Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1351                         Saturday  28th Jan 2012

Hares:         Gorgeous, Barbara Woodhouse, Dicksappointing & Virgin My Arse

Total Pack 110 : PH3 100,  Virgins 5,  Visiting hashers 4,  New members 1.


Hares were a bit slow coming into the circle, maybe they didn't want to admit they were Hares? Gorgeous was only a consultant, Barbara Woodhouse was trying to direct Testicle Tom with his parking!  So we have the virgin, Virgin My Arse, that did fuck all, Dicksappointing took the photos, Barbara Woodhouse laid the run paper and Gorgeous just watched!  So who took responsibility for the route? All the Aussies in as they celebrated Australia Day, not that anybody else gave a dam! As there are so many of them - 40 baht beers today :) Always Wet had free beers today, for helping source medical beds for the Orphanage - she was on a quota so no sucking up to her!

Returners:  Mamma Duck, Won't Go Down, Keyhole, Dr Fucking Jekyll, some pretty poor reasons why they haven't been here including 11 months shagging in the UK - bullshit we reckon! Virgins:  Jo, Thomas, Steve, Remme and Teddy, it seems that one wasn't back and two had fucked off early! Once the Virgins had managed to sort out their beer (like lego for Aussies at one stage) it was enjoyed with ice cold water. New Member: Already named - Shitler.  Visiting Hashers:  Boob Nosis, Bukudo, Hundred Plus and Carol - No luck with the blue arms this week!

We all witnessed the abortion that was Testicle Tom trying to park his car, he even ran over the Somtam circle mat, and some Canadian woman even kicked the car!!! TT hadn't registered, but winged like a little girl "they wouldn't let me register!" Well done to Scrubber for her 300th run t-shirt, although she wouldn't 'take it off put it on' just keep 'em guessing baby! So we all know that Houston Basher didn't turn up 2 weeks ago when he should have been doing a Steward Spot, and didn't even show up last week (maybe we would have forgot!), so Manneken Pis decided that he should sit on the ice for the whole of the next steward spot! 

Steward - Itchy Cunt:  All the Rusties in, apparently we have a new dance, lets just call it "The Itch" use your own imaginations if you weren't there.  The circle was scaring the shit out of IC, so she called herself in for a Down Down (to calm her nerves!). Know the difference between IC and a dog? No dirt on her nose when she buries a bone! IC asked if she could get BC up (probably not apparently!) - in the States he was a church goer, and one day when the priest was 'doing his thing' there was a huge puff of smoke in the church, and there was the devil. Everybody ran out screaming apart from BC, the devil asked "are you not afraid of me?"  "Nope" came the reply, "but you must be as everybody is afraid of me - so why aren't you?" "Because I have been married to your sister for 10 years!" Virgin My Arse is the nicest person that IC has ever met - but for the last four weeks has been nicotine free and been the bitch from hell! However she is now back to her beautiful wonderful self. During the Iron Pussy in January there was 18,000 baht pledged for the Orphanage if VMA could go smoke free until January 2013. Will the P3H be as generous with their pledges? Blue Harlot offered to buy VMA a carton of cigarettes  for Christmas!!! Some late comers arrived back (after 2 hours), with a beer to welcome them back. Barbara Woodhouse has been driving IC to the hash several times now, and she has seen some fucked up driving around the world!  Her technique is that it is best to just watch the landscape go by! She has realised that all her previous driving experiences around the world were just getting her into training for getting in a car with this guy! Even Blade just gives her a look of 'welcome to my world, I have to put up with it every day' - good luck with the drive back with Barbara Andretti!! IC was at a New Years Eve party and the GM was there - the next thing she sees is a huge flash from behind her, and there is the GM taking a picture of her cleavage, he had the wide angle lense on! IC not bothered, rather that than the Macro setting for most of the others! Best of it was, it wasn't even his camera! Two weeks ago IC was on a walk, with Lord Louis the Lip not far behind her, she decided to take a turn that took her to a lovely tended field with the farmer still in there working, no way could this be right? LLtL was at the bottom of the muddy hill demanding to know 'are you on paper' not being so experienced IC really wasn't sure, LLtL made the decision from the bottom of the hill - that can't be right it must be this way, so off they went together.  Wrong - LLtL was on a falsey it turns out they had to go back up the muddy hill and through the field and all the way IC could hear LLtL telling her not to walk there, she must walk her, don't tread on the plant, keep to the side - all the time wagging his finger as old people do!  IC was sure she had left her Mother back in Canada!   Swollen Colon got some great chat up lines: Sit on my face, I'll guess your weight; Do you want to see a trick I learnt in prison; My face is leaving in 15 minutes, be on it; A tablespoon of sperm is only 2 calories; Do you want an Aussie kiss, just like a French kiss but 'down under';  If we are what we eat, I could be you by morning. Clitmas Pussy decided to have a tattoo on her inner thighs of her favourite Beetles - John Lennon and Paul McCartney, so off she went to the tattoo parlor.  She wasn't that impressed with the finished artwork, and asked the next person that came into the parlor what they thought. Big Bollox came in, so she asked him if that was John Lennon and Paul McCartney and he said "fuck no, but the guy in the middle with the bad breath and beard sure looks like Willy Nelson!"  Excellent virgin steward spot - don't be so shy next time!  

