Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1341                            Saturday  19th Nov 2011

Hare:         Who the Fuck is Alice, Turncoat & Stupid Canard

Total Pack 97,  PH3 91,  Virgins 5,  Visiting hashers 1,  New members 0.

Three French Hares today, but only one in as the other two were still out on the walk taking photos.  GM thought it was a good run, but a shit Laager site. Rude as Fuck has been Hash Police for 1 month and is fed up of people telling him to fuck off, Blue Harlot reckons he should be used to this being a Royal Marine, so now the loudest cunt on the hash is the new Hash Police - SA Dick Gobbler.  

Returners:  Dandy La Root, Billy Boy, On and Off, White Pointer, Putin My Pussy.  Virgins: Sunsia, Yelking, Andrea, Tony.  New Member: 'One Child' (word is this is the off spring of Wiggli & Giggli Wurm?). Visitor: Itchy Cunt who was giving it a scratch and Blue Harlot obviously thought she was playing with 'it'!! 

BC, Jiggly Juggs & Ice Arse were late today (there had to be one or three in this case!) so when asked where they got the directions from, they found them on the website - so why the hell didn't you see the new start time in bright red bold letters!? Maybe they are all colour blind? So Houdini was running along the steep terraces like the primed athlete he is, and he sees Julie Andrews cutting through to a higher terrace, but his shortcutting got the better of him, ended up flat on his face in the hedgerow! Billy Boy was disappointed in the GM for making Assterix Hash Horn - the dozy bastard was blowing off paper. Well if nobody volunteers this is what you get!  Big Bollox was annoyed at President (well her dog actually), and all other dogs on the hash. But this particular dog (not President) took a dump just before all the walkers went through! As always Singha had his harem with Give Me One and Peung, there was GM1 holding hands with Singha along the walk (helping him apparently) and Peung was despatched downhill to the bus to collect Sighas bag and chair after the walk while he stayed at the Laager - apparently they volunteered! Murkury heard dulcet Aussie tones of "Get out the way fucking old man" on the run - Billy Boy is no gentleman! Barf Wader and Froggy iced as neither had any hash attire on, although BW was telling Froggy that his was in the car!  A couple of attempts to get BW to drink out of Froggys new runners, which we all know wasn't going to happen, both lots of beer ended up on all over Froggy, who didn't look impressed. Talking of new runners, No Hope announced that Sports World in Jungceylon have promotion on runners - look out for new shoes next week!

Gorgeous, King Klong & Flying Dickhead were in the photo of the first five GM's on the website, two of them did a steward spot last week, so KK your turn this week.  1st Steward - King Klong:  KK took a call in the week from GM to discuss changes to paper colour and who pays for what. Then over the rest of the afternoon KK received several calls from GM but he didn't want to talk he was doing a bit of 'pocket calling' as the silly cunt didn't lock his phone! Yikes it became apparent at the last Tin Man that most of the French pack shave their pubic regions (not sure how it became apparent?). In France same sex marriages are illegal - well not anymore, the law changed last week - so this lot can all get married to each other now! Does Flying Dickhead look like the sort of person who would kick the stick of an aging geriatric away from them? Well yes he is, although Lord Louis the Lip couldn't remember that happening to him just one hour previously. Paper gets preferential treatment from Nugget - KK got rather excited at seeing bottles of Heineken available - oh no you don't Paper pre-ordered these! SA Dick Gobbler had his annual health check this week, cut down on the smoking and drinking and needs more sleep. FA Cup says he is like an old man with his habits, up at 4 am too busy to sleep - too busy washing sheets! Paper really does miss JC when he is away - bullshit! She is busy burning the candle at both ends. Billy Boy back after 6 weeks off shore, no women and beer, on his return the wife is away doing 'her thing' and BB left at home to look after the dog that has had an operation and needs 24 hour care! "Fuck off I'm in Patong" came the reply! Good Steward spot.  

Assterix iced for mouthing off - never! Matching Drapes has a lovely new fit toy boy.  Butt-Cycle iced too busy eating and drinking to accept his 25 run t-shirt, duly changed in the circle. Excitement grew when the GM hoped the next recipient would do the same. An award for 700 runs - Blue Harlot in horror shouted "Don't want to see her tits if she has been doing it that long!" BH duly iced for such an offending remark and Born Loser was awarded his t-shirt.    

Hash Music:  With some assistance from the RN (Big Bollox and Double Down Down) 'The Sailors In The Gents' by Ivor Biggun - something about fingers, arses and feeling sick! Have a look at the video footage. Very funny, although I think DDD was putting Sir Bollox off!  

So we are into November, or Movember or even No Bush November - so who has hairless pubic regions? No takers, but GM knows you are lying! Assterix and Big Fella were pissed one night in Froggy's bar and 'bared' all about how good it feels when you are hairless down below! Visitor Jason owns up and enters the circle and agrees with them! So now we know why Assterix doesn't do any checking on a Saturday, he  'shaves' every Sunday, so has 6 days worth of stubble to scratch away at to keep him busy!   SA Dick Gobbler too busy talking and drinking the police piss to do his job! White Pointer was celebrating Popeye's Birthday at 7am this morning, which is why Popeye isn't here! BC made some comment about sperm, WP and Popeye!

