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Following warnings about not setting the tinder dry laager alight the GM got on with it and the Hares- Clitmas Pussy, Ice Box (Virgin Hare) and Jungle Balls were thanked for their efforts. Pooying was announced but if you are reading this you obviously aren’t there. Creature (thanks Ejaculator) announced 20 baht beers for her birthday and the beer truck was swamped. Thanks for the generous offer and the finger buffet- I hope people buy you beers back next week. Returners in but two Aussie visitors were yakking behind me so I missed some. Moonwalker, the Mad Colonel, Jaws, Punt and Tulips were amongst them though. Virgins included Singha’s newest Angel, Lek, Ed, Matt John and another girl who’s name I missed. They were welcomed to the Hash in appropriate style and hopefully the ice bath hasn’t put them off. Four visiting hashers this week included two from Geelong, Teetotal and another bloke. Tits for Brains had brought a friend along but neglected to tell her that the shoes purchased an hour before would be filled with beer. She then shared the honour of drinking out of them but tipped the majority of it away- unfortunately there was no wet t-shirt. Run offences started with Tootsie failing to uphold the French tradition and actually both checking and calling on the run- I’m sure Assterix will re-educate him on hearing the terrible news. Gorgeous could be heard whining and moaning all round the run so the only way to shut him up was to stick a beer down him. Creature’s rescue from Blobby Woo Woo was next then Manneken Pis explained how No Hope appeared just in time to rescue Sitonya from the evil ministrations of SAD Gobbler. Words to the effect of ‘fuck off you dirty old man, I’m the Hash Quack’ were reputedly uttered. Manneken Pis also noted that after patching Siton’ya up at the laager No Hope was heard to mutter’ 30 years ago I was training to kill the Russians- now I’m fixing them up’. Manneken Pis remained in the circle to be informed if child Euthanasia had been allowed in Belgium 50 years ago we wouldn’t have had him as GM. Our married casualties Creature and Ejaculator, who have one functioning body between them, then had to explain their travel arrangements. Before getting married Ejaculator flew business class, with Creature at the back of the bus. Now he flies First Class and she’s in Business. Treat them mean, keep them keen Ejaculator. Always Wet was literally Hash Shit this week. Whilst laying the in trail with Ice Box she urgently needed a dump and proceeded to drop her drawers right in the middle of the walker’s trail. Should have been double Hash Shit when she was caught smoking in the circle later. Which part of NO SMOKING IN THE CIRCLE is so difficult to comprehend? 400 numbered run shirt Creature was encouraged to take it off/put it on but Icebox was allowed just to put it on when she got her Virgin Hare shirt. The GM encouraged more Virgin Hares to step forward- not sure which girls he was looking at at the time though. In the interest of decorum most of Secret Agent Dick Gobbler’s Steward spot will have to remain classified- suffice to say his mother has a slight bowel problem following a stroke. Best we leave it there! Jimmy Fallon (we later worked out he meant Jimmy SAVILLE) lookalike Tumble Dryer got the SADG treatment with a Virgin lookalike sultry Thai lady who had been lurking at the back of the circle. He then pulled Dubai out of his chair faster than the poor man has moved in ages, to welcome him back for a flying visit. We then had a mini Winter Olympics with Mannekin Pis looking far too comfortable luging behind Tootsie on the ice whilst balancing beer on his head. Those who had been clipped by Gives Good Head were reminded that it’s not good to be fucked by an old lady. (Un)Fortunately SADG ran out of time before we learned what the bag of green mangoes was for but his philosophy on life was’ Eat well, shit well, sex well, sleep well’, how very true. A good spot by SADG, nice to see his language is improving; there were only 32 ‘fucks’ during the spot. Just before Departers Fungus was iced for likening the GM to Manneken Pis then we got the Hares in who had to do most of the hare song themselves as everyone else was too smashed with 20 baht beers to join in. A well deserved Good Run was given and circle closed only ten minutes late. Visiting Scribe No Hope signing off.
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