Hares in, and the GM was explaining (with the help of half the circle) how chaotic it was out there, there was utter confusion at one stage - with the walkers following the runners - which was a huge mistake, and most of the walkers did the walk backwards (no we didn't walk backwards, just did the route arse about face!). It was very hot out there, but couldn't have been too bad as Ape Man and his dog made it back!   A couple of late returners, Dr Fucking Jekyll and Chicken George, the walkers who decided to walk the run, even the dog was knackered!

Returners: A bucket load including Barf Wader, Froggy, Dambuster, Sir Bollox and Chicken George. GM wasn't that bothered about where they had been, but Sir Bollox told us he was injured by the Costa Concordia, even though he wasn't onboard. He was sat at home with his wife, watching the TV and the news reporter stated "she is lay on her side with a gash the size of a tennis court" apparently all he did was give a sideways glance..... Visiting Hashers: Tight Fit from Madrid and Bugs (he was the good looking one!) from Bangkok - they tried to have a drink using the blue arms, but failed miserably. Barf Wader and Froggy in to show us how it is done, and they completely messed it up - Barf Wader remembered she was left handed and that screwed it up completely! She could also be heard saying to Froggy "you are not putting that in my mouth!" Not quite sure what she was referring to?? Virgins: 2 from Switzerland (bought by Froggy and Barf Wader), 2 from Australia, a Canadian and a Thai girl (who was wearing a Tin Man t-shirt!!!!) - so as she came with G.P. Arse he was duly iced after they changed t-shirts. Although the GM had to speak slowly so the Aussies could understand, they all enjoyed a couple of beers, with added iced water.

Run Offenses: Tight Fit asked Lord Louis the Lip where he could register, "just down there" replied LLtL. When he returned he told LLtL how disappointed he was as he never got anything for registering!! So he enjoyed several down down's in LLtL long cup. No Hope couldn't do this run offense last week, as he was busy on a mission of mercy - but had to say it is like traveling with a 2 year old when GP Arse is on the bus "are we there yet?" "can't believe there is no beer on the bus" "Does the bus driver know where he is going?" To top it all this week, the bus was delayed when laving The Expat in Patong, as GP Arse was blocked in by the parking mafia because he hadn't paid his parking fee and the bus was behind him!!! Hope there isn't a barricade when the bus returned! So JC was a front runner today (bullshit!) as it was too hot for the rest of the runners. Basically he had short cut the fuck out of it! He could hear panting and puffing behind him, and there was Google Ass "get out of the way you old cunt" and GA pushed JC out of the way, JC stumbled and tripped over - getting up from his tumble, Root shouted as he went past "being the old man that you are, and seeing how hard you fell shame you didn't stay down!" Gorgeous was astonished to see Lord Louis the Lip walking off paper, he never does that! "Don't worry Gorgeous, we will find it again, honest we will" They did eventually, but realised they were going the wrong way! Lesser Dipshit heard LLtL and Gorgeous talking on the walk, they are the two oldest hashers out there, but were astonished to see Big Bollox (who is twice the size of them) walking twice as fast as them. No Hope called for a point of order as Jiggly Jugs had appeared out of nowhere, having left it up to NH to announce her Kamala Koma hash for Tuesday. So with a flash of her knickers she was on the ice, somebody asked where all the flies had gone? There were also shouts for her to be renamed Costa Concordia! According to NH she had completely forget her hash was on Tuesday, and was about to book a trip to KL! Big Bollox wanted Houston Basher iced as he was the cheeky sod that didn't do the walk, but just gave directions as he sat there and watched everybody! Murkury and Flying Dickhead were too busy talking to hear Big Bollox shouting, albeit rather quietly, that he was on blue paper for the walk! Big Bollox never short cuts, he just uses economy of movement!

Steward - White Pointer: When the Phuket H3 started about 27 years ago, it was only former GM's that were allowed to sit down in the circle - so all those sitting down, who shouldn't be, were in - some looked like there were out on a picnic or sunning themselves on the beach!! All those that have been running / walking with Phuket H3 for over 10 years and are 60 years or older in the circle. Flying Dickhead was absolutely gutted when he was asked why he wasn't in the circle - because he is only 55 years!!! According to FD when he is out, he is always told how young he looks (that's what all the bar girls say to any old bloke!?). When Lord Louis the Lip turned 60 years old, the circle all sang "Louis going to the old folks home, do dah, do dah" well you lot that are now over 60 will be joining him soon! It was heard that Popeye is going to start another hash, it will be the Over 60 Walk and he will be the Hare for 1 year, he will lay permanent paper, and every week the Over 60's will come to the same Laager and do the same walk, and they will call Good Run every week as they will have forgotten that they walked it the previous week. Several of the virgins enjoyed a game "spin me right round baby right round" - and the winner was the one that ended up flat on his arse - so extra beer for you! Good Steward spot.

So Popeye's new hash is in competition to the Inter Hash - not the Over 60 Walk but more like the Incontinent! New Members: Yellia (she wasn't there but this was the description of her - Blue Russian with Big Tits!) and the Son in Law of Saggy Balls - who's hash name is Saggy Cock. The GM held up a pair of sunglasses and asked "these have been handed in, do you recognise them?" er yes, they are sunglasses, what did you think they were GM? Numbered Runs: Root - 900, Gremlin - 400 and Bitter Sweet - 100, unfortunately Stupid Canard wasn't back as he did the walk twice! Sir Blow Job was giving a maths lesson to Jiggly Juggs - so 900 runs that would have taken ...... er 900 runs! Barf Wader and Froggy bought two virgins with them today, one of them had lovely new shoes, and matching socks. The Virgin said they weren't new trainers, but when asked how old they were he replied "one week!" BW and Froggy enjoyed a lovely beer out of them!

