Scribe Report: No. 1309; 9 April 2011;

Hares: Thai Connection

Total Pack: 126; Virgins: 2; Visitors: 4; Visiting hashers: 4; New members: 2

Some hashers on site early to help with clean up.  Started around 1410hrs [Hawaiian Ho and Froggy late] after the Black bags had been given out and T.Tom you don't look any better in it, anyway about 40 hashers start to collect paper ,,,,,,,, But there are at least 60 on the Flash Pic. Bollocks and B,Woodhouse have Biggest Bag!!!  So run starts Down hill then round a couple of corners past 626’s pad [Born loser].  I thought he’d be there in his chair offering Gin & Tonics.  Dream     ON ON.  Turn right into Jungle, big falsey [well I got lost] then up hill and up hill and then another funking hill [at this moment in time the Funking French were Not talking]. We get up to where the Monks live to enjoy the peace and tranquility of the surrounds.  Another falsey here for some reason.  Parasol Pussy was adjacent with her DOG and I didn't want to get wiped out AGAIN.   Then downhill but 1 more hill which Run Master JC [setting a good example] shortcuts to main road leading to Laager site. Collect nice shirt with pocket, Blue for guys,  Pink for gals. Wash down, Raffle starts G. M. in nice Little Pink Baby Doll No. She starts to give away sweets to old Falangs and cuddly Toys to young Thai Girls ...... and we thought ONLY Blue Harlot was a pervert !!  Pygmy wins main Prize, a small fan and we resisted telling him where to put it. Main Circle starts with Lucky Lec 1st in but due to the Funking French (led by Ratatouille, Asterix and Froggy) talking most of the time even after being asked to shut the Funk up ... and then Houston Basher and his mates [he has Mates ?] talking over the F. French I missed most of what was going on … If they don't want to listen why the Funk don' t they ALL Funk off 2 Afghanistan or Libya and have a circle there, then NATO can bomb them. That should shut them up.  It didn’t help that Gorgeous kept topping me up with some concoction called 'You won’t have  headache in the morning’. [nor sight]. Flying Dickhead in with “Why don't we reproduce some prints from old shirts that some off us Hashers may have in their cleaning cupboard. Good idea we think.  Dambuster does strip on ice, not pretty I may add.  Then 9 Thai virgins  [there are that many in Thighland ?] anoint him with baby oil for some reason .... cant hear why ...... Yes they are still talking!  Woodpecker in saying Houston Basher fancies her - that must be wrong! I blame the Concoction.   ... Funking French still talking ...then she says that Gorgeous and My good self [B. W.] tried to get her MAN King Klong lost on a Tin Man once upon a time - like we said 2 her the day B4, 10,000 THB ''YES''.  500 THB only pretend [like Sex with Bar girl who says to Chicken George U handsome Man.]

Blue Harlot in circle.  Does very good turn - well what I could hear. G.M. iced him for doing good turn.  Elvis turns  up on Sheargar and gives Mrs Pigmy a bottle  opener in the Shape of his pencil  .. as a leaving present. I wonder which ''END''  gets used Most ??? answer on a postcard to Winnie the Witch Expat sports bar.   Then the Village people turn up to back Elvis doing a Johnny  Cash assassination of Ring of Fire - good turn, but then Elvis defrocks himself – it’s Bollocks! 'Creature' in [in pink ] wants to play a game. The Funking French STOP talking for the 1st time and there’s a big rush in to circle. Ejackulator is looking bemused [as normal I think], Secret agent Dick Gobbler is trying to dig tunnel into middle of circle - maybe this Rat thing IS getting to him. Anyway it was a false alarm, [bit like Murkury asking me if I wanted a beer]. She really wanted to play a game that involved putting a pipe between your legs. Bootilicious in.  She does a lot of talking and got those French wankers in to sit on cool ice and drink beer.  Big Bollocks in to tell us he went all the way to Bali to have good sex with his wife or did he leave her behind and take someone else's wife? Bollocks in with wife explains that they still turn light out before getting undressed and going to bed and then they can think the other one is their fantasy.   Blue Harlot in with Teacher's Pet saying that he's going to divorce her [don’t you have to be married?] as she can’t make papaya salad as her tiny hand is knackered after seeing to his needs when “he comes'' home from school and his class has been 16 yr old Virgins [allegedly].   T tom in with Murkury to do some songs - sorry but by now my hearing  has gone and I can’t see a thing, but wait .. in the distance I think I can see Twice Nightly sat on / in  someones knees caressing them. Not sure what it is! Blind Mullet in and all the men have a drink for ''Rosie'' in regards to his forthcoming operation .   ON ON Rosie … But NOT      “Airborne”  this time Friend.
Good Run Called          Circle closed         foods out .............    Yes they stop talking
                             
ON ON                   Barbara Woodhouse


RING OF FIRE

BY BOLLOX


CHILLIES ARE A WONDROUS THING
COMING OUT, MAKE A FIERY RING
I ATE A VINDALOO ENTIRE
IT’S FALLING OUT MY RING OF FIRE

CHORUS:
IT FELL OUT OF MY BURNING RING OF FIRE
I FLUSH IT DOWN-DOWN-DOWN
BUT THE ODOUR GETS HIGHER
AND IT BURNS, BURNS, BURNS
MY RINGS ON FIRE
MY RINGS ON FIRE


CURRY FLOATS, WON’T FLUSH AWAY
WATER DON’T TAKE THE FIRE AWAY
I DON’T KNOW WHICH WAY TO TURN
AND OH, MY RING DOES BURN

CHORUS

I LOVE THE TAST OF CURRY SWEETS
IT’S THE HEART OF GOOD FOOD TO EAT
YOU SHOULD NEVER FEED IT TO YOUR CHILD
OH, THE FIRE DRIVES ‘EM WILD

IT’S FALLING OUT MY RING OF FIRE
MY RING OF FIRE
MY RING OF FIRE
MY RING OF FIRE