Scribe Report:         No. 1323;                             Saturday  16th July 2011

Hares:   Once Weekly, Twice Nightly    

Total Pack  92,  Virgins 6,  Visitors 0,  Visiting hashers 2,  New members 3

Run one three two three…kewl. Nice run pretty fast and flat with friendly attractive buffalo as a bonus. Resident kraut Clitzipper, obviously smitten kept asking “zey are bewdiful ja?” A small pack of Bluey, Mannekin Pis, Clitzipper, Pole Position and me strolled in after 50min which was probably 15min after Hash horn Root.  The voluptuous one, GM Minnie Mouse convinced me to be scribe and immediately called the circle which caught me off guard as I was actually just wearing a towel at this point. Straight up the hares got DD’s for their 35min run after earlier claiming it to be a 45min run…

Big Bollox appeared to dispense beer to the visitors. He invited visiting scandihooligan hashers Erector and Spermbank to DD with a stiff arm. Spermbank overflowed everywhere while Erector got it all in. New members Om, Poopay and Guiseppe were recognised for their good sense.  Bluey’s handbrake, Cordon Bleu was roundly applauded for 200 somtams. Big Bollox finished off  by splashing a few drops of ice water over the virgins thereby christening their hash arrival. 

 A combination of Thailands first pooying PM and the onset of Buddhist lent prompted the GM to DD the Thai connexion, pointing out how fortunate our muslim bus driver was on hand to pour beers for those truly respectful Buddhists amongst us. She then called Billyboy to admire his ability to somehow command respect from his wife, rewarding him with a DD.

As it was likely the first time I’d been forced to listen to everything at the circle I’d found it pretty boring stuff until this point so I was hopeful as 1st steward Nahee man was seconded to entertain us. Armed with a fistful of notes he bemused the likes of Topoff, Flying D, Billyboy and a couple of virgins with some piss poor jokes and useless trivia until the GM rightly proclaimed “you’re not fucking funny” and iced him. When it comes to recycled internet humour one can quote your very own self  Nahee “you know shit about shit”

At this point Sucker and Suckim had their food critiqued, lost property of a stinky t-shirt and smoking paraphernalia was returned to the tinmen, and iron pussy exposed for their thoughtfulness to Jungle Balls.. he was still cleaning up after their Wednesday on-on. That got rid of all the warm DD’s and Mannekin Piss was introduced as the next steward.  He started with some of the latest jokes out of Belgium not realising the rest of the world had heard them 20yrs ago. The froggies were for some reason getting a laugh however so he zeroed in on Big Fella reporting that his request for peper was met with the response “white or black monsier?” What Big Fella needed was toilet peper! At this point for some reason I inexplicably thought of Rosie. Maybe his jokes weren’t that bad after all… Mannekin Piss to his credit kept the best for last. With all the IP ladies in the circle he asked their GM why women have 2% more brains than horses. Speechless, they were informed it was so they don’t shit in the kitchen. That was amusing! The piss soaked Mannekin Piss got a standing ovation.

The GM then had modern day married couple JC and Paper in. Apparently an extremely rare occasion where JC was right. Paper iced herself.  Dambuster in and showing signs of wear and tear as Minnie Mouse’s reign as GM reaches its conclusion. Duly awarded a medicinal DD.  A call for run offences heard Flying D query Louis the Lip about stoning an already dead python out on the run. Bravo! Jungle Balls got the froggies for being gobby and exposed Diksappointing for shortcutting to the lead and feigning exhaustion as the FRB’s appeared. Dambuster, you’re guilty of a similar offence.  Down downs. JC called for all the dopey bastards who began to go round the run a second time. Ended up he had a DD by himself.  Singha chastised Nahee for his massive carbon footprint and praised Once weekly for recognising the aging hash and using enlarged fonts and graphics in the news sheet. “..now if u could just use  softer paper and make appropriate perforations…”  At this point the Putin’s appeared, apparently as a last resort realising there was no beer for sale anywhere except at the hash. ICED! A thai speaking farang virgin iced for having 1000bt and spending just 20…

As the end neared Billyboy was called upon to do a spot and promptly tried to ice the GM for welching on a deal that he would have FA to do this week. The smart GM pulled the unsuspecting Guiseppe in as her ice buffer and denied making any deals with Billyboy. As the DD’s mounted up her memory improved. At this point some real laughs when our Italian stallion pours beer over the GM’s breasts. Without hesitation a sinbin is produced and in a PH3 first the binned and iced Guiseppe has a nearby lump of buffalo shit deposited on his head by the GM. “..hopefully it well help grow more than just you hair…” Many were calling for the hash name Shit on my Head. Without a doubt the highlight of the circle with the chastised Guiseppe displaying a great sense of humour.

Big Bollox pounced on the opportunity to use the sinbin and dumped Buttcycle in it for sleazing onto the hash tarts instead of joining the circle. Finally a happy GM looked at her watch and called the runmaster. Good Run. Well done hares, well done stewards, and of course well done GM!

OnOn

Figgy ("Pigjam")