Julie Andrews (Hare) in, there was some 'live haring' going on - only for the walk though, but nobody caught him!  Rude as Fuck announced there would be no police piss due to the beer shortage, so you will be iced if you don't shut up!! 

From next Saturday the hash will be starting 30 minutes earlier at 1530 hrs and the circle will start at 1700 hrs - all bus times will be 30 minutes earlier.  Please check the website for full details (If you are reading this on paper - you remembered the new time, if not you probably didn't listen or read these notes on line!).  Due to price gouging and the beer shortage in Phuket, Phuket HHH are subsidising the beers - they will remain at 60 baht, and there is current stock for 4 weeks.  

Clitmas Pussy & all Iron Pussy in, along with a lovely guest (who still can't go to the hash) - Madame Bollox! SA Dick Gobbler asked if he could go to the IP, he was told he has to be a girl, his reply (amongst others!) was that he is a cunt so does that count - NO it doesn't! Julie Andrews could be seen hanging his head in his hands when he heard the IP On On was being held in Kamala :)  

Returners:  Many returners including Julie Andrews, Fungus, Wiggli Wurm, Giggli Wurm. Virgins: Jeremy, Louise, Jade & David New Member: Casanove Visiting Hashers: There were a bucket load of these, most of them were told to leave their beer bottles, hats, handbags, gay bandana's and other shit outside the circle.  Unfortunately the Regulator wasn't doing a good enough job at this stage, and I missed names and locations!!   Riyadh Hash presented GM with a t-shirt and Mini Mouse & Anything with baseball caps.  As the Saudi Hash is dry(?) a pleasant drink out the piss pot was given (although we all knew he didn't need another drop!).    Dakar Mixed Hash presented Mini Mouse with a t-shirt although she refused to 'follow the drill' and change t-shirts in the circle!  

Run Offences:  No Hope explained that Figjam & Ejackulator got lost last week, one lost in the hills, and one stoned in the hills - you decide which!   NH couldn't catch his breath (like most of the circle) after Clit Zipper trod in dog shit and walked it all around the outside of the circle trying to get it off his shoe - kept getting wafts of it all evening! Sir Bollox couldn't get over the terrible crime that Flying Dickhead did earlier on - SB was trying to explain to the many visitors that there was no point in following FD as they would surely get lost - very unsportingly FD told SB to Fuck Off!   Mini Mouse explained that Creature had lots of fun with Sam the dog, as we all know Sam likes to run in-between peoples legs, well with Creature being not so tall, she was having a great time being 'entertained!' - Ejackulator was iced for some reason or another!?  SADG iced returner Flubba - apparently he hadn't paid (which is not unusual!) so no beer - just two waters for him! Also, he tried to shortcut to get ahead of SADG, but failed miserably and ended up falling flat on his face!  Moonwalker was well impressed with Climas Pussy's new 'burka' style dressing room - she can even check out all her bits and pieces if she keeps the burka above her head - plenty of room to check out down below!  Once CP was changed, Saint Blow Job couldn't get his words out (which is very unusual) to explain how sexy CP looked in her XXXL t-shirt - he explained that it was every mans (well his!) sexual fantasy to be garroted by a thong, preferably when the woman was still wearing it - and was hoping CP was wearing one - only to be utterly devastated to see that she had a stunning pair of running shorts on - that rained on his parade!   

1st Steward - Not Cleaver:  Apparently he thought he was being asked to Steward again, because he was so good last time - no sorry you were shit - but needed somebody to fill the spot! Following on from his last steward spot, the theme was English being spoken the world over - but he forgot Aussies:  Houdini in, and NC explained how easy it was to get into Oz (last time he visited was with the Barmy Army! to watch England shaft Oz in the Ashes), he was asked did he have a criminal record, his reply was that he didn't know he needed one now. When he tried to leave that was a different matter - according to the immigration officer on passport control, his photo wasn't up to standard - "How strange, I was allowed in with this passport" NC replied, "no sorry sir, you are smiling! in this photo, do you have any other photo ID?" all he had was a Thai driving license, and believe it or not, he was then allowed to travel once he showed this! True story apparently! So a quick lesson Baaaarrrrrbbbbbiii = BBQ = Afternoon tea, Tinnie = Can of Beer, Sheila = Fetches the Tinnies for the guys at the Baaaarrrrrbbbbbiii!  Houdini's brother has a small holding just outside Sydney & had a real problem with rats, so in came Bluey and started playing his flute, rats were coming from everywhere - he walked out the house, into the garden, down the road to the river - all the rats followed him, and drowned.  He was so impressed he asked if he could play the Didgeridoo? NC wore a cap that is won when playing for England at Cricket, and he did actually win it - first prize in a raffle years ago!  BC wasn't surprised that NC had asked the prettiest girl in the office in Chicago if she had a 'rubber' for him to use (to rub out the error he had written in pencil) - needless to say he was asking for a condom! On a previous walk, NC & BC were talking about lifestyles in this country, and BC explained that if he had wanted to be poor he would have married a white woman.  Big Bollox is a Pompey rating and is quite often reminded that he served in the Senior Service that is the Royal Navy, buy those shouting at him as he walks down the road "Anchor, Anchor" (shame that NC had to explain they are shouting 'Wanker').  Then we had a bit of 'flag waving' but even BB didn't get it!  So Gorgeous in, with his hind on his hid & the other hind in his pocket - this is the standard stance for any Scotsman at the bar "OMG it's my round and I have forgotten my money" (see the photos it will make more sense!).  Scud in next, as the Irish make the English (well NC anyway) look intelligent. Scud hadn't heard about the abortion clinic that has a 12 month waiting list! GM stepped in pretty sharpish to end NC steward spot - as it had already started to get dark.  Good steward spot. 