Scribe in, she has had it easy over the last 8 weeks - times are changing.......  2nd Steward - Dambuster:  Hares in, this mountain has a name 'Knackered Hills'. Dambuster doesn't like it because it makes his heart pump and his knees shake!! Big Bollox was using Fishballs as his walking stick, because she forgot to bring it for him! After 100 meters BB could be heard shouting "Fucking French Bastards" (I'm sure many agreed with him?). Walking stick brigade were in, plenty of them indeed! Assterix in, Jiggly Juggs could be heard screaming 'shoot him' and Dambuster was asking him to speak English - which he was (what chance does the scribe have!?!?).  Dambuster explained how the hares use GPS and Google Earth to set this trail. Assterix has been in Phuket 14 years, so why do they need GPS? Dambuster reckons that Assterix should be the next GM and the French pack can arrange every hash!?  Dambuster thanked Frying Dickhead (yes you read it right!) for his thoughts and concerns about his family in BKK with the floods.  Fishballs was helping Big Bollox to take his shoes off, Singha (who at this stage was walking sideways like a crab to get into the circle) and Give Me One walking hand in hand and King Klong Klong got no help from his woman, Woodpecker, as she was too hungover after drinking too much last night!  Hash Flash iced for taking no photos of Dambuster doing his steward spot, more interested in 'Spot the Dog' on the chair with beer and food!? Good Steward spot. 

Jiggly Juggs was using the ATM at 2am recently, the one at the top of Soi Bangla!  Just before the money is dispensed she feels a 'gun' in her back and a Thai male voice shouting "Give Me Your Money", shit she cannot see any reflection, and thinks OK, a Thai Man, I should be able to take him on. Slow turning around & getting ready to fight for her money (more like Ice Arse's money), there is Dambuster giving 'jazz hands' and laughing his head off! Matching Drapes new Toy Boy in, along with Mini Mouse, Itchy Cunt, Flip Flop and Always Wet - and GM reckons a bit of 'tit drinking' is one of the ways MD keeps her man happy! So on his knees he gets and the Rusty's show us how.  SA Dick Gobbler reckons the French pack are using the police piss as a chance to get free beer.  Coming to a TV near you, Phuket HHH could be on it? Anybody interested - in comes BC, Julie Andrews, Itchy Cunt and GP Arse (all because they are mouthy cunts!). Well the show that is interested is Embarrassing Bodies and they want to include tropical diseases, including the Patong Rash. BC reckons he has got an Embarrassingly long dick? (Note: True Story apparently - the TV show not BC's dick - see below).   Departers:  Wishful thinking - the French Pack.  So as no departers Registrations can register this lot now if they are all going to be here next week.   Run Master got the Hares and Hash Shit (Barf Wader - boing boinged it into the circle).  Although it was 'quite' a hilly run, the timing was about right - so all agreed GOOD RUN.  But it is the steepest Laager site ever used!     
On On 

Double Down Down

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The TV Show - This is the email received by the GM last week:



Dear Grand Master,
  
A few weeks ago my colleague, Stu Xxxxx, from Maverick Television got in contact with you because we were hoping to film a few items in Phuket for Embarrassing Bodes, which is a television programme broadcast on Channel Four in Britain. It now looks as if everything is in place and we’ll be heading your way soon.  If you haven’t seen it, Embarrassing Bodies is a multi-award winning public service medical programme that has helped countless people by de-stigmatising common medical complaints that many find too embarrassing to see a doctor about. The programme’s advice is estimated to save the NHS a quarter of a million pounds per month. Along the way we have won two BAFTAs and recently won Best Factual Programme at the Broadcast Awards.

Not wanting to rest on our laurels, we are broadening our scope by looking at Tropical Diseases in the forthcoming series. That is why we are visiting Phuket. Phuket is tropical, fun and popular. It also has plenty of British holiday makers and expats who I hope will want to join in some of the educational stunts we have on offer.   In December we plan to set up a mini clinic on Patong beach where one of our doctor/presenters will be giving medical advice and filming some extra fun educational items.

In advance of shooting, I will be arriving in Phuket with a colleague on 1st December. If you fancy meeting for a coffee, it would be great to meet you and to hear more about the Hash House Harriers. Perhaps you and your fellow runners would like to get involved with our programme. Judging from your website, you’re a lively club!  If you or any of your club fancy coming down while we’re filming, you can’t miss us. We’ll be in a tent with plenty of signs saying who we are.

Until then, if you have any questions or would like to learn more about our programme, please feel free to email me or my phone number is +44 XXX XXX XXXX.

Very best wishes,

Paul Xxxxxxx
Producer/Director
Embarrassing Bodies