Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1350                          Saturday  21st Jan 2012

Hares:         Murkury & J.C.

Total Pack 94 : PH3 83,  Virgins 3,  Visiting hashers 5,  New members 3.


Before the GM even called the Hares in, he could hear from them "Oh Dear!" - which is a sure sign things didn't go to plan (or maybe they did?!).  GM was quite impressed that he was leading the pack after 30 minutes in as there was no sign of the runners.  In fact at starting the circle there were still walkers out there.  Creature FTBL and Ejackulator weren't available when requested by the GM, apparently they were still in Honeymoon mode and were last seen in the 'Bridal Suite' (AKA the hash bus!).  Returners:  Flip Flop, Sock Off, Gash Flasher and Ski Boy. Although SO and GF hadn't even registered so were iced until they showed registrations the colour of their money!  Virgins:  On, Lek and Denis (who's Hash name is likely to be something along the lines of 'Bleedin' Disaster - seeing as he got a nasty cut to his elbow!).  Visiting Hashers:  Adam, Mr Fista, Oh Yea, 7 Come 11 and HP Saucer - enjoyed a couple of beers with plenty of iced water.  New Members:  Martin, Peter and Alan. No name yet for Martin, it is only a matter of time though! Peter was on his 5th hash in 5 years!!! Only one name for him Slow Cunt! (It was nearly Slow Deaf Cunt seeing as it took the GM three times to repeat it so he could hear it - it was probably more like he couldn't believe what he had been named!).  Alan had done his 5th hash in 3 years, and was nearly named something similar - but his can wait! Welcome to P3H. 

JC, Born Looser, SA Dick Gobbler and Blue Harlot were sat in the Expat comparing chat up lines, similar to the old favourite 'Get Your Coat You've Pulled' - although there weren't many in the circle that had heard of that one - perhaps it was a Welsh one?  Anyway, there were plenty of different variations, but as always BH's had it's normal theme - "Get your coat, it is on Peg 12 and your Mom has put your name in it!!" All the attendees of Ejackulator and Creature FTBL wedding and the bride and groom, although the groom looks like he has slowed down an awful lot since the wedding! Naahee Man, Duke of Puke and Swollen Colon sang their own version of a wedding song.  Ape Man's poor dog took a turn on the walk, and Ape Man had to carry on without him as he couldn't carry him alone.  But along came 'Super Men' Mr Fista and Scooby Splat who made a stretcher and carried the dog all the way back.  God Bless them, a huge round of applause from the Circle and a free t-shirt each as theirs were filthy! (Well I think it was free, although I did hear the GM saying "just charge them 100 baht!").   

Steward - Julie Andrews:  Specifically called in before any run offenses!! Barbara Woodhouse Iced! Hares thanked for a 'nice' run, although they almost killed a dog, almost killed a man and JC almost killed his wife - so it was almost successful! Parasol Pussy was due to be a steward this week, but didn't do it as she doesn't think she is funny enough (big aahh from the circle) so we were stuck with JA! Flying Dickhead iced, as JA had to wait 5 minutes for him to shut up before he could start his steward spot! JA wanted Martin and Mr Fista in, but nowhere to be seen! Mind The Gap and Annie were asked to hold something with both hands, apparently he says that to all the girls, but it never helps?? Anyway, plenty of beer was drunk out of a huge heavy tankard! Not sure why MTG and Annie in, but the circle reckons it is because JA loves to run behind MTG for the view? JA enjoys a full tankard of beer! Short but good steward spot.   