Jiggly Juggs in for her Birthday, although she wasted some of her beer, so iced & more beer! Happy Birthday in the usual circle fashion.    Flip Flop 200 runs (about time apparently) and Clitmas Pussy 100 runs - had already made her own 'outfit' for this special occasion & could be heard demanding why her name wasn't on her t-shirt when FF was!  Talk about attention seeking.    Vacant Plot confused the GM and registrations earlier - apparently he gave his membership number as 2548, "really" said the GM, "we are only in the 21's" , "no that is correct 2548 - oh hold on, that is my pin number!" I must say there was plenty of back peddling going on, VP was trying to make out it was a pin number for some dodgy website! Best you change that pin number VP!  GM & Dicksappointing did a recce which formed part of the Tinman route - it was an A-B, so in good old hash fashion a bike was left at each end - about 50 yards from point B - Dicksappointing exclaimed "Oh fuck my bike keys are in your bike" which was at - yes you guessed it - point A - early onset of Alzheimer's me thinks.   

2nd Steward Spot - Swollen Colon:  Because it is nearly dark, you can't actually see how ugly he is (GM's words not mine).  Barbara Woodhouse had not heard about the trouble in Bradford last night, with all the Niggers and Pakis rioting and slaughtering the white English residents - the police are concerned that the death count could be as high as 2 (oh how true this is!).  A survey showed that 23% of all RTA's are caused by drink drivers, so that means that 77% are caused by those drinking tea, coffee, water and soft drinks!  Apparently BC was telling SC about the USA's new policy, the US Army will invade America, help build new bridges and give everybody a job.  Also BC's new girlfriend is a bit worried that BC is a bit of a stalker - well actually she isn't his girlfriend yet!  Gash Flasher has been having a right old go at Sock Off, he doesn't understand it though, she keeps accusing him of pushing her around and talking behind her back (photos will make it clearer!).   SC and Pole Position have been having an affair, but SC thought they had been caught out the other night, they were in bed together, when Pole Position's husband called her - "does he suspect something" asked a panicked SC, "no not at all" replied PP, "he has just told me he is out with you!"  Mini Mouse was rather confused about what reincarnation was, so she asked Cartoon & he explained that it is when you die you come back as another creature "Oh really, I want to come back as a cow" an annoyed replied from Cartoon of "I don't think you are listening!!!" There was some confusion about a name that was given out many moons ago, Gorgeous was so stupid he couldn't remember it, Big Bollox said he named him, but was it Sir Bollox? Anyway, SB was iced for whatever reason! Apparently Flubba has a new job as a business coach in Oz, you just watch the Oz economy fail now!! SC saw a poor old lady take a fall in Patong last week - well he thinks she was poor as she only had 60 baht in her purse! Testicle Tom went for a routine check up and the doctor stuck his finger up TT's arse! TT was really happy with his new dentist.  Kamala Toe Licker has been banned from his local muslim clothes shop, after he went in looking for a bomber jacket. 

Run Master thanks Julie Andrews for a good run, there were plenty of hills, which made JA feel right at home! Good Run.  Circle Closed. 

Stop Press:  Thanks for all the fireworks to celebrate 5 November - well done Sir Bollox for setting them off, and giving me the biggest laugh for a long time - myself, Always Wet & Virgin My Arse - took off to take a pee before heading home, it was pitch black, but VMA insisted on going further away from the location myself & AW had chosen, so there we are taking a pee - and the first of the fireworks go off - and all I can see is VMA lit up like a fire cracker for all to see!!!    Hope the Patong Posse managed to get the 'big fella' off the bus, seeing as he had passed out, and was nowhere near waking up!