Scribe Report:                         Run  No. 1333 ,                             Saturday  24th. Sept. 2011

Hares:         Gorgeous,  Lucky Lek  & Dicksappointing   

Total Pack 71,  Virgins 3, Visitors 1, Visiting hashers 6, New members 1.

Well for my first set of notes - the circle was utter chaos! Mainly thanks to Oh Yeah - but certainly more of that later!  All I will say is that if you don’t like my scribing - and subsequent notes - Tough Shit - you volunteer!

Off to a quick start with run offenses with new shoes, and oh so many - Give Me One, Jannet, Bluey and Mac (Two weeks late!!) - so they all enjoyed a lovely drink from their hot sweaty shoes.  It was decided that Give Me One got a second go at it - seeing as half of the first attempt ended up on the circle floor!!!  Good try - not smart enough for this pack!

While Mac was in the circle, Dicksappointing was brought in, and last week Mac heard a rumor that somebody wanted to name him ‘Apple’ (as in Apple Mac!) - much to his disgust he was chunterring away to Dicksappointing telling them that the local bar in Kamala is called Apple, and would hate to be named after a bar!!  His words, and nobody else’s to Dicksappointing were “I would love a name that is as rude as fuck”.  Moving onto Phillipe - Assterix was brought into the circle and as Phillipe is Swiss, it was thought a great name would be something along the lines of the Swiss bank  UBS - perhaps U Be Sex - however once Phillipe had removed his T-Shirt to show the stab wounds he received from his now very much ex-girlfriend (attacked with a kitchen knife after coming home at 5am) - it was quickly decided his name would be U Been Stabbed!   So there you have it, another two great names with love from the Phuket HHH - Rude as Fuck and U Been Stabbed.

No Hope brought the Hares into the Circle (very popular were the hares this week!) - No Hope enjoyed the flat run until the hill at the end, where he noticed a great road sign ‘No old cars and No new drivers’ but ‘OK for knackered old hashers!’ 

SA Dick Gobbler was up next - apparently (and not sure how he knows), but all the women were wet last week after a visiting hasher turned up (very late I might add - apparently missed his boat from Phi Phi - due to drinking Taiwanese beer - wrong country kiddo!).  Anyway, he very quickly got his top off to show off his pecks / 6 pack - and SA Dick Gobbler and Saggy Balls were giving him handy hints on how to negotiate Soi Bangla - and make sure he got his monies worth from the ladies there!  So who appears quite quickly but Always Wet - and offers HIM 1,000 baht so she can have sex with him!  Nobody knows if he accepted her offer - but I personally think SA Dick Gobbler & Saggy Balls were secretly jealous they weren’t offered the money.

No Hope back in the Circle - Just a warning to those traveling back on the bus with Oh Yeah (AKA The Exorcist), more beer has been added during the last few hours - and the journey can only get worse with her antics multiplied ten fold.  Singha was heard mumbling that there were benefits to being deaf - and this was certainly one of those days!

Singha brought Janette into the Circle - there she is flush with excitement that she has her new shoes - so what does she do - starts showing off her football skills with the rubber cups - a big NO NO Janette!

Gorgeous brought Lucky Lek into the Circle and explained how annoying it was to lay a trail with him - if you don’t keep an eye on Lucky Lek - he disappears off into the undergrowth with the paper bag - foraging for the edible delights that can be found all around us.  So don’t blame the falsies on Gorgeous or Dicksappointing this week - it is all Lucky Lek’s fault - got the taste for some great free food and off he went!  So Lucky Lek brings in an American, English and Thai into the circle - to be honest with you, the French contingent were making that much noise (as always!) I couldn’t get the gist of what this was all about - all I know is that the GM said that was the strangest run offense ever!  So perhaps a good job I never heard it!?

Steward Spot 1 (It was going to be WC Fields, but we got Clitmas Pussy instead). 

Hot pants and his son (who was found tucking into food with the Thai girls) were first into the circle.  Hot Pants was happy as although his son was at the back of the pack, he was quite content and no complaining was being heard - however it soon became apparent why his son was at the back - he took every short-cut going and didn’t do any checking - and at one stage his son was quite happy to be heard saying “Dad that is why I am always at the back” so there is logic in his technique!

