Due to Jungle Balls being off on his travels, I had a new GM to scribe for this week - Secret Agent Dick Gobbler! Good job I have got Cunt, Fuck and Fucking all stored in the spell-check or it would be a sea of red this week!!!  So I was right, the circle was opened and GM started off by saying “If you want me to be a cunt I will be” Blue Harlot replied “That shouldn’t be too hard!”  Hares were in, and the GM thought it was a good run, but had to wait until later!  Great laager spot - with a huge thanks to Paul, who lives nearby, who kindly cut the grass for us, free of charge to the hash.  THANK YOU. 

Run Offences:  No Hope couldn’t believe his eyes, so on the bus after the walk, there was Singha sitting pretty with Read My Lips feeding him beer, Mind The Gap feeding him food and Give Me One taking his shoes off - here’s to the man that has got it right!  JC wanted to get ALL the walkers into the circle, but that would have taken all the down downs for the rest of the day!  Apparently he thought all the walkers were going the wrong way and he was going the right way - well if he had been at the circle at 4pm for the instructions he would have known the walkers were going the right way (take a right at the red sprit house we were told - which is what we did!).  There was then an almighty struggle getting JC on the ice and JC and GM ended up rolling around the ground so I think they both got iced!!  WC Fields commented on Tiffany’s very very tight clothing, and how her camel toe keeps distracting him!!!  He thought it would be quite apt, as her and Murray are moving to Kamala that they be duly named: Kamala Toe and Kamala Toe Licker.  GM asked her, in a fashion, why she carried her fucking dog in a fucking bag - and her reply was “All I understood was Fuck Fuck Fuck!” So we still don’t know why she carries her dog in a bag.  Murkury enjoyed drinking out of his new shoes, Dr Discharge was also in, but was adamant  her nice bright shoes weren’t new, she just hadn’t run in mud before!

Announcements:  Reminder from Sir Bollox reference the dates of 27 November and 4 December marshals wanted - names will be taken next week, along with telephone numbers for those lazy bastards that can’t get up!  Swollen Colon announced Bike Hash is on 23 October at 3pm, but for those wanting to watch the rugby it will be leaving at 12.30pm sounds like it could be a fuck up to me!  Jiggly Juggs confirmed pick up times for Kamala Koma, but as it is a secret nothing else was announced! Next Saturday hash is at Manic Dam, but go Left not Right at the dam! Full details can be found on the website.  Grass cutter Paul asked if anybody has clothing / cooking utensils or any surplus items, they could donate at various drop off points, including Lady Pie, to help the flood victims in Bangkok.

Visitors: Unlike most weeks, GM wanted a brief introduction from each visitor, including name, where from and favourite position! So Uranus is from Sydney and likes it Doggy, Dr Discharge is married to Uranus, so had to say Doggy!  A guy from Cambridge, no name, and didn’t hear his favourite position, lady from Switzerland, no name, but likes it missionary and Ransid from Pakistan likes it just behind the GM ;)

New Member: Nathan.  Virgins: Chin, Chew, a French family (including the boy that was playing with himself!) and a Kiwi lady, which excited the GM immensely! Enjoyed their drinks, using no hands, and Testicle Tom was getting rather excited that the young boy was heading in his direction on his knees! All left the circle to a rendition of “Why Where They Born....”

Hash Music:  Sir Bollox was just about to start, but was rudely interrupted by GM with Blast Off on the phone from his hospital bed - but all ended well, with the announcement of 30 baht beers and the circle wished BO a speedy recovery by singing a lovely get well song for him!  So back to the music in were: Chapped Lips handed out the song sheets to the circle, Houston Basher (Pom), Ejackulator (Yank), Houdini (Ocker), Virgin Lady (Kiwi), U Been Stabbed (Frog) and Kaiser Bill (Kraut). So to the melody of ‘Swing Like a Star’ we had the very funny song of “Or Would You Rather Be A ...?” You should check out the video on the website, but apparently: A Pom is an animal that drinks warm beers, a Yank is an animal that don’t know jack shit, an Ocker is an animal with corks in his hat, a Kiwi is an animal that likes to fuck sheep, a Frog is an animal on a lilly pad and a Kraut is an animal with a box shaped head.  Great music spot.

Returners:  Testicle Tom, Swamp Thing, Gash Flasher (in her wheelchair), Robot Man(?), El Molar(?), Swollen Colon, Read My Lips, Lesser Dipshit.

