It was the GMs birthday run and Cartoon generously donated 40b beers and some food so it was a no-brainer that the run would be very hard, hilly and long - no point in getting runners in early to drink all that cheap beer! Hashers should note that if we choose a fit, strong man to hare, we have to suffer the consequences. It was good to see Rosie back in the fold. GM allowed everyone to sit as they looked suitably knackered after the torture run. GM called in Hares and announced that she could not be given Hash Shit - don't you just love democracy in action. Lesser advised re not using Mosquito Lake laager site. Creature & Billy Boy in for finishing the run in a record 55 mins, not because they are super fit but because they took short cuts. GM called in Thai Connection to explain the expensive toilets at the Dam but they are out of action because there isn't any water! SA(Rat)G in for GM birthday song and presents - red tiger balm, sunglasses and dead, flattened rats dressed up in hash gear - whatever happened to a bottle of perfume for your birthday? Singha in as 1st steward with SARG straight back in for asking Singha to be Scribe last week even though Singha can't hear a damn thing. Singha got off to a good start on the run but couldn't hear hash horn because of Moonwalker and Clitmas Pussy yacking the whole time. No Hope desperate for a pork pie after being in Iraq and called ahead to have one reserved at the hash. Swollon Colon & Ejackulator in for misleading Singha with non-existent checks so he missed most of the walk.

There then followed a selection process for the next GM - needs someone to follow in big shoes - Houston Basher & Lesser. Need loud mouth - Flying Dickhead. Lovable & Approachable - JC. But most importantly need to be able to wear the little black hat. It was unanimous that JC wore it well. Billy Boy did the honours with the virgins, returners etc. (GM bent over and Bollox nearly had a melt down as a result). Visiting hashers from Singapore entertained with their song and Littly Willy Washer and Little Willy couldn't work out who was the willy and who the washer. Clitmas Pussy called in GM and presented her with a birthday cake baked by Barf Wader who was unusually silent at this point. The cake was passed around for everyone to look at but came back half eaten.

Then the tone was lowered with a great spot from Blue Harlot and to make sure I included his jokes, he gave me his notes which resulted in a run offence down down. So, the short version. Gary Glitter and Blue Harlot's daughter: "Don't cry, it's only Glitter in your hair. "Bar Girl in Bangla - no sex for 1st 7 days, only wanks. Why? Union rules - have to work a week in hand! Brits in for monumental cock up. Sending a warship named after a pork sausage into muslim waters to rescue expats from Libya - God speed HMS Cumberland. Don't send any money to the Japan tsunami appeal as they are loaded - bloke had two great big yachts in his back garden. Not enough room for all jokes so be there next time.

Klong eventually arrived back and confirmed he had seen all three views the hares had suggested although he hadn't realised it wasn't compulsory. Barbie and Late Arrival in as they had wanted a quiet, married holiday but Barbie got wasted with Billy Boy. Iron Pussy in for some heinous crime or just for eye candy? Quote for JC - A man who drives like hell is bound to get there. Elvis Presley lookalike in for a song about Bollox - amazing how slim Big Bollox looked wearing that wig. Webmaster in for a bit of photoshopping to show GM's boobs. Having already been given our instructions, a Good Run was called. GM invited everyone to Little Expat for more beer and free food for her birthday - still counting the casualties in the stampede.