Scribe Report:                               No. 1329 ,                             Saturday  27th August 2011

Hares:         J.C., Paper & Murkury             

Total Pack not many ,  Virgins one but he went home, Visitors surprisingly many in the circumstances, Visiting hashers 1  , New members 1.


The run: Once again the 'Dynamic Duo' surpassed themselves with a run through varied terrain with water crossings reminiscent of the D day landings.  Such was the self sacrifice of Murkury standing almost waste deep in flood waters to ensure the safe passage of the intrepid hashers braving the elements today.  Alas his efforts were only partially rewarded when several hashers 'bottled out' and chose to remain around the laager.  Shame on you! 

Loping along with King Klong I remarked that it looks like a flat run today as that hill in front seems quite a distance away! TFFT! was Klong's reply.  Needless to say we were proved wrong as we zigzagged our way through the Quarry? moving inexorably towards the hill.  And sure enough climb it we did although it turned out to be not as tough as anticipated.  A little falsie past the pig farm added a bit of colour - mostly on the nose - near the summit.  The downhill stretch in nice jungle was a delight to run with a good track not normally found in our usual trails.  Running through the rubber, the surprise was having to return to the laager over the two water crossings at the beginning - though this might have been an error on my part.  Overall a very pleasant run but just a tad long at 9.5km.  Somebody should remind JC that he is the only one who can walk on water - the rest of us are mere mortals!

The Circle: Pack numbers were significantly reduced due to the Bike hash having an off island event and the continuing bad weather might have put off the softer members.  Fortunately, the big hasher in the sky saw to it that no rain fell and the sun almost came out at one point.

Our esteemed and illustrious GM delayed the commencement to allow the remnants of the pack a chance to get back - all to no avail as stragglers continued to come in well after the circle was underway. One unfortunate never made it back at all - but more of that later.  Gorgeous was first in for a down down - something about selling the buffalo shit for 50Baht a bag - would have thought it might have been about stirring the shit as he is wont to do.  An announcement was made regarding the purchase of the beer.  In accordance with these straightened times, there will be no more bailouts!  Cash only is king absolutely no credit. Hashers of the following persuasions please note Greek, Italians, Irish, Portuguese, Spanish and last but by no means least the biggest debtor of them all - the Americans.  NO CREDIT YOU HAVE TO PAY!  The Germans were overheard cheering this announcement!  The GM in his wisdom rewarded the beer bitch's assistant with a down down for his efforts in clearing the area of buffalo shit.  As an especial reward in a totally democratic unanimous vote, he named the poor soul 'No Shit'.  Which reinforced in my mind anyway that classic saying 'Never volunteer for anything!'. Asterix, Dicksappointing and Toad were down downed for their swimming efforts at the crossings - not walking across for us!  Rushin' Around announced it was her birthday and was immediately down downed and sung to in the traditional manner - the first of many down downs during the course of the circle had she!

A hare appeal followed as September was looking bare - but the pack rose to the occasion and all empty slots were quickly filled.  Three cheers and beers all round for the volunteers!

First steward of the day was Cinderella Man who seemed to be struggling at first for something to say but soon recovered his composure in spite of constant interruptions from Barbara Woodhouse who apparently for unknown reasons had reneged at short notice from being one of the day’s stewards.  Did not seem to stop him yak yak yakking all afternoon.  Must have been on something exotic or maybe the influx of a thousand of his new relatives from flipperland overwhelmed him.  A plug for the Kamala Koma was issued - On On at Singha's.  The following hashers received Cinderella Man's munificence Houston Basher Saggy Balls, Ejakulator and Apeman substitutes for beer and attempted drowning offences respectively.  Beers all round hurrah!  The Frenchies were punished for circle abuse - too much Yak Yak Yak.  By far the biggest sub pack these days. Vive La Belle France! always good support from the frog eaters!  More icing punishment meted out to chattering masses namely, up and coming new member Janet, Give Me One and Mind The Gap - all iced together for yak yak yak.  Singha on great form, remarked of the spectacle - it was wet before now it's frozen!

GM back into circle to dispense with usual hash business
Returners: Cinderella Man, Berthless Boatie (nobody noticed he was not there), Barf Wader
Visiting Hasher: Piped Piper
Aspiring members: Janet
Virgins: Half of the Pilipino population (all related to Barf Wader)
All suitably welcomed in fine PHHH tradition

OJ iced for Yak Yak Yak - obviously sin bin needs to be applied more regularly to stamp out these private circles. Hear Hear I'll vote for that!  Another DD for Rushing Around who in the Russian music tradition was by now well on the way to being Brahms and Liszt!

Second steward of the day - our one and only Gorgeous - unintelligible as usual - what is that stuff he drinks?  Certainly full of irrational exuberance!  Started off by giving Clitmas Pussy a down down for a water crossing event which I did not hear.  And then finally revealing what we all knew anyway that Asterix is a rule 6 violator - closet poofter.  How does Gorgeous know - I think we need to be told.  Rushin Around and Big Fella in for a small libation - apparently she saved his bollocks from the cruel barbed wire - details to follow.  Barbara Woodhouse disrupting Gorgeous’s spot with an announcement he is adopting or marrying half the Pilipino population (females only) or something like that!  The laconic Singha adding something about his mother-in-law being younger than him by a substantial margin.  Cruel but true some would say.  The Barf family seemed to dominate the circle at this point - very confusing who was related to whom - maybe a number system would help in future then no need to remember is she the 25th cousin removed etc etc.  Poor Gorgeous his circles are always chaotic - must be a language difficulty some where.

GM back in to give the pack an ornithology lesson about Barf's pedigree - plenty exotic species in Bangla too!   Departers in - unfortunately can't decipher my notes but some smartarse was overheard saying 'we are all departers surely?'  The things people will do to get a free beer!  All the French in for punishment - the crime Yak Yak Yak - what a surprise.  Even the Belgians seem confused about where they belong these days - being known as Walloons no wonder.  JC and Paper in for the now almost tradition story on perfect matrimonial love. 
Finally, hares half footed into the circle for run judgment.  Looked pretty close to being a tie but on second round good run was given! Quite right too!

Special mentions go to Paper who ably assisted in the dispensing of the beer!  And Barbra Woodhouse for pulling out of being a steward at the last moment.  Also to Cinderella Man for filling the gap.  These are the volunteers your hash needs! (Surely some mistake here - Ed)

The Postscript: As the bus was leaving the site, Mind the Gap pointed out that one of our fellow travelers was not on the bus.  Namely Berthless Boatie!  He has gone home early was the pronouncement!  How? Probably by Tuk Tuk!  How did he get a tuk tuk - we are in the middle of nowhere?  Let's go back to the laager he might still be out there!  He'll be okay On On!  We picked up the gormless one in Thalang village on the way back.  Moral of the story - DO NOT GET LOST - Nobody cares! Bad form indeed!


On On

Toad