Scribe
Report:
No. 1329
,
Saturday 27th August 2011
Hares:
J.C., Paper & Murkury
Total Pack not many , Virgins one but he went home,
Visitors surprisingly many in
the circumstances, Visiting
hashers 1 , New members 1.
The run: Once again the
'Dynamic Duo' surpassed themselves with a run through varied terrain
with water crossings reminiscent of the D day landings. Such was
the self sacrifice of Murkury standing almost waste deep in flood
waters to ensure the safe passage of the intrepid hashers braving the
elements today. Alas his efforts were only partially rewarded
when several hashers 'bottled out' and chose to remain around the
laager. Shame on you!
Loping along with King Klong I remarked that it looks like a flat run
today as that hill in front seems quite a distance away! TFFT! was
Klong's reply. Needless to say we were proved wrong as we
zigzagged our way through the Quarry? moving inexorably towards the
hill. And sure enough climb it we did although it turned out to
be not as tough as anticipated. A little falsie past the pig farm
added a bit of colour - mostly on the nose - near the summit. The
downhill stretch in nice jungle was a delight to run with a good track
not normally found in our usual trails. Running through the
rubber, the surprise was having to return to the laager over the two
water crossings at the beginning - though this might have been an error
on my part. Overall a very pleasant run but just a tad long at
9.5km. Somebody should remind JC that he is the only one who can
walk on water - the rest of us are mere mortals!
The Circle: Pack numbers were
significantly reduced due to the Bike hash having an off island event
and the continuing bad weather might have put off the softer
members. Fortunately, the big hasher in the sky saw to it that no
rain fell and the sun almost came out at one point.
Our esteemed and illustrious GM delayed the commencement to allow the
remnants of the pack a chance to get back - all to no avail as
stragglers continued to come in well after the circle was underway. One
unfortunate never made it back at all - but more of that later.
Gorgeous was first in for a down down - something about selling the
buffalo shit for 50Baht a bag - would have thought it might have been
about stirring the shit as he is wont to do. An announcement was
made regarding the purchase of the beer. In accordance with these
straightened times, there will be no more bailouts! Cash only is
king absolutely no credit. Hashers of the following persuasions please
note Greek, Italians, Irish, Portuguese, Spanish and last but by no
means least the biggest debtor of them all - the Americans. NO
CREDIT YOU HAVE TO PAY! The Germans were overheard cheering this
announcement! The GM in his wisdom rewarded the beer bitch's
assistant with a down down for his efforts in clearing the area of
buffalo shit. As an especial reward in a totally democratic
unanimous vote, he named the poor soul 'No Shit'. Which
reinforced in my mind anyway that classic saying 'Never volunteer for
anything!'. Asterix, Dicksappointing and Toad were down downed for
their swimming efforts at the crossings - not walking across for
us! Rushin' Around announced it was her birthday and was
immediately down downed and sung to in the traditional manner - the
first of many down downs during the course of the circle had she!
A hare appeal followed as September was looking bare - but the pack
rose to the occasion and all empty slots were quickly filled.
Three cheers and beers all round for the volunteers!
First steward of the day was Cinderella Man who seemed to be struggling
at first for something to say but soon recovered his composure in spite
of constant interruptions from Barbara Woodhouse who apparently for
unknown reasons had reneged at short notice from being one of the day’s
stewards. Did not seem to stop him yak yak yakking all
afternoon. Must have been on something exotic or maybe the influx
of a thousand of his new relatives from flipperland overwhelmed
him. A plug for the Kamala Koma was issued - On On at
Singha's. The following hashers received Cinderella Man's
munificence Houston Basher Saggy Balls, Ejakulator and Apeman
substitutes for beer and attempted drowning offences
respectively. Beers all round hurrah! The Frenchies were
punished for circle abuse - too much Yak Yak Yak. By far the
biggest sub pack these days. Vive La Belle France! always good support
from the frog eaters! More icing punishment meted out to
chattering masses namely, up and coming new member Janet, Give Me One
and Mind The Gap - all iced together for yak yak yak. Singha on
great form, remarked of the spectacle - it was wet before now it's
frozen!
GM back into circle to dispense with usual hash business
Returners: Cinderella Man,
Berthless Boatie (nobody noticed he was not there), Barf Wader
Visiting Hasher: Piped Piper
Aspiring members: Janet
Virgins: Half of the Pilipino
population (all related to Barf Wader)
All suitably welcomed in fine PHHH tradition
OJ iced for Yak Yak Yak - obviously sin bin needs to be applied more
regularly to stamp out these private circles. Hear Hear I'll vote for
that! Another DD for Rushing Around who in the Russian music
tradition was by now well on the way to being Brahms and Liszt!
Second steward of the day - our one and only Gorgeous - unintelligible
as usual - what is that stuff he drinks? Certainly full of
irrational exuberance! Started off by giving Clitmas Pussy a down
down for a water crossing event which I did not hear. And then
finally revealing what we all knew anyway that Asterix is a rule 6
violator - closet poofter. How does Gorgeous know - I think we
need to be told. Rushin Around and Big Fella in for a small
libation - apparently she saved his bollocks from the cruel barbed wire
- details to follow. Barbara Woodhouse disrupting Gorgeous’s spot
with an announcement he is adopting or marrying half the Pilipino
population (females only) or something like that! The laconic
Singha adding something about his mother-in-law being younger than him
by a substantial margin. Cruel but true some would say. The
Barf family seemed to dominate the circle at this point - very
confusing who was related to whom - maybe a number system would help in
future then no need to remember is she the 25th cousin removed etc
etc. Poor Gorgeous his circles are always chaotic - must be a
language difficulty some where.
GM back in to give the pack an ornithology lesson about Barf's pedigree
- plenty exotic species in Bangla too! Departers in -
unfortunately can't decipher my notes but some smartarse was overheard
saying 'we are all departers surely?' The things people will do
to get a free beer! All the French in for punishment - the crime
Yak Yak Yak - what a surprise. Even the Belgians seem confused
about where they belong these days - being known as Walloons no
wonder. JC and Paper in for the now almost tradition story on
perfect matrimonial love.
Finally, hares half footed into the circle for run judgment.
Looked pretty close to being a tie but on second round good run was
given! Quite right too!
Special mentions go to Paper who ably assisted in the dispensing of the
beer! And Barbra Woodhouse for pulling out of being a steward at
the last moment. Also to Cinderella Man for filling the
gap. These are the volunteers your hash needs! (Surely some
mistake here - Ed)
The Postscript: As the bus was
leaving the site, Mind the Gap pointed out that one of our fellow
travelers was not on the bus. Namely Berthless Boatie! He
has gone home early was the pronouncement! How? Probably by Tuk
Tuk! How did he get a tuk tuk - we are in the middle of
nowhere? Let's go back to the laager he might still be out
there! He'll be okay On On! We picked up the gormless one
in Thalang village on the way back. Moral of the story - DO NOT
GET LOST - Nobody cares! Bad form indeed!
On On
Toad