Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1335 ,                             Saturday  8th Oct. 2011

Hares:         No Hope, Singha & Apeman.  

Total Pack 67,  Virgins 2,  Visitors 5,  Visiting hashers 2,  New members 2.

Hares in - GM thought it was a good walk - but slippery as fuck!!  Clitmas Pussy advertising Iron Pussy on Wednesday 12 Oct - full details can be found on the Hash Website (Boner could be seen trying to find out what he has to wear if he attends IP! STARK BOLLOCK NAKED is what you wear - no shoes, no hat NO nothing! - It is for females only!!!!)  JC advised full details of Run #1336 Somewhere in Chalong between the Honda showroom and University - discussion could be heard “what the steep side”!?  There is also a request for Hares for November - come on pack this is YOUR hash!

Run Offences: Murkury thanked the Hares for completely fucking Gorgeous up - as he found the barbed wire that all three Hares failed to see!  So Billy Boy thought he was onto a winner, before the run Blue Harlot was trying to get some inside information from No Hope, but it turns out BH couldn’t understand a word NH was saying - what a Dumb Fucker BH is! Secret Agent Dick Gobbler was, for the majority of the run, winging and moaning about how slippery it was - didn’t he think we wouldn’t work that out for ourselves?  Bullet Rash was delighted that the Hares had set the vine traps at head height, that is for tall bastards, thanks SADG for falling right into it!  Hash Horn is extremely motivated when running right up the arse of the opposite sex - so running behind Creature from the Blue Lagoon he was ready to give his horn a good blow this week! Clitmas Pussy was glad to see some teamwork going on with Give Me One, Butt Head and Lord Louise the Lip - but all from one direction!!! GM1 carried her energy drink - which BH was quite happy to keep drinking from, and LLtL was helped up the hill by GM1, who at times was pulling his stick quite hard to help him!

Blue Harlot called for a serious moment, he had been so busy this week, he hadn’t actually had time to see any news, but was astonished to hear today that the man who invented the Mac had sadly passed away - RIP Ronald McDonald!  SA Dick Gobbler reckons newly named Saggy Cock (who is the Son in Law of Saggy Balls and also the annoying cunt from #1333) is all talk.  There seems to be a bit of competition going on, SADG burned off SC last week, and SC was giving it “I’ll take you on next week” well apparently he tried to take SADG on, but failed miserably - what will happen next week??  GM then asked Saggy Cock “when are you bringing the wife here (Saggy Cunt!?”) Saggy Cock could be heard mumbling “Never” on his way out of the circle! OK, so we all know it was a slippery run this week - so all the ‘Dirty Arses’ were in, including Me!, Blue Harlot, Clit Zipper and Billy Boy amongst others.  So I make the big mistake of going arse over tit directly in the path of the GM (not the best place to do it!), GM told me not to worry I won’t be the only one “Thank the Lord, I won’t be on my own in the circle” GM astonished that I was praying to God for others to succumb to the same fate on this walk that I had!  Scud, Rommel, GM and visitor Jason in - Ireland failed again to progress to the semi-finals of the Rugby World Club - well done Wales!

New Members: Ben and Butt Head - enjoyed a drink out of the piss pot!

Virgins: Chitima(?), Alison, Jason and others that I didn’t hear!  There was panic in Jason’s voice when the GM asked if he was wearing New Shoes - “No No No - not new shoes trust me!” but the young lady that was with Boner had new shoes - and Boner being the Selfless Hasher that he is - took it upon himself to drink the beer from his good ladies trainers (what people do for a free beer!).    Incoming hasher Ejackulator explained that there were still two hashers out there! 

Visiting Hashers:   Boner, from Melbourne, JC can now have a drink with a fellow Mexican!  Nathan, from Harvey Bay, Queensland, Dicksappointing recently visited there and reckons it is a shit hole!!  So Boner and Nathan tried to ‘drink’ beer with long blue arms! Bloody useless they didn’t even try - went everywhere but in their mouths - so Moonwalker and Chief Rusty (Clitmas Pussy) showed them how it should be done!