You guessed it Oh Yeah next into the circle - and was positioned on her throne of ice - Blue Harlott very excited this stage!  But it seems Oh Yeah has problems knowing when to swallow!  Took several attempts at getting it right - but Mr Fister was brought in to guide her through the process - who would have thought she needed to be guided eh!?

Bluey up next and it seems that he got rather excited at finding paper just at the start of the hill coming back into the laarger site - good job he was with a small pack, as we would still be waiting for him now!  How long would it have taken for him to realise he was back at the start and doing the whole walk again???

So visiting hasher Boner was introducing himself on the bus, and got talking to Clitmas Pussy - apparently he has been hashing for 30 years and oh how things have changed.  He asks Clitmus Pussy “do you know what a boner is”, “why of course I do” replies Clitmas Pussy, including arm action to back up her reply!.  Ah, but like I said things have changed in these 30 years of hashing - “I have to take the little blue pill now”.  “Oh such a shame, I’m sure it happens to everybody eventually” came the reply. “Oh no, not for that, I just have to make sure my legs are stiff enough to get me through these walks”!  So he is still living up (or staying up) to his name!

She’s back - Oh Yeah and Mr Fister (who is the only one responsible for her!).  So never in all Clitmas Pussy’s time on the hash has she seen anybody (male or female) set off wearing a full length pink evening dress and carrying their footware (flip-flops).  But that was what happened, and Oh Yeah could be seen tearing off at a great rate of knots trying to get to the head of the pack!  Oh but those pesky pineapple plants soon put a stop to her - so Oh Yeah and Mr Fister, who bravely brought her back to the Laarger site, spent the whole walk time adding even more alcohol for the enjoyment of those traveling back on the bus!

Great stand in Steward spot Clitmas Pussy.

Now Oh Yeah was in the circle, there was no shutting her up - she brought the GM in!!!  So apparently her first introduction to her fellow hashers was at the Expat and she was absolutely beside herself when she saw somebody famous there.  “Mr Fister is that who I think it is”? “Well who do you think it is?” came the reply - “Don’t be stupid” she said, “it’s Mr Bean of course - do you think I can get his autograph?” Oh she was very quickly removed from the circle before she could cause anymore trouble - and GM could be heard  saying “There aren’t many that could get away with that!”  So Oh Yeah, I think you have found a soft spot in the GM’s heart!

Bluey was popular - back in he came (excuse the pun!) it appears that the largest sperm bank in the world isn’t accepting donations from red heads - apparently there is no demand!!  So watch out, he hasn’t got a clue what to do with his sperm now!!! ‘Coming to a hash year you!’

Returners:  Bluey, Hot Pants and Hot Pant’s son
New Member*: Tanya from San Diego

* Singha could be heard discussing the fact the he has been looking for a new member for a while now!

3 Male Virgins!

SA Dick Gobler is now the new GM of the Poo Ying - apparently he thought he was volunteering for next months Hare (don’t you know - never volunteer for anything - I should know!).  Now joined by Clitmas Pussy, Murkury and GM - who all have to wear ‘attire’ of varying forms of comedy value for their GM roles.  So kindly donated by Barf Wader, now she has no use for it - SA Dick Gobler now has a lovely new T-Shirt to wear - SA Dick Gobler now has Tits and a Dick! I pity the kids, they may well think they will have milk on tap each month now!!!

Steward Spot 2 (Julie Andrews)

The ever popular Hares were back in the circle and thanked yet again! I can see Dicksappointing volunteering as a Hare - as it is the most I have see him in the circle - enjoying his free beer!.

Some annoying bloke that appeared on the bus, didn’t do the walk, just stayed and ate the pies and drink the beer was dragged in the circle, told to sit on the ice and to shut the fuck up!  Boy didn’t he have a lot to say for himself!  Annoying creature that he was!!!

All the Oz’s were next in, apparently their Rugby team did a wonderful butchering job of some other stupid country in the Ruby World Cup - well done!

Boner and Scud next in - so Boner is waiting for the bus at the Expat and having a good old chin wag with Scud.  Boner attend the Phuket Hash many moons ago - and he loved being back to see all his old favourite places and in particular Faulty Towers.  But he was so disappointed to see that ‘Paddy’ the owner wasn’t there anymore - such a shame as he was a real nice bloke.  Doh take a look at who you are speaking too - think you should have gone to Specsavers!

