| GM had a unique
experience today, the Hares told him the walk was 40
minutes and dead flat! The first time ever the Hares
have told the truth. GM wasn't sure what the runners
thought though. A complaint from the
Registrar's, the run starts at 3.30pm sharp, therefore
Registrations CLOSES at 3.25pm. NO LATE REGISTRATIONS
- you either pay next week or don't get added to this
run. [GM’s
note: as of next week the hares will collect
registrations from those arriving late].
There was plenty of heckling from the circle, but they
soon shut up when the GM said that the next one to
heckle would be Registrations next year. Come on
you lot - what does it take to register on
time??? V.C. was iced for trying to ignore
registrations when he turned up, according to Lord
Louis the Lip it is because he is a 'fucking
Jew'. Only got water for his down down, seeing
as he hasn't paid. That will go for anybody else
that doesn't pay - no beer for you if you are in the
circle! Returners: Too many to name, just a 'Sorry Bunch of Cunts' who haven't been missed. Visiting Hashers: Cunt Sucker who is a visitor from Dubai Creek hash didn't just turn up, in fact didn't e-mail the GM, an e-mail was received from his GM (Tattoo). CS has done 1100 runs with the Dubai Creek Hash, and Tattoo requested that the 'cunt be iced and get him pissed'! So a lovely drink out of the piss pot, and he was literally foaming at the mouth!! Boobnosis, Carol and Seaman Strangler also here today. Seaman Strangler was asked how she got her name, she replied that it was a complicated story, Blue Harlot just told her to "spit it out!" As Carol still doesn't have a name, P3H decided to name her. Carol and Boobnosis had a motorbike accident in the week, NO other vehicle involved, just too much sand and not looking where he was going. Some lovely cuts and bruises up their legs - so Carol was duly named Road Gash! Testicle Tom seemed to have his sorts on back to front, as the hemorrhoids should be at the back?!?! The Laager site was right in the middle of a track used by mopeds - first one through after 17 minutes! Virgins: Warren, Ralph and Jonathan who all enjoyed beer and ice cold water. New Member: John who is friends with Slow Cunt, and is known as Scruff to his mates - hash name Scruffy Cunt. Numbered Runs: Well done to Porn Shop - 300 runs and Ape Man - 400 runs (not sure how many dogs in that time?). Steward - GP Arse: Having never done a 'spot' before GPA decided to look up on the internet what should and shouldn't be done when public speaking; No rude or disparaging remarks, don't be crude or swear. If you are nervous, just imagine that the audience are naked - GPA decided to give that one a miss. Obviously whoever wrote that has never been to a Phuket Hash!!! Rude As Fuck was helpful and suggested websites for jokes, but there is plenty of material right here! Rude As Fuck & Dicksappointing are pretty good friends, and one night there was a knock at RaF door. Dicksappointing was there pissed and asked for a push, RaF told him to go get a taxi and go home and sleep it off! RaF returned to bed and told Double Down Down that Dicksappointing had wanted a push. DDD said he should have helped after the last time the car wouldn't start somebody helped him! So RaF went to help and called out for Dicksappointing and he replied "I'm over here on the swing." Last week there was the warning about the ducks, which reminded GPA about the Duck Farmer and his 3 sons who were sent off into the world each with a duck to try and make some money. The first one made $30, the second one made $40 but the third one had picked himself up a horny prostitute (best ones apparently), and she accepted his duck as payment for a shag! She wanted a second go at it, so she gave the duck back and got a second shag! Walking home his duck got run over by a car, the driver of which paid him $50 compensation! So he returns to his Father and he asks "how did you get on son?" "I got a fuck for a duck, duck for a fuck, $50 bucks for a fucked up duck and I've still got the fucked up duck!" <Brilliantly said GPA> SA Dick Gobbler has been married 4 times and is looking forward to the 5th! When married to wife No 2 he was sat at home (not covered in shit!) and she returned from the doctors, she had been told by the doctor that she had 'Hips like a 25 year old' SADG asked "what about your smelly, wrinkly old cunt?" Wife replied "he didn't mention anything about you dear!" After last weeks run, Clitmas Pussy and Itchy Cunt were having a few beers and GPA got roped into taking them into Patong so they could go dancing - they gave him a quick rendition of 'The Itch' dance routine. Having been on the hash for several months, GPA has realised there are some mysteries to P3H, two being; 1) Why does Top Off speak such good Thai, er because he is Thai! 2) What on earth is in Gorgeous' cup - having tried it, it is fucking Moonshine!!! The other mystery that GPA doesn't really want to try and work out, is why one of the Mis-Management Committee is learning to pee standing up - maybe it is a girl thing!?!? So to end, GPA had tried to adhere to not swearing when public speaking - this is what you didn't hear: Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fucking cock sucking, fucking lezzo's, poo puncher, cunts, cock gobblers, wanker, fuck, fuck, fuck!!! GM wasn't sure if that was SA Dick Gobbler in the circle at the end!! GPA even managed his 'duck line' again for us all!! Brilliant Virgin Steward spot. Run Offenses: No Hope is the Hash Meerkat sat up on a mound of dirt - can see inbound walkers 200 meters away by the pylons - nobody else can! Bullet Rash wanted to know who the idiot was that decided to change the start time so that we are running in the heat of the day (No Hope), and most of this run had NO shade! It was good to see the road was tarmac to get us here though. Last week Billy Boy couldn't catch his breath when he realised that he was driving home behind President, who was driving behind a dump truck - she was too busy talking to realise that she had turned left to follow it into a construction site!!! As she is now driving a new car, she enjoyed her down down out of the ashtray - good job she doesn't smoke! SA Dick Gobbler can't believe that one of the virgins was pissing like a dog up his back wheel! Even worse Slow Cunt and Scruffy Cunt were both pissing and farting near the boot of his car - did your Mother's teach you no manners!? Scruffy Cunt got right up Saint Blow Job's nose today - SBJ was leading the walkers and all he could hear behind him was SC shouting 'Anything' - it's ON ON when you are on paper! Also the checking done by SC leaves a lot to be desired - his idea of checking is 4 large paces and that is it!!! Saying that, he has only done 5 runs and that is 4 large paces more checking than Assterix has ever done!! No Hope was not impressed with SA Dick Gobbler's observation skills out on the run - at the top of the hill a big open plateau and SADG shouts "where do we go now" Bullet Rash replies "over there where the rest of the runners are!" So Bullet Rash is calling it the 'sunshine run' as there was very little shade - well if he had followed paper and not short-cutted through open ground he would have been in the shade! Murkury wanted Parasol Pussy in the circle (who wouldn't apparently!) so up the hill she runs, she branches off to the right where there is no paper, everybody else to the left where there is paper!! All that can be heard is "Are You On?" Of course they are, just follow the fucking paper!! The Hares have written a song for Murkury (Tin Man GM) : He's
Our Leader, a slap-head little bleeder,
He's our leader, he’s a turtle head, He's a little fellow, he looks like Donatello, He's our leader, he’s a turtle head. SA Dick Gobbler and FA Cup were having a chat and FA Cup said that a small penis would not spoil their sex life, SADG agreed but would have preferred if FA Cup didn't have one! Steward Spot - Moonwalker: Big Bollox and JC not here today, so Houston Basher and Sucker to replace BB and Paper to replace JC. Both BB and JC leaving Phuket sometime this year, scientists have become concerned regarding the ecological and economical impacts this will have. When BB leaves, Phuket will rise up 50 meters, so if you have a beach front house or business it won't be now on! Fishing boats will only be reached by ladders. When JC leaves the restaurants and bars are panicking that their takings will be down, as is the Beer Truck, but don't worry they are branching out into timeshare sales! We all know a dog is mans best friend and they are so intelligent and observant. Barbara Woodhouse was one of the last to leave the Laager last week, had one too many with all his beers from being a hare. He gets in the car to leave, but Blade knows better, he just sits and watches - BW leaves like a bat out of hell, narrowly avoiding a ditch when he realises Blade isn't in the car. He stops the car, gets out and calls out to blade in his normal sweet way "For fucks sake Blade, get here now, or your can fucking well walk home". We all know there are seeing dogs for the blind, well Blade is a driving dog for the legless as he