1st Steward Spot - No Hope:  So thanks to Blue Harlot, NH first joke re Steve Jobs was trashed - but it just goes to show that ‘An Apple A Day’ isn’t necessarily good for you!  Assterix iced for gobbing off - how unusual!  Due to the heavy rain today, Creature asked if the sides could be but down on the bus - NH mentioned something about showers and Jews - I will say no more!  Even after rehearsing the next spot with Singha and Ape Man - it went completely tits up! So Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance didn’t work for NH on this one!? As Rude as Fuck appears to be quite a gob shite (I’ll agree with that!) he was awarded his Sheriffs badge, gun, compass (incase he gets lost in the circle), handcuffs (which were last seen hanging of NH’s right ear on the bus on the way home!) and a hand grenade (just for the French pack) and is the newly appointed Regulator - questions were asked would Rosie be happy to be replaced by a Royal Marine - I think the answer is a huge NO!   All the Iron Pussy were in next, and NH has his own badge of importance to wear now: PUSSY INSPECTOR!!! Froggy was in something about typhoons and the best blow jobs coming from the Philippines!? Some strange exercises were taking place from the ‘Patong Gym Queens’ : Google Ass and Twice Nightly - Blue Harlot was disappointed he couldn’t see the rear action shots of TN.  Ejackulator is named after two American Presidents:  Woodrow (EJ first name) Wilson, and Bill (Ejackulator!) Clinton! Sir Bollox & Parasol Pussy Iced by the newly appointed Regulator for gobbing off! Blind Mullet, GM and Nugget in - complaint about the small size of the Down Down’s - cheap cunts!? Webmaster in as only the walk route was shown on the website from last week - fuck knows why!? Blue Harlot, Billy Boy and No Hope all have something in common; they have had laser eye surgery - NH and BB very happy with their 20/20 vision however BH prefers it 15/15!

Great Steward Spot

Ejackulator, Corporal Punishment and Gay Cowboy in as latecomers.  Nobody could give a shit when Corporal Punishment wanted to explain why! However by the state of him, he was probably busy shagging the buffalo livestock that could be seen on this run! Scud has a new girlfriend, so has stored her number on his phone under the name Charge Battery. So every time new girlfriend rings, current girlfriend just plugs the  phone in for charging without answering!  Froggy in (but NO adverts) – had 7 Englishmen in – something to do with France’s winning margin.  Now the cat was out of the bag for the England v France score, the GM then had all those from UK in.  England, Scotland and Ireland all out of Rugby World Cup - so only GM, Rommel and Jason all from Wales left to enjoy down down! BC in, according to the BBC the loudest animal in the world (pound for pound) is a water beetle that rubs it’s penis against it’s abdomen - and is named SINGING PENIS!

2nd Steward Spot - Sir Bollox:   No singing!! So recalling what Stewards have done for many years, stories about the run, stories about what happened in the bars the previous week and now reading out naff jokes - so here goes:

In this order:  Billy Boy (Butcher), Blind Mullet (Carpenter), SA Dick Gobbler (Tailor), Dicksappointing (Hunter), Figjam (Fisherman), BC (Preacher), Rude as Fuck (Hasher)

Creation of a Pussy:
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine created a pussy to their design.
First was a Butcher, smart with wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit.
Second was a Carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Third was a Tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a Hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
Fifth was a Fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
Last came a Hasher, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it and called it a cunt.

Now this is where it went horribly wrong - Butt Head in, apparently to show some intelligence - but how can a man with a tit on his head do that?! Murkury as a girl with hair, and I must say what a good looking girl he made! It turns out that Butt Head has no fucking intelligence at all! Saggy Cock in and another one with a tit on his head: Good Cop/Bad Cop with Butt Head - but as BH still has no intelligence it went down just as well as the first joke!! So next in are Bullet Rash, Blue Harlot and along with Sir Bollox were Hetero, Homo and Perv - says it all really!!! This seemed to go on forever and mumblings could be heard “anybody got a hook” and “we want music”.  At this time, more interest was being paid to the colony of approximately 200 Fruit Bats or Flying Foxes (nobody was sure!) that were flying over the circle.

As this is the 2nd week on the trot that Steward spots have been made up of the Steward getting people in the circle to read out jokes:  A vote was taken on who did the best job - Assterix last week or Sir Bollox this week: With a resounding 100% of the votes Assterix won - well done!

Good Steward Spot.

Boner in and sang some song about Oz but couldn’t remember all the words - so completely fucked it up - but at least he had a go!!

Run Master and Hares in: Hares song went on for a very long time - Singha could be heard above this din that it was way past his bed time!  Run Master warned that before voting, remember Hares are needed - Corporal Punishment voted Hash Shit - so he was iced. The rest of the pack voted GOOD RUN. Look out for a Corporal Punishment run coming soon!

On On

Double Down Down

On On

Double Down Down