Singha, Gorgeous and No Hope next in, and boy do Singha and Gorgeous know how to Hare.  They have got it down to a tee - they stand at the bottom of the hills and off No Hope goes like a duracell bunny running up and down the hills checking out all the trails.

So Houston Basher - does he have new shoes nor not?  He certainly has new laces (50 baht I might add!!!), the reason for these new laces, were that he had laundered his shoes so well that he couldn’t get the old laces back in (too stiff apparently!!) - so all agreed New Shoes!

All the Scottish in the circle with the ever popular Hares!  Just because they are Scottish!!!

Toad, Mini Mouse, Twice Nightly, Creature and Mind the Gap - so there is Julie Andrews just coming down the hill from a definite falsy, to find all of the above heading up the hill (with Toad bringing up the rear!!!) - JA lets them all know it is a falsy, “Oh no it’s not” shout’s Toad  “keep going girls, you are doing a great job!” - Toad loved checking out the view (and not the one of the bay!).

Great last minute Steward spot Julie Andrews.

Visiting Hashers x 6: Including Miss Carriage (Gold Coast), Sweet Pea (Guam - Houston Basher thinks it is a shit hole following his recent visit!), Wanking Dalai Lama, Mr Fister, Oh Yeah and Boner.

So this is where the circle really turned chaotic :  So there is Miss Carriage on the ice and who appears in the circle - yes you guessed it Oh Yeah. Wow, what a performance she gave him - all that was needed was a pole in the ice (maybe it was there already - I couldn’t see Miss Carriage had his back to me!).  But Blue Harlot was having none of this - a visitor getting all the treatment - so Miss Carriage was off the ice, and Blue Harlot was on it in a flash!  All I can say, is check out the photos on the Hash website - I hope Blue Harlot paid Oh Yeah for that performance?

Lucky Lek in the circle  - 500 runs.

Steward Spot 3 (Billy Boy)

GM in the circle, as Climas Pussy was away,  it seems that he was after some free washing from Born Looser - after the Poo Ying he had left his t-shirt there!  Unlucky GM, Born Looser’s wife was also away and he had NO idea how to work the washing machine - so dirty sweaty t-shirt duly returned!

So the Hares are back in, with Gorgeous moaning “what’s the crime” - Billy Boy shouts “shut up you little Scottish twat”.  It was a good job that Gorgeous, Lucky Lek and Dicksappointing didn’t get the 4 bags of paper that they thought they thought they were going to get - Billy Boy made sure he got two of them!  We would have still be out there now!

Murkury was seen drinking ‘free coconut’ half way round the run - well it would be free if you nicked it!!! 

Singha returned to the laarger (earlier than most) with paper stuck to the bottom of his walking stick - proudly shouting “I’ve been on paper all the way round” - yea right!

Asterix and Prince Charles Fucking Tosser were seen entering the road from the right shouting very loudly “Checking” - Lying cunts apparently according to Billy Boy!

French pack were bought into the circle - Kiwis had kicked their arses in the Ruby World Cup, so their Ruby team confirmed what we already know, they are all officially losers now!

Murkury is having his usual shower, and offers Twice Nightly a share of his shower - “only if you have shampoo” she replies never seen Murkury move so fast shouting as he went “I’ll be back in two minutes!”

Great Steward spot Billy Boy.


BC and Singha were in the circle announcing the upcoming Bike and Kamala Koma Hash - I wouldn’t trust any of the details that were given - check out the website for accurate information!

Run Master bought the Hares back in:  Gorgeous is a cunt of a hare, Lucky Lek is a difficult hare, but likeable and both of them were hiding behind the Virgin Hare Dicksappointing.  The pack confirmed, as we all know, it was a Good Run.

Well that is it, my first attempt at scribing!

On On,

Double Down Down

[... and a fucking good job she's done too.  GM]


Stop Press:

On the bus home:  Oh Yeah was extremely subdued (thank fuck!) at one stage looked very green around the gills - good luck Mr Fister!!!

Scud’s Royal Marines Pathfind abilities led us straight to Faulty Towers Restaurant - he could be heard in the front of the bus “So you bastards have no excuse that you don’t know where it is!”