The Blue Harlot here, press ganged into being the scribe this week. I have just got back home from the run and also having a few beers at Big Bollox’s house so let the ramblings begin. (There is fuck all on the telly, so might as well.). We started the run in low cloud and high humidity, therefore everyone was sweating like child molesters on a day out at a Justin Beiber concert, up and down we went like fucking Yo – Yo’s until arriving back at the laager about an hour later suitably knackered and longing for a cold beer and a tongue lashing from our G.M, not to be disappointed within minutes she was screaming for the circle to form.Not quite settled in yet but I did hear No hope give a memorial speech for dear old Rosie who is being cremated on the 6th June, which is the anniversary of D-Day, so two military fuck ups celebrated on the same day, we all miss you Rosie.We had Jungle Balls in to let us all in on J.C.’s fuck up of the day by bringing the wrong shoes to the Hash, apparently Paper brought his sailing shoes, so he was running around all day like a ballet dancer, cursing and swearing at everybody. Tony and Pole Position. (What an exhaust pipe she’s got.) plus Barbara Woodhouse in for new shoes. (Call me in when someone has a new gusset, I’m there!).  G.M back in for a thank you to the committee members for Friday’s meeting.  

Steward. Jiggly Jugs. Ass Finder in for his pink gay phone and the story of a Chinese kid who sold a kidney for a phone, probably a raving homosexual who wanted a pink one. (Just see Testical Tom next time.) Big Fella as incoming and looking 4 Kilos lighter. Clitzipper in and accused of spreading E. Coli, and other diseases as well no doubt. (My spell check just went fucking mad at the above paragraph.)A great joke about the similarity between a G.P.S and P.M.S, The mad bitch will find you in the end!Then Singha accused of running a Bunny club. Jiggly then explained the dangers of having a piss stop in the jungle; you will lose the pack and get lost. O.J was next saying how he loves Skype, he doesn’t have to go and see his grandkids. Twice Nightly in to have her boobs measured, lovely, missed out there no idea what went on next I was too busy adjusting my groin area. Titsucker carried in by his parents and renamed Klingon; I was a bit surprised as everyone calls him “Shut Up”  G.M back in to congratulate Jiggly for a good spot and the fact she did the entire spot with her fly zip on her shorts down, I couldn’t resist a comment and was immediately iced for crudity. Yes, I know surprising isn’t it? 

Big Bollox. bollicking J.C for never registering on time, and an announcement about the ball.  Visitors, Virgins, New members, Returners and Departers all brought in and suitably punished, (see the front of the sheet for names) Great story about Piglick in the U.K having to do a 3 hour return car journey just to turn the gas off. Tony in to do a list of one-liners; (He made me laugh.)  Erm! Yeh! Go and see B,C for advice, he was also trying to get a nice name  …. Watch this space. B.C and told the same joke 3 times in the course of the circle and still got laughs. (What goes on inside his head?) He told the same joke on Wednesday’s Tinman.)

2nd Steward. Flying Dickhead.  He brought in the hares and then presented Jungle Balls with a photo C.D.  (Porn?) Secret Banana Gobbler and Barfwader to come in as room service and eye candy, and then Bullet Rash punished for insisting F.D take a photo of his shirt and disturbing him. That was it? G.M back in and straight away punished Flying Dickhaead for being about as funny as pulling a nigger off your mother. (Apologies to the Politically correct crowd… not.) Barbie Doll punished because he was overheard saying he missed his wife, and 69’s, something like that anyway.Lickpig came in and pulled in T. Tom and J.C and told the story of J.C following Blowjob, cos, he fancied one! Bollox was in next crowing about the size of his cock (or rooster, not sure). 

The G.M then took over and enlightened us on the domestic situation of the Piglick family and thought they needed to be iced, everyone agreed, and still they argued about who sits on what side, they both got the wet spot this time.  Asterix deservedly iced for leading the pack astray and being too French, and then Barbie Doll in for watching Piglick having a piss and getting a wave as she wet her whiskers, he followed that by bringing in Lost Buffalo and giving him marital advice. We had two great songs From Barbie and Bollox, “Bob Dylan” and “I Hate Condoms” respectively. B.C done a quick spot on school children jokes  , …. Not going there on that one, I need the job. Bullet Rash then reminded us we were located at the laager site of our then virgin G.M. Runmaster J.C and the G.M got into some verbal about who should be iced, no contest G.M won that one, never argue with a woman, she will always win, just go out for a beer. A good run was called and a fitting tribute to Useless (R.I.P) who was a founding hare for the run.