Steward - Blue Harlot: Started with a warning, BH is not a racist in anyway shape or form, these are only jokes being told - he even owns a colour TV! Great to have the 'dream team' back - good run by the Hares. Lord Louis the Lip told BH that he doesn't mind being called into the circle, but just doesn't like it when the piss is taken about him being stupid! If he had a £1 for every time somebody told a story about him being stupid he would have £4.50! Now Gorgeous is a former solider, having served with the Black Watch, he played those screeching bag pipes. So when he left the Army, he supplemented his income by playing at christenings, weddings and funerals. One day he got a call from his agent and a former soldier had died, he had no friends or family and was being buried in a paupers grave. Gorgeous had no idea where the cemetery was but after driving round, he eventually found it, but as he entered the cemetery he passed the vicar and the hurst leaving, so as it was 'no play, no pay' Gorgeous went looking for the paupers grave. Eventually found the open grave with the grave digger sat near his mound of earth, so Gorgeous played a beautiful rendition of Scotland the Brave. It was a moving moment and there wasn't a dry eye in the house, as he walked to his car, he heard the workman say "I've been putting in septic tanks for 25 years and never heard that before!" Virgin My Arse was busy on the computer and Dicksappoining was watching the football on the TV. The phone rang and VMA answered it, and there was a heavy breather he then said "I bet you have a tight, bald cunt?" "Actually I do, he is watching the TV, who shall I say is calling?" Why did God create yeast infections in women? So they would know what it is like to live with an irritating cunt. Some recent news on the Phuket Gazette; 1) Sale at the local IKEA branch, Lesbian beds, no nuts or screwing involved, it's all tongue and groove! 2) A muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related! 3) Dublin swimming pool have announced that due to a water shortage they are closing Lanes 7 and 8. White Pointer, being an Aussie and huge cricket fan was asked why they Aussies were so good at batting? Apparently it is the only sport they could learn to play in handcuffs! He was also asked what is the difference between a cricket ball and a Abo woman's pussy? If you tried really hard and I mean really hard, you could eat a cricket ball. So with the Olympics being in London this year, it got BH thinking about different sports - can the guys imagine what it would be like to have sex with a gymnast, wow some fantastic positions she could get into, and what about the dismounts!! Have you noticed that there are only ever black runners in the 100 and 200 meter men's races - apparently when they are in training, they are all given a car stereo and their coach stands behind them on the starting line and shouts "Police, halt mother fucker!" According to BH son, there is a new sex position sweeping the UK, it is called Parcelforce - you stay in all day and no fucker cums! Do you know the definition of football? It is the legal way to buy a nigger. Now we all know BH isn't a racist, but have you heard about Evil Knieval, well there is an American guy called Klu Klux Knieval with his own show in American. Next week in Las Vegas he is going to attempt to jump 100 niggers with a steam roller! Blue Harlot has been in the shit again at school, last week the school principal asked him to teach some of the senior students comments and phrases that would help them in job interviews and in the work place; something like May I leave my resume with you, I would like to be an air hostess as I have a great love of travel. BH was called back into the principal's office as there had been some complaints about what was taught. For boys, examples were given of; Can I get you fries with that. Would you like supersizing. Would that be 91 or 95 in your tank. My Tuk Tuk is the cheapest. For the girls; Hello, welcome (screamed at a high decibel level high enough to reach the other side of the street). Handsome man, you buy me drink. Where you stay, I go with you. Oooh! You have a big one (they all say that don't they?). Fifteen brits chased a Paki tailor down Soi Bangla last night, he ran into a 7/11, but they still kicked the shit out of him. When the police came to interview the guy behind the till at the 7/11 they asked him "did you witness the event?" "Yes I did, I saw everything." "So why didn't you help?" asked the police. "Well I thought 15 was more than enough!" Excellent Stewards spot.

Blue Harlot and Teachers Pet fell out last week. TP wanted to make BH some pancakes to celebrate Pancake Day, so she rang him to ask what she needed for the pancakes - Padded Bra wasn't want she was expecting to hear! French in the circle, Solange, the wife of Who the Fuck is Alice has done 50 runs, so she received her numbered run t-shirt. She has still yet to receive her hash name. Well seeing who she is the wife of, there is only one name for her 'Who's fucking Who the Fuck is Alice.' Departers: Lesser Dipshit, Dambuster, Ice Arse. Testicle Tom gave Big Bollox some hospital attire that was given to him in Hawaii. We now know why Big Bollox is called Big Bollox!!! Those sat in a certain spot in the circle caught an eyeful when he got changed! Minnie Mouse and the 'Thai Connection' thanked Dambuster for coming to the hash, but wish he would be here more often, as he is always asking "who is that" as too many new faces and names appear while Dambuster is away. Minnie Mouse said the GM was from England, big mistake to say that, so all the Scot's, Welsh and Irish in.

Both Run-masters here - which is an unusual occurrence, they couldn't decide who should do the role this week, so Houdini volunteered JC, so JC iced Houdini! It was an easy run today to shortcut, well Houdini short-cutted it to buggery! It was good to see a Laager having proper toilets :) No complaints, but just too hot. Good Run. Next week want more singing of the Hares Song.

On On

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