was seen in the driving seat. Lord Louis the Lip went on holiday to Switzerland and on his return he had the most beautiful, slim blond young wife. There were some surprised looks as to how LLtL had managed to get such a young wife. Apparently he lied about his age, telling her he was 50 - NO, told her he was 90! Virgin with Crocks and Socks in, and the loan of SADG chair. So typical Brit on holiday with his knotted hanky on his head - on a totally isolated beach, desperate for a cigarette but has no lighter. Out of the water comes the most beautiful female in a wet suit - proceeds to unzip a pocket and offers him a lighter. Do you need a drink? Unzips another pocket and brings out 40 year old whisky (at this stage Blue Harlot is asking for the story to hurry up as he is getting a hard on!). Do you read? Unzips another pocket and brings out the latest copy of Playboy. Wow he must be dreaming!! She starts to seductively unzip the front zip and asks "do you want to play around" - he thinks, Bloody Hell, she must have a set of golf clubs in there! Some heckling from the circle - Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak!!! Dicksappointing out on a recce with JC and slips while using the machete and cuts off his 'dangly bit' and JC's dog proceeds to eat it. Off he goes to the hospital, and he is offered a new one to be made in several sizes - Small: 400, 000 baht, Medium: 800,000 baht and Large: 2 million baht! Dicksappointing goes home to speak with Virgin My Arse and the next day returns to the doctor and told him that VMA has decided she would like a new kitchen! Testicle Tom was on holiday in London, and after having several drinks took a walk to check out the views - he really needed to take a pee but was in a really posh area and couldn't find any shops that would allow him to use their toilets. He eventually finds a alleyway, just about to take a pee and the local PC Plod stops him - "You can't pee here sir" "but I'm desperate" replies TT. So the copper tells TT to follow him, and he opens a gate, TT goes through it and into the the most beautiful garden he has seen, manicured lawns, fountains and fantastic flowers. After peeing, he leaves the garden and TT asks the copper if that is normal British hospitality - "No Sir, that is the French Embassy!" Double Down Down and Always Wet are always moaning about how difficult it is for 'us girls' to pee while out on the hash - it is OK for the guys, they can pee anywhere, they can even pee when still running, can write their names in the sand if they so wish when peeing! Well there is now the She Wee - which enables girls to pee standing up!! Come on, this is way too small - so MoonWalker has invented her own, it closely resembles the ice water scoop that the beer truck owns. But just about the right right size, can sling it over your shoulder and pee in comfort standing up with plenty of room to spare!! Moonwalker broke her bike last week and thought of praying to God for a new one. Thought better of it, so went out and stole one, and prayed to God for forgiveness! Just imagine Dr Fucking Jekyll (or as Moonwalker called him Stupid Dr Jekyll!) with a wooden leg. He wrote to fancy dress company asking for an outfit that will hide his bald head and wooden leg. He received a spotted handkerchief to cover his bald head and would make a great pirate. Very angry he replies saying that isn't suitable, the company then return another outfit, this time a Monk, which will hide his leg and his bald head will make it more realistic. Fuming now he writes a strong letter of complaint about how they have ignored that he wanted something to hide his wooden leg and bald head. He receives a package which is a tin of Golden Syrup - with a letter telling him to pour it over his head, let it harden and stick his wooden leg up his arse and go as a Toffee Apple. Great Steward Spot, and Moonwalker enjoyed her Down Down from the 'unused' She Wee. Late incoming French welcomed back to a chorus of Ou Est Le Papier? Thanks to Hawaiian Ho for standing in as Impedimenta for the next few weeks. Departers: Billy Boy and Bluey. Spare beer for the two Stewards, they were that good they should breed them. Moonwalker free for breeding! Murkury stood in as Run Master, apparently BB and Bluey had boasted to the GM that this was going to be the best run this year. Apparently Murkury thought his and JCs run a couple of weeks ago was way better!! Quite a bit of hill climbing, plenty of sun - but everybody agreed GOOD Run. Hares still required for future runs - contact the runmaster. On On
Double Down Down |