Run Offenses: Gorgeous pledged 1000 baht in the name of Assterix (got more chance of getting it off Assterix!). Lord Louis the Lip iced Gorgeous, the Hares didn't lie, there were no hills, just 4 fucking mountains! Gorgeous was telling the Hares that when you lay paper, if you make a mistake own up to it! Barbara Woodhouse put the sign up for the Laager - it was pointing up - so that is exactly where Blue Harlot went - right to the top of the hill - in his saloon car (a 4x4 struggles with that hill!).  Minnie Mouse asked Nugget if she could put the ice out early so her two dogs could enjoy the ice!  Nugget refused as it would melt by the time the circle started! There was talk of having an all night circle to see how long the ice did last!!! Not enough beer at 40 baht!! Houston Basher explained to the GM that he sent him an SMS last week to explain that he couldn't do his Steward spot, but the GM was too busy hob-nobbing in Chiang Mai to reply.  HB you muppet you were a Steward 2 weeks ago, not last week! A couple of weeks ago, Virgin My Arse and Dicksappointing were heading up an extremely long hill and it sure was a hot day.  VMA made it to the top first and started drinking the water she had - being the cheap charlies that they are, they had only bought the one bottle - there was Dicksappointing at the brow of the hill - gasping for water, reaching out and VMA tips it over her head! Barbara Woodhouse iced for mouthing off his socks and sandal's doing it for nobody! Won't go Down was offended that nobody sent her an SMS to tell her the start time was now 3.30pm - so where did she find out where the Laager was - she phoned Swollen Colon - it's your own fault for ringing a Knob Head! New Shoes for Boob Nosis and Steve - well done to Martin for drinking out of Steve's runners.  Adam should have drunk for Boob Nosis but threw it over the GM's hat instead!!! He was iced for that as current and all former GMs have loving cared for that hat for many a year! Adam was quite vocal towards Minnie Mouse, he needs to be careful as she is the RA!  

Steward - Billy Boy:  Hares given two beers for two bloody big hills (maybe Barbara Woodhouse driving will be better after all this beer!!!???) JC, Minnie Mouse and Pole Position were Hares a few weeks ago, and BB wanted to know why JC was sacked as a Hare and Cartoon replaced him.  Minnie Mouse replied "do you think we are stilly" (well yes sometimes!) "If JC was Hare we would get 1 beer each and he would have the rest! With Cartoon as the Hare he gets 1 beer and we share the rest!" Parasol Pussy and SA Dick Gobbler (a match made in heaven!), were on the run today and PP grabbed SADG arse, "but that's not fair, if I did that to you I would get into trouble, why can't I do that to you?" PP replied "because women are weak and timid!"  Just remember that PP!!!!! Mighty Quim was saying hello to people he hadn't seen for ages, when he saw Chicken George he said "I know you" offered to shake hands saying "Mighty Quim" and the reply was "No I'm Chicken George!"  King Klong asked HIV "what are you doing on the walk" HIV replied "I'm on multi coloured, so on the run" Klong very confused now "well I'm on the walk, how the fuck did I get on the run?" Billy Boy caught Murkury up and Murkury knew exactly where he was as he had been here several times with JC in his 4x4.  Murkury went one way and Billy Boy went the other, 10 minutes after BB ran home Murkury made it in - obviously wasn't quite where he thought he was! Google Ass does a great job of blowing the horn, so Itchy Cunt replaced him, because she does just a good a job (apparently!). Also thanked were Double Down Down (Scribe), Virgin My Arse (Hash Flash), Clitmas Pussy (Steward Chaser - who has had more knock backs than Naahee Man), Manneken Pis (Joint Master) and Once Weekly (On Sec).  JC and Murkury in just so BB can watch them pour their own beers instead of having free Down Downs! Although JC must be poor as took a free Down Down.  GM thanked BB for being Joint Master (although Blue Harlot reckons he has done fuck all yet!).  Good Steward spot. 