1st Steward Spot - Ejackulator (Virgin Steward?):  All the Mekong Hash in - apparently the last time somebody else from the Phuket Hash was there was in 2005 and that was JC.  This year there were 6 - great turnout.  So Born Looser and Lesser Dipshit were amongst those 6 and on the Friday Red Dress run, they shortcut the 6k to 2k! On the Saturday there was the Ball Breaker, Long, Medium or Short run (for fat bastards apparently!) You guess which one they did! Everybody else did 8K. On Sunday there was the Hangover Run, which should be between 4 & 5k - so Ejackulator and Creature from BL headed off up hill and down dale - some 3 1/2 hours and 13k later who was there to meet them at the end, but Born Looser.  Ejackulator was awarded the Order of Lenin by the Communist Government, when they heard that a 69 year old had completed the Ball Breaker! Apparently Born Looser hasn’t left Thailand in 4 years, and didn’t have a clue how to book flights, where to go for immigration or even where the airport was - thank the lord that Lesser Dipshit was there to help him! Next year Mekong Hash is in Hanoi, so if anybody wants to help Born Looser get there, he would appreciate it.  Apparently Bullet Rash, WC Fields, No Hope and Kamala Toe Licker are the lucky ones as Calgary have the first elected Muslim Major in Canada!  Testicle Tom, Dr Discharge and Uranus in and were asked to name the last 7 US Presidents - wow that proved difficult - Dr D and Uranus blaming their age for not knowing, not sure what TT excuse was!!! Apparently these lot are all Cocaine sniffers - following analysis of 230 US bills, 90% tested positive for cocaine! Next in were the Oz pack, including Virgin My Arse, Dicksappointing, Always Wet, Houdine, Chastity Belt, JC & Nathan, so it seems that the Australian Defense Force Academy likes to look after it’s men! A male candidate filmed himself having sex with a female candidate, and subsequently showed all his buddies on Skype. The female in question was furious & took action, so he was subsequently charged with being drunk on duty and AWOL!! Well he is a future leader in the Australian military!!! Blue Harlot being the politically correct person that he is, was being taught some Human Resources protocol, it all fell on deaf ears really! Blue Harlot was terrible disappointed though when he heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children’s friendly iPod after realising that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.   Good Steward Spot

2nd Steward Spot - Manneken Pis:  Swollen Colon’ s daughter had something decidedly dodgy in her hair whilst in the registrations queue, MP thought it might be sperm, but from who god only knows! French pack in, MP wanted to know the difference between the French and a bag of shit - the Bag!!!!! Big Fella was extremely upset in the week, him and his Girlfriend have split up, and BF just can’t get over it.  MP said “Don’t worry BF we have all been there, just keep your chip up” BF was a bit confused by this as he knew MP hadn’t split from his girlfriend and replied “How can you say that, you don’t understand” MP replied “Yes we do, we have all been there and fucked her!” Apparently Paper got really annoyed with JC last week, every day according to JC!  Paper told JC that she hates it when he comes home drunk, so JC replied “I won’t come home then!”  All the Scots in, anything for a free beer! It seems that Scottish Football is 500 years old, so why are they still so shit at it!?  Testicle Tom had left and no other gays stepped forward! Apparently MP has had a special door built in his bar just for Blacks, Muslims and Gays - it’s called the EXIT!  Some comments about Blue Harlot, girls, boys and babies - but as is becoming a common them where BH is involved - you will have to ask him what was said!  Good Steward Sport

Departer:  Lesser Dipshit

3rd Steward Spot - Scud:  Scud announced in his usual loud fashion that it was too fucking dark to do his steward spot - but wanted in the Royal Navy and the French pack:  Double Down Down could be heard greeting Big Bollox “Hello Jack” with a swift reply of “It’s Chief to you!” So DDD got her first bollocking from a Chief in a very long time! So 21 October was the anniversary of Battle of Trafalgar - where the French Navy had their arses well and truly whipped by the British Navy!  Scud also added that tomorrow (Sunday 23 October) would be their Waterloo - in relation to the Rugby World Cup Final!!!

Run Master (JC) & Hares in - Run Master still going off on one about being assaulted by some arse-hole, we presumed he was making reference to the GM!?   All agreed GOOD RUN.