Run Offenses:  Big Bollox wanted the 'fucking hares, the pair of cunts' iced - not sure why!? Apparently the knob jockeys, bald headed twats, idle arseholes recced in a 4 wheel drive truck!!!!!! OK, now I know why he wanted them iced! So as the outgoing and incoming Run Masters are Hares, it will be down to Big Bollox to be stand in Run Master! Minnie Mouse was extremely quiet today, after the run she found out that her friend Paper had been stung by a hornet so off rushed JC and Minnie Mouse with JC driving.  Now we all know what JC's standard of driving is like at the best of times, now with an emergency thrown into the equation anything could happen.  Minnie Mouse, didn't have time to put her seatbelt on before he was in first gear heading up the muddy road at a high rate of knots.  Minnie Mouse thought she might meet Buddha before getting to Paper!  So with JC being a 'fuck awful driver' Minnie Mouse goes and gives him two more beers (perhaps his driving is better with more beers added??).   Bullet Rash was impressed that 15 minutes into the run, the GM was a front runner, but it only lasted about 3 seconds! Swollen Colon invited the 'Ejackulation Family' into the circle - the Chiang Mai Ball Buster, after the Inter Hash took place on the Sunday last week, it was only 200 baht - SC invited Ejackulator to go along as it would be cheaper than the other option that he was taking part in that day.  He said no to the hash run and got married instead - he doesn't know his priorities! Dicksappointing can't tell the time, it took him three attempts to get it right today! Naahee Man was disappointed at how vulgar Gorgeous was today - when Annie saw Naahee man out on the run, Annie gives him a lovely wave, but Gorgeous just shouted "You Fucking Bastard" while checking out Annie's arse!  She wanted Gorgeous iced for that - no way was that going to happen, so she was duly iced and the consensus of opinion was that her Hash Name will be Ice Quim!  Welcome to P3H.  So Manneken Pis is about to cross the river and he has Cartoon heading off to the right and Parasol Pussy heading off to the left - which one is going in the right direction?  Who cares, of course he follows Parasol Pussy, and it took him 25 minutes longer to get back!  So much for following the dumb blond! Barbara Woodhouse got his uglier younger brother in (Julie Andrews) and yet again JA did no checking, no shouting when on paper - just typical normal actions from him.  Apparently though JA was shouting, it is just BW needs a hearing aid as he can't hear a thing!  BW also commented on how quite the circle was - because most of the French Pack weren't there!  It seems that Froggy did a bit of medical DIY on an ingrowing toenail , but after three days his leg has now turned purple  and had it operated on!  He is still an awkward French bastard though. SA Dick Gobbler was front running (Bullshit!) just behind Mind The Gap (funny that!) with Barbara Woodhouse not far behind.  SADG was impressed with BW with the lack of vocal commands he was giving to Blade his dog.  It seems that Blade was too happy sniffing BW arse most of the way round (somebody in the circle thought it was down to the fact that BW had sex with Blade previously!!!).  SADG was impressed with his own gentlemanly manner this week, Mind the Gap took a tumble and instead of running past her, he stopped and helped her up (and probably had a sneaky grope of her whilst doing so!).  SADG did get himself a bit confused today, he was saying to Singha that he has never questioned his relationship with Mind The Gap - Singha was looking more confused than normal - he didn't know he was having a relationship with her! Nor did Mind The Gap come to that.  Minnie Mouse asked GM to call in 'Stupid Fucker', the GM had no idea who she meant - but pointed out Not Cleaver (same difference I suppose!).  Happy Birthday to NC.  Adam and Big Bollox had a drink out of their new shoes. 

Steward - Gorgeous:  Dicksappointing, Virgin My Arse and Barbara Woodhouse were all out reccing again, and guess what, exactly the same thing happened this week as did last week - trying to go in on the quiet to avoid the elephants and Blade wants to herd them up and BW is screaming at the top of his lungs! Not sure what will happen next week when 100 + people trudge on through, with about 10 dogs in tow???? Lord Louis the Lip knew every track and trail on this weeks walk - so decided not to follow paper and took off on his own.  We all know about LLtL Louisisms he was explaining to Gorgeous and GM that if they head left, then right and go over the bridge they will be 'over there' - no shit sherlock! LLtL went to buy some more mouthwash the other day, but forgot to take his glasses (oh no!).  So the next day LLtL realised he was gargling with Dettol! Three days later he asked Gorgeous if it was poisonous - bit late now! LLtL was awarded a free bottle of dettol!  LLtL gives a lift every week to fellow hasher.  One week LLtL was a steward and he called his fellow driving companion in to complain about the standard of his driving / parking at the hash - the guy was looking slightly confused and explained that LLtL had driven and parked that particular day!  LLtL was confused with his phone, he kept getting calls and SMS messages which were starting to really annoy him, he didn't know who these people were, and how they had got his number.  While he was explaining this to Gorgeous his car companion asked him if he had left his phone in the car as he couldn't find it!  Oh dear LLtL!  Rommel (although Gorgeous thinks it should be Monty!) comes to the hash with LLtL every week, and LLtL was telling him how pleased he is that he has never had a car accident here in Phuket - well not one that was his fault!  Testicle Tom was thanked for the loan of his Anal Dettol - apparently he would need a bigger bottle than that.  Good steward spot. 

Numbered runs - Not Cleaver - 25, Pole Position - 25 (take it off - which she did!) and Giggle Wurm - 25, although Sweetie Wurm collected it, and Blue Harlot was warned NOT to call 'take it off' Swollen Colon didn't listen to the warning and was iced big time!!!! The Pirate look a likes were welcomed into the circle - although the GM couldn't understand them so thought they must be Eskimos.  They didn't understand what Virgins are - so they were both iced - and one of them had white pants on and gave a wet pants photo opportunity for the hash flash! Testicle Tom was getting rather excited, it seems that they aren't pirates but a pair of bum bandits? TT invited them for a night out.  Although it seems that the one isn't gay, he has been living off women, most recently a Korean woman but she has binned him.  He is now enjoying a free holiday with his 'mate' - he's not gay but his boyfriend is.  The Gay Boys hired a driver while they are here, Duke of Puke now has a new name 'Gay Boy Driver'.  Manneken Pis was thanked for doing a great stand in GM stop last week - the circle agreed he should be next years GM, and he agreed to take on the mantle :)

Stand in Run Master - Big Bollox didn't want to pre-judge but with the Hares doing a recce in a 4 wheel drive and most of the circle pissing off early because SA Dick Gobbler cannot keep his mouth shut and the circle went on for 90 minutes (as long as the walk for most people) - there were calls for Hash Shit, but it was agreed by most Good Run.

On On 

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