| Hares in and Julie
Andrews wanted the bastards iced. GM enjoyed the
walk, but by all the swearing coming from Barbara
Woodhouse at the end he didn't think much of it (or is
that normal?). Knew it would be an interesting
walk with the pre-run briefing of "if you fuck up its
your own fault!" WC Fields announced that
himself and Naahee Man are selling tickets for the
Phuket International Blues Rock Festival taking place
on 24 and 25th February. Ticket cost is 1,200
baht for two nights of live music. Full details
can be found on www.phuketbluesfestival.com No Shit got the ice into the circle, and it was broken into 5 pieces, who broke it? Well according to Nugget it was her son, so all three of them iced! Swollen Colon late for registrations again, but the Hares will register any late comers from now on. Please Note: You MUST register before you run and any registrations done after 4pm will cost you 100 baht. Returners: Fuck loads of them including; Hot Pants, Lost Buffalo, Dirty Harry, Flo Jo, Tinkerbelle, Uck, Bitter Sweet, Sheeba, Jaws and Houdini. Visiting Hasher: French Letter from Langkawi who enjoyed iced water with his beer. Virgins: A bucket load of them and all French, Manneken Pis in to translate! Duke of Puke and his girlfriend were iced for not knowing the definition of a hash virgin! She was walking a bit funny though!? Run Offenses: Julie Andrews thanked the hares for the double, triple and false falsies!! But with all that he still enjoyed the run. Clitmas Pussy and Blue Harlot were buying water and talking to Nugget and her Son before the run started, and Nuggets son is a hash virgin. He told Clitmas Pussy that he isn't going to bring his girlfriend because she is older than Blue Harlots Wife! Blue Harlot did say that she would be safe then! Blue Harlot for some unknown reason ended up having to run behind WC Fields at one stage today, and as they got to a hill WCF looked like a dog on ice trying to scrabble up it. BH got up the hill first and offered 'a hand' to WCF to help him up. Unfortunately BH didn't get the 'fore-arm' grip that he was expecting, WCF offered his hand out as if he was going on a first date with BH!! Talking of giving a hand, Tinkerbelle had a problem running up this same hill, he was halfway up and came sliding back down taking out Jiggly Jugs and the rest of the pack that were behind him. JJ thinks she can do a better job, gets half way up and starts to have problems, but out of nowhere comes Mind The Gap, grabs hold of her hand and gets her to the top of the hill no problems at all. Houdini last saw Sock Off at the Pang-Na Bay Regatta and he was doing plenty of shouting there!! Houdini couldn't believe it today when SO turned up in brown leather slip on shoes and black socks, and he actually did the run in them!! Apparently Gash Flasher packed them for him!!! Well as they have never been worn on a hash the circle were happy for New Shoes! Also the virgin that Houston Basher bought along had new shoes, HB had to enjoy a free beer out of one of them, then launched it out of the circle! Last week HB before the run, took off to find a place where he could take a dump. Now he is conscious of the impact on the environment that leaving toilet paper everywhere can have (not to bothered about his turd!) so has his dump, wipes his arse, folds up the paper he used and puts it back in his pocket to dispose of at a later time. Would have been OK if he had kept it put away in his pocket, put proceed to show it to the GM and anybody else that was in the vicinity!! Obviously no paper with him this week, as he had got 'shit' stains on his t-shirt today! Naahee Man couldn't believe it when Blue Harlot took an absolute pisser on the run, and 'knee butted' the nearest rock! Naahee Man was also interested to hear that Tinkerbelle won 10,000 baht in the Aussie Pub in Kamala on Friday night, so NM asked Tinkerbelle if it was going to be 20 baht beers for the circle - in good old Yorkshire style he told NM "You can all go and get fooked" (that's fucked for those that don't speak Yorkshire!). NM still concerned about Swollen Colon calling 'Take it off, Put it on' to Sweetie Wurm when she collected her Mom's t-shirt - she is 8 years old you pervert!! Nugget's son was surprised that there were no females at the hash early on today, but later on, they started turning up, but still disappointed to see all the Rusties in the circle and not one was young enough for him!! Moped with a side-cart came through the centre of the circle - so Hares asked why - Singha replied "Well he owns the place" - seems a good enough reason to me!? Minnie Mouse shared the news that Twice Nightly had a nose job