Sweetie Wurm designed the logo for this years Hash Ball - Blue Harlot commented "If you had done that in my class I would have spanked you!" The circle said that her parents won't allow her in his class, too late "Next year, she is mine!" came the reply.  BH iced! 

Hash Music - BC: To the tune of Achy Breaky Heart - for Swollen Colon and Naahee Man: 

You can tell the world he says that you're his girl
You can say you love him for his charm
I think I'll take this bet his money makes you wet
His body's like a cow down on the farm 

You let lick cooter and finger-bang your pooter
You sell your soul now just because you can
Or you can close your lips and take my thoughtful tips
There more to Swollen than you understand 

So don't suck his dick or soon you will be sick
It's full of STDs and that for sure
He must have Hep B and likely HIV
'Cause him and Naahee shared nasty whores 

You'll move back to Kon Kean and live with Mom again
You can tell your Dad Farang a bad man
Or tell your Brother Lek to go and cut slice his neck
He never been to Phuket anyway 

Or lie to your Aunt Noi, about some young Thai boy
Who promised you the world than ran around
The truth will soon be told, you met a man that's old
And let tap that ass because he paid 

So don't suck his dick or soon you will be sick
It's full of STDs and that for sure
He must have Hep B and likely HIV
'Cause him and Naahee shared nasty whores 

Adam enjoyed his first hash last week, and thought Blue Harlot had set a precedence with being the hash fighter!? So we all clapped Adam as he drank his beer down.  Departers: Big Fella (for ever!) that is 1 French less, he was asked if he could take Assterix with him? It was thought Itchy Cunt was departing, but not sure now? Big Fella got the French and the English in and the French sang some shit music cunt song about his Grandpa's balls (thanks to BC for those scribe notes!!!).  Big Fella told the pack that for years he had been hearing the english singing "Ou est le papier?" and he decided to return the favour.  All the French and English called in to sing this to the tune of God Save the Queen:

The balls of my grandfather are glued to the ceiling, and my grandmother is in despair to see dry out as the best balls, the most beautiful balls of the village.  

No, it makes no sense to me either.

It was confirmed that pledges taken for Virgin My Arse to quite smoking until at least January 2013 have increased by over 20,000 baht.  Run Master was a bit late starting off on the run, which caused some squaring off between JC and Barbara Woodhouse (obviously defending his role as Registrations).  At one point in the run JC caught up the slow walkers, so had started to go back on himself!  All agreed Good Run. 

On On 

Double Down Down 

No time for this in the circle, but Big Bollox had a reply for Burns Night: 

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie .....
lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
As ye sit doon amongst yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormous win'
The neeps an' tatties an' mushy peas
Stert working like a gentle breeze 
But soon the puddin' wi' the sonsie face
Will have ye blawin' a' ower the place
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'bodys gonnae have tae pay
Even if he try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot o' a rifle 
Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try an' stop the leakin' air
Shift yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae reek
But aw yer efforts gan asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder 
Ricochets aroon' the room
Michty Me! A sonic boom
God Almighty, it fairly reeks
Hope I huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog I'd better scurry
 Ach, whit the hell, it's no ma worry 
A'body roon about me chokin'
Yin or twa were nearly bokin'
I'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
Wis him! I shout with accusin'glower
Alas! Too late! he just keeled ower 
Ye dirty bugger, they shout an' stare
A didnae feel welcome ony mair
Where e're ye be let yer wind gan free
Sounds just like the job for me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's party
Ower the sake o' one wee farty