicle Tom's birthday in March, he enjoyed a drink from the arse of Butt Plug and the front of No Hope's shorts!!!! Two heavily pregnant Thai's in, it is certainly a family hash. Both babies due next month, but both Mom's to be are hoping their babies are not born over Songkran, when it comes to their birthday parties, no one will come as they will all be down Soi Bangla enjoying Songkran! Minnie Mouse wanted the fathers in, so Butt Plug and Pussy Licker came in, quickly followed by Naahee Man and Swollen Colon! Naahee Man and SC iced and BP and PL enjoyed a beer from their respective wives cleavage. Although BP seemed to enjoy his drink from Wet Spot more than from his wife! Minnie Mouse asked Woodpecker yesterday what she had for her birthday, "I will show you tomorrow" replied Woodpecker - well bugger me, she has only got an 'Expat' branded tuk tuk - lucky girl! Paper is missing JC, who went back to Australia on Monday, so much that she cannot sleep, so is out all night drinking, coming in at 6am and then able to sleep! Minnie Mouse was asked why she wasn't having 40 baht beers for her birthday - because her husband is broke! Minnie Mouse asked Blue Harlot, BC, King Klong, Manneken Piss and Cartoon for jokes about women: In England, on the top of steeples / churches there are weather vanes, more commonly known as Weather Cocks. Why called this, if they were called Weather Cunts the wind would blow right through it. Blue Harlot visited Australia with JC, and as JC was driving along he was explaining things about is old town. He got to a point where he started to cry "what the bloody hell is the matter?" BH asked. "Just down there is where I had my first shag, but just as we finished her Mom was watching us" "Oh Shit, what did she say?" "Baaaaaaahhhhhhh!" Minnie Mouse has a huge cunt, she was embarrassed when she first slept with Cartoon, she explained that she had an accident, she climbed over a barbed wire fence and caught her fanny on it - how far across the field were you before you realised? Kermit back in the circle with a joke about a woman and a whistling fanny. She went to the doctor about it, but he had never seen this before, so he rang his colleague for a second opinion, he reckoned it sounded like some cunt whistling. Minnie Mouse advised Kermit to visit Soi Bangla to see what can really be done with a fanny! Cartoon came home from work, sat down on the sofa next to Minnie Mouse and she asked him what's on TV "Same as every night - Dust!" Manneken Piss likes Mosquitoes more than women, when you hit a mosquito on the head it stops sucking. Blue Harlot received an SMS this week, saying that the leader of the Monkey's had died - RIP Nelson Mandela. Clitmas Pussy told Jungle Balls that Davy Jones had died last week, he didn't believe her, then he saw her face! A 60 year old went to the doctors and asked if he could live another 40 years, the doctor asked him; Do you smoke, No. Do you drink, No. Do you fuck around, No. So why the fuck do you want to live another 40 years??? Gremlin turned 16 last week, and she asked Minnie Mouse "If I suck a mans cock, and he comes and I swallow, will I get pregnant?" "No my dear, but you might get a BMW!" Good steward spot, although MM got everybody else to do all the work. Always Wet enjoyed a beer out of her new shoes. Departers: Nothing. Hares in, and as no Run Master, over to Murkury. He didn't do all the run, Barbara Woodhouse got Hash Shit last week, whatever JC said!! For this week SA Dick Gobbler has already called Good Run and the circle agreed with him. On On
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