quite recently and the doctor said she couldn't move her head sharply for 3 months. So TN told Once Weekly that there would be no sex for the next three months. Having seen their neighbours performing sex doggy style on their balcony, OW said to TW, if we use a pillow to protect the side of your face we too can have sex outside? Try it they did, and the nose held out - so just two more months to go now!!! Apparently OW was quite happy when he asked the GM if Minnie Mouse was a steward this week, and the reply was No. "Oh good" he said "she was going to tell a short story about me" Oh dear OW you should have kept your mouth shut! Gorgeous saw the virgin 'Union Jack' on the run and he was looking down so Gorgeous shouted "are you on" no reply "are you on" he shouts even louder - still no reply, it turns out that he couldn't understand a word Gorgeous was say (welcome to our world mate!). Steward (Virgin) - Keyhole: Was a hot run today, Keyhole was sweating like Houston Basher taking a maths test. Keyhole likes Gorgeous, they were both boxers previously, so when they meet they talk about football. Gorgeous did say that he loaned a friend 70,000 baht 6 months ago, as he had a motorbike accident and needed surgery on his face. He still hasn't paid the money back yet, so Keyhole offered to help look for him - but neither have any idea what he looks like after the surgery. According to Jiggly Juggs Gorgeous would never lend any money as he is Scottish (she would know!!). SA Dick Gobbler (way to go Abdullah) on the Tin Man recently was saying how annoying Income Tax is, and he has to complete forms for Switzerland, Australia and Thailand. It was suggested he hide the money off shore, apparently he tried that several years ago but fell out of the boat three times! Keyholes Dad is Burmese, he comes from Birmingham! He is still having sex at 84, but lives at 51. Keyhole asked Martin if he knew anywhere that does a good steak. Although he hadn't tried it he suggested Sam's at The Holiday Inn. So off Keyhole goes, and it is the best steak he has ever eaten, along with the delicious goose pate starter, beautiful home made ice cream for desert and 3 glasses of red wine. When the waiter bought the bill over, Keyhole wasn't sure if it was the bill or a ransom note! Keyhole was in the UK recently with his soon to be ex-wife. She was in the bedroom with stockings, suspenders, matching under-ware and stiletto's - she asked him to tie her up and do what he likesd to her - so he tied her up and fucked off for two nights. Keyhole and Houston Basher went out for a meal together, and Keyhole said it was on him and he could have what he liked - so HB ordered soup in a basket! They headed down the beach together and at about 4pm HB said it was 'Titty Time' - intrigued he followed HB to a spot on the beach where there were several middle aged European ladies - where one of them took off her bikini top and flashed her tits at HB. He even said "she knows I watch her you know" - sick puppy!! We all know that the Jewish community have some fantastic tailors and one night Lord Louis the Lip rang his tailor at 3am "what on earth are you ringing me for at this time of the night" says his tailor. "I wanted to tell you I am in bed with your daughter" replied LLtL, "well she is 30 years old and is an adult so it is up to her" said the tailor, LLtL said "but it is the only thing you have made that fucking fits!" Pink Sock visited the dentist to see how much work would cost him the dentist offered top of the range, for 150,000 baht they would be brilliantly white and straight and there would be no pain. Or mid range for 50,000 baht, the teeth would be white, maybe not so straight and there could be slight pain. Finally budget range for 10,000 baht where they would be off white, no guarantee of them being straight and there would be pain and even blood. "Great" he said, "I'll take the budget range and bring the wife in tomorrow." Keyhole was recently shopping in Watsons in Jungceylon and saw Houston Basher, who is a clever guy, he has a Phd (Pizza Hut Delivery), Murkury who loves a bargain and will buy anything that is marked down, he bought home an escalator last week and King Klong who's business is doing so well, he wrote a cheque last week and the bank bounced. So there they are in Watsons and HB asks if they sell condoms, small enough to fit a mouse as the hotel he is staying in is over run by them! Murkury wanted to buy Vaseline, they didn't have any but the pharmacist suggested Boots - "I want to slide in not march in". KK asked if they do anything for headaches, the pharmacist came from behind the counter and smacked KK around the head several times. "You haven't got a headache now have you?" KK replied "I didn't before, it's for the wife whose out in the car!" Excellent Virgin Steward Spot. Jiggly Juggs takes a pew during the steward spot and sits right on the GM's hat! Swollen Colon was astonished to hear that Jiggly Juggs husband paid $10,000 for her to visit South Africa to compete in the Iron Man competition. It seems that she didn't make it for one reason or another, so spent 2 weeks pissing up and smoking her head off - which she could quite easily have done in Patong! She even stopped in KL to get her hair done on the way back. Numbered Runs: 300 - Swollen Colon, 100 - Houston Basher, 50 - Virgin Pussy and 25 - Double Down Down. Always Wet has been trying out the 'She Wee' and managed a successful attempt on the Iron Pussy. So AW and SA Dick Gobbler will have a competition to see who can piss the highest! next week!! Apparently the Russian girls that are now working on Soi Bangla don't need a work permit, because they are classed as Actresses!!! They only thing they act is orgasms. So the GM wanted to know how other nationalities fake their orgasms; Aussie - Always Wet, Scottish - Jiggly Juggs, English - Moonwalker, Thai - Minnie Mouse, Dutch - Parasol Pussy, Filipino - Flo Jo and French - Virgin. Some great 'actions' going on, and not one of them said they faked it!! That is apart from the Thai, apparently they do enough to the man that they don't even have sex - so no need to orgasm (fake or otherwise)!! According to Blue Harlot, you know they have orgasmed when they hold their hand out! I must say that is the quietest I have heard the circle, especially when Minnie Mouse was explaining how Thai's orgasm!!!! Steward - No Hope: Turncoat was asked if any French were lost this week, Singha replied "hope so!" It seems that none were lost, so must do better next time. Nugget Iced for getting lost last week. All hashers in that attended the Pang-Na Bay Regatta last week - the only incident that happened was a report of a drunk confused man who kept falling asleep and couldn't find his way back to his boat!! Apparently everybody thought it was JC - although Creature FTBL did ask Ejackulator if it was him!! So 6 weeks ago Creature FTBL could be seen helping Ejackulator around the walk, making sure he didn't trip up, and found his way back in good time. This week NH asked CFTBL where Ejackulator was "fuck if I care" came the reply - how long have they been married?! There was an invasion of Canadians, NH was checking to see what had happened recently in Canada, not a lot, so have a Down Down! There is a bit of concern about where all the photos that Juan Palorista takes while on the Hash - nobody knows what the Filipino pervert does with them. Swollen Colon stood in for Testicle Tom, who was very upset to read all the bad press the Italian Captain got for sinking his ship. TT couldn't understand why as he has had his bottom ripped open and and a belly full of seaman many a time! It is the Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II (two Aussies iced for not giving a fuck!) and we all know that Her Majesty and the Royal Family have a close affinity with the Armed Forces, Prince William currently in the Falklands and Prince Harry flies Apaches. So when Her Majesty met 3 members of the Armed Forces who recently returned from Afghanistan she wanted to know what each one of them would do if they encountered a Camel Spider in their tent (NH did get a bit excited and called it a Camel 'Toe' Spider). Army (Blue Harlot) - he would fucking bayonet it and fucking kill it! Royal Navy (as Royal Marines are members of the RN Rude As Fuck) - he would grab his boot, mallet it on the head and kill it. Royal Air Force (Born Looser) - he would telephone down to reception and ask why there is a tent in his hotel room!!! There was a new scribe in the circle today, Sweetie Wurm sat next to Double Down Down and got her pens and paper out - which homework would Blue Harlot want to mark? Not mine for sure!! Good Steward Spot. So the Beer Meister ran out of beer this week - apparently the truck is too small - she needs to talk to JC on how to fill (and empty) a truck with beer. Naahee Man and Minnie Mouse iced for drinking the Down Down beer. Departers: Keyhole, Once Weekly, Twice Nightly, Ejackulator and Creature. Run Master (JC) is furious this week, how the fuck can the Beer Meister run out of piss? He is really pissed off and this could be a 'Hash Shit' situation. Running out of beer is more serious than the quality of any run. Murkury to sort it out for next week or it will be Hash Shit. All agreed Good Run this week. On On